Bless the Broken Road that Lead Me Straight to You
by CPDxOTHLove
Summary: This is an AU LINSTEAD story! Jay Halstead is working in the Intelligence Unit, and has a four year old daughter. He begins working with Erin Lindsay, a social worker, who took on the case as a favor to Voight.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all! I am wrapping up my other story "Never Go in Without Backup"... I have one or two chapters left on that one. I decided to start this one, but I am still working on the other one too :) This is a completely alternate universe, so please review and let me know if you like it. If it's not what you like to read then I won't continue it, so just let me know :)**

 **Thanks so much! xoxo**

 **Chapter 1,**

"One more bite of oatmeal, Mads." He was rinsing his coffee cup in the sink and stowing it away in the dishwasher, and was turned away from his daughter. But like every other morning, he knew she had likely finished every piece of fruit on her plate but had eaten only half of her oatmeal.

"Daddy, I don't even like oatmeal." Four year old Maddie whined to her father as she took another apple cinnamon flavored bite.

"Yes," he turned around to face her, "You do. And it's good for you." He walked over and dropped a kiss on the top of her blonde head. "You need to eat healthy if you want to go big and strong like Daddy, right?"

"I guess," she pouted. "But I like pancakes so much better."

"I know you do, baby." Every time he gave her those puppy dog eyes, he saw her mother reflected in them. God he missed her so much. "But, guess what tomorrow is?"

Maddie thought for a moment, and then upon realizing what day it was, her whole face lit up. "Saturday!" She shouted excitedly.

He finished cleaning the kitchen as he spoke to her, and he packed her lunch in her pink princess backpack. When he was finished, he walked over to the chair she was sitting in and lifted her up into his arms. "And what's so special about Saturday, Mads?" He asked her, already knowing the answer.

"IT'S CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKE DAY!"With Maddie in his arms, her voice was so loud it made him jump. But he didn't care. He loved pancake day just as much as his beautiful little girl did. Spending the morning lazily drinking coffee, eating pancakes, and playing games with his daughter was his favorite way to spend a Saturday. It would be his favorite way to spend any day for that matter, but he didn't have that luxury. Maddie went to a good preschool, and they lived in an apartment in a good school district, since she was getting ready for kindergarten next year. Jay was raising a four year old, and he needed to work.

Speaking of, "Put your coat on, Maddie Halstead. You have to get to school, and Daddy has to get to work."

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"You ready to talk about it?" Hank Voight sat in his kitchen drinking his first cup of coffee of the day, looking across the table at his unexpected, but very welcome visitor.

"Not really," Erin replied, looking down into the steaming mug of coffee Hank had placed in front of her. She had spent the night in her old room, needing to escape her apartment after the awful events of last night. She hadn't slept well, she had been playing it over and over in her head all night and it had caused her to toss and turn.

"You don't have to," Voight knew Erin. After taking her in at 15 years old, and raising her with his late wife, he had learned when to pry, and when to let things sit. Today, he was going to have to let things sit. "You know you are welcome to stay here as long as you want, kid."

"Thanks, Hank." Erin closed her eyes and let the scent of the strong coffee wash over her, calming her. She took her first tentative sip, and judging it to be the right temperate, took another, longer one. She let the coffee settle in her stomach, wishing the caffeine would instantly enter her system. "I should probably get going, I have to get to work."

"I'll see you for dinner?" He had seen the large bag she brought with her, had noticed that she had already taken over the second bathroom upstairs, and she hadn't repacked any of her stuff. He knew this was her unspoken way of telling him she planned to stay for a while.

She looked down at her coffee again, embarrassed that he saw right through her. "Yeah, I'll see you for dinner."

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Jay sat at his desk researching kindergartens for Maddie. His apartment was in a good school district, but one of the mom's in Maddie's class had just been telling him about different Magnet schools in the area. He had grown up in the suburbs of Chicago and had gone through the public school system there, and he felt pretty comfortable with the idea of sending Maddie to one of those schools. But he wouldn't be doing his job as a father if he didn't do his due diligence and research the different Magnet schools, too.

Work had been pretty slow in the past few days, and he had finished his paperwork for the last case by the end of his short day yesterday. His partner was the only other person in the bullpen so far this morning. His boss wasn't even there. That worried him slightly, because Hank Voight was always the first person at work. As he began to open his mouth to ask his partner if he had heard from Hank, he heard footsteps pounding up the stairs.

"Where is everybody," Voight spoke gruffly as he ascended the stairs, looking at Halstead and Dawson, the only two in the bullpen. "We've got a crime scene."

"Burgess and Olinsky are downstairs, talking to Platt about something. I'll text Atwater and Ruzek and find out." Dawson said, opening his phone as he spoke.

Five minutes later, the entire team was gathered in the bullpen. "Suit up, let's roll out," Voight instructed, leading the team downstairs.

"What've we got?" Voight addressed the officers as he walked through the front door of a large, rundown apartment. They had all just arrived on the scene.

"Two dead. First victim was a white male, looks about forty years old, found in the kitchen. Then a woman, maybe late twenties or early thirties. Found down in her bedroom." The team listened as they made their way into the apartment.

They immediately split up upon entry, Voight, Halstead, and Dawson approaching the kitchen and examining the dead body, which laid face down on the floor. "Looks like he was killed execution style," Dawson noted, turning to his partner.

"Definitely," Halstead agreed.

Dawson and Halstead bent down to get a better look at the body when Ruzek appeared in the doorway. "The officer said to look at the kitchen cabinets. They made sure not to touch anything when they got here." He began walking towards to cabinets, and Halstead met him there.

"All these cabinets are open and empty," Ruzek remarked. "Seems odd."

"Uh... Sarge. The bottom of the cabinets are lined with a while powder." Halstead leaned in, getting a closer look. "Could be cocaine residue?"

"You think they were selling?" Dawson asked, walking towards the cabinets in question.

"Appears that way." Voight answered, not moving from his spot in the corner of the room.

"This is Latin Kings territory." Dawson stepped away from the cabinets, stepping back towards the body on the floor of the kitchen, "Maybe these were low level dealers," he stopped and faced the team, "Or maybe they were trying to sell on their own. The Latin Kings killed them to send a message."

"First things first, ID the bodies." Voight said. "And find out if that residue is actually cocaine."

"I'm on it, Sarge." Ruzek said, leaving the room as he began to type on his phone.

Halstead turned away from where he was standing at the cabinets, and turned to face his partner. "Do you have this covered?" He asked Dawson, "I want to check the rest of the house. See if there is any other signs of drugs anywhere."

Dawson nodded his agreement, and Halstead turned and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Burgess and Olinsky were already tearing apart the living room, so he kept moving, walking into the hallway at the back of the house. He opened the first door he came upon, and after noticing it was a bathroom and giving it a quick scan, kept moving. The next door he opened revealed a small, pink bedroom. He walked inside, noticing the twin bed with a pink and white comforter.

At the site of the the comforter, he froze in his tracks and a chill ran up and down his spine. He knew that comforter. He had bought that exact pink and white comforter for Maddie for her third birthday, when he finally decided she was ready to move into a big girl bed.

He closed the door quietly to block out the noise of the apartment, which was now filled with police officers and detectives. He noticed a white, wooden rocking chair in the corner of the room. Maddie had a white rocking chair in her room, too. The thought made him want to vomit.

Above the rocking chair, he noticed a name painted on the wall in pink, "Grace".

"Grace," Jay began softly, opening the closet doors. "My name is Jay Halstead. I'm a detective here with the police." He peered through the empty closet, looking into each corner to make sure he didn't miss anything. He didn't know how old the little girl was - but there was a twin bed instead of a crib, and he hadn't noticed a changing table or a diaper pale. The clothes in the closet seemed to be slightly smaller than Maddie's.

He continued to look around the room. "You don't have to be scared, Grace." He hoped saying her name would get the little girl to come out from her hiding spot. He knelt down and peeked under the bed. Hiding under the bed was Maddie's favorite place when they played hide and seek. Sure enough, curled up against the opposite wall was a little girl in a pink nightgown. She had soft brown hair that curled at the bottom and she pushed it out of her face. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. _Shit, she looks terrified._ Jay's heart broke for the little girl. She couldn't have been any older than his own daughter.

"Sweetheart, can you come out for me?" He wondered if he should get Burgess, maybe a woman would be better. He wasn't sure if Grace would crawl out of the her hiding place for him. Even if he could reach out to her, he wasn't sure it was a good idea.

She shook her head at him and the tears spilled out of her big brown eyes. He noticed for the first time that she was pale and looked thin.

"Grace, right?" At the sound of her name, she moved slightly. It was barely noticeable, but he could tell she was listening. "Grace, you are safe now. No one here is going to hurt you, I promise." She continued to hold his gaze. He wracked his brain, trying to figure out what to do to get her to trust him. "I have a daughter, Maddie. She's four. Sometime when she was a baby and she couldn't sleep, I would lay down next to her on the floor and hold her hand through the crib." She didn't move, but her face softened. "I am just going to lie here with you until you are ready to come out, okay?"

He rested on his stomach with his head turned towards her. After a few moments, she slowly inched her way towards him, watching him as she moved. When she reached him, he didn't reach out to touch her. He didn't want to scare her more than she already was.

"Can you tell me how old you are, Grace?" Jay asked, now sitting on the floor facing her.

"I'm four, too." She said shyly. He looked at this brown hair brown eyed little girl and thought of his blue eyed blond. Grace looked so much smaller and thinner than his girl. She shivered, and he noticed that all she was wearing was a thin nightgown. He quickly scanned her body to look for bruises, and was grateful that he didn't see any.

"Grace, are you cold? Do you want to change into something warmer?" He was comfortable with the temperature in the room, but he was covered in heavy gear.

She looked at him. He could tell she was still trying to assess if she should be scared. She seemed to decide that he wasn't going to hurt her, and she nodded.

"Okay," Jay stood up. "Let's find you something to wear." Jay walked over to the dresser and removed a pair of leggings and a sweater dress. Maddie had the same leggings, and the thought made him smile. At least she had clean clothes that fit her from the very same places he shopped at. He brought them over to Grace. "Are these okay?"

She nodded again, and lifted her arms above her head, signaling for him to help her get dressed. He removed her nightgown, and quickly scanned her body again before helping her put on her leggings and sweater. Again, he noticed that she was pale and thin, but she didn't appear to have any bruises on her front or back. He let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding and felt completely relieved.

Now that she was dressed, he wanted to get her out of the apartment without her seeing anything. Thankfully, her parents bodies were in the kitchen and the other bedroom and they could bypass both of those on the way out.

He reached down to pick up Grace, and walked towards the door. "Grace, what do you say we go down to the police station and get some ice cream?" He smiled at her enthusiastically.

"With chocolate chips?" She asked, smiling up at him. The tears had disappeared and now her brown eyes shined bright up at him.

He thought of the chocolate chips he was planning to put in his daughter's pancakes the following morning and smiled. _What is it with little kids and chocolate chips._ "Definitely with chocolate chips!" Jay opened the door and walked Grace towards the living room. "That is my favorite!" He said, keeping her eyes focused on his and blocking her view of the kitchen with his body. He saw Voight out of the corner of his eye and signaled for him to meet him in the hallway.

When they reached the outside of the apartment, Jay waited for Voight. "Hi," Voight said to Grace. His deep, gruff voice must have scared her because she immediately turned away and buried her face into Jay's neck.

"Grace, this is my boss Sergeant Voight." He moved his neck and peered down at her. "He's not going to hurt you, okay sweetheart?"

Grace looked up at Voight, her arms still wrapped tightly around Jay. She gave Voight a small smile and said quietly, "We are going to the police station for chocolate chip ice cream."

Voight smiled at Grace, "You know, Detective Halstead has a daughter your age and she also loves chocolate chip ice cream." Voight had gotten to know Maddie well over the last two years that Halstead had worked in his unit, and he had grown fond of the little girl. "Take her to the station, I'll call DCFS."

"Thanks," Halstead had been surprised when Voight offered to call for him, but he was grateful he wouldn't have to. He wanted to focus on Grace and getting her somewhere safe.

"We'll take care of everything here, your job is to keep an eye on her until I speak to DCFS." Hank shifted his gaze away from Halstead and looked down and smiled, again addressing the little girl in Jay's arms, "If you ask really nicely, I bet Jay here might even put chocolate syrup on it, too," Voight winked at her, and then looked towards Jay. "Halstead," He nodded and walked back into the apartment, closing the door behind him.

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An hour later, Jay was sitting in the break room cleaning two bowls that had previously been filled with ice cream. Grace had been shy at first, but once she was about halfway through her ice cream, she began to open up a little bit more. Jay learned that Grace had lived in that apartment for as long as she could remember, her parents names were Olivia and Scott Jones, and that she went to daycare in lieu of school.

He wanted to know her more about her parents. He wanted to know if she had heard anything or seen anyone in the apartment. But every time he looked at her face, he was reminded of his four year old daughter and he just couldn't get the words out. Instead he peppered her with questions about daycare, and she told him all about her best friends and her favorite TV shows. Jay didn't let Maddie watch too much TV, not wanting it to her rot her young brain, so when Grace began listing off all of her favorite shows, Dora the Explorer, Daniel the Tiger, Sesame Street, Peppa Pig, etc., it made him kind of sad.

As he dried the bowls and placed them next to the sink, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. "Halstead," he answered, without even looking at the name of the caller.

"Halstead, listen." Voight began to speak hurriedly over the phone. "Grace needs to be placed in protective custody for the time being. It will probably just be one night but it may be a few more. I called over to DCFS to set something up-"

"I'll take her." He wasn't sure where that offer had come from, but he didn't regret the words as they spilled out of his mouth.

Voight was not as surprised as Halstead by his words. In fact, he was hoping Halstead would say that. Halstead's babysitter was out of town this week, and he had left to pick up Maddie from school at 2:30 pm each day. Halstead never asked for any special treatment regarding his daughter, but Maddie's grandparents were out of town too, and Halstead had no other options. Voight was happy to have him for the hours that he could give him, and it had been a light week anyway, but he knew Halstead was not going to be that helpful in the long hours of the case this weekend. Taking care of Grace, that he could do. "Are you sure?" He asked, just as a formality, not expecting a change in answer.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Halstead replied.

"Take Grace to pick up Maddie from school and then go home. I'll have someone from DCFS meet you there." Voight instructed.

"If it's easier for the person from DCFS, I can meet bring Grace and Maddie back here." Halstead lived in the suburbs, and he didn't want to make anyone go out of there way.

"Don't worry about it. She can come to you. She owes me a favor. I'll call you later if I have a minute to give you an update on the case." And with that, Voight hung up the phone.

Jay turned to Grace, who had been watching him while he spoke to Voight. "Grace, what do you say you have a sleepover with my daughter Maddie tonight? We were going to watch Frozen!" He managed to make his voice sound excited, even though he would be happy if he never had to watch that movie again. It had been cute the first few times... but he had had enough. Because Jay only let Maddie watch movies on special occasions, he didn't have to suffer through it too much, but even so, he had seen it over 10 times. Plus his daughter had every character in stuffed animal form, and he had the soundtrack on his phone and it played over and over in his car.

Her wary expression turned to complete joy when she heard the name of her favorite movie. "I love Frozen!" was her only reply as she jumped out of her chair and rushed to follow Jay towards the door.

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"Maddie, this is Grace." Jay lifted his daughter's backpack and slung it over his shoulder as he introduced the two four year old girls. "She is going to have a sleepover at our house tonight and we are all going to watch Frozen! Doesn't that sound fun?" His daughter was only four, and therefore had never had a friend sleepover. He hoped she would be okay with it.

Her face lit up and she replied, "Really, Daddy? A sleepover?" _Wow. She was more excited about a sleepover than Frozen?_ She was definitely more than okay with it. Jay nodded and she squealed in delight. "Grace, guess what tomorrow is?"

"What?" She replied shyly.

"It's chocolate chip pancake day!" She laughed excitedly, and then grabbed Grace's hand. Maddie didn't notice Grace flinch at her touch, instead she continued to hold her hand tight and pulled her out the door.

Jay noticed Grace flinch, and his heart lurched. As the three of them walked towards the car, Grace seemed to relax. He watched both girls as they began to talk to each other, walking down the sidewalk. They instantly got along, in a way only four year old girls can. They were approximately the same height, but Grace had a frailty to her and a sadness in her eyes that was even more noticeable standing in contrast to his cheerful, carefree daughter. It broke his heart.

He realized then that he only had one car seat in the car, and he strapped Grace into the backseat and drove as carefully as possible all the way home. He set a reminder on his phone to ask DCFS about getting another carseat, in case this case lasted longer than Voight had anticipated. When they pulled up to his apartment building, he helped both girls out of the car. They walked into the apartment and immediately he brought them into the kitchen for a snack. For some reason, every time he looked at Grace he had the urge to feed her.

As he opened the fridge, he heard a knock at the door. _That must be the lady from DCFS,_ he thought as he closed the refrigerator door. "I'll be right back, girls." He walked out of the kitchen and down the short hallway to the door, and without checking the peep hole he swung the door open.

He lost his breath as his eyes rested on the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had brown hair that flowed past her shoulders in a beautiful wave. She was slim and dressed in a light blue blouse with a black pencil skirt and nude high heels that made her legs look like they went on forever. But her best feature was by far her eyes. They were a deep hazel and they were striking and beautiful.

She reached out her hand for him to shake it. "Hi, I'm Erin Lindsay, the social worker with DCFS." Then she smiled at him, and two small dimples appeared, and he realized that her eyes weren't her best feature after all.

 **xoxo**

 **Please review! Give me your thoughts! Should I continue?!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews :) They really made my day! I will definitely keep this story going. I will also update my other story this weekend, so don't worry, I haven't forgotten about that one!**

 **Hope you are all having a fabulous week!**

 **Chapter 2,**

Erin sat at her desk and staring at the second hand tick away on the clock on the wall. The day was _dragging._ She usually loved her work, she could get lost in it for hours. She rarely counted down the time until she could leave. And her line of work was usually so unpredictable, that she rarely ever left at a reasonable hour. Even when she did, sometimes she left and she would be called back in.

She had never minded the hours. She had watched Hank work days straight with no breaks when he had a big case... weekends, holidays, it didn't matter. Originally, she had planned to go straight into the police academy after high school, to follow in Hank's footsteps. She could become a cadet at 18, and then get her full certifications when she turned 21. She wasn't sure it was exactly what she wanted, but it was a good job that would allow her to support herself. It was a good, solid plan.

The day Hank and Camille sat her down and told her they were going to pay for her to go to college, she truly couldn't believe. When they said they wanted to _invest_ in her education, in her future, in _her_... she had actually cried - which was something she rarely did as a teenager, especially when she had an audience. She was a _street kid_ and it had completely blown her away that they believed in her.

She was the luckiest girl in the world to have these foster parents, and she decided right then and there that she was going to pay it forward. She was going to dedicate her life to making sure other street kids had the same opportunities that she had. Making sure they had families who supported them, who _loved_ them.

She lived with Hank and Camille throughout college to save money, and she worked part time to pay for as much as she could. She got her masters degree in social work three years ago, and in the past year, had finally landed her dream job in the department of child and family services for the city of Chicago. Making sure children were in safe situations, connecting children with foster families who really wanted them... it was the most rewarding job in the world.

She knew it would make Camille so proud if she had still been alive. And that thought alone got her through the toughest days.

Tough days like this one.

Deciding she needed to get out of the office and get some fresh air, she decided to go pay a home visit to a recent placement of hers. She had specific families she trusted to take in teenagers, and she felt confident in her recent placement. That being said, she checked in on all of her foster placements, and she checked in often. She was well known for that in this department... not letting things fall through the cracks.

Her superiors had been impressed by this, but they didn't know the reason... that she knew firsthand how easily children could fall through the cracks... how easily they could convince themselves that asking for help wasn't worth it... that there probably wasn't anything better for them out there anyway.

Her unique history allowed her to connect with the young people she worked with. Because she could tell them from her own experiences that, yes, there _is_ something better out there, they just had to look for it. And that she could be trusted to work tirelessly until they found it, together.

As soon as she stepped foot outside, she felt her phone buzz in her pants pocket. She dreaded opening her phone and seeing who was on the other end, hoping it wasn't her newly dubbed _ex-_ friend. She smiled when she saw that it wasn't, "Hey, Hank. Slow day?" She had been surprised when he hadn't pried further this morning, and she wasn't at all surprised he was checking in now.

"Hey, kid." His usual greeting, "I'm calling because I need your help on a case."

"Oh, ok." This was the first time Hank had needed her since she started at DCFS, and she mentally shifted gears, already eager to show him how well she handled her job. "What's going on?" She turned back inside, and began to walk up the stairs to her office.

"We got called about a double murder this morning. Husband and wife, looks drug related." She quickly began to write notes on everything Hank was saying. "Found a little girl hiding at the scene, probably 3 or 4 years old." _Now an orphan,_ she thought, as her heart broke for the little girl she hadn't even met yet. "Her name's Grace. I sent her back to the district with one of my detectives, we were thinking they were selling drugs on the side trying to make some money. It's beginning to look like a part of a much larger drug ring, and the case is going to be ongoing." She continued to write notes on everything Hank was saying, leaving her emotions out of it, at least temporarily. "I wanted to place the little girl in-"

"Protective custody," Erin finished his thought. "I agree completely." The department had one or two families in particular that they kept under the radar and out of their notes especially for cases like these. She hadn't had to use them yet, and she generally liked the place kids with families she had a personal relationship with, but in this case she would be willing to make an exception. Plus, she would make sure to _make_ a personal relationship with them over the next few days. "I can arrange that right away."

"No need. I already sent her home with one of my detectives," Hank replied.

"Okay." She hesitated, and then added, "I assume you don't want me to file this yet?" If he sent the girl home with his detective, that meant he was really worried for the girls safety.

"Right. But if you could-"

"I'll check in, keep tabs on them." Usually, she liked to show up unannounced, catch the temporary guardians in their element. In this case, she wouldn't mind meeting them at the district. If Hank trusted the detective, then she could, too. "Should I meet them at the district?"

"I sent them home, I'll text you the address." This surprised her, but she didn't ask more questions.

She was even more surprised five minutes later when the address was in the suburbs. She remembered Hank mentioning that they recently pulled up a new female detective into Intelligence, and she had just assumed Hank had sent her with a female detective. But she was young and single... why would she live in the suburbs? As she stared at the address, she realized she probably should have asked a few more questions.

She went into the break room and began to brew herself a cup of coffee. Growing up, she spent a lot of time in the break room at district 21 when she was visiting Hank. Especially after Camille died. The break room at DCFS was painted a warm yellow and had a lot more furniture, and it also had pictures of smiling children and families framed all along the walls. It was a happy room, and it usually gave her as much energy as the coffee she poured while she was in there.

She poured the coffee into a travel mug, and went back to her office to grab her coat and purse. She removed the flats she often wore around the office and traded them for a pair of nude pumps she left at work. She generally hated wearing heels at work, but after the first week she noticed that the social workers tended to wear heels when vetting potential families. Evidently, it made them look more professional, made the families take them a little more seriously.

When she got into the car, she plugged the address into the GPS and began to drive out of the city of Chicago. It took her 30 minutes until she found the apartment complex. It was a medium sized, modern looking apartment building. The doorman welcomed her inside and she immediately noticed the fresh flowers and hotel-like furniture. _Fancy,_ she thought.

Per the doorman's directions, she took the elevator up to the 5th floor and found apartment 508. She knocked lightly, and after a few moments she heard footsteps approach. When the door open, she lost her breath.

She was _not_ prepared.

The _man_ standing in front of her was strikingly handsome. And by handsome... she meant _sexy._ His eyes were a deep blue, he had a chiseled jaw, the way his long sleeve henley hung on his body showed off _all_ of his muscles.

He looked surprised to see her, too. She was used to that look. Her goal was usually to take the foster parent by surprise so she could find out what _really_ went on in their home. But his surprised look was just a little bit different, and when she watched his eyes give her the once over, she felt a shiver down her spine. She was used to _that_ look, too.

She forced herself to speak, but her voice came out unsteady and raspier than usual. "Hi, I'm Erin Lindsay, the social worker with DCFS." She hoped he didn't notice. She reached out her hand for him to shake, and after a moments hesitation, he reached for it.

When there fingers touched, electricity shot through her entire body. She had the absurd thought that she wouldn't mind if his fingers touched her in _other_ places too, but she pushed that thought away before it was even able to fully form. _That_ was not a good idea. Especially after everything that happened last night.

"Hi, I'm Jay Halstead." When he finally released her hand, he took a step back into the apartment. It was only then that she heard voices coming from the kitchen. "Come on in, we were just about to have a snack."

She followed him down the short hallway and into the kitchen, and was surprised to see two young girls in the kitchen. She could instantly tell which one was Grace. Not only did she look a little thin, and her clothes were a little too small, but she had that _look_ in her eye. It's the one Erin had seen so many times, one she had likely had too many times herself with Hank and Camille. The look that said _I wish this was my life, I wish this moment would never end,_ followed immediately by _But I know it's going to, because I'm not good enough to deserve this._

While that look broke her heart time, it also told her that the current guardian was doing a good job. That the child felt happy enough, _safe_ enough to _want_ to stay.

If she hadn't seen that look in Grace's eyes, she still would have known. Because when the other little girl turned around, she noticed those same piercing blue eyes she had just been acquainted with at the door.

"You have a daughter?" _Does that mean you have a wife?_ She hadn't meant to say that first part out loud, and she thanked her lucky stars she hadn't voiced her second question. She should have waited for him to introduce her to the kids, and when the girls went to play and she had a moment to talk to him privately, she could ask. _Interview him, not talk to him,_ she reminded herself. _This is your job._

"Yeah," Jay answered smiling at the mention of his daughter, as he rounded the corner and reopened the refrigerator. Both girls were seated at stools at the kitchen counter, clearly ready for their snack. He pulled out two apples and began to wash them thoroughly. He sliced them and set them out on two plates and then added large dollops of peanut butter to each plate. He slid the plates in front of each girl, and then walked over to stand by Erin. "This is my daughter, Maddie, and this is her friend, Grace." He wasn't sure how to introduce Grace, but he didn't want her to feel unwelcome. While she was here, he wanted her to feel comfortable and safe and _wanted._ "Mads, Grace, this is Ms. Lindsay."

"Hi girls, it's really nice to meet you." She moved from her position near Jay and walked towards them, but then decided to stand on the opposite side of the counter so she could look them both in the eyes when she spoke. "You can call me Erin."

Jay stiffened a little as she leaned over the kitchen counter and spoke to the girls. Erin had chosen to stand across from the girls, no doubt making it easier to speak to them. But incidentally, her new position was giving him an excellent view down her shirt and he was finding it incredibly difficult to concentrate. He barely heard two words she said, meanwhile she was talking to the girls for almost ten minutes while he just stood there staring at her. When he noticed the girls had finished their last slices of fruit, he finally spoke. "Mads, why don't you go show Grace your room? I bet she would love to play with you. You can show her your new lego table!"

Maddie motioned for him to help her off the stool, "Okay, Daddy!" He walked over and lifted her off the stool and then helped Grace down, as well. "Grace! My daddy just bought me a lego table! It's the most fun new toy EVER!" She shouted, excitedly!

"You're going to let me play with it, too?" Grace whispered, a look of wonder in her eyes. There is that look again, Erin noticed with dismay. She wanted to wrap Grace up in her arms.

"Of course, silly! My daddy always says it's more fun to play with a friend." Erin overheard Maddie say to Grace on their way out of the room.

After months of assessing if a home is stable, she could tell right away this was a safe home for Grace. Maddie was clearly a well-adjusted, smart, happy kid. She clearly had a special connection with her father, and Erin was impressed with Jay. She hadn't seen many fathers be _this_ clearly involved with their kids. "A lego table, huh?" She asked, tilting her in surprise.

"Yeah, a lego table." He laughed easily, and it made her smile. "My girls going to grow up knowing how to build stuff."

"Fair enough."

"So how does this work?" Jay asked, interrupting their casual conversation. "Also, feel free to make yourself comfortable," he motioned to her shoes. She smiled gratefully, and took Maddie's seat at the kitchen stool.

"Well, Hank didn't give me any indication of how long it would be until Grace would be out of protective custody." Jay had taken a seat next to her, and she turned towards him. Their knees bumped and she felt another jolt of electricity. _Get a grip,_ she thought. She had expected Jay to chime in and give her some more information on the case, but instead he began to look at her questioningly. "What?" she asked.

"How do you know Voight?" He raised his eyebrow and tilted his head to the side.

"Who says I do?" She returned his eyebrow raise and added a smirk of her own.

Damn it, he could look at her face all day. He wanted to reach out and touch her. "You called him Hank. No one calls him Hank. Plus, he offered to call DCFS instead of making me call. That never happens." He stood from the stool, the close proximity suddenly becoming too much for a professional conversation.

"It's a long story," was all she said.

"I've got time." He grinned at her and added, "Coffee?" He had begun brewing coffee, even though he didn't want any. He just didn't want her to know the real reason he had vacated his chair.

"Coffee sounds good, but I'm supposed to be the one asking you the questions."

He poured her coffee in a mug and leaned across the counter to hand it to her. As he did, he met her gaze. Suddenly, their eyes were locked into each others and neither one of them moved for several seconds as tension built between them.

Erin looked away first, and she ran her fingers through her hair, suddenly embarrassed by the heat rising in her chest. Reading her cues, Jay leaned back as well, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He didn't want it, but he really needed to find something to do with his hands. He had an overwhelming urge to run his fingers through her hair like she had just done.

This time he leaned against the countertop at a safe distance, far away from Erin, and her hair, and her eyes, and her smile. "Ask away."

xoxo

Please review :)

 **Also... Ummm... HOW AMAZING WAS TONIGHTS EPISODE!? Holy shit. Best ever.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3,

 _Erin looked away first, and she ran her fingers through her hair, suddenly embarrassed by the heat rising in her chest. Reading her cues, Jay leaned back as well, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He didn't want it, but he really needed to find something to do with his hands. He had an overwhelming urge to run his fingers through her hair like she had just done._

 _This time he leaned against the countertop at a safe distance, far away from Erin, and her hair, and her eyes, and her smile. "Ask away."_

She knew she was blushing. Her heart was racing and her cheeks were definitely rosy and her hands were unsteady. She _hated_ that she couldn't keep her hands steady. She could _always_ keep her hands steady. She was sure she was just imagining the whole connection between the two of them, blowing it out of proportion in her head. But for some reason, that thought wasn't helping. She was still looking down at her coffee, but finally she found the courage to speak. "Before I start asking you questions, I just want to walk you through the normal process of child placement." Erin moved the coffee aside, and began rifling through her purse for her files. This gave her the chance to hide her face somewhat and hopefully giving the redness in her cheeks time to disappear. "Generally speaking, people apply to become foster parents and go through a lengthy approval process, which involves a significant amount of paperwork, employment verification, tax and income information, background checks, extensive interviews, and then we do the home visits."

"Wow," Jay answered, watching Erin look through her stack of papers, clearly searching for some form she was going to ask him to complete.

"And that is all done before a child is put into their care. It's important for us to learn everything about the prospective foster parents, but more than that the long and tedious process usually weans out the foster parents who aren't really serious about taking care of a child." She found the form she was looking for and removed it from the file. "You would be surprised how many people try to foster a child thinking they can take the kid and cash government checks for their own benefit."

She couldn't hide the disgust from her voice, and he could relate. He had seen some terrible things in his job, and while the thought of someone taking a child just for the money didn't actually surprise him. "That makes sense then," he said as he watched her searching her purse for something else.

She was searching for a pen as she continued to speak, "Then, when a child is placed in the temporary custody of the foster parents, the home visits continue. Generally speaking, I like to visit the home at least three to four times in the first week. Then I'll space my visits out." Erin finally found a pen and looked up at Jay, who was still leaning against the kitchen counter staring at her. She paused, giving him a chance to speak or ask any questions.

"Okay," was all he came up with, so she continued. As he listened, he found himself being impressed by how invested she was in this process. Three or four visits a week was a lot, depending on how many children she had to check in on. He wondered if she had kids of her own.

"Because Hank vouched for you, I feel comfortable leaving Grace in your care. And because he has relayed to me that Grace is potentially in danger and that you are providing protective custody, I plan to keep it out of the system for now. That being said, I am going to need you to fill out all of this information for you and your wife, so that I can-"

"Oh, I'm not married." Jay interrupted her instructions. He could have let her continue, but for some reason he really _needed_ her to know that he wasn't married.

Erin's heart rate picked up slightly at his words. She had _hoped_ he wasn't. She had felt something before, first when their knees bumped and a second time when he leaned over the counter to give her her coffee. That and he was _so_ hot. "Um..." she knew she needed to say something, but she had completely lost her train of thought. "Ok, well then I need you to fill out this paperwork." She paused, and then had another thought. "And Grace can only stay with you, in this apartment."

"Okay," Jay said, dragging out the word slightly while he mulled that over. "Assuming the case continues past the weekend, I can enroll Grace in Maddie's pre-school during the day," he paused for a moment, considering his schedule. Maddie's teacher at the pre-school was an old friend of Voight's, and she wouldn't have a problem adding one more to the class for a couple days. "But I have a babysitter that picks up Maddie from school and stays with her until I get off of work." He had already left early every day this week because his babysitter had been out of town, he wasn't sure he could ask for that again - even if it technically was for a case. "I can talk to Voight but-"

"A babysitter is completely fine." She waved her hand dismissively, "If you leave your own daughter with her, I trust her with Grace. I only meant that when Maddie goes to her mother's, Grace has to stay here with you."

"Oh, um." Jay paused, unsure of what to say. He knew that he should be straight with Erin. She was the social worker on this case, and even if he didn't tell her, she would get all of this information one way or another. Also if this had been any other social worker, he would be completely forthcoming. He wasn't exactly sure why, but with Erin, he felt differently. Well actually, he did know why. He was _attracted_ to Erin. He envisioned taking her to dinner and telling her about his past over candlelight and red wine. Maybe she would tell him about her past, maybe she would even tell him how she knew Voight. Answering this way... this felt too official _,_ too disconnected, too _sterile._ "Maddie... um..."

She sensed that Jay was uncomfortable talking about Maddie's mother, and she found herself wanting to interrupt him, tell him it was okay, he didn't need to talk about it. The problem, of course, was that she kind of needed to know.

She thought back to her training on how to ask difficult questions. The usual suggestion was not to interrupt, to give the person some time to find their words. She thought about that for a second and then nixed that route, deciding instead to ask him some yes or no questions. Those would be easier to answer.

"Are you divorced?" _Ugh._ Why did she have to start with that one? It felt too personal, to _first-date-like_ and she instantly regretted the words.

"No," he said it absentmindedly, like a reflex. Before he was able to expand, she asked another question.

"Do and you Maddie's mom share joint custody of Maddie?" She rushed the question out, trying to push past the divorce question and hoping they could just clear this subject and move on to other things.

"No, she, uh..." He met her eyes, and allowed the softness in them to give him the strength to continue. "She actually died." He felt relieved at finally getting the words out and he hoped she didn't press further. Those details were a little morecomplicated, and he was pretty confident that he wouldn't have shared those details with a different social worker either.

"Jay, I'm so sorry to hear that." Now she felt like a horrible person. He has lost his wife, the woman he probably loved more than anything in this world... and here she was sitting here, drinking coffee, and wishing Jay wasn't married so she could what? Ask him out on a date? Mount him right here in the kitchen with his daughter in the next room? She was being _so_ unprofessional. He waved his hand as if to say it didn't matter, but he probably meant it to say _I don't want to talk about this with you._ She couldn't blame him. "Do you want to take a break?"

"No, just keep asking me your questions." He struggled to look at her. He could see the pity in those beautiful hazel eyes, and he usually _hated_ the pitying glances he got when he told people about Maddie's mom. But for some reason, Erin's eyes just made him want to sit on the stool next to her and spill every feeling he's ever had. "I can fill out the paperwork while we talk, if you want," he motioned towards the forms she had in front of her. That would give him something to do with his hands.

"Sure," she handed him the forms and the pen. God, she had really messed up. Ten minutes ago, he was asking her about Hank and saying he had _plenty of time._ Now, he wanted to fill out the paperwork _and_ answer her questions simultaneously, probably to speed up the process and get her out of here. "Where do you send Maddie to school?"

"She goes to...uh... Highland Park preschool... She's...uh... in Pre-K there." He knew his speech was slightly disjointed, but he was trying to fill out the paperwork at the same time. They wanted _a lot_ of information. He had to look into his phone for some of addresses and phone numbers that were requested on the form.

"That's not an easy pre-school to get into," Erin remarked. "Are you sure they will have a spot for Grace?"

"Maddie's teacher is an old friend of Voight's," He copied another phone number from his phone and filled out another line on the form before he finished his thought. "She got Maddie in actually, I'm hoping it won't be a problem." He opened his wallet to look for his health insurance card, and began to copy down his Member ID number. "I can call this afternoon and let you know."

Erin smiled at that thought. Voight always did have a soft side for kids, and she knew exactly who the old friend was. "It won't be a problem."

Jay looked up from his paperwork, and cocked his head to the side, as if asking for Erin to elaborate further. She did, saying, "Maddie's teacher is Annie, I presume?"

Now Jay raised an eyebrow, even more confused then before. "So you know Voight," he said, dragging out Voight's name for emphasis, "And now you know Annie?"

"I do." She smirked at him. She was happy that he was looking at her again, that he seemed to want to ask her personal questions, but she decided not to give any more information away. _Yet._ "And Grace won't have a problem getting into her class." She opened her file, and looked down. She didn't have anything in particular that she was looking for, it was more about avoiding Jay's piercing blue eyes. Eyes that made her want to answer _all_ the personal questions.

"Good," he said quickly. If she didn't want to share, he wasn't going to pry. "What else do you need to know?"

"Well..." she mentally went through her checklist, trying to return back to professional thoughts, and not thoughts of Jay's eyes. "I don't need to verify your employment or income for now, the tax stuff can get a little tedious, so let's hold off on that for the time being. School and babysitter, we've covered. Um... what about sleeping arrangements? I know this may be very temporary, but in general it's best for the child to have their own bed and feel like they have a place to go. I really don't want her sleeping on the couch. Especially at four years old."

"Maddie had a second twin bed in her room, Grace can sleep there. Or there is a guest room if you feel she needs her own space." Jay finished the paperwork and leaned over to place it in front of Erin.

"She can sleep in Maddie's room. I'm sure that will be fun for them."

When she smiled, her dimples appeared again in her cheeks. Jay, who was leaning over the counter once again, had another sudden urge to reach out and touch her. He _loved_ her dimples. Before he could stop it, his hand moved. Before it reached its intended target, Jay backed away. _I need to stay out of the danger zone,_ he thought, as he back up and leaned against the opposite kitchen counter once again. "Anything else?"

"Yes, um... As I said before I like to do a lot of home visits." She needed to get a grip. She felt the color rise in her cheeks again. For some reason, she had never been so grateful that home visits were a part of her job. Having an excuse to drop in on Jay sounded so... _appealing._ "You don't get special treatment on that one." He raised his eyebrow at her, as if to say he did _not_ have a problem with that. She suppressed a smile, but her heart did a little flip. "So you should let you babysitter know, just in case I come around when she is here." She added the last part to make sure he knew _that_ was why she said it. Even though it most definitely was _not._

 _I will definitely be here,_ he thought. No way was he missing out on the opportunity to spend more time with Erin Lindsay. "So what happens at these _home visits?"_ He raised an eyebrow and grinned at her.

She opened her mouth to answer when she heard the footsteps of two little girls scampering into the kitchen. "Daddy! Daddy!" Maddie yelled as she ran in holding Grace's hand. Erin noticed that Grace was smiling and seemed genuinely comfortable holding Maddie's hand. "Is it time for Frozen yet?"

Jay walked around the counter to get to her daughter, passing Erin on the way. She had been watching the girls and hadn't even noticed him stop briefly next to her, not until she felt his breath on her ear. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear suggestively, "Don't worry, you can answer me later."

 _Saved by the kids,_ she thought, as a chill ran down her spine and goosebumps spread across her skin.

xoxo

 **Please Review :) Your reviews really make my day!**

Oh and for all the people reviewed my latest chapter for Never Go in Without Backup and requested an epilogue, I will definitely do one! :) Glad you all liked the story so much!

Have a good weekend :) :)


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry about the format! I think I fixed it.

Chapter 4,

"We are going to eat dinner in a half an hour, so you're going to have to take a break in the middle of the movie," Jay turned on the Blue-Ray player and waited for the options menu to pop up on the big screen TV. The 72 inch plasma screen TV was his one big purchase, it was the only time he had truly spoiled himself since his daughter was born. It was mounted above the fireplace, and it was a sight for sore eyes, if he did say so himself.

"Daddy, can we have popcorn with the movie?" Maddie asked from her spot on the large leather couch.

"When you come back after dinner to watch the second half you can have popcorn, okay?" He replied, pressing play. The introduction to the movie illuminated the screen.

Erin watched as he adjusted the volume on the TV and placed down the remote. He took the brown throw blanket from the back of the leather couch and placed it over both girls, careful not to block their view of the movie. She watched in awe; he was quite the dad.

She felt her phone buzz in her back pocket, and not wanting to interrupt the movie, she walked into the kitchen to take the call. "Hey, how's it going?"

"It's going slow," Hank answered gruffly. He sounded like he was calling her from the car, and he did not sound like he was in a good mood. "How'd it go with Jay and the kid?"

"Good. I'm still here, Jay just finished up all the paperwork. I think I have everything I need."

"You're not going to file it yet though, right?" Concern leaked into his voice.

"Right." She replied. "I think Grace will do well here, Jay seems like a good dad." She knew Hank was working and he was definitely stressed, but she just couldn't help it. The statement, or really the inquiry, just slipped out. She really wanted to know what Hank thought of his detective. Hank would never put someone in his unit that he didn't trust, but she wanted to _hear_ him say those words.

"He is." He agreed.

She didn't speak right away, hoping he would elaborate and say something more. When he didn't, she realized it was probably time to let him get off the phone and get back to work. "Ok, well I'll let you go."

"Thanks for the help, kid." She was about to hang up when he added, "Oh, and at the rate this case is moving, I don't think I'll make it home for dinner tonight. But I'll still see you when I get you home, right?"

 _So that's why he called,_ she thought. Oh, Hank. Always worrying about her, even when he was stressed out and deep in a case. "I'll see you at home."

"Hey," Erin jumped at the sound of Jay's voice entering the room.

"Hey," she sighed out the word and looked down at her phone, hoping he couldn't see how flustered she was.

After Jay had finished setting up the movie and making sure the girls were comfortable, he had returned to the kitchen in search of Erin. He had found her just in time to hear the tail end of her phone conversation. His heart sank at the words... _I'll see you at home._ She wasn't wearing a ring, but at the very least it sounded like she had a boyfriend.

He knew he shouldn't be surprised. She was smart, caring, well-educated, and absurdly beautiful _._ Of course she had a boyfriend. One look at those hazel eyes and any man would fall over himself to be with her. "Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to stay for dinner, but I guess you have to get home," he said motioning towards her cell phone, signaling that he had heard the tail end of her call.

"Oh, I, uh-" She flinched slightly as she was cut off by the sound of his cell phone ringing loud in his pocket. _Stop being so jumpy,_ she scolded herself.

"Excuse me, I have to take this," he said, looking down and seeing his boss's name. He considered stepping out of the room to take the call, but decided against it. He would likely have to fill Erin in anyway. "What's up, Sarge."

"Just wanted to give you a quick update on the case." Voight's voice sounded somewhat distant, and Jay assumed he was in the car.

"You on your way back to the district?" He asked.

"Yeah. We got a tip from a CI that the stolen drugs were being held along with the rest of the King's stash in a warehouse, but when we got there the drugs had clearly been moved. And the place was wiped clean." Jay could hear the anger in his boss's voice. He couldn't blame him. If the drugs had been moved, the Kings knew the police were onto them. "We are going back to regroup, but I don't think we are going to wrap up this case tonight."

"Okay, well let me know if you need anything from me. I can check in with some CIs of mine from here, if you think it will help."

"Just hold tight for now. I'll let you know if I want you to reach out."

"Okay, boss. And don't worry, I have everything handled over here," Jay said, knowing that as rough around the edges as Voight seemed, he often had a soft spot when it came to kids and would likely appreciate the update.

"I know. I just hung up with Erin. Glad you two got everything squared away. Talk to you soon."

Voight hung up the phone, but Jay didn't move the phone away from his ear right away. He was more than a little stunned by his boss's words. _That's_ who Erin was talking to? Voight? She was going _home_ _to_ _Voight_?

He ran his hand through his hair and put his phone back into his pocket, but he was still reeling. He couldn't decide if Voight was _better_ or _worse_ than a boyfriend. He felt like it was probably the latter.

When he finally found his voice again, he turned to look at Erin. "That was Voight." _Stupid._ Obviously she knew it was Voight. "He, uh, just wanted to let me know the case definitely won't be wrapped up tonight."

Erin had spoken to Hank so she already knew that. But she nodded along, acting as if this was brand new information. She wasn't sure why, but she really didn't want Jay to know she had been talking to Hank. He had clearly heard the end of her conversation and that would certainly invite questions.

She was also irritated with Hank's timing. She had been hoping to stay for dinner, and she had been about to tell Jay she actually _didn't_ need to get home. But now, she couldn't figure out how to redirect the conversation back there.

"Which we already planned for," he said, finishing his thought and filling in the silence that was beginning to feel a little awkward.

"Right," she began stacking all the papers and putting them back in the file. She placed the file in her bag and began to sling her bag over her shoulder. "I should probably get going."

He _really_ wanted her to stay, but as she packed up her things, he couldn't think of any reason to make her stay. He had already brought up dinner, and with the phone call interruption, he wasn't sure if he should bring it up again. Instead, he retrieved her coat from the hall closet and walked her towards the door. "It was really nice meeting you, Erin." He said and he handed her her jacket.

"Likewise," her voice came out in a raspy whisper.

He _loved_ the sound of her voice. He felt the charged energy between the return as they neared the door, and he couldn't tell if it was only one sided. "I guess I'll be seeing you soon," he said, testing the waters. "You know, at one of your _home visits."_ He grinned at her, his trademark _Halstead grin,_ as Allie always used to call it, and he was pleasantly surprised when she rolled her eyes playfully in return.

The energy was definitely _not_ one sided.

00000000000 

"Hey, kid." Erin was awoken the following morning by a knock on her door. She was completely disoriented, and it took her several moments to remember that she wasn't in her apartment. She was lying in a full-sized bed in her bedroom at Hank's house. This was the first place she had ever really called home, the first place she had ever felt completely safe.

At that thought, she tacked on another reason to be mad at her _ex-_ roommate. Erin had finally saved up enough money to find her own place. She had been so proud to have a home of her _own_ , even if she had to share it. But now she could never go back there. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," she answered, her voice still thick from sleep. She looked at her cell phone, it was 6 am. "Hank, it's Saturday," she whined.

"It's like nothings changed," he laughed. He came in and sat on the edge of her bed. "I have to go into work today, I just wanted to check in with you first." He paused, but kept talking when she didn't answer. "You can stay here as long as you want, and you don't have to tell me what happened with you and Olivia. I just want to make sure you are okay."

She appreciated his concern. Even more than that, she appreciated that he wasn't grilling her about everything. "I'm okay," she whispered, trying to force a smile.

"I'm sorry I'm deserting you again," he stood from her bed. "There's fresh coffee in the kitchen for when you decide to get your lazy bones out of bed," he added as he closed the door behind him.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, as if Hank could still see her. It was the same response she had every Saturday morning as a teenager. That thought made her smile, the first real one of the day.

She debated going back to sleep, just wallowing in the events of the past few days. "No, no more wallowing," she said to herself, as she swung her legs out of bed. She went over to her suitcase and pulled out her running gear. She pressed her earbuds into her ears and turned on her favorite playlist, trying to convince herself that there was no better way to start the day.

0000000000

"Daddy, daddy, wake up!" Jay was awoken at 6 am as disoriented and flustered as Erin had. He had been in the middle of a _very_ lusty dream that involved Erin and him in the shower, and when he saw his daughter at the edge of his bed, he thanked god the blanket was covering him.

"What's wrong, baby?" He asked, trying to rid his mind of the image of Erin, soapy and wet in his shower. "

"Grace is screaming and crying. I think she's having a nightmare." Well, that'll do it.

Jay followed Maddie down the hallway to her room, and as he got closer he heard Grace whimpering. She sounded like she may have been yelling for her parents, but he couldn't be sure. When he walked into the room, his heart broke into a million pieces. Her eyes were closed, but there were tears streaking down her pale, beautiful face and he could see how scared she was. "I tried to shake her, but it didn't help."

"It's okay, Mads. She's just having a nightmare." He wasn't actually sure if it was going to be okay. Sure, Maddie had her share of nightmares, what little girl hadn't. But they had _never_ been this bad.

He had also had his share of nightmares. He had them almost every night when he got back from Afghanistan. He remembered waking up, drenched in sweat, screaming out for the friends he had lost.

It had been the worst time in his life, but he hadn't had anyone there for him. This would be different. Grace would have him.

"Grace, sweetie." He whispered her name and nudged her gently, knowing that sometimes that was all a person needed to break them out of a nightmare. Sure enough, her eyes fluttered open.

She looked around, taking in her surroundings. It seemed to finally set in, she remembered where she was. "J-Jay?"

"Yeah, Grace. It's me." He brushed her hair out of her face, and he noticed that she was covered in a thin layer of sweat. "Maddie's here too, sweetie." He motioned for Maddie to come closer.

"Hi Grace," Maddie whispered to her new friend, tears falling from her eyes now, too. "I'm sorry. This was my first sleepover. Did I do a bad job?"

Grace didn't answer her, but instead reached for her hand and just shook her head lightly. Grace seemed wise beyond her years, and Jay knew that was not a good sign.

"Girls, I have an idea." He placed his hand over both of theres and squeezed it. "Let's get you both in the bathtub and then-"

"Chocolate chip pancakes!" Maddie interrupted.

"Yes," he said, exaggerating the word as he stood up. "A bubble bath, followed by chocolate chip pancakes."

00000000000

He was cleaning the dishes when he heard the knock at the door. He dried off his hands before walking down the hall. He didn't even bother checking the peep hole, already knowing who would be waiting for him on the other side of the door.

She was even more beautiful then he remembered, this time casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. "Good morning," he managed. His dreams didn't even come close to the real Erin, standing here in his apartment, in the flesh.

"Good morning," she said. She handed him one of the cups of coffee in her hand, and followed him into the kitchen.

"Thank you. But you didn't have to bring me coffee, I could've made you some here," he said, motioning to the coffee machine he had used yesterday to brew her a cup.

"I don't like to come empty handed when I show up unannounced on a Saturday morning," she replied and flashed him a smile. "Where are the girls?"

"Had you called first, I could have warned you." He smirked, and took a long sip of his coffee. He was surprised when he noticed it was prepared just as he liked it. She must have been paying attention when he made the coffee the day before. "I put them both down for a nap about twenty minutes ago."

"Oh," she looked at her watch, surprised. It was only 9:30 in the morning, usually a safe time to drop by.

"Grace had a nightmare, so we were all up a little earlier than usual this morning. They were both practically falling asleep into their pancakes." He began to dry the dishes as he spoke to her, happy to have a task to complete. "You're welcome to stay until they wake up."

Grace was clearly being well taken care of, and she didn't need to actually _talk_ to Grace to know that. She could just see her tomorrow. But he had given her an opening, and she found herself unable to refuse. "Sounds good," her voice came out a little breathier than usual, and she immediately took a sip of coffee to hide it.

"While we are waiting, can I interest you in some pancakes and riveting conversation?"

That grin again. It just about killed her. "I'd like that."

 **xoxo**

 **Hi all! Thanks so much for all of your reviews :) They really make my day! I hope you enjoyed this chapter... tell me what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the reviews :) So glad you are enjoying this AU concept!**

Chapter 5,

"Wow, these are actually really good." Erin said, raising her eyebrow at Jay after taking her first bite.

"Don't sound so surprised," he quipped, faking offense.

His tone was flirtatious, and when he smiled at her, it once again made her heart flutter. God. Was that grin ever going to stop having this affect on her? It was so damn sexy. She made sure to steady her voice as she spoke, trying to hide the warmth spreading through her body. "You're right, I shouldn't be," she laughed. Her tone turned a little more serious when she added, "You're clearly a pretty great dad."

Touched and more than a little surprised by her words, he returned her gaze and smiled. This time a softer, more wistful one. "Thank you, I try my best."

She hadn't meant for the conversation to take a more serious tone, and she knew she should try to back up and find a lighter topic. But she couldn't help it, once again, it was like she had word vomit. "It must have been tough. Becoming a widow... all of a sudden being a single father." As soon as the word _widow_ slipped out, she realized her comment was completely inappropriate. She had meant the words genuinely, but she realized she was taking advantage of the situation. He probably thought she was investigating his past as a part of her job as Grace's social worker, and he would likely feel pressured to answer.

"Um... I'm not actually a widow. I, uh-"

Well _that_ she hadn't been expecting. She wanted to hear more, but she forced herself to cut him off. "You don't have to explain. I wasn't saying that in a professional capacity," she shook her head lightly, embarrassed.

"I wasn't answering in one." He replied plainly, and they slowly locked eyes. For some reason, he _wanted_ to explain. There was just something about her sitting on a stool in his kitchen drinking coffee and eating leftover chocolate chip pancakes while his daughter slept down the hall that made him want to sit down and tell Erin Lindsay his whole life story. It was also, probably, those hazel eyes.

When she didn't answer, he brought his coffee over and sat down on the stool next to her. "Maddie's mom's name was Allie." He began, "We were high school sweethearts." She smiled sadly at his words, and he was surprised when he realized that he was already able to interpret her smiles, to find the thoughts and feelings conveyed with each specific turn of her lips. "I joined the Rangers right out of high school and she went to college in Michigan. We broke up. No hard feelings, it was just time. And she still wrote me every week." He still had all the letters in a box in his closet. He used to pretend he was saving them for Maddie. It took him a long time to be able to acknowledge the fact that he had been keeping those letters for himself. "She sent me updates on my family and hers, she told me crazy stories about college, she told me every time she decided to switch her major, and she even told me about the different men she dated."

"Wow," Erin replied at his last admission. She wasn't sure where this story was going, but she could tell Allie was still very important to Jay.

"Yeah. She became my confidant, my best friend." His voice broke, and he was surprised at himself by the emotion clearly evident in them. It had been so long since he had said these words out loud.

Erin reached out and touched Jay's hand in a comforting gesture, but she didn't speak. She just nodded, signaling for him to continue his story.

"When I came back from my second tour and joined the police academy, she had already graduated from college and had permanently moved out of Chicago. But we stayed in touch, and we visited each other often." Their friends and family had been surprised when they transitioned seamlessly into a platonic friendship. "One night she was in town visiting her parents," he remembered that night so clearly, like it was yesterday.

"Her brother had been killed when we were younger, and it would have been his 18th birthday." He wasn't sure he needed to explain that part, but he wanted to set the stage. It wasn't a drunken night. Maddie hadn't been conceived as a result of alcohol or regrettable choices. She been conceived in a moment of comfort between two best friends. It was probably the most honest and truest love he had ever experiences. The love between the two best friends.

"It was an emotional night for both of us, and she needed to get out of the house. She came over, and I guess," he tilted his head and sipped his coffee, looking for the right words. "We just found comfort in each other. In our shared history." He took a deep breath, trying to lighten the sound of his voice and roll back in the tears that were threatening to fall.

"When we found out Allie was pregnant, we actually tried to give it another go. She moved in, and we put together a nursery. We were going to get married. But we hadn't really been a couple since high school, and we fought like _crazy,_ always sniping at each other. One of us would get pissed, and run out leaving the other alone. One night I came home and she was just waiting for me." He remembered that night too, vividly. "She told me that she missed her best friend. She was right. I loved Allie and she loved me. But we weren't _in love_. We hadn't been in a long time. And in trying to date Allie, I had lost the most important relationship in my life. So right then, we decided to stop being in a relationship and to start being friends again. She moved back in with her parents and we were able to enjoy the rest of her pregnancy and the first 6 months of our daughters life." He was truly proud at how well they handled their life together.

"It sounds like your friendship was pretty special." Erin scolded herself for the pang of jealousy she felt, and instead squeezed his hand lightly and smiled up at him.

"It was. She died suddenly when Maddie was 6 months old." He paused for a moment, shaking his head, still in disbelief. Twenty-five year old women didn't just drop dead of brain aneurysms in their living room. But she had. And to this day, he still thanked god she hadn't been holding Maddie when she collapsed on the hard floor right in front of him. It was the one positive thought he had that day, and he clung to it like a life raft. "It was the wort day of my life. I lost the best friend I ever had." His voice caught in his throat. "Sometimes I miss her so much I can't breath." He exhaled a huge sigh, and added the worst part of it all. "And Maddie... she'll never get to meet her. This amazing woman that loved her with everything she had. We weren't the most conventional parents, but we made a pretty good team."

"I bet you did," Erin said, rubbing her thumb across his knuckles in the most comforting gesture she could think of.

When this story began, she had wanted to feel relieved that Allie wasn't the love of his life, that she wasn't this irreplaceable woman for him, the way Camille had been for Hank. But the complete devastation in Jay's eyes broke her heart, and she wanted to reach out and just hold him. Love of his life or night, Allie was certainly irreplaceable. She was his best friend, the mother of his child. Erin's heart broke for him, for Maddie, and for Allie, and she felt tears coming to her eyes.

She blinked them away when she heard the distant sound of footsteps in the hall. She lifted her hand away from Jay's, and as she turned to see Maddie and Grace entering the kitchen she felt Jay's breath as he leaned over and whispered into her ear. "One of these days, I will learn something personal about you, too."

Well, this was _completely_ new to her. A serious conversation that resulted in tears threatening to spill from her eyes in one minute, followed by a deep shiver and lustful thoughts in the next. What was this man doing to her?

She turned around to face him. "We'll see," she said coyly.

When the girls came closer, she noticed that Grace was wearing a Frozen nightgown that appeared a size too big, and was likely Maddie's, and she was rubbing her big brown eyes. "Maddie," she heard Jay say sternly from behind her, as he stood from the stool. "Did you wake up Grace when you got up?"

At the sound of Jay's stern voice, Grace jumped to step in front of Maddie and block her. "Sh-she didn't w-wake me, I was up." She spread her arms out and wrapped them backwards around Maddie, holding her close, as if shielding her from harm.

Alarm bells immediately went off in Jay's mind and he slowly moved towards the girls. He bent down and inched closer to Grace, careful to not spook her. "Grace," he noticed with dismay that she flinched at his words. "Grace, it's okay sweetie. I'm not going to hurt Maddie. I would never hurt her," her face softened a little, but she didn't seem to loosen her grip on his daughter. "And I would never hurt you, either." At that, she seemed to let out a sigh of relief.

Maddie, who seemed shock by this entire encounter, wiggled out of Grace's grasp. She saw that her new friend appeared near tears. "Grace," she touched her arm, grabbed her hand. "What's wrong?" She whispered the question close to Grace's ear, almost as if she was trying to have a private conversation.

"Nothing," Grace whispered back.

"Grace," In Erin's experience it was important for the foster parents to reassure the child in these moments. She had seen it too many times. She wanted to give Jay a chance to show Grace that he wasn't going to hurt her, but now it was time to step in. "Do you remember me from yesterday? I'm Erin."

Grace nodded but didn't speak.

"Do you think maybe we could go into the living room and talk for a little while?"

Grace nodded, but she didn't let go of Maddie's hand. "Can Maddie come?"

"She absolutely can." Erin smiled and reached for Grace's empty hand and placed it in her own. She sent a questioning look at Jay, requesting his approval. He sent her a nod, clearly granting it, and together the three of them walked into the living room.

She took a seat on the large wooden coffee table, careful to not put her full weight on it. It looked sturdy enough, but she didn't want to take any chances. A broken table under her weight, now _that_ would be embarrassing. But she wanted Maddie and Grace to sit next to each other on the couch, and she wanted to be in close proximity to them, and she wanted to be able to look each girl in the eye. This set up would have to do.

Once the girls were seated comfortably, she began to speak. "I told you yesterday that I was a social worker. Do you know what that means?"

Both girls shook their heads simultaneously. They looked confused, but she could tell she had their undivided attention.

"When children can't live in their own home anymore, like you," she motioned to Grace, "I find them a nice family for them to live with. And it's my job to make sure that the child is happy and safe in their new home. So sometimes the child stays for a couple days, and sometimes it can be for a long time, but it doesn't matter to me. Every place you stay, Grace, I want you to be happy and safe." She spoke softly, gearing up for the questions she was going to have to ask. She was slightly nervous to ask the questions in front of Maddie. Her utter confusion at the events in the kitchen further reinforced to Erin that Maddie had a safe home. She was completely sheltered from things like this. "Do you want to know why I do this?"

Grace nodded, and Maddie just sat still. She was listening intently, but felt removed from the conversation and didn't really want to interrupt.

"When I was a kid, I didn't have a safe home. I lived with my mom, but sometimes she left me alone for long periods of time." _When she was high out of her mind._ "And when I got older, she sometimes had friends over." _Always. She always had friends over._ "And sometimes, her friends hurt me." _More than sometimes._

It was the one thing she hated about this job. Having to retell these stories. Reliving those days, over and over again. And then realizing that while it may be in the past for her, it wasn't always for these kids. "I felt like I couldn't tell anyone. But one day, I trusted someone enough to tell them. And I moved in with him, his wife, and his son. They gave me a forever home and I finally felt safe." Her _forever_ home. It was the best part of her story.

But she had to follow it up with the worst part. "Did anyone ever hurt you, Grace?"

Maddie was staring at Erin completely stunned throughout her whole monologue, but at the mention of Grace's name she turned to see her new friend nodding her head, tears streaming down her cheeks.

It seemed to finally settle in for Maddie, even at four years old she understood. "Grace," she whispered, wrapping her arms around her friend. "My daddy would _never_ hurt you. Never ever." The tears flowed down both of their faces, and Erin took a seat on the couch next to Grace. She leaned in and held both girls, not speaking and allowing them to let out all of their emotions.

Finally, when the tears subsided, she spoke carefully. "Grace, I am going to promise you something today, and I don't want you to ever forget it. Okay?"

Grace nodded, and whispered "Okay," finally finding her voice.

"I am not going to let anyone hurt you ever again." Erin's voice was strong and steady, and both Grace and Maddie believed her.

Jay, who had been standing in the doorway and listening to the entire exchange, believed her, too.

xoxo

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	6. Chapter 6

**Guys! Thank you SO SO much for all of the reviews on my latest chapter :) It seriously made me so happy! And of course, it motivated me to write another quickly - so keep it up ;)**

Chapter 6,

Jay hadn't meant to eavesdrop on such an intimate conversation. He didn't particularly regret doing it - but still, he hadn't expected Erin to reveal anything personal about herself. In truth, he had just wanted to check in on Maddie. He was completely devastated for Grace and everything she was going through, and just like Maddie, he found himself growing attached to her. But at the same time, he worried about his daughter. He was truly proud of her and her attempts to make everything better for her new friend. But at the same time, she was only four years old, and she had never been exposed to any of this. She was much too young to have her innocence shattered by the realization that there were, indeed, horrible people in this world.

He had wanted to check in on Grace, too. Because while some of the damage may have already been done, he knew he would do his best to shield her from any _new_ horrible experiences. He wanted to make everything better for her and he wanted to make sure no one ever laid a hand on her _ever_ again.

His blood boiled when he thought of what she had been through.

He couldn't just sit in the kitchen and twiddle his thumbs. And so, he stood behind the doorway to the living room. He had positioned himself to listen, but not be seen. His close proximity would allow him step in if it was warranted, but not interrupt unnecessarily.

He had been surprised by how well Erin Lindsay had it covered. She used simple words that a four year old would be able to easily understand, and she spoke slowly and calmly. Her voice was warm and earnest, and he couldn't help but trust her words. He knew the girls would trust them, too.

A strange sense of pride came over him when he heard her speak about her job, about how carefully she selected the families and how closely she monitored them to ensure the child's safety.

But that sense of pride was immediately followed by a sense of dread when he heard what followed.

 _I didn't have a safe home. She left me alone. She sometimes had friends over._

And at the last part, which filled him with equal parts devastation and anger.

 _Her friends hurt me._

His body involuntarily shuddered when he heard those words. He clenched his fists so tight his knuckles turned white, and he had to force himself to calm his breathing.

He was so focused on controlling his anger that he almost missed the rest of the conversation. He focused in again, and he caught the end of her monologue, " _They gave me a forever home and I finally felt safe."_

He heard her ask Grace if anyone had ever hurt her. He stood with pride when he heard Maddie, her voice full of emotion and tears, tell Grace that he would never hurt her. " _Never. Ever."_

It was in that moment that his life changed forever.

He wasn't sure if it was seeing a four year old Grace step in front of him to try to protect his daughter in the kitchen, or if it was Erin's heart wrenching story of her childhood, or if it was Maddie's adamant belief that Grace would be safe _here_. Maybe it was the promise Erin was in the process of making. _I am not going to let anyone hurt you ever again._

Maybe it was the fact that he had never in his wildest dreams envisioned being a single father. It was never the plan; it wasn't supposed to be his course in life. And yet, here he was, the luckiest man in the world.

Whatever it was, he had made up his mind. Standing there hiding behind the doorway of the living room, listening to a private conversation he wasn't supposed to hear, he made a decision. It may have been a rash one, but he had never been more sure of anything in his entire life.

Grace was going to stay with them. He was going to give her a forever home, and she was finally going to feel safe.

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He waited in the kitchen for them to return, hoping they hadn't heard him sneaking back in there quietly, like a thief in the night. He finished washing the dishes from Erin's breakfast, he placed the leftover pancakes in a tupperware container, and he washed that plate, too.

They still hadn't come back, and he looked around the kitchen trying to find something to do to keep him busy. It was spotless, of course. Many of the habits he had formed in the military had slowly disappeared when he returned to civilian life, but two remained steadfast. Obsessive cleanliness and being an early riser. The latter may be a function of single fatherhood... actually, they probably both were. But either way, there was nothing out of place in the kitchen to clean.

He paced the length of the kitchen for a few moments before he had an idea. He pulled out several ingredients from the refrigerator and began cutting fruits and vegetables and making turkey sandwiches. Lost in the mundane task, he didn't hear the footsteps until they were through the door of the kitchen.

He turned towards the noise and Maddie was running towards him. He quickly, but carefully placed the knife down on the counter and kneeled down to receive her in his arms. She wrapped her small arms as far as she could reach around him and squeezed him tighter than she usually did, and he understood why. He kissed her forehead and ran his fingers down her head, holding her head in his chest.

He pulled her away for just a moment, only enough time to gesture for Grace to join. She walked over nervously, but he pulled her in and held her tight, and the three of them clung to each other on the kitchen floor for several moments before he spoke. "How are you doing, sweetie?"

Grace didn't answer right away, unsure if the question was directed at her. Jay never called Maddie sweetie, only baby or Mads, and occasionally pretty girl or monkey, but never sweetie, and so she looked at Grace questioningly, indicating that she should answer. "I'm good." She whispered, looking towards Erin.

For the first time, Jay looked up and noticed Erin standing the doorway. God, she was beautiful. She was watching them and smiling, a small smile full of awe and compassion. "It looks like you got it covered here," she said, her voice low and raspy. He loved that voice. _She is the whole damn package_ , he thought.

"Actually, there is something I was hoping you could help me with." He said, finally releasing the two girls and standing up.

"What's that?" She was secretly thrilled he didn't want her to leave quite yet. After the difficult conversation with Grace, she wasn't sure she was ready to return to an empty house. But, it was more than that though.

Usually, she didn't allow herself to get attached. Creating a little distance was an extremely vital part of her job. She was always invested in the future of the kids she worked with, of course, but she never got _too_ involved. Not with the kids, not with the families. Because at the end of the day, it was still a job. Her job was finding placements for children. She couldn't take them all home.

But with Jay... Maddie... Grace... the past two days had been a completely different story. Watching Jay hold those girls in the kitchen, she had this overwhelming desire to walk into the room and join them.

And _that_ was definitely new.

Jay's voiced interrupted her thoughts. "I was _thinking_ that today," he exaggerated the word, she assumed for the girls benefit. "We could have a picnic at the zoo!"

Maddie began jumping up and down excitedly, the ruffles on her pink nightgown bouncing around her little legs. "I LOVE picnics at the zoo!"

Grace, who had finally found her voice, yelled, "REALLY?" The conversation with Erin and the hug from Jay must have really done her some good. "I've never been to the zoo!"

"Never?" Maddie stared in disbelief. Erin looked over at Maddie's surprised face and smiled. It was pretty remarkable. Grace had just admitted to her and Maddie that someone _hurt_ her, and Maddie didn't put two and two together. Little girls whose parents hit them generally didn't get to take trips to the zoo.

"Nope." She said, her voice matter of fact, but finally not sad or ashamed. "Never."

"Well, we will just have to change that!" Jay said to Grace. Then he turned to Erin, "I had this idea while you three were in the living room, and I already packed up food for the four of us. But I realize, I don't have a second car seat for Grace." He made sure to add the _four_ of us, and his heart fluttered slightly when he saw Erin's smile grow at the word. "Any chance you could watch the girls for a half hour, give me a chance to run to Target and pick one up?"

He packed food for the four of them, before he even realized he needed her help with the carseat. Maybe he felt it then, too. This weird sense that the four of them should spend the day together. "I have one in my car, actually."

"You do?" He looked at her, surprised and questioning. He realized, then, that he had just assumed she wasn't married because she didn't have a ring on. And then he had let that assumption lead to a second one, that she didn't have any children. Which, now that he thought about it, was completely absurd coming from him - the never married, single father.

As if reading his thoughts, she answered with a longer explanation than necessary. "I do a lot of transporting kids for my job. It helps to have my own carseats." She didn't straight out say she didn't have kids, but he thought the message was pretty clear. "I have like four different ones in my trunk, actually." She laughed at the absurdity of it, "For babies, or toddlers, or kids who just need a booster seat."

"Perfect." He said, looking at Erin and then the two girls. "Let's get you two changed out of your pajamas, and we will be on our way."

She smiled as she watched the three of them walk towards what she assumed was the bedrooms in the back of the apartment. She couldn't imagine a better way to spend her Saturday.

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The picnic at the zoo had been the perfect idea. The weather had cooperated, and it hadn't been too crowded for a Saturday morning. Maddie had loved showing Grace all of her favorite animals, and Jay had bought both of the girls matching stuffed elephants on their way out of the park.

For the most part, Grace seemed to be adjusting surprisingly well and remarkably quickly. But to the trained eye, there were still some subtle signs of her difficult childhood and her familiarity with abandonment throughout the day.

When they first got there Jay took Maddie to the bathroom, and when Grace thought she had lost sight of Erin, she had walked over to a bench and sat stoically, resting her face on her knees. It seems counterintuitive, but Erin knew that if a well-adjusted child suddenly finds themselves lost, it's those children that are more likely to panic and cry. They aren't used to being left alone and they don't actually know how to deal with it. When Grace thought she had lost everyone, she had sat on the bench, her eyes dry and her face devoid of emotion. She was _accustomed_ to being left alone. _That_ was her way of dealing with it.

And there were other things, too. Like the way she seemed to take in every moment and treasure it, as if she didn't expect to ever had an experience like this again. Or how she didn't ask Jay for seconds at lunch, even though she was clearly hungry. She nodded meekly when he offered, but seemed almost nervous to reveal she wanted more food. She had also been completely shocked when Jay had bought her a stuffed animal, the same one he bought his own daughter, and tears formed in her eyes when she thanked him.

All in all, though, it had been a pretty fantastic day. It was one Grace would remember for a long time, and one Erin would, too.

She couldn't contain her good mood when she got home from the zoo and she was surprised to see Hank sitting in the kitchen. "I thought you were still working on the case?" She still had an absurd smile painted on her face, and she tried to tone it down. She wasn't looking to invite any questions.

"I am," he said, gruffly. It was only then that she noticed he was shoveling a sandwich in his mouth and staring at his phone. He hadn't even noticed her dopey grin. "I have everyone out questioning their CIs. Stopped home to pick something up and grab a quick bite."

She poured herself a glass of water and joined him at the table. "Want something to eat?" He asked, looking at her for the first time.

"No, I'm okay. I'm just happy to sit with you for a minute while you're home. The house is so quiet without you in it." She hadn't actually lived in this house since Camille passed, and it felt _so_ empty.

He seemed to catch the meaning behind her words, and he reached out and touched her hand gently. "Sorry I haven't been around, kid."

"It's okay," she shook her head. "I know you're working."

He removed his hand so he could take another bite of his sandwich. "Why don't you invite Ben over for dinner tonight to keep you company," he said casually.

"Um... Ben and I aren't together anymore."

"What?" He lifted his eyebrows in surprised. Then his face got serious and maybe even a little angry. "Tell me this doesn't have something to do with why you aren't living in your apartment right now."

Her face grew red. She was beyond embarrassed to tell Hank about this. "I came home in the middle of the day. I found Olivia and Ben in the kitchen." Olivia had been sitting on the counter, Ben had been standing between her legs. She had actually found it kind of ironic. Her sex life with Ben had been _so_ boring. He was a purely missionary, no foreplay, right before bed, with the lights off, sex kind of guy. Yet there he was... fucking her roommate in her very own kitchen.

She wasn't even upset about her breakup with Ben. They hadn't been together long, and she didn't actually see herself falling in love with him. He was smart and nice, sure, but she didn't get butterflies when she thought about him.

That being said, she was _devastated_ about her apartment, and about her friend. She _loved loved loved_ that apartment. And Olivia... well she had been one of her closest friends since college. That's what had her feeling completely betrayed.

"I never liked Ben," his voice cut through her thoughts and she saw that he was shaking his head in disbelief.

"You didn't even know him!" She laughed. She loved how Hank always managed to make her feel better, even when he wasn't trying.

"Exactly. And you were together, what, 6 months?"

"Four," she corrected. They hadn't been particularly serious.

"Four months and he didn't make it a priority to meet your father? Eh..." he tilted his head to the side, and then shook it from side to side. "Not long term boyfriend material."

"Okay, fair." She held up her hands in surrender and laughed again, because, of course, he was right.

"I'm sorry about Olivia though." He knew that part would hurt more than any of the rest of it, and he said the words solemnly and seriously.

She smiled her token it's-not-a-big-deal smile and just said, "Thanks."

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Hank stood to tend to his dishes and get ready to leave. In the doorway, he turned around, a confused look on his face. "Wait. Where were you all day then?"

"Oh, uh... I went to the zoo with Jay and his daughter and Grace." The way her heart fluttered when she said Jay's name reinforced how little she felt about Ben.

Hank watched as she had looked down, but she couldn't hide the smile. Not from him. He heard the smile in her voice, heard the excitement. She barely said ten words, but he knew.

 _This is going to be a problem,_ he thought. "Oh," was all he said. "You going back tomorrow?" He tried to keep his voice even when he asked the question. He wasn't sure that he succeeded.

"Probably," he could tell she was trying to keep her voice even, too. Matter of fact. Light.

"Oh?" He was staring at her, examining her features closely. She looked sixteen again, like a girl with her first real crush.

"I always check on the families a lot in the beginning." She said, by way of explanation. "And this is the first case I'm doing with you, I just want to be thorough." _Also, it's only been two days and I can't imagine not seeing them._ She didn't add that last part.

He smiled at her comment. He had known from the beginning that she would try to impress him with this first case they shared together, but she didn't have to. He was so unbelievably proud already.

The look on her face still troubled him, though. Because making him proud was _not_ the only reason she was going over there, he could tell in the way she was trying to hide that smile.

"I have to get going, kid." He didn't have time to have this conversation right, and so he began walking towards the door. "I'll see you later, if you're still up."

"Good luck with the case." She sent him a small wave, "If I'm not up, I'll just see you tomorrow."

"Okay." _I'll most certainly be seeing you tomorrow,_ he thought. _When I come check in on you and Jay._

xoxox

Stay tuned for an interesting home visit ;)

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	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks everyone so much for the reviews :) I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Seriously!**

 **And now for some much needed Linstead after tonight's episode, which sadly had very little :/ (Still fantastic though, of course!)**

 **xoxo**

Chapter 7,

Erin woke up the following morning feeling lighter than she had in days, her mind full of Jay Halstead. Her thoughts of him were uninterrupted and she continued her daydream even as she got out of bed and put on her running gear.

This morning, she wouldn't run to clear her head. She didn't need to. She wasn't thinking of Olivia, or Ben, or her apartment. Instead, she felt comfortable with the thoughts swimming around her head - Jay's sexy grin, Maddie's adorable laugh, Grace's shy smile - and she had no reason to push them away.

Two years ago, she and Olivia had trained to run a half marathon. She hadn't particularly enjoyed running at the same, and she had desperately wanted to be one of _those_ people. The type that actually enjoyed waking up early to run with the sunrise; the type that asked for new running shoes for Christmas. Olivia had actually been one of those people, and she had convinced Erin that the best way to transform yourself into a runner was to sign up for a race. To create a deadline for yourself that was difficult, but attainable.

She would be lying if she said the idea of new running shoes as a Christmas present excited her, but throughout the weeks of training she had learned to appreciate running and she had since designated Sunday mornings as her 'long run' of the week.

Jay lived in the suburbs of Chicago, but the distance was doable. She slipped on her favorite activewear, black spandex leggings with a light blue racerback tank-top underneath her dark grey lululemon half zip.

As she walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, she noticed for the first time that the house was quiet and empty. Hank must have already left for work. She slipped her license, a credit card, and a house key along with her cell phone into the black stretchy band she strapped around her left arm. She plugged in her head phones, and started off for Jay's.

It took her almost an hour and a half to reach her destination, and she stood for several more minutes outside his apartment complex stretching and kneading her tired muscles. The 10 mile run had been primarily uphill, and she was more exhausted than usual.

She waited until her breathing evened and then entered the lobby of the apartment building. She found a mirror and fixed her hair, all the while wishing she had the forethought to bring something to wash her face with. And maybe some mascara. _Oh well,_ she thought. _This will just have to do._

She took the elevator up to his apartment and then walked purposefully towards the door. She stopped outside and her breathing quickened, she almost lost her nerve. _You're here for work, Erin,_ she reassured herself. _It's fine._ She finally relaxed when she realized that if she seemed out of breath or her face turned a deep shade of crimson when she saw him, he would attribute it to the long run. Even if it wasn't... not entirely, anyway.

She knocked anxiously, but the nervousness disappeared completely when she saw who stood on the other side of the threshold. "Maddie Halstead," she laughed, "Are you supposed to be opening the door?"

She shook her head shyly, as it to say _No, but please don't tell._ Instead she just asked, "Am I in trouble?" Then, she immediately pouted her lips a little and fluttered her eyelashes over her big blue eyes. The one's that matched her dad's.

"No," she laughed again. God, she was cute. "Not with me, anyway." She said, as she eyed Jay walking up the hallway behind her.

"Oh because Ms. Annie always calls me Maddie Halstead when I'm in trouble." She contorted her face and furrowed her brows when she voiced her full name, but then lost herself in a fit of giggles.

"She does?" _That sounds like Annie._

Maddie nodded, still giggling. Maddie still hadn't noticed her father standing behind her and Erin couldn't help herself when she asked, "What does your daddy call you when you're in trouble?"

"I don't get in trouble," she said seriously, as if she all of a sudden remembered she was talking to a social worker.

"Oh is that the case, Madeline Rose?" At the sound of Jay's voice, she turned and instantly fluttered those eyelashes again, revealing her trademark puppy dog face that her father just could not resist. Her adorable face won out, and Jay lifted his daughter up into his arms and tickled her mercilessly. "Let's go, monkey."

He walked further into the apartment with his daughter in his arms, and he deposited her, still laughing hysterically, onto the couch. Grace was still sound asleep in - what he hoped would be - her permanent bedroom, Maddie already learning to wake from her nap and _quietly_ tiptoe from the room.

He turned around and for the first time got a good look at Erin. "Did you run here?" he asked incredulously.

"I did," she replied.

"From downtown?" He had to admit, he was impressed.

"Don't act so surprised," she winked, mimicking his words from the day before.

His smile grew, and he was taken aback by how much her wink affected him. Her confidence was so damn sexy... And so was that outfit. It highlighted all of her curves and it was so tight it made him want to peel the clothes right off of her. "We should go running together sometime," he said, testing the waters.

"I'm not sure you'd be able to keep up with me," she answered, wryly.

"Care to put a wager on that?" He wasn't sure what came over him, but he was determined to get Erin to agree to see him again, and out of this apartment.

"You know, I generally make it a point not to make bets with clients." Her words could have been construed as dismissive, clearly highlighting the fact that this was, in fact, a working relationship. But with the sultry way that she said the words and the way her eyebrow rose high into her forehead... he was pretty sure she flirting with him.

"Excuses, excuses," he shook his head, dragging out the word sarcastically.

Her smile spread slow on her lips, and he wanted to walk over there and press his lips against that smile. He couldn't, of course, for a number of reasons, not the least being the fact his daughter was sitting on the couch watching them. So instead he said, "Can I get you some water?"

"Water would be great," she paused and then added, "Coffee would be better?"

"Coffee it is, then."

Jay walked into the kitchen to put the pot of coffee on, leaving Erin alone with Maddie. "Hey Madeline Rose," Erin couldn't help but laugh when she saw Maddie's face turn serious and heard her take a sharp intake of breath. "Want to play a game?"

Maddie visibly relaxed and smiled, standing from the couch. "Yes!" She said, excitedly. "Do you know how to play Pretty, Pretty Princess?!" She went to retrieve the light green box from the dark wooden bookcase that housed many of her games and toys. "It's my favorite game!"

"I don't," Erin replied, "But I would love to learn."

Maddie spent the next several minutes explaining the game to Erin, but she stopped when she heard a noise coming from the back of the apartment. "I think Grace is awake!" She stood up quickly, "Let me go get her! She'll want to play, too."

Maddie disappeared into the hallway just as Jay walked in, holding two steaming mugs full of coffee. He handed one to her and she inhaled the smell deeply, "This smells amazing."

"It tastes even better," he smiled, taking a tentative sip.

He pulled the mug back quickly when he burnt his tongue, and Erin let out a deep laugh. "Does it, now?"

"Shut up," was all he said as he rolled his eyes playfully at her. He reveled at how easy their conversation was, how natural it all felt. It was like they had known each other for years.

"Daddy!" Maddie walked into the living room with Grace. "Me and Grace and Erin are going to play Pretty, Pretty Princess! Will you play with us? Pretty please?" She sat down in on the floor next to the board game, and Grace sat cross-legged next to her. Grace still seemed dazed from sleep, but her smile was wide and infectious.

"Only if I can be pink." Jay replied seriously, sitting down next to Grace. He reached over and touched Grace on the knee and then leaned down and gently kissed the top of her head, just like he did everyday when Maddie woke up from a nap.

"Daddy," Maddie sighed dramatically. "You always say that!"

Erin took a seat the open seat between Jay and Maddie, and whispered to Jay, "You know, I wouldn't have taken you for a pink man."

"Real men wear pink, Erin." He said it matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, all the while picking up the blue pieces. "Pink is Maddie's favorite," he said, by way of explanation. "Grace, do you want to be purple?"

Grace nodded and Jay gathered up the pink and purple pieces, dividing them between the two girls. Erin just smiled, watching the three of them with awe.

It was because of this, she realized. This was the reason she had woken up so at peace this morning. Because she knew that this was how she was going to spend her day.

They spent the next hour playing the game over and over, until Grace and Maddie had each won twice. Jay had almost won the first game, and he was quite a vision, dressed with two blue clip on earrings, a blue ring, a blue necklace, and a sticker covered crown on his head.

She knew that such was being overly emotional, but when she looked over, all she could think was how well the blue matched with his eyes. Well that and how must she wished she had had a father who put on blue clip earrings and placed loving kisses on her head when she was four years old. If only she had met Hank earlier, how different her life might have been.

Towards the end of the games, Erin began feeling unsteady and she had an overwhelming urge to burst into tears. There was a _wholeness_ here, a perfection - in Grace's newfound laughter, in Maddie's innocent smiles, and in Jay's sparkling blue eyes. Their entire universe was contained in this living room, and Erin wanted so badly to be a part of it. For it to be the four of them, this makeshift family sitting and playing games in the living room, this unconventional couple sitting together, sexual tension ripe between them.

She wanted so badly for this to be her _forever_ life. And for a moment, she was almost able to convince herself that it was eminently possible, that she could stay there indefinitely and never have to leave.

"Erin?" Jay's voice interrupted her thoughts, and the tears rolled back in.

"Yeah," she said, her voice low and husky.

"Is that okay?" He looked at her, mildly confused.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said. Is what okay?"

"Can we go talk in the kitchen?" He motioned towards the girls, who were mixing and matching the jewelry from the game. "Without them?" He whispered the last part.

She nodded and stood, still unsteady and full of emotion, and silently followed him into the kitchen. "What's going on?" Had he been reading her thoughts? Was she that transparent?

"I need to talk to you about something important." He kept his voice low, not wanting to be overheard. He needed to ask her about Grace. Was it even possible for him, a single dad, to keep her?

She stepped towards him, minimizing the space between them. "Okay," she said, raising her eyebrows in a question.

She had meant to step forward to allow them to speak softly and not be overheard, but she hadn't realized how close their bodies had become. She wanted to step back, she even tried to, but her feet didn't move. She felt pulled to him like a magnet. He must have noticed it too, because he didn't speak, and instead held her gaze so intently that she lost her breath.

He leaned his head towards her ever so slightly, and then for just a moment, he looked down at her lips, but then quickly retreated back up to her eyes. The tell tale sign. _He wants to kiss me,_ she thought. And then, _He feels it, too._ That thought thrilled and excited her more than any thought she'd ever had, she was completely sure of it. That thought completely ignited her insides, it gave her courage.

She sucked in a breath and leaned forward, but stopped short when she heard a familiar, gruff voice come from behind her. "Am I interrupting anything?"

She turned slightly but Jay immediately jumped back, moving faster than she had ever seen him move, bumping into the kitchen counter in the process.

"No, sir." _Shit_. _Maddie really needs to stop answering the front door._

"Hi, Hank." _Okay. Let's not do the overprotective dad thing, please._

"Hey, kid." The words were directed towards Erin, but his eyes didn't leave Jay's.

 _No such luck,_ Erin thought and rolled her eyes.

"Daddy, Sergeant Voight came to visit us!" Maddie cried, completely oblivious to the tension in the room.

"I see that, baby." The wavering in Jay's voice gave him away, and he tried hard to steady himself. He couldn't figure out what Voight was doing there. He was supposed to be in the middle of a case.

Ignoring Erin and Halstead for the moment, Voight lifted Maddie into his arms, "And how are you doing Little Miss Halstead?"

 _Damn._ Erin could never stay mad at Hank. Not when he went all softie right in front of her.

"I'm good. We just played my favorite game! Have you met Grace?" She asked, still in his arms.

"I have," he smiled and turned towards the little girl standing shyly next to Jay. "Hi, Grace. Do you remember me?"

Grace nodded, but stayed half hiding behind Jay who was standing in the kitchen, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder. Part of him was holding onto her to establish trust, she was clearly nervous with so many people around. But the other part of him, the larger part, was holding onto her to create some distance from Hank and his menacing stare.

He wasn't exactly sure where the stare was coming from, but it didn't really matter. Hank Voight didn't need an excuse to look menacing.

"Do you know Erin?" Maddie then asked, clearly wanting Sergeant Voight to join her party.

Now _this_ Jay wanted to hear. He held his breath, waiting for Voight to answer.

"I do," he said, turning to look at Erin, then back to Maddie. "You know how you are your daddy's little girl?"

 _Here we go,_ Erin thought.

Maddie made an exaggerated nod, and Jay's heart started beating rapidly in his chest.

"Well Erin, here, is kind of my little girl." _What. Is. Happening._ Jay couldn't hold his breath any longer and let out an exaggerated exhale that caused everyone to stare at him.

Everyone except Maddie, who kept talking excitedly. "Really!?"

"Really." Hank said, his eyes never leaving Jay's.

 _Well, that's definitely not good._

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	8. Chapter 8

I am overwhelmed by all of your reviews :) Thank you so much! Please keep it up :)

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

xoxo

 **Chapter 8,**

Erin was glad that Maddie and Grace were both in the room for _that_ big reveal. Jay looked like he might literally _fall over._ In fact, Erin was pretty sure that Grace was the only thing keeping him standing up straight.

 _Jesus._ She knew Hank ran a tight ship at the district, and she knew he could intimidate the crap out of criminals, but she had to admit, _this_ she hadn't been expecting. The way he was looking at Jay... she hadn't seen that face since she was seventeen and stumbled into the house drunk, three hours after curfew.

She couldn't blame Jay for the way he seemed to cower at Hank's was definitely scary... threatening even.

"How's the case going?" She didn't particularly care how the case was going, but she would do anything to divert Hank's attention.

"Finished." His face softened now, but he was still peering at Jay. "I actually came by because I'm hoping you would be willing to keep Grace for one more day. I have a few more things to check out, and I want to make sure she'll be safe." _Well, that and to warn you off Erin._

"Of course." Erin watched as Jay's nerves seemed to dissipate slightly at Hank's words, and he lifted Grace into his arms. Jay then opened his mouth and he seemed like he wanted to add something, but then stopped short.

"Great," Hank said, and then turned to Erin. "Come on kid, I'll take you home."

It was her turn to open her mouth to speak and then immediately close it. She wanted to make an excuse. She racked her brain for one, to no avail. She wanted to stay _so badly._ She had just spent the morning imagining that she would never have to leave, and all she wanted was to stay. She wanted to stay _so badly._ But reality was setting in, and she didn't have a legitimate reason to stay. Not one that would stand up to Hank, anyway. So instead, she just nodded her head and replied, "Thanks."

"You're leaving?" Maddie cried. She had been hoping Erin was going to spend the day with them again.

"Yeah, I gotta head home, Mads." _No I don't._ She walked over to Maddie and lifted her from Hank's arms. "I'll come see you soon, though." She winked at her, and then walked over to Grace. "And I'll come check on you in a couple days, Grace." She felt completely secure in Grace's current placement, and knew that she couldn't justify a third home visit in as many days.

"Okay," she said, sadly. She didn't want Erin to leave either. "Bye, Erin."

Jay stood in his kitchen, still holding Grace in his arms. Erin was standing next to him, holding Maddie in hers, and talking kindly to Grace. He let his eyes close for just a second, taking in the moment. It was all he could do not to reach for Erin and bury his face into her, even with Hank standing in the corner of the room.

He wasn't sure what it was. Maybe it was that he had been alone for so long. Maybe it was that he desperately wanted Maddie to have a mother.

But he was pretty sure that wasn't it.

Because it had only been forty-eight hours since he had laid eyes on Erin Lindsay for the first time, but the idea of not seeing for a _couple days_ had his stomach in knots.

When he watched Erin release Maddie, say a quick goodbye to him, and follow Voight towards the door, he almost spoke up. Almost asked her to stay. But when the door closed behind her, he realized he had missed his opportunity. _Damn it._

He walked back into the living room and put Grace down. "How does macaroni and cheese sound four lunch?"

"I LOVE macaroni and cheese!" Jay was delighted when he heard Grace answer enthusiastically. She seemed more and more comfortable every minute.

"Me too!" Maddie agreed, but then, he already knew that.

"Okay girls," he said, as he walked towards the kitchen. "Keep playing, I'll start on lunch."

As he walked towards the kitchen to put the pot on to boil, he heard a knock on the door. _She came back!_ He couldn't help the smile that came over his face as he walked towards the door.

The smile died on his lips when he opened it and saw who stood on the other side, "Sarge? Did you forget something?"

"I did, yeah." He said, forcing his way inside. "Erin has been through a lot recently, and the last thing she needs is-"

"Sarge, nothing's going on with-"

"Yeah, nothing's going on now." He said, cutting Jay off, his voice full of irritation. "But from where I was standing, it's only a matter of time. And I'm here to tell you, I don't like the idea of it." His voice was low and gruff, his stance commanding. "At all."

Jay was about to respond when Voight continued.

"But Erin has always done what she wanted." If Jay wasn't mistaken, he thought he could sense a little wistfulness in Voight's voice. "But you should know. You hurt her, I hurt you." _And it's gone._ "That's all I came here to say."

Jay stood unmoving, stunned in place, as the door closed, once again.

00000000000

"Seriously, Hank?" Erin saw right through his flimsy excuse to run back inside. "You didn't even bring a jacket, did you?"

"No," he winked at her, sliding into the drivers seat with a practiced ease. "I needed a quick word with Halstead."

"Mhmm," she rolled her eyes, once again. She couldn't say she was particularly surprised. This is why she never brought boys home in high school. _Or ever._ "You were trying to scare him off, weren't you?"

She had been smiling when she said the words, and had even meant it with a hint of jest, but her expression changed when she saw his face. "Listen Erin," he began. "I'm just looking out for you. You've been through a lot recently."

She knew he was talking about Olivia and Ben, and she appreciated his concern. _Kind of._ "The overprotective father thing was fine when I was a teenager, but I don't need you looking out for me anymore." Her toned was serious, matching his.

"I'm looking out for Halstead, too."

She raised her eyebrows, indicating that she didn't believe that for a second.

"Erin, I've seen what happens to the guys you date. You've left a string of broken hearts behind you since you were 15. Halstead has a four year old daughter. He's not the type of guy you date casually."

 _And there it is._

She couldn't think of a sufficient response. Because he wasn't wrong. It was just that she couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't _just_ want casual with Jay. But she didn't want to get into _that_ with Hank, so instead she just nodded in response and the two continued their drive in a companionable silence.

00000000000

Jay spent the afternoon trying to push thoughts of Erin from his mind. He had been mostly successful, distracting himself by doing puzzles and playing hide and seek with the girls. But after dinner and their baths, he had tucked them into bed, and thoughts of Erin returned full force.

And along with them, thoughts of Voight. What the _hell_ was he going to do? Voight was his _boss_. Erin was the _boss's daughter._ And Jay had no doubt that Voight's threat was _not_ an empty one.

Thankfully, his phone rang, giving him a respite from his thoughts. "Hello?" He answered, not recognizing the number.

"Hi Detective Halstead, this is Maddie's teacher Annie."

"Oh, hi Annie! Thanks for getting back to me so quickly." He had forgotten to save her number in his phone. "I was calling to see if I could enroll a new student."

"Erin already called me earlier today. Grace is welcome to join Maddie in class tomorrow."

"Thanks, Annie, but uh..." He wasn't sure if he should ask Annie. He needed to speak to Erin first. He needed to speak to Maddie, too. "Is there a spot for her to stay in the class longer?" That didn't give up too much information.

"As long as she needs."

Okay. He was satisfied with that answer. "Thanks, Annie. We'll all see you tomorrow."

000000000000

Erin and Jay woke up to their alarms sounding at 6 am. They both took showers; Erin's was long and luxurious, Jay's was short enough that the steam barely covered the mirrors. Erin got dressed and spent the morning drinking coffee and eating breakfast with Hank. Jay got dressed and spent the morning force feeding Grace and Maddie apple cinnamon oatmeal with slices of fruit.

They both spent the morning in their normal routines, going through the motions, and thinking of each other.

When Jay got to work, he began helping with the paperwork from the case. It took several hours, but when they were finally done, he turned to his partner and asked, "Antonio, can we take a ride?"

They rolled up to DCFS twenty short minutes later. When Jay stepped out of the car he heard Antonio say, "I'll stay here, keep your phone on." Jay just nodded and walked towards the building.

He flashed his badge, bypassing the metal detectors that graced the front of most government buildings in Chicago. "Can you point me towards the Department of Child and Family Services?" He asked the receptionist.

"Take the elevators up to the third floor. It'll be on your left."

He followed her instructions and when he reached the third floor, he approached a second reception desk. "Hi, I'm looking for Erin Lindsay."

"What is this about detective?" The receptionist didn't look a day over twenty-one and eyed him nervously.

He sensed her apprehension, and immediately answered. "Oh no, I'm not here as a detective. I'm here as a prospective foster parent." _Foster parent._ It was the first time he had said the word aloud, and he expected the word to feel strange on his tongue. It didn't.

"Oh, well Ms. Lindsay is currently out to lunch. You're welcome to wait here, she should be back in a few minutes."

As if on cue, Erin walked through the glass door. "Jay," she stopped for a moment to take him in, "This is a surprise."

She crinkled her eyebrows, a confused expression on her face. He had missed that face. He had dreamt about it all morning, but his dreams had nothing on the reality. Here, in the flesh, it was so damn adorable. "I'm full of those," he replied. She was wearing a high-necked dark navy dress that highlighted her very thin waist.

A skirt and a blouse. Jeans and a t-shirt. Spandex pants and a half-zip. And now a dress. He couldn't decide which outfit he liked more. _Hell, she could wear a paper bag and she would still be sexy as hell._

"What are you doing here?" She must have noticed her staring at him, because now she was sporting an amused grin.

"I never got a chance to talk to you yesterday."

At his words her mind flashed to the near kiss in the kitchen and her cheeks reddened considerably. She saw the receptionist watching her out of the corner of her eye, and she motioned for Jay to follow her. "Let's go to my office."

When they reached Erin's office, Jay turned and examined the diplomas lining her walls. Both diplomas were displayed proudly on the wall behind her desk, each mounted and framed in matching mahogany frames. His eyes continued to roam her office, until they landed on a framed picture.

Erin couldn't have been older than nineteen or twenty in the picture. She was wearing a purple sweatshirt with white lettering on the front, spelling out Northwestern. She wore black leggings and boots to match, and her face had two black paint stripes swiped across her cheek. On one side, her arm was slung around a young man, he looked only a few years younger than Erin did in the picture. He was sporting similar stripes across his cheeks, but his sweatshirt was grey with purple lettering. The two teenagers were sandwiched between two smiling adults.

The adult on the left, with his arm casually draped over Erin's shoulder, was none other than Hank Voight.

He continued to examine the picture. Looking for what, he wasn't sure.

"So," Erin said, interrupting his thoughts and refocusing his attention on the matter at hand. "What did you want to talk about?"

 _You._ "Grace."

"Is she okay?" Her voice shifted immediately at the sound of her name, worry evident in her voice.

"Everything is fine," he said, his voice smooth and comforting. "I wanted to talk to you about fostering Grace on a more permanent basis." He had thought a lot about this, and he knew there were would be hoops to jump through. He didn't care. "I know I am a single parent, and that it will likely be more difficult for me to get custody. But I want to try, and I'd like your help."

Erin hadn't been expecting that, but she was instantly overcome with joy. The kind of pure joy that she only felt when she _knew_ she found a child a perfect home. God, she loved her job.

"That's wonderful," Her smile was so broad, it was beginning to hurt her face. "I would be happy to help you." He wasn't wrong, it would be difficult to get custody. But she couldn't imagine a better home for Grace, and she would tell that to anyone who asked. "I'll get the paperwork started right away, and I'll call you later today to let you know what I need on your end."

Wait. He was going to get to keep Grace _and_ Erin was going to call him later today. _I'm not sure this day could get any better,_ he thought. "Thanks, Erin." He choked out, his voice full of emotion.

He stood up from the chair and turned to leave, hoping she hadn't heard the emotion in his words. He turned around when he heard her voice call after him.

"So you're not planning on asking me out then?" She smirked at him, her dimples still clear in her cheeks.

He raised his eyebrows, taken aback by her directness. "I'm not sure Daddy would approve," he grinned at her and pointed to the photograph of Hank on her desk. "And by I'm not sure, I mean he definitely would not." He chuckled, even though he was actually dead serious. "After he walked into the kitchen yesterday, I'm shocked I'm not at the bottom of the lake."

She just laughed a deep throaty laugh, and walked towards him, raising her eyebrows slightly. "So is that a no?"

Her words came out low and husky, and by the time she finished her sentence her face was inches from his. "I didn't say that," he said, his voice low and seductive. He held her eyes for a moment, allowing the tension to build between them before he bent down and gently pressed a kiss against her lips.

His hands found her waist and after a moment he deepened the kiss, running his tongue over the inside of her lips and cheeks to savor every last trace of her flavor.

The minute their kiss broke apart, he was tempted to start another one immediately. To press her body against the wall and rest his hands against her warm breasts. Somehow, he managed to stop himself, knowing that this wasn't the time or place. As passionate and heated and wonderful as he knew it would be, he would just have to wait.

Instead he slowly pushed her hair behind her ear and allowed his fingers to linger on the side of her face. Her hazel eyes held his blue ones, and it was several moments before he found himself able to speak. Even then, the words came out breathy and disjointed. "What are you doing on Friday night?"

 _Apparently it was possible for my day to get better,_ he thought, as Erin nodded her head in response.

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	9. Chapter 9

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**Thanks so much everyone for all the wonderful reviews :) It makes me so so happy to read each and every one!**

 **Chapter 9,**

Now that Jay was trying to formally become Grace's foster parent, Erin had to resume the normal protocol. She wanted to make sure everything was by the book, it was the only way to give Jay his best chance. She submitted his background check, sent him instructions to file his tax returns, and then sent Hank an email requesting a formal letter verifying Jay's status in the department and reports on his yearly income. The busy work was always a headache, but it was always completely worth it.

She hadn't seen Jay since the kiss in her office, but with his name on every file at work and his face gracing all of her dreams at home, he was never far from her mind.

She knew from living with Hank that the Intelligence Unit had caught a big case Tuesday morning, and so Wednesday afternoon when she went for her third home visit, she met Jay's babysitter Samantha. She learned that Samantha was originally from Maryland, but was currently a junior at University of Chicago. When she was a freshman, she had witnessed a murder on campus, and Jay had been one of the detectives that interviewed her. She had been Maddie's babysitter ever since.

She had stacked all of her classes in the middle of the day while Maddie was at school, in order to be available in the early morning or into the evening. It suited Jay's unpredictable work schedule, and in return he covered the total cost of rent for her apartment on campus.

Grace seemed to get along well with Samantha, and Maddie's ringing endorsement left her feeling comfortable with the arrangement. Erin hadn't been expecting to see Jay, and she had needed to interview the babysitter, but she was nonetheless disappointed, and was happy to hear that the case was solved later that evening.

She found Jay's cell phone number on one of the forms she had asked him to fill out and called him first thing Thursday morning from her office, "Detective Halstead speaking." It was in that moment that she realized she had never given him her number. _No wonder he hasn't called._

"Hi Jay, it's Erin." She stopped for a moment before adding, "Lindsay." Just for clarification purposes.

He didn't need it. The minute he had heard her raspy voice say his name, he knew exactly who was on the other line. He had missed that raspy voice. "Hey, stranger." He tried to keep his voice calm, and leave the excitement out of it. He was smiling like an idiot, and since she wasn't there to see it, he didn't even try to stifle it. He had just been sitting at his desk at work, completing paperwork from the case that had ended late into the night last night, and thinking of her.

"Hey." She couldn't help the way her heart fluttered at the sound of his voice. "So, I know I outlined a lot of the protocol with you the first night that I came to your apartment." That night seemed like _weeks_ ago, not merely a few days. It seemed impossible that she hadn't even known Jay a week yet. "But now that you want to formally foster Grace, I have a few more things I need to discuss with you."

"Want to discuss it tonight, after dinner with the girls?" He really wanted to know if Erin would be coming by tonight. He had been more than a little disappointed when he learned from Maddie and Grace that he had missed her last home visit.

She smiled at his invitation, "I would love that, but that's actually why I'm calling." She had to keep reminding herself that she needed to follow her usual protocol with Grace. She may be going out on a date with Jay tomorrow night, but tonight was going to be about business. She had to keep it professional. "When I place a foster child in a new home, I like to take them out to dinner about once a week in the beginning. Just to check in and see how everything is going." Sometimes it was breakfast or lunch, sometimes it was even in a group, but she liked to get the kids out of the foster homes at least once a week for the first month to make sure everything was going well. You would be surprised what kids would tell you over ice cream. "I was going to see if I could take Grace tonight."

Jay wasn't sure if he was more disappointed that he wasn't going to get to eat with Erin or that he wasn't going to get to eat with Grace. He was falling in love with that little girl, and feeding her had recently become one of his favorite things to do. "Sure," he said, again trying to hide the emotion in his voice. "Actually," he perked up for a moment when he had a thought, "It'll give me a chance to talk to Maddie about Grace staying with us."

"Perfect," she loved that even when the conversation started as flirtatious, Jay flipped an invisible switch when he began talking about the girls. The man so clearly cared about his daughter and Grace, and it was a beautiful thing to witness. "Can I pick her up around 6?"

"Sounds good." He scribbled the time down on a blue sticky note on his desk. _As if you would ever forget it,_ he thought smiling. "And Erin."

"Yeah?"

"I can't wait to see you."

0000000000000

She was a sight for sore eyes. Clearly coming straight from work, she was wearing straight black paints and a floral top that dipped low enough to reveal just a hint of cleavage. Her hair was in a messy braid, and her makeup was smudged from a long days wear. _I wouldn't mind being the reason her makeup was smudged._

 _Jesus,_ Jay thought, scolding himself. _Can you ever have a normal thought around this woman._

He knew the answer was no when she smiled at him and he saw the dimples grace her cheeks. "Hey," he said, as he motioned for her to come inside.

"Hi," _Wow,_ she thought when he turned around. She could be here for professional reasons and still appreciate the way his ass looked in those jeans.

She stepped inside and had expected to follow Jay down the hallway to the living room, where the girls were likely playing a game, when Jay stopped short. She almost bumped into him when he turned around, and she lost her breath when she saw the look on his face.

The next thing she knew, her back was pressed up against the wall and his lips were hovering over hers. Their lips were centimeters apart, but he held them off, almost as if he was asking for her permission.

She took the opportunity to lean in and take his mouth with hers. She had been reliving the kiss in her office over and over for the past three days, but this one... it was even better. The heat of their mouths contrasted sharply from the chill and shiver that ran through her body. When he bit her bottom lip to gain entry to her mouth, she moaned against him.

There were so many sensations, and she wanted to devour them all. His lips were soft and seductive while his body hard underneath her, and she finally allowed her fingers to roam the taut muscles of his arms and shoulders.

He stepped back only when his lungs were crying for oxygen, and he rested his forehead against hers. His arms were still holding her tightly at the waist, and their eyes stayed glued to each other as they panted in unison.

They stepped apart from each other only when they heard footsteps approaching.

Grace appeared in the doorway a few seconds later. "Is it time to go?" She already had her shoes on, and she was walking towards the hook on the wall where her coat hung. She stood on her tip toes, but couldn't reach it.

"Mhmm bug, it's time to go." He reluctantly released Erin's waist and walked to retrieve Grace's coat.

Erin smiled at the new nickname Jay had given her, and it widened when she saw him bend down and help her into her jacket. He kissed the top of her head softly and then whispered something in her ear that Erin couldn't hear.

"Ready?" She asked.

Grace nodded, then turned to Jay and sent him a nervous glance. The first one Erin had seen from her in quite some time. "You'll be here when I get back, right?"

Her words reminded both of them that even with how far Grace had come, she had a long way to go.

"I will!" Jay said, trying to sound cheerful when really he was saddened by the fear and doubt in her words. What could he do to convince this beautiful little girl that he wasn't going anywhere? "Maddie and I will be waiting here for you."

"And you're not going to have ice cream without me, right?" Her smile returned, and Erin assumed this must have been what they were whispering about.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

0000000000000000

Jay went to bed that night in the _best_ mood. And how could he not? The conversation with Maddie had gone better than he could have possibly imagined. Grace came home from dinner in a great mood. And let's not forget the smoldering kiss in the hallway. It had been a fantastic day.

Maddie had been thrilled at the prospect of Grace living with them. And when she enthusiastically asked Jay 'Does this mean Grace is going to be my _sister_?' his heart melted into a pool of liquid. Her excited mood did not abate through dinner, and Maddie had been bursting at the seams by the time Grace got home. Maddie had hugged her fiercely before Grace could even get through the door, but she had kept her promise. Maddie didn't reveal a word to her.

Jay wanted to get the official green light before he told Grace. She had been through enough, and he couldn't lead her to believe she was going to live here forever for DCFS to then decide to take her away. He had tried to explain this to Maddie, but she didn't fully understand it. Hell, he didn't understand it himself. Why wouldn't they let Grace stay? They wouldn't find her a better home. Nonetheless, they both agreed to keep it a secret for the time being.

Because he had felt like celebrating, he made three bowls of ice cream and let the girls watch Frozen. It was the second time in one week, and both girls were in heaven. After about an hour, though, they were both sound asleep on either side of him, and he carried them into his room.

Then, in a weak moment, he texted Erin.

Jay: Grace had a great time tonight. Thank you.

He knew it was lame, but he couldn't exactly type what he really wanted to say, which was _That kiss was unbelievable. I felt it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, it was the most amazing kiss I've ever had. I'll be thinking about it and you until I see you tomorrow night._ And he just wanted to talk to her. To say something. _Anything._ And so, that lame text would have to do.

A few moments later, his phone began to buzz. He had been expecting to look down and see a text message, but instead he saw that Erin was calling him.

"Hi," he said, whispering into the phone. The girls were sleeping, but it was just a habit.

"Did I wake you?"

"No," he said, speaking more clearly into the phone. "I'm in my room with the door closed, I'm not sure why I'm whispering."

He chuckled into the phone, but all Erin heard was _in my room._ Her mind immediately pictured him in his pajamas, _in his bed._ She didn't even know what his bed looked like, but she could imagine it, and the image of it suited her just fine. "I just wanted to say," she was having trouble remembering what it was she was calling to talk about. Oh, yeah. Grace. "Grace talked about you and Maddie the entire time at dinner."

"Good things, I hope." He was smiling. He knew they were all good things.

"Jay," her voice came out all breathy. God, he loved how she said his name. "You have no idea." He was confused by her words, until she continued. "What you're doing for that girl. You have no idea."

He was surprised by her words, and he found himself getting choked up as he thought of Grace and as he heard the raw emotion in Erin's voice. "It's nothing."

"No, Jay." Her voice was serious, "It's everything. She is going to have a chance at a pretty amazing life because of you."

He wished they were having this conversation in person. Especially when he let the next words slip out of his mouth, "Is that was Voight did for you?" He knew he should've waited for their date to ask the question. It wasn't something that should be discussed over the phone. But then again, he wasn't sure he would get this chance again. And there was something about being on the phone, in the comfort and darkness of your own room, that allowed you to say things you may not be able to in the light.

He almost missed it when she whispered, "Yeah," into the other end of the phone.

The way her voice constricted and the way she whispered the word, he knew it wasn't the time for a follow up question. So instead he just said, "I hope one day you feel ready to tell me about it," placing the ball firmly in her court.

How had he known that that was the exact right thing to say. With tears in her eyes, she decided to end the conversation. To allow it to freeze in time, to stand in it's perfection, and to not ruin it with anymore more words. "Goodnight, Jay."

"Goodnight, Erin."

She let the tears fall when he hung up, even though she couldn't be sure where they were coming from. Was it gratefulness? Nostalgia?

Or was it longing?

000000000000000

Erin spent the first half of the next day trying to decide what to wear for her date. She had the majority of her _work_ clothes at Hank's, but her _date_ clothes were mostly in her apartment. So, during her lunch hour she decided to drop by her place and pick up some more of her things. Olivia would be at work, and it would be the perfect opportunity.

She knew, of course, that at some point she was going to have to return Olivia's calls and they were going to have this all out. She was stillon the lease, and the rent would continue to be taken from her bank account automatically until she stopped the payments.

But all of that was for another day. Not today. Today was her date with Jay.

She walked into her apartment and was momentarily shocked to see Ben sitting on the couch in his boxers. He stood immediately when he saw her, and grabbed for a t-shirt to cover up.

 _Nothing I haven't seen before,_ she thought, as she walked right past him and into her bedroom. She heard him call out to her, but she just ignored him. She had better, more important things to think about. Like what to wear on her date.

When she was finished packing up a _large_ suitcase full of clothing and jewelry prospects, she walked back out into the living room. Ben, who was now fully clothed in jeans and a t-shirt, was standing up and seemed to be waiting for her.

"Erin, I am so sorry. The thing with Olivia-"

"Save it, Ben." She wasn't even mad at him for sleeping with Olivia. She was just irritated at him for putting a damper on this fantastic day.

She left without another word.

Two hours later, her thoughts still on her outfit choices, she received a text message from Jay.

Jay: I forgot to ask. Where should I pick you up tonight?

 _Shit._ Where _should_ he pick her up tonight?

Not at her apartment. But _definitely_ not at Hank's.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He could pick her up at work, but then she wouldn't get to change. She could go back to Hank's to change, and then come back to work. But then he would probably realize when she wasn't in her normal professional attire. _Shit._

She was freaking out.

On a whim, she decided to call him. He picked up on the second ring. "You really don't like texting, do you?"

His voice calmed her down immediately, "Not particularly," she answered wryly. He just laughed, and she couldn't help laughing, too. "Actually, I'm calling because I wanted to discuss our date tonight."

"Your not canceling on me, are you?" He kept his voice light, teasing even. But inside, his heart was sinking into his stomach. He had been looking forward to seeing Erin all day. He had been legitimately counting down the hours until he could leave work and see her gorgeous face. She _couldn't_ be canceling.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," she returned his teasing tone. "I just wanted to offer to meet at your place tonight."

He wasn't even going to dignify _that_ with a response. "Just text me your address. I'll see you at 7." Then before she could argue, he ended the call.

 _Suit yourself,_ she thought.

00000000000000

Erin spent the rest of the day hoping Hank wouldn't get home in time to see her leave with Jay. But, of course, because she was _so_ damn unlucky, he got home at 6:30. He _never_ got home at 6:30.

She had spent the last hour getting dressed and had finally decided on one of her favorite dresses. It was an oldie, but a goodie. It was a deep green and it was hugged her curves all the way down, until the dress stopped above her knee. She always felt confident in this dress, and she knew she was going to need it tonight. She matched it with her new nude suede heels, and simple jewelry. Her hair was done in a loose and natural curl.

She was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when Hank knocked on the bathroom door to let her know he was home. She put on another layer of mascara, double checked herself in the mirror, and then opened the door to greet him.

"Erin," he smiled. "You look beautiful."

It was rare that he complemented her, and she raised her eyebrow at him questioningly.

"What?"

"Oh nothing. I'm just waiting for a follow up comment on who I'm going out with tonight."

She had brought it up to get this awkward part out of the way, and she geared herself up for one of his long tirades. The ones she _always_ got as a teenager. The whole _boys are only after one thing_ speech. She was stunned when he rested his hand on her shoulder lightly and said, "If you're happy, I'm happy, kid." Then he kissed her lightly on the forehead and turned to go down the stairs.

000000000000

Hank sat in the kitchen waiting for Halstead to arrive. He had drank a lot of water earlier, and he really needed to use the bathroom. But he wasn't sure what time they had called their date for, and _no way_ was he going to miss this.

He loved Erin. And he had meant every word of their conversation upstairs.

But not a chance in hell was he going to miss an opportunity to mess with one of his detectives.

He heard the door at 7:00 sharp, and he rushed to answer it before Erin had time to descend the stairs.

"Halstead," he said, keeping his voice low and purposefully threatening. Jay just stood there, looking shocked and completely terrified. _I forgot how fun this is._

 _"_ Sarge," he nodded his head at his boss. He had been surprised originally when he pulled up to a house. For some reason, he just assumed Erin lived in an apartment. His surprise turned to complete terror when he saw Voight's car in the driveway. He had hoped he was wrong, that he had remembered the license plate incorrectly and perhaps Erin had a roommate. A roommate with a truck the same as his boss. It was a pipe dream, sure, but he had enjoyed living in it.

"Come in," Voight motioned for him to come in, but it took several moments for his feet to find the strength to move. He was walking into _Voight's house._ For the second time this week he found himself wondering what the _hell_ he was getting himself into.

But then Erin appeared, and he lost his breath. "Erin, you look..." He couldn't even finish his sentence. There were no words. "Wow."

Hank was satisfied by Halstead's reaction, and he knew Halstead would treat his girl right. But, still, he could never miss an opportunity. "Halstead," he barked. "Drive safe, and I expect you to have her home by midnight."

Jay, who had once again forgotten Voight was even in the room, turned when heard his boss's words. "Of course, sir."

Erin just rolled her eyes, and said, "Bye, Hank." And then as they turned to go, she made sure to add "Don't wait up," for good measure.

000000000000000

"So I take it that's why you wanted to meet at my place." They were walking to Jay's car, and he finally found his voice to speak. "Does he do that will all of your dates?"

"Please," she laughed, "You got off easy."

He raised his eyebrows at her, like she must be out of her mind. "I'll take your word for it."

When they reached the car, he opened the door for her but stopped her before she could slide in. He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers, and then whispered, "You look beautiful, by the way."

"You look pretty handsome yourself," she smirked at him and then slid into the seat. As he walked around the car, she almost laughed at her own words. _Handsome._ That was the understatement of the century. Jay Halstead in a suit. _Holy. Shit._ She hadn't thought it was possible for him to look sexier than he did in his long sleeve henley and jeans. But she had been _very_ wrong.

In the car he reached for her hand, and she felt the spark immediately as their fingers intertwined. He broke contact only when they got out of the car, and he found her hand again when they walked down the street to the restaurant.

Easy conversation flowed between them the entire time. They talked about their work, discovered several mutual friends, Jay told her stories about Maddie when she was a baby. They bantered and flirted and laughed and smiled.

All the while, Jay had wanted to ask Erin about her childhood and her history with Hank, but he kept losing his nerve.

They were halfway through dinner when Jay's phone rang. "I'm sorry, it's Samantha. I have to take this."

She motioned her hand, as if to say no big deal, and took another small sip of her white wine.

"Hey, Sam. What's up?"

He sighed, and Erin knew this was about to be the end of their date. "I know you can." A pause, presumably Samantha was speaking on the other end of the call. "No. I want to." Another pause, "Yeah. I'll be right there."

"What's wrong?" Erin asked, her voice full of real concern.

"Grace is throwing up." He motioned for the waiter to bring the check over as he spoke. "Sam's perfectly capable of handling it, but-"

"It's Grace's first time being sick with you."

He marveled at how well she understood him. "Yeah."

She reached for his hand, squeezed in gently in a comforting gesture, and then interlocked her fingers with his. "Let's go."

 **xoxo**

 **TO BE CONTINUED... Date night part 2 tomorrow :)**

 **Please Review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Hi all! This chapter is date night PART 2 :) The website didn't show that I updated for the last chapter, so I just want to make sure you don't skip ahead!**

 **Happy reading! And thanks for all of the reviews :)**

Chapter 10,

Before Jay put the keys in the ignition, he began typing in Erin's address into his Google Maps application. Well, Voight's address, but that was beside the point.

Either way, he was extremely disappointed to be typing in the address so soon. He really didn't want this night to end.

"What are you doing?" Erin asked him, as he pressed the _Start_ button on his iPhone and the directions came to life.

"Taking you home?" He turned the key, and the car roared to life.

"My house is _way_ out of the way." She said, emphasizing the word, and hoping he wouldn't realized that it wasn't exactly true. "Take me to your place. I'll have Hank pick me up later."

 _Later._ Without another word, he exited out of the application and smiled. She didn't want the night to end either.

000000000000

As soon as he turned the key into the lock and opened the front door to his apartment, Maddie ran towards him. "Daddy, Gracie doesn't feel good." Her face was sad and her eyes full of genuine worry.

"I know, baby." He lifted Maddie into his arms and gave her a comforting squeeze, then placed her back on the ground. "Where is she?"

"In the bathroom with Sam." The two Halsteads walked into the apartment, and Erin stayed behind to hang her jacket on the hook.

From down the hall, she heard him say, "Can you stay here with Erin, Mads?"

Maddie hadn't noticed Erin at first, and her face brightened when she heard her name. "Erin!"

"Hi, Maddie!" Erin slid off her heels and moved further into the apartment.

"You look pretty." Maddie said, shyly. "Did you have fun at dinner with Daddy?"

Erin sat down on the couch and laughed, "I did. Did you have fun at home with Grace and Sam?"

"Yes! We made chocolate chip cookies with peanut butter and then we played Hungry, Hungry Hippos AND Pretty, Pretty Princess." She pointed towards the games, still scattered on the living room floor.

"Wow! That sounds like a really fun night." Erin smiled. One of her favorite things about Jay as a father was his "No TV" rule, unless it was a special occasion. Instead of Maddie and Grace just sitting together in front of a screen, they were really spending time together, getting to know each other, and bonding.

"It was!" Maddie's face turned somber. "But then Grace said she didn't feel good, and she threw up!" Maddie walked over and deposited herself next to Erin on the couch.

Erin wrapped her arm around Maddie and Maddie leaned into Erin's body. "Well, your Daddy's here now." She said quietly into Maddie's ear. "So everything is going to be just fine."

She looked at her watch and realized that it was nearing 9 pm. "Are you tired, Maddie?"

As if on cue, Maddie yawned loudly. "Yes," she sighed. "I'm wiped."

Erin wanted to laugh at her use of the grown up term, but instead she said, "Would it be okay if I put you to sleep tonight?"

Maddie nodded, and threw her arms around Erin's neck. Erin took that as a cue to lift Maddie and carry her to bed.

It was the first time Erin had been this far into the apartment, and she marveled at how well decorated it was. Jay may have been a single father, but he made sure his daughter wasn't growing up in a bachelor pad.

Maddie's room was painted a light pink, and there were two twin beds on each wall. Both beds had matching pink and white comforters, but over one bed there was huge wooden letters spelling out Maddie. The letters were white, and they perfectly matched the rest of the furniture in the room. Erin walked towards that bed and laid Maddie down.

"You have to read to me." Maddie said, shyly.

Erin loved learning about Maddie's bedtime routine, and even more than that, she loved that she got to be a part of it. "Of course I'm going to read to you."

Erin sat on the bed with Maddie and read to her, and by the time she was in the middle of the second book, Maddie was snoring softly beside her. She tucked Maddie in, and before she could stop herself, leaned down and kissed a sleeping Maddie on the forehead. She closed her eyes and inhaled the little girl's scent, and once again tears formed in her eyes. This time she didn't wonder if the tears were from gratefulness or nostalgia. Because this time she knew with certainty where they were from. She felt a deep longing to be part of this wonderful family. For this to be her normal bedtime routine, too.

She turned on the bedside lamp, and turned off the overhead lights. She quietly closed the door and walked out to stand in the hallway.

She knew she should go back to the living room. Being back here was like invading Jay's personal space. She hadn't been _invited_ back here.

But she just couldn't make herself leave and instead she stood in the hallway, peering at one picture after another.

At one point, Jay stepped out of one of the doors, a sleeping Grace in his arms. He motioned his head to indicate he was going to put Grace to sleep, and that he would be right back.

A moment later, Jay stood next to her in the hallway. Erin was still staring at one of the pictures on the wall. It was of a young blond woman in a hospital gown, holding a sleeping newborn baby in her arms. "She's beautiful." Erin whispered. "Maddie looks just like her."

"She was." Jay sighed, his voice full of sadness. "I wish you could have met her." He turned to Erin, wrapping his arms around her waist. "You would have liked her, I think."

Gone was any hint of jealousy Erin had been feeling, and a new sensation came over her. Was it love? Was it happiness? Or was she just in awe that this amazing man wanted to include her in his life. That he spoke so openly with her. That when she looked into his eyes, it was like a window into his soul. "I think I would have liked her, too."

She wanted to kiss him in that moment, but something stopped her. The rawness in his voice, in his eyes. Here in the darkness of the hallway, she suddenly felt the need to tell him everything about her life. And she had _never_ wanted to do that with anyone, let alone felt like she _needed_ to.

She needed to get it all out now, before she lost her nerve.

"Can I interest you in a glass of wine?" Jay asked.

She nodded, "Wine sounds perfect."

He released her waist and began walking towards the kitchen.

At the broken contact and at the vastness and light of the kitchen, she lost her nerve. Instead, she asked about Grace as he poured two glasses of wine. "Where's Sam?" She asked, suddenly realizing she hadn't seen the young girl leave.

"I sent her home like fifteen minutes ago." She must have been reading to Maddie and hadn't noticed.

He handed her a glass of red wine, and took her hand, moving them both towards the couch. When they were both sitting comfortably, he took a small sip of his wine and then looked at her. She looked so beautiful sitting there in the dim light of his living room. He liked seeing her like this, her legs tucked under her body in a relaxed position. He had been glad to take her out to dinner, but in truth, this is what he had really wanted. It felt more intimate, the two of them, just sitting here together. "Tell me something," he whispered.

She took a sip of her wine, allowing the alcohol to relax her. "Like what?" She smirked, trying to play it off and keep it light. Even though she knew exactly what he wanted to know.

"Something personal." He had told her about Allie. He had invited her to the zoo and to several meals with his daughter. Hell, she knew more about him than most people just from the forms he had had to fill out. And it wasn't that he wanted this to be a quid pro quo type situation, he just wanted to _know_ her. Like she was getting to know him.

"Okay." She said, her voice unsteady.

She had never really told anyone her story. Sure, she had told bits and pieces to dozens of foster children over the years. She had even told Olivia some of it. But she had never just sat and shared the most private parts of herself to someone who didn't _need_ to know it for one reason or another. She had never told someone because she _wanted_ to tell them.

Until now.

"I'll tell you why I became a social worker."

His heart dropped when he heard her say those words. He had already heard this. It was a week ago today that she had sat in this very room and told Grace and Maddie why she had become a social worker. He wanted her to _trust_ him. To tell him more than the practiced story she had told to countless people. He nodded nonetheless, signaling for her to continue. She didn't actually know that he had already heard this, and he wasn't about to tell her.

"My mom was a mess. The stuff she was into..." she shook her head in disgust. "It was bad. She would bring drugs into the house, men into the house. I never felt safe, I never felt like I had a real home or a real family."

Even though Jay had heard this before, it didn't break his heart any less the second time. He reached for her knee, squeezed it in a comforting gesture, and then let it rest there, basking in the warmth of her skin.

"When I was 14, my mom disappeared. She always left for days at a time, sometimes even a week or two, but this time she was gone a while. The electricity and heat got turned off in the apartment. It was December." An involuntarily chill came over her body and she shivered when she thought about the cold days she spent in that apartment. She had piled on every piece of clothing she owned but she could never get warm. "That's when I met Charlie."

Jay watched as Erin retold her story. She was looking down at his hand on her knee, and she seemed to be in a daze. Jay found himself holding his breath, as if the sound of his breathing might bring Erin back to reality and cause her to realize she was speaking out loud. He didn't want to stop sharing her story.

"Charlie was older. Much older. He got me hooked on drugs, the same bad shit my mom was into." She shook her head, disgusted with herself. "But he kept the heat on, food on the table, and so I was loyal to him."

Jay nodded. He couldn't imagine what that had been like for her, and his heart broke for the trapped and scared fourteen year old girl.

"I was selling drugs for Charlie the first time I met Voight." Jay heard the smile in her voice, the wistful tone. She finally looked up, met his gaze. "He intimidated the crap out of me when he brought me in," she said smiling, even as the tears filled her eyes. "I didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me squirm though." She had been terrified.

Jay laughed, "I'm sure you didn't." He wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"After the third or fourth time Voight picked me up, he gave me his card." She smiled, finding Jay's eyes. "I still have it, actually."

She seemed like she wanted to stop, like maybe the story was over. But it wasn't. He wanted to hear the rest. "How did you wind up living with Voight?"

He watched her take another sip of wine, followed by a deep breath.

She decided to tell him about that night. The night that had changed the trajectory of her life. "I've never told anyone this before," she whispered, by way of introduction.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He touched her cheek, "I didn't mean to push you."

She leaned her face into his hand, and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she whispered "I want to." She took a deep breath and continued. "When my mom came home from..." she motioned her arms and shook her head, "Wherever it was she had been, I moved back in with her and her new boyfriend. Things were okay for a while, but then one week she didn't come home."

A lone tear fell from her face, and Jay wiped it away. She allowed his touch to give her the strength to continue. To say the words she had never once spoken out loud. "Usually, I would just go to Charlie's if my mom wasn't around... but Charlie and I had gotten in a fight, and well, I couldn't go there." Erin paused, taking another sip of wine before continuing.

"My mom's boyfriend decided he had had enough of waiting for my mom." She visibly shuddered whenever she thought about that night.

Jay watched her eyes refill with tears, and she began to tremble. He hoped this story wasn't going where he thought it was going. "He didn't try to-"

"No, not that. He brought home some girl from a bar." She watched Jay's shoulders sag in relief.

 _Just wait,_ she thought.

"But my mom chose that night to come back home, and she found them in bed together. She..." Jay listened as voiced trailed off slightly, as if she lost her train of thought.

She hadn't. She just couldn't believe she was about to tell this story. "She lost her mind... she started screaming and crying and hitting her boyfriend. She took one the empty bottles from the nightstand and hit the girl over the head with it. She went completely nuts. So her boyfriend... he pulls a gun on her." Tears were falling freely at this point, but Erin pressed on. "I called Hank. It was the first time I used his card. I was hiding in my bedroom and I begged him to come." She whispered. "By the time he got there, my mom's boyfriend had us both tied up and he was holding a gun to my head." She would never forget that night. Sometimes when she closed her eyes, she could still feel the cold metal pressed against her temple. She had been so defenseless, so scared.

 _That_ he hadn't been expecting. "Oh my God, Erin." Jay said, and he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry that happened to you." He stroked her back, until he felt her relax in his arms.

She leaned back, determined to finish the story. "I stayed with Hank and his wife Camille that night. And I became Hank's CI after that. He saved my life." She wished that was the end of her story, "But I moved in with Charlie, because I was still hooked on heroine and I wasn't ready to give it up." She sighed, angry at herself for not accepting Hank's offer from the beginning. "Eventually, after Hank arrested me another time, I finally agreed to move in with him, Camille, and their son Justin. I detoxed, he got me into an all girls private school. I finally felt safe, and my life started to turn around."

The way he was staring at her, like she was the strongest person he had ever known, warmed her insides and filled her with a deep sense of pride. "Feeling safe sometimes makes all the difference in the world. And that's why I do what I do."

He let her words stand for a moment, and he continued to hold her gaze in the comfortable silence that followed. "Thank you for telling me," he whispered the words, wishing he could find better ones. Sufficient ones. She was so unbelievable, and he was completely stunned by her story.

No wonder she hadn't been easily forthcoming.

"I wanted to." She said, holding his eyes. "All night, actually." She smiled, "But I couldn't exactly tell you this over dinner at a restaurant." She motioned to her tear stained face, and laughed, a deep throaty laugh. "Now you have to tell me something."

"I fell in love with the sound of your laugh the first time I heard it."

Now, it was her turned to be stunned.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement :) I hope I can continue to deliver! Let me know what you think :) Also, I have an outline of where the story is going, but I am open to suggestions and I appreciate all of yours!

Happy reading! xoxo

 **Also - RATED M towards the end!**

 **Chapter 11,**

Erin called Jay first thing the following morning, hoping to catch him before work. Hank may have been semi-okay with the two them going out on a date, but she wasn't about to push it and call in the middle of a case. She had just heard Hank rush out of the house ten minutes ago, so she hoped she could catch Jay while he was still in the car.

Jay picked up after the second ring and the sound of his voice brought her back to the night before. To his words, and the deep, passionate kiss that followed. Her body began growing hot just thinking about it. God, she was _insatiable._

"Good morning." He said into the bluetooth speaker in his car. Samantha had just gotten to the house to watch over the two sleeping four year olds, and he would likely be the last one to the crime scene. He _hated_ working Saturdays. Why couldn't the criminals of Chicago respect his standing Saturday morning chocolate chip pancake and board game date with his daughter?

"Good morning."

"You know, I'm supposed to be the one calling you today." After their date last night, he couldn't wait to ask her out again. He had spent all last night wondering if tonight would be too soon, too desperate. But by this morning he had come to the conclusion that he didn't actually care how it sounded, because he _was_ , in fact, desperate. Desperate to see her, desperate to learn everything there was to know about her, desperate to kiss her over and over again... desperate to ravish her late into the night.

"You could have," she replied coyly, smiling in the receiver.

"Erin, it's 6:30 in the morning." He looked at the clock on his dash. He really was going to be late. "You didn't even give me a chance," He laughed, completely delighted to be having this conversation at all, regardless of who initiated. It was the perfect way to start his day.

"How about this?" Erin said, laughing with him. "You can call me later and we can talk about whatever it is _you_ wanted to talk about. And for now, I'll just tell you my quick thing and let you get to work."

Before he remembered the answer, he asked the question, "How did you know I was on my way to work?"

"Are you forgetting who I'm currently staying with?" She loved that he had changed the subject, prolonging the amount of time they would spend on the phone. She didn't care what they were talking about. She just loved hearing his voice, especially while she was lying alone in her bed.

"Ah, yes. The _boss_." He said the words in a mock foreboding tone and followed it with a light chuckle, even though he wasn't exactly sure he was really joking.

 _Wait._ Had she said _currently staying?_ Does that mean she didn't live there?

Before he got a chance to ask, she interrupted. "Anyway," she dragged out the word, giving him time to refocus on what she was saying. "I am calling to tell you that as of Monday, I am going to pass Grace's case off to a different case worker."

She _hated_ that she had to do this. She hated it for so many reasons, not the least of which being that is was the first case she had been given by Hank. She was _such_ a disappointment.

Every time she thought about Hank, though, she reminded herself of why she was doing this. Grace _needed_ to stay with Jay and Maddie. It would completely change her life; it would give her a loving home, a real family, not to mention it would give her every opportunity to _be_ someone years down the line. Being bounced around foster care was so detrimental to a child, but being adopted at 4 years old? It was the best case scenario.

And there was no way that Jay would get a fair chance if anyone found out she was romantically involved with him.

"What?" Jay's voice broke through her thoughts, and it sounded strained and distant. "Why?"

"It's a conflict of interest, Jay," she replied, keeping her voice soft.

"Oh," He didn't know what else to say. He felt so conflicted at her words. One the one hand, he was _thrilled_ that Erin saw this as a conflict of interest, that she seemed to be as invested in their relationship as he was. If she thought of this as casual, she wouldn't pass of the case. But on the other hand, he thought of Grace. She was going to be his _daughter._ And Erin being the social worker in this case was definitely the best thing for his daughter.

"Jay," she sensed his wariness, and tried to assuage his fears. "I am going to hand it off to Rachel Stone, she is my closest friend at DCFS and I have the utmost confidence in her." She had no reservations about handing Grace's case off to Rachel. Rachel had been in the department three years longer than she had, and she had even mentored Erin in the beginning. "And even though I am not technically handling her case, I still plan to keep my relationship with Grace. The visits, dinners, I'm not going to stop any of those. I just can't be the name on top of her case file anymore."

"Okay," Jay sighed. "Okay, that makes sense." It would take him some time to wrap his head around the idea, but Erin's words allowed him to let go of his reservations. "Can you and Rachel come for dinner Monday? Grace trusts you, and I think it's important to create a smooth transition."

God, she loved when Jay went full on daddy mode. It was so damn sexy. "Absolutely."

"Okay, good." He breathed a sigh of relief. "Then, I'll see you Monday."

"Bye, Jay." She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. _Monday._ That was _days_ away.

"Bye, Erin."

Erin was smiling like an idiot, still wrapped in her blanket. She wished she was wrapped in _him._

 _Jesus. Christ. Get. A. Grip._

She sighed and looked at her clock, it was 6:35. She nestled into her blanket, and closed her eyes.

Her phone rang again at 6:36, interrupting her thoughts of Jay. She answered it straight away, before even looking down to see who was calling. "Hello?"

"Hi," His low voice came over the phone again. She was pretty sure she would never tire of hearing Jay's voice on the phone.

"Hi?" She hadn't meant to make the word a question, but it had just slipped past her.

"I had a really great time last night." He had just said he was going to call her later. This counted as later, right?

She couldn't help but laugh. "Me too."

"I had a whole plan to ask you out tonight, but now I'm not sure what time I'll get off work."

"You could've waited to call until you had an idea," she said sarcastically, laughing into the receiver.

"I wanted to hear your voice."

His words, slow and earnest, stopped the laughter dead in it's tracks. She steadied her voice, hoping her emotions didn't betray her, "I'm glad you called then."

"Me too."

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The case wound up being a quick one. The murder weapon had been found two blocks from the scene, the DNA still fresh on it. It had taken only two hours to track the killer down, and he confessed after five minutes alone with Voight in the cage.

By 5:00 pm, they were all writing up their statements and filling out paperwork pertaining to the case. Jay was rushing to finish everything as quickly as possible, trying to get home to his girls.

He was only a quarter of the way through when Hank walked over to desk. "Go home," he said gruffly. "You can finish this on Monday."

Jay looked around, the rest of the team was still working through their statements. "Are you sure, Sarge?"

He just nodded, "Go see your kid."

He texted Erin on his way out of the district.

Jay: Just wrapped up at the district. I wish I could take you out tonight, but I haven't seen Maddie or Grace all day.

Before she had a chance to respond, he decided to send another one.

Jay: Join us for dinner?

He sat in the drivers seat of his car in the district parking lot and stared at his phone, holding his breath and waiting for a response. He broke into a smile when it finally came.

Erin: What time?

0000000000000000000

Jay took a detour on his way home to pick up take-out for dinner. He got spaghetti and meatballs for Grace and Maddie, and got an assortment of food for Erin when he realized he didn't know what she liked. He was going to have to change that.

Erin was getting out of her car when he pulled in to the parking lot. He rushed to park and step out of the car before she entered the building. "Erin!" He yelled her name, maybe a little too urgently.

She turned and spotted him, and began walking towards his car while he grabbed the bags of food from their place on the passenger seat. "Hey," she said, smiling up at him.

He bent down to kiss her lightly. "Hi."

She took one of the bags from his hand, and together they began walking to his building.

Once again, when he turned the lock to his apartment door, he heard the pitter patter of little feet running towards the door. It was quite possibly his favorite thing about being a dad. The way his daughter greeted him at the door every time he came home, almost as if she had spent the day thinking about him just as much as he had been thinking about her. "Hi, baby." He said, wrapping his free arm around her.

He smiled when he noticed that Grace was there, too, standing in the hallway to greet him. He kissed Maddie on the top of her head, and moved to Grace. "Hi, bug. How was your day? Did you have fun with Sam?" He kissed her in the exact same spot as he had Maddie.

"Yes!" She said, slipping her hand into his and walking with him into the kitchen.

Maddie stayed in the hall with Erin, and she motioned for Erin to pick her up. "Were you at work with Daddy?"

Erin lifted Maddie into her arms and smiled. She loved watching Jay with the two girls, and she loved her conversations in this hallway with Maddie. It was the perfect antidote to her crappy, Olivia-filled day. "Nope," Erin replied, walking with her towards the kitchen. "But your daddy invited me over for dinner, I hope that's okay."

Maddie nodded violently, and Erin had to tighten her grasp to make sure she didn't fall. Erin couldn't help but laugh at the dramatic, enthusiastic, beautiful little girl. Especially when they reached the kitchen, and Maddie saw Jay unloading the take out containers and screamed "We're having pasketti!" right into her ear.

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"Bed time, girls." Jay stood from his seat on the couch, and began helping the girls clean their toys in the living room. It was the first part of their nightly routine.

When all the toys were away, he hoisted both girls into his arms and began walking down the hallway towards their bedroom. "Can Erin read with us?" Grace whispered into his ear.

"She sure can," Jay said, loud enough for Erin to hear, and then he motioned for her to join them.

When the four of them reached the girl's room, he put both of them down. "Pick your books," he instructed, the second part of their bedtime routine.

While the girls each picked one book, he sat down on Maddie's bed, leaning his back against the wall. Maddie and Grace snuggled into to either side of him, each holding their chosen books on their laps.

He wrapped his arms around his girls and then looked at Erin, who was standing awkwardly in the center of the girls room, unsure of what to do. "Erin," he smiled. God, she was _adorable_. "Get in here," he motioned for her to join him on the bed.

"Sit next to me!" Maddie bounced excitedly and tapped the empty spot next to her.

"I want Erin to sit next to me!" Grace shouted. Grace was getting more and more comfortable as the days went on, and it made Jay unbelievably happy. Actually, as Erin nestled in next to Maddie, he realized he couldn't remember _ever_ being _this_ happy. The four of them, reading stories at bed time. It was everything.

"Grace, since Erin is sitting next to Maddie, how about we read your book first?" It was a good compromise, and she agreed, happily. They read both books, the girls both yawning lightly towards the end.

He tucked in Maddie first, as Grace walked over to her bed. He knelt down and kissed her gently on the forehead, and whispered into her ear, "I love you, baby girl." Her eyes were already closed, but she murmured an I love you in return.

Then he walked over to Grace, who had her arms wrapped around the stuffed elephant from the zoo, and he leaned down to kiss her just the same. "I love you, Grace," he whispered. He said those words to her every night, and he couldn't wait for the day she would feel comfortable enough to return them. Tonight, she just smiled up at him, and he kissed her again before turning off the lights and leaving the room.

"You're so good with them," Erin said, as he shut the door quietly behind him.

"They're good with me." He replied. Because it was true.

Erin was in awe of Jay as a father. And with the way he was looking at her right now... she was in awe of him as a man, too.

"Wine?" Jay asked, as they walked into the living room.

She loved drinking wine with Jay, but it was probably past time she started being herself around him a little more. "Do you have any beer?"

Damn, this girl was full of surprises. "I do," he said, and grabbed two bottles from the kitchen.

They sat on the couch in a comfortable silence taking the first sips of their cold beers.

Well, Erin thought it was a comfortable silence. But Jay... he was working up the nerve to say what he had been thinking since the day he met her.

"What's on your mind, Jay." She finally asked, noticing that he looked like he wanted to say something.

"Nothing." _I think I'm in love with you._

 _Liar._ "Tell me."

"Okay." _I'm not telling you that._ "I... uh... want you to know, I don't want to see anyone else."

 _I haven't thought of anyone else since the moment I saw you._ "Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Jay Halstead?" She smirked and kept her words light.

"Yes." He replied, completely seriously.

It was unbelievable to her. One minute he was flirting with her, another minute the earnestness and seriousness of his words took her completely by surprise.

And either way, whether he was joking around and flirting or being completely serious, it made her want him just the same.

"Okay," was all she could say before she crashed her lips to his.

After several heated moments, she pulled away and stood up from the couch. She downed the last sip of her beer, and began to walk towards the kitchen. She needed a little _space._ His touch _literally_ burned her skin, and she wouldn't be able to take it much longer.

She put the beer bottle next to the sink and grabbed her purse, which she had deposited on the kitchen stool when she walked in only three short hours before. She walked back into the living room, purse slung around her shoulder, and found Jay taking a swig of his drink.

She walked over and leaned down to kiss him chastely, knowing that if she sat on the couch, she would never be able to get back up. She broke apart their kiss once again and turned to walk towards the door.

His voice stopped her, "Hey, girlfriend."

"Yes, boyfriend." She couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face. She was going to _love_ calling him that.

"Where ya going?" He said, his eyebrows raised with the question, that sexy grin present on his face.

"Home?" She raised her eyebrows right back.

He stood and walk towards her. "Care to take a detour?" His words were suggestive, and she knew exactly what he was asking.

"The girls are here." She had wanted _so badly_ to find her way to his bed. It took every ounce of self control in her entire body to pull her lips away from his kiss before. But they couldn't.

 _Could they?_

"The girls are sound asleep."

"Are you sure we can-"

He decided it was simpler not to let her finish, and instead he covered her mouth with his. When her hands found his chest, he scooped an arm around her waist and brought her gently closer.

But when he heard the moan escape her lips, he went from enjoying her to devouring her.

His hands found her bottom, and he lifted her up into his arms. She wrapped her legs tightly around him, pressing the center of her body tight against his already growing erection.

She pressed opened mouth kisses from his jaw, down his neck, to the open space above his collar bone as he carried her towards his bedroom. In a daze, he flipped on the lights and gently laid her down on his bed.

He lost his breath as he looked at her, lips red, face flushed, hair fanned out on his pillow, her heavy breathing mirroring his. He kissed her, lost himself in her lips for seconds, minutes, hours? He couldn't be sure.

Their lips broke contact only when they undressed each other, both frantic in their need to feel each others skin. Her roaming fingers found his arms, his shoulders, his chest. Her touch ignited him and when he looked down and saw her chest heaving against her black lace bra, he almost lost it right there.

He wanted her, needed to take her right there, in one greedy gulp.

 _Slow down,_ he told himself. _Or this will be over way too soon._

He linked his fingers with hers, holding them so that she couldn't tear down his defenses with her capable hands. He kissed his way down her body, slowly unbuckling and removing her jeans.

She arched in response, biting back another moan. He swept his tongue over her breasts even as his fingers found her, hot and wet and waiting for him. Slowly, he pressed kisses down her flat stomach until he lowered his head and pressed his lips to her inner thigh.

She buckled underneath him as he owned her body. Her limbs began to quiver as an orgasm ripped through her, and all she could do was breath out his name.

" _Jay"_

His lips found hers as he wriggled out of his own pants. Hard and fast, he finally entered her.

Erin felt his lips on hers, she felt his erection fill her, and she felt the world spin around her. She kissed him back mercilessly, pressing against him, clutching his shoulders, feeling his muscles hard and tense. "Jay," she breathed his name, once again against his lips, as if it was the only word in her vocabulary.

She pressed her hips frantically against him as he rocked over and over, until finally she came again, this time in great shuddering spasms, crying out his name once again.

Jay had one final thought, before his orgasm ripped through him, before he lost himself and let go completely.

He wanted to hear her say his name like that every day for the rest of his life.

 _xoxo_

 **Please Review!**


	12. Chapter 12

Hi all :) Thanks so so much for the reviews! Glad you liked the last chapter!

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 12,**

Jay kept his arms tightly wrapped around Erin when he rolled off of her, bringing her body to lay pressed on top of his. She nestled her head into the crook of his neck, and ran her fingers lazily up and down his chest as they both basked in the silent afterglow of their lovemaking.

He pressed his face into her hair and inhaled deeply, taking in the scent that was quickly become one his favorites, a mix of lavender and something innately Erin. He held her tight, and gently caressed her back until it erupted with goosebumps. Her breathing slowed slightly, and soon it began to even out. Before she had a chance to fully succumb to sleep, he whispered in her ear. "Tell me something."

The feel of his breath against her ear tantalized her, and she was awake once again.

Before when Jay had asked her the question, he had wanted her to open up about her childhood, about her history and relationship with Hank. But this time he didn't have an agenda. He just wanted to get to know her. He wanted to learn as much as he could, to take in as many details of Erin Lindsay as she would let him.

She burrowed her face into his neck and kissed it softly, and then she laughed. That deep, sultry laugh that he loved so much. "Like what?"

"Anything." _Everything._ "Tell me about your day."

She was all prepared to brush off the question, to tell him that her day was _fine._ It was the type of dismissive answer she would have given to Hank, Olivia, or Ben, or any of her other friends that might have posed a similar question. But instead, she found herself answering honestly, "It kind of sucked actually." She kissed his neck again, this time to show appreciation for his turning her day around. "I was having a really terrible day until you invited me for dinner."

He shifted until he could look into her face, "Wanna tell me about it?"

She was shocked at how much she really did. "It's kind of a long story."

She looked up at him, and there he was, sporting that trademark grin of his. The one that made her fall in equal parts love and lust. "I've got time," he said, and then he reached down and placed his palm over her thigh, pulling it closer to him.

So, laying completely naked, her head on his chest, her leg pulled across his, she laid out the whole sordid tale of Ben and Olivia.

Jay listened intently, but couldn't help the tightness that built up in his chest. "So this all happened last week?" _Please don't tell me I'm just a rebound._

When she spoke further, she instantly put them to rest.

"Yeah," she sighed. "And the thing is, I really miss my friend. I don't care about Ben, he was..." she searched for a word that didn't make her seem completely heartless. "We dated for four months, but I wasn't in love with him. I never felt for him the way I already feel about you." It was the truth, as corny as it sounded. She hoped he believed her. "But Olivia," tears pooled in her eyes. "We've been best friends for more than five years. And when I saw her today... I don't know. I'm past the anger, but how do I get past the hurt?"

Jay hadn't registered that she had even asked him a question. _I never felt for him the way I already feel about you._ She just brushed past the words, as if it was just a part of her story, a part of her stream of consciousness. But he wanted to circle back to those words, he wanted to hear them again.

He wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined the whole thing.

"Jay?" Her voice broke through his thoughts, and he tried and failed to recall the question she had just asked him.

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling embarrassed. He asked her to tell him about her day, the least he could do was listen when she obliged. "I think I missed the last part."

"Dozing off on me?" She smirked at him, lifting her head and playfully touching his cheek.

"Never," he leaned down and kissed her. "So did you see Olivia today, then?" He asked, hoping she might repeat herself when answering this new question.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I finally called her back, and we met for coffee. She wanted to meet at our apartment, but I just couldn't."

"Sure," he said, understanding completely. Trying to move past something like this would certainly be made more difficult by returning to the scene of the crime.

"She offered to pay me back for this months rent, and to cover everything from here on out. She apologized and told me she missed me, that it was stupid, that she never meant for Ben to come between us." She was absentmindedly drawing figure eights on Jay's chest and staring down at her hands as she spoke. He noticed that she often did that when she was upset - it was as if busying her hands helped her find the words and speak them while simultaneously keeping the tears at bay.

"Does it bother you that she's still seeing him?" He asked, not sure what he wanted her answer to be. He was pretty confident that she didn't have feelings for Ben, that their relationship wasn't just a I-need-to-get-laid-after-being-dumped tye crutch.

"Not really," she said, laying her head back down on his warm chest. "In a weird way, I think it makes me better." She inhaled his scent, allowed it to calm her. "If Olivia had just thrown our friendship away because she was momentarily horny and Ben just happened to be in the right place at the right time, I think that would be way more crushing. I like to think that once I introduced them that it was love at first sight and they _needed_ to be with each other. That nothing could stand in their way. Maybe she even tried to fight it at first, because he was already seeing me."

Well, safe to say _that_ answer he hadn't been expecting. He didn't even try contain his surprise, "You hope they're in love?"

"God, that sounds stupid, doesn't it." She hid her face in his neck, and he gently stroked her hair. Suddenly, she lifted her head and perched it on his chest as she faced him. "You want to hear the worst part about it?"

If finding her roommate and her boyfriend having sex in her kitchen wasn't the worst part about it, he couldn't wait to hear what was. "What?"

"If she had just told me how she felt," she shook her head in disbelief, and tears finally pooled in her eyes. He wiped them away with the pad of his thumbs. "I would have broken it off. I don't even think I would have cared. They could have dated and Olivia and I could have stayed roommates and best friends."

He couldn't find the words to comfort her in that moment. He knew all about losing your best friend, and he had never found any combination of words that had relieved his pain. So instead, he pulled her closer and held her tightly in his arms, stroking her hair lightly until she fell asleep in his arms.

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Erin awoke at 3 am, the moonlight still cascading through the bedroom window and creating a soft glow in Jay's bedroom. Jay was still asleep. He was warm and solid next to her, his arms still wrapped around her. She rested her cheek against his chest and thought of the night before; of how they had talked late into the night and then slept, and then made love again with Jay reached for her suddenly in the middle of the night, needing to touch her, to bury himself inside her.

It had been perfect. She had never known it could be like this. But it was.

And now, she wanted him again.

She dragged her fingers lightly over his naked torso, until she saw the goosebumps erupt all over his skin. With her fingers still exploring his chest, she lowered her body further down the bed and allowed her mouth to coax Jay awake with her tongue.

"Erin." He hadn't even fully opened his eyes, enjoying the slow assault of her fingers on his body. But at the sudden sensation of her tongue, warm and wet, licking up and down his hard penis, his hands fisted in her hair as his body arched against her. "Jesus."

 _Best. Fucking. Way. To. Be. Woken. Up._

When he felt himself losing control, he opened his eyes and found her shoulders, gripping them and lifting her up until her face reached his. "Hi," he whispered against her lips before devouring them.

He entered her slowly as she smiled into his kiss and they made love once again.

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"You spoil me," Jay said, eyes closed with his arms tightly around Erin, caressing the curve of her spine. He wasn't just talking about the amazing sex. Even if it was the _most_ _amazing sex_ he had ever had, hands down. But it was more than that. He had gotten the sense that Erin had never really opened up to anyone the way she had with him tonight, and the thought made him beam with pride.

She just sighed happily, lazily. She felt just as spoiled. And she could certainly get used to this.

He loosened his grip on her, and began to slowly remove himself from the bed. "Where are you going?"

"I just want to check on the girls," he threw on a pair of dark blue pajama pants that hung low on his hips. "I'll be right back," he winked at her.

She stayed cuddled under the covers in her bed, debating if it was possible for Jay to get any sexier. He goes from irresistible and _extremely skilled_ man giving her orgasm after orgasm, to responsible and doting father, without missing a beat. She pressed her head against his pillow, inhaling his scent once again, and deciding that no, it wasn't possible.

His scent comforted her and relaxed her and excited her and turned her on. All at the same time. _Jesus. Christ._ She really was insatiable.

Jay walked back into the bedroom, and joining her under the covers he held her phone to her. "You left this on the counter," he said. "Do you need it to set an alarm?"

She reached for the phone and opened it to the Home screen. _3 missed calls. 1 voicemail. 2 text messages._ "Shit. Shit. Shit."

"What's wrong?" Jay asked, alarmed.

"I forgot to tell Hank I wasn't coming home." _He's going to kill me._

If it had been anyone else, he probably would have teased her. Would have given her a hard time for being in her late twenties and having to let her daddy know when she wasn't going to be home. But the fact that this was Hank Voight they were talking about... He was completely terrified. "Oh, crap!"

"It's okay," she said, more to herself than to Jay. "It's fine. I'll just call him."

"You're going to call him? It's 3 am." _He's going to kill_ me _._

"He's not sleeping," Erin said, shaking her head. "If he doesn't know where I am, he's not sleeping."

 _Sounds about right._ If he didn't know where Maddie was, he'd be awake, too. "Okay."

She opened up to her favorites and clicked the first one on the list. It began dialing and he picked up on the first ring, "Erin, where are you?"

 _Shit. He sounds worried._ "Hank, I'm so sorry I didn't call. I stayed at Jay's. I didn't have my phone on me."

Jay could hear the unsteadiness in her voice, and he reached out to hold her hand. She gave him a small, nervous smile in return.

"Erin, I was worried sick." Hank sighed. He couldn't exactly be mad at Erin. She was 28 years old.

"I know."

And yet... he wasn't thrilled with her. "We'll talk about this tomorrow." He said, and then he hung up. It was 3 am, and he needed to finally get some sleep.

She put the phone down and looked at Jay sheepishly. "That's going to be a fun conversation tomorrow."

"He's going to kill me, isn't he?" Jay had always been a little afraid of his boss, but now he was legitimately scared.

Erin just scrunched up her nose nervously in lieu of responding.

 _Well that says it all._ "Well, come here then," he sighed, pulling her towards him and snuggling her close. "Might as well make the best of my last few hours on earth."

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Erin awoke early the next morning, and wiggled out of Jay's warm embrace. She couldn't help the smile on her face, even as she rinsed her face and swished her mouth with mouthwash she found in Jay's bathroom. She slipped on the same clothes she had been wearing the night before, and walked into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee.

She hadn't wanted to leave Jay's bed. If she was being honest, she _never_ wanted to leave Jay's bed. She wanted to hibernate in the warmth of his body. But she also knew that Maddie shouldn't find Erin naked in her daddy's bed.

She waited for the coffee pot to fill, and thought back on her night with Jay. She thought of the details of her life that she was slowly revealing to him. With each thing she told him, he never seemed to pass judgement on any of it. Instead, he just listened intently, offered a comforting word, or offered a comforting gesture when words weren't enough.

He always seem to know when words weren't enough. How did he do that?

When she began pouring the coffee into two mugs, she heard footsteps walking quietly from Maddie and Grace's room to Jay's. _Perfect timing,_ she thought.

Jay woke up to find his daughter climbing into his bed, snuggling her nose into his ear and whispering for him to _Wake up, Daddy!_

He opened his eyes, and brushed the blond curls from out of his face. Maddie was in his arms, and when he looked up, he saw Grace sitting at the edge of the bed. She may not be cuddling into his open arms just yet, but it was certainly progress.

Then, looking past Grace, he noticed Erin standing in the doorway. She was holding two steaming mugs of coffee and just smiling at him. Her hair tousled, her face makeup free. Her hazel eyes bright and happy, dimples present in her cheeks.

 _Second. Best. Way. To. Be. Woken. Up._

xoxo

 **Please Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

Hi everyone :) Thanks so much for the reviews! And the suggestions :) Like I said, I have a general idea of where I want this story to go, but I am happy to incorporate your ideas as well!

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 13,**

Chocolate chip pancake Saturday became chocolate chip pancake Sunday, since Jay had spent Saturday at work. Erin stayed for breakfast, enjoying the coffee, the food, and the company of Jay and the two young girls. She had been particularly thrilled to see how well Grace had been gelling with Jay and Maddie. It made her nervous, but excited for Monday, the day she would pass off the case to Rachel and officially get the ball rolling.

Over breakfast, Erin could tell Jay and Maddie were both bursting to tell Grace about the new arrangement, and a part of her wished she could present for that moment. To watch the new family truly take form.

After breakfast, she helped Jay with the dishes while the girls ran into the living room to pick out the board game they wanted to play. Even though there were many objections, Erin had decided she was going to skip the game and go home. She had kept Hank up all night, and she definitely owed him an explanation.

More than that, she sensed things might be moving a little fast between her and Jay. The woman in her _loved_ it. She loved the way she thought of him constantly, she loved the closeness they already shared, she loved the way her heart raced when she saw him. And most of all, she loved that their relationship felt _real._ She wasn't just getting caught up in the heat of the moment or the excitement of things. She could truly see herself _living_ this life with him. Everyday.

But... that being said, the social worker in her was a completely different story. That part of her, combined with the part of her that would always think and act like Hank Voight's daughter, thought it was best to give Jay and his family some time alone. Jay needed to focus on integrating Grace into the family, and Sunday morning quality time seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Before she had a chance to leave, Jay found her in the hallway. She had expected him to pull her into a passionate and heated kiss, reminiscent of the night before, to remind her _exactly_ what she was turning down by leaving early, but she was surprised when she saw a look of worry on his face.

She loved how much she could sense his moods already. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just-" he rubbed his hand over his face, his tell-tale sign of stress. "How long before you lived with the Voights did you feel like... like a Voight?"

No passionate kisses, Jay was in daddy mode. She tried to think about his question, except there was something about Jay as a father that turned her on _so much._

 _Oh my god, focus._ She thought long and hard about her answer, and when she finally spoke, her voice was strained. "I don't think I ever felt like a Voight." His face fell, and she immediately reached out and took his hand in hers. "You have to understand, I was 15 when Hank and Camille took me in. I was a _mess._ I went home with men from bars just to have a warm place to sleep, so I didn't have to spend another cold Chicago night on the streets. I was arrested for things that I don't even want to tell you - and that's saying a lot." She had already told him plenty.

His eyes softened, and his heart broke as he listened to her words. Their fingers intertwined as she kept speaking.

"I can't tell you how many times I've wondered what my life would have been like if Hank had found me at 4 years old instead of 15." She smiled wistfully. "It's not the same with Grace. I promise you. She will feel at home here, it's just going to take some time." She shrugged her shoulders, hoping she hadn't scared him off with her answer.

Again, he stood at a loss for words. He couldn't think of a single comforting thing to say, and instead he pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head. They stood there for several minutes, just holding each other and wishing things could have been different.

Erin was the first to pull away, a smile now on her face. "Have you ever watched The OC?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Um.. no." _Where had that come from?_ "Because I'm _not_ a teenage girl." He couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of him. It felt good, and it went a long way to loosen the tightness in his chest.

God, it sounded good to hear him laugh. "All four seasons are on Hulu." She had just discovered it again, recently. "It's about a 16 year old kid who's mother abandons him and then he goes and lives with another family. But the thing about the main character on that show that's similar to me, but _very_ _different_ from Grace, is that his family is still around and trying to drag him down." She paused, realizing she had once again revealed more about her family dynamic than she had meant to. She was supposed to be focusing on Grace. "Grace won't have other family. She'll just have you. And I don't know if this is a heartless thing to say, but honestly, that's a _really_ good thing."

She remembered the first time she watched The OC. Camille had still been alive, and she had discovered it. She, Hank, Camille, and Justin had watched it together as a family each week, laughing at the differences but marveling at the similarities. "How about next date night, instead of going out, we eat dinner with the girls and binge watch it."

Concerned etched across his face, "Your family is still around and trying to drag you down?"

 _Leave it to Jay to focus on_ that _part of the story._ She just laid a kiss on his jaw, and then slipped on her coat. "You've already gotten enough out of me for on weekend," she winked at him, and then smirked, "Goodbye, Jay."

It amazed him how easily she could shift her focus. She would talk about her past and make him want to just wrap her up into his arms to protect her from the world. Two minutes later, she would be flirting with him and making him want to wrap her up into his arms to tear her clothes off.

 _I am in big trouble_ , he thought, as he watched her walk out of the apartment and softly close the door.

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"Hank," she called out, as she placed her coat in the closet and hung her purse over the railing of the stairs.

"In here," he called out from the kitchen.

She walked into the kitchen and immediately began assessing Hank's mood. He was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee, with an empty plate in front of him where his breakfast had presumably just been. He was reading the newspaper, and had an irritated look on his face. _Shit._

To delay this conversation a moment longer, she walked over to the coffee pot and poured herself a mug. "Want a refill?" She asked, without even turning around. They both drank their coffee the same way, probably because she had idolized him as a teenager and had mimicked his coffee habits even at 15.

"I'm good, thanks." He responded, as he folded the newspaper and placed it face down on the table. He had had _enough_ of reading that nonsense. He looked over at Erin as she walked towards him and sat down to join him at the table. His girl looked _nervous._

She didn't need to be. "Erin," his low, gruff voice was as soft as he could make it. "I didn't mean to sound upset on the phone."

 _That_ she hadn't been expecting. "I'm sorry, I really should have called." She meant her apology sincerely, but she also decided it couldn't hurt to meet him in the middle.

He brushed off the comment, as if that wasn't what this was really about anyway.

It wasn't. "Not a day has gone by in almost fifteen years that I haven't worried about you," he said, leaning back in his chair but still maintaining perfect eye contact.

"I know." She smiled at Hank. In the years she had been living in his house, their heart to hearts had been few and far between. But she never doubted Hank loved her, and whenever he showed his sentimental side, it warmed her soul.

"And I want you to know, I respect the hell out of Halstead."

 _Uh uh._

"But..."

 _Here it is._

Hank had done everything for her. He had completely changed her life. He had _given_ her a life. She hadn't been exaggerating in her stories to Jay, and she knew she could have easily been dead at 15 if he hadn't taken her in.

It would shatter her heart if he didn't approve.

"Things between you two seem to be moving a little fast." Her heart sunk at his words.

He watched her face fall at his proclamation. It was remarkable to him how much his opinion still mattered to her. "Erin," he said, making sure to find the right words. "I'm not telling you to stop seeing him."

 _That's exactly what you're saying._ At that thought, she felt like a whiny teenager again, and she, a little bit, hated herself.

"On the contrary, actually."

 _What?_

"Halstead's good police. He's an even better father." He had seen Halstead with Maddie dozens of times since he had joined the Intelligence Unit last year. Halstead was the father Hank _wished_ he could have been to Justin as a young boy. He was the father he had tried to be for Erin all those years later. "I think the two of you could have something real."

She was completely shocked at his words, and she was afraid to move, for fear that he might take them back.

But he wasn't finished. "I just don't want you to rush things." He remembered the day he met Camille. He was sure he had fallen in love with her before the two of them had exchanged a single syllable. "I want you to create a good foundation." Erin was as zero-to-sixty as he was. It was shocking they weren't actually genetically related.

Erin thought about his words, and was surprised at how much they resembled the talk she had just given herself this morning, when she opted not to stay and play board games with the girls.

She was most _certainly_ her father's daughter. "Okay," she said, smiling at him. "I promise to keep that in mind." She stood from her chair and motioned for him to join her. It wasn't everyday Hank went all softie on her, and she wasn't about to miss an opportunity.

He enveloped her in his arms and she whispered, "Thanks Hank," before they pulled apart, and the moment was gone.

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"I'd like to meet Detective Halstead alone before dinner tonight," Rachel said to Erin, not looking up from the stack of papers Erin had just given her, pertaining to her newest case. "You know I trust you completely, but-"

"No need to explain, I totally understand." Erin interjected, sending Rachel a dismissive wave, even though she still hadn't looked up. Erin would have done the same thing. Jay's case had strayed from normal procedure because he had _found_ Grace at a crime scene and had begun "fostering" her off the books. Usually the lengthy interview process begins _well_ beforea child is ever brought into the home.

"We should go over to the district this afternoon." Rachel said, finally looking up from the last of the pages. Now that she was finished reading through them, she shifted her focus. "Besides, I'm dying to meet this guy you are _giving up_ a case for." Rachel laughed, knowing her friend wouldn't take any offense to her comment. Rachel and Erin had grown closer in the past few months, and she now considered Erin one of her closest friends.

Erin just rolled her eyes, but the blush that rose in her cheeks wasn't lost on Rachel. "So the sex is that good, huh?" She asked.

Erin's cheeks reddened even more, but she reveled in the conversation. Without Olivia, she hadn't exactly had a girl friend to talk to about all of this. So instead of brushing off the question, she looked at Rachel and replied, "Better."

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"Halstead," Voight barked from where he stood in his office. "My office."

He scanned the room, and saw the teams questioning eyes directed at him. Dawson raised his eyebrows at him from across the room, silently offering backup. _There are some things even partners can't help with,_ he thought, as he shook his head at the offer and walked into Voight's office.

"What's up, Sarge?" _I know what's up._

"Just checking in." _You're sleeping with my daughter._

"Okay?" He let the question hang in the air, knowing that Voight wanted to say something and hoping he would just get it over with already.

"I don't know what's going on between you and Erin." Jay opened his mouth to speak, but Hank waved him off. "And I don't need to know." He raised his eyebrows now, giving Jay the sense that he actually meant the exact _opposite_ of what he was saying. "Just don't hurt my girl."

Jay just nodded his head slowly in response, unsure of what to say. The possessiveness in Voight's voice certainly not lost on him.

Satisfied, Voight used his hands to indicate that he was finished speaking and Jay could return to his desk.

When he sat down, he still had a stupefied look on his face. _My girl_ aside, that was about as close to permission he could ever expect from Voight. Had that _really_ just happened? Concern etched on his face, his partner approached his desk. "Halstead," Dawson began in a quiet voice, "What was that about?"

He peered around the room, and noticed the rest of the team was watching and listening intently to the exchange. He wanted tell his partner, who had, in the past year, also become his best friend, but he decided to keep it to himself a while longer. "Nothing." _Now is not the time._

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Erin couldn't help the nervous energy radiating off of her as she and Rachel pulled up outside District 21. She stared at the familiar brick exterior of the building and tried to calm her breathing. She had been here more times than she could count over the years; the first few times she had been under arrest, of course, but she had come many times after that, with Camille or Justin. Sometimes when Hank was working late on a case they would bring him dinner or just stop in and say hi. Her visits had stopped when she started college because Hank and Camille had starting bringing _her_ dinner.

"Relax, Erin." Even as Rachel said the words though, she realized they weren't helpful. "Okay, okay, that was the wrong thing to say." Rachel had worked with Hank Voight several times before Erin had joined DCFS, and even if she hadn't, his reputation preceded him. He was a _tough_ sergeant. And while Erin generally wasn't very forthcoming with personal information that she deemed historical and unnecessary to share, she had let enough slip over the past year that Rachel knew about Voight and Erin. "But didn't you say Voight was fine with you and Jay?"

"Yeah," Erin sighed, as she turned off the car and began getting out. "Yeah. You're right. It's going to be fine." Maybe if she said it enough times, she would believe it.

She tightened her coat around her, feeling a sudden chill run through her body. _Relax,_ she scolded herself.

The pair walked up the stairs and into District 21, and stopped off to talk to the desk sergeant. "Hey, Trudy." Erin had known Trudy Platt almost as long as she'd known Hank. She had become somewhat of a family friend over the years, and she had helped enormously when Camille died. She had assisted in planning the funeral and she had even coordinated meals to be delivered to their house for over a month after Camille's death when she, Hank, and Justin had been too distraught to cook. She was tough as they come, but she had a huge heart.

"Erin! It's been too long," Platt said, smiling at her. "Are you here to see Hank?"

"Halstead, actually." She kept her voice steady and calm, "I'm here for DCFS."

It was Erin's first time here in a professional capacity and Platt beamed at her, like a proud aunt. She introduced herself to Rachel and then motioned for them to go upstairs.

The first thing Erin noticed when she reached the top of the stairs was that the team seemed to be having a light day, and were dispersed throughout the room. Hank was in his office with the door partially opened and Al was hiding in his usual spot at his corner desk. Erin recognized Burgess from the few times she had been introduced to her at Molly's and she seemed to be reading some paperwork at her desk. Erin also recognized Antonio Dawson from the years he had worked with Hank, but also because she knew his sister well. DCFS and paramedics crossed paths a lot more than one would hope, and she always appreciated seeing Gaby at Molly's and _away_ from work.

There was two new unit members she didn't recognize, one of which was standing in the break room, drinking coffee and talking to Antonio and Jay.

"So which one is he?" Rachel whispered under her breath to her friend. No one had seemed to notice them yet, and she didn't want to be the one to bring attention to them.

As Erin began to answer, Ruzek stood in the break room and noticed the pair standing at the top of the stairs.

"Woah," he said, as he sized up the two women. One was dressed in a form fitting short sleeves green dress with a subtle scoop neck, her brown hair curling past her shoulders. Her heels made her legs appear long and toned. The other woman was several inches taller, and dressed in a fitted black dress skirt and a black and white patterned top. Her heels gave her even more height and he noticed that she had an effortless beauty about her. He found himself immediately drawn to her pale skin and bright blue eyes. "Who are they and can I _please_ call dibs on the tall blonde?" His ex-fiance had just recently joined the unit, and still being hopelessly in love with her, he was in _dire_ need of a distraction.

Jay laughed at him, and decided this was the perfect opportunity to divulge his secret. "The one in the green's name is Erin Lindsay," he began, keeping his voice low. "I'm kinda seeing her."

Just as the words left his mouth, he watched Voight walk over to Erin and the other woman, who he assumed must be Rachel Stone. Voight shook Rachel's hand professionally, but then he leaned into Erin and kissed her on the forehead in a _very_ fatherly gesture that had Jay regretting his recent admission.

"Dude," Ruzek said, his voice full of confusion as he noticed the exchange. "What was that?" He turned to Jay, expecting an explanation, but Jay couldn't find the words.

What Jay hadn't known was that Dawson already knew _exactly_ who Erin Lindsay was. Antonio almost didn't comment, he almost felt bad for his partner, shifting uncomfortably under Ruzek's gaze. _Almost._

Not enough to pass up the opportunity to give his partner a hard time. "So, you thought it would be a good idea to date the boss's daughter?"

 **xoxo**

I hope this incorporated some of your ideas, while still keeping in line with the things I have planned for this story!

Let me know what you think by leaving areview :)


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for all the lovely reviews :) :) :) I love reading each and every one, they make me so happy!

Happy Wednesday :)

 **Chapter 14,**

"Halstead," Voight, who had just leaned in and kissed Erin on the forehead, now turned towards the break room to summon Halstead. Erin hadn't rolled her eyes like he had expected her to at his fatherly and - okay let's just called it what it was - territorial gesture, but she sent him a look that said she had indeed seen right through it. "My office."

"Oh shit." Ruzek whispered to Jay in the break room. "You're in trouble now."

Dawson couldn't help but chime in. "That's the second time today, man."

"Does he know you're seeing her?" Ruzek asked, his voice was a little louder this time, and carried past the doors of the break room.

Jay finished stirring the cream into his coffee and began walking towards the door. "Shut up, man." Jay was pretty confident that this meeting had to do with Grace, seeing at Erin was dressed professionally, it was the middle of the day, and she had someone else with her. That being said, the words _My office_ coming out of Voight's mouth never ceased to instill fear in him. It was like a Pavlovian response, and he couldn't help the automatic way his heart rate picked up speed.

Because Jay had procrastinated slightly by taking the time to finish making his coffee, when he walked into Voight's office, he was the last one there to arrive. Voight motioned for him to close the door, and when he turned around the tall blonde stood from her chair and reached out her hand to shake his.

"Rachel Stone, with DCFS." Her voice was soft and kind, and he let it ease his nerves slightly. He _really_ wanted this meeting to go well.

"Jay Halstead," he said, shaking her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

There were only two chairs in Voight's office aside from Voight's own, and that left Jay standing uncomfortably in the small room.

"Erin," Voight stood from his chair, and motioned for her to take his seat. "I'll leave you all to it." He nodded slightly towards Jay, and left.

Erin sat down in Voight's chair and leaned the chair back comfortably, as if she had done it hundreds of times. For some reason, Jay couldn't take his eyes off of Erin in Voight's seat. It was kind of _surreal,_ and it momentarily distracted and disoriented him _._

As if sensing his discomfort, Erin sat up a little straighter and began to speak. "Rachel will be taking over your case from here on out. I have briefed her on your home situation and she has read all of your paperwork. Everything seems to be in order from my end, but from now on, she will have complete jurisdiction on this case. That means she'll have the largest amount of influence on whether or not you can become an official foster parent to Grace. If she feels comfortable with you and Grace, which I believe she will, she will be your biggest advocate."

"Jay," Rachel cut Erin off at that comment. Everything she said was, in fact, true. She did have the largest amount of influence, and if she felt good about Grace's home situation, she would be Jay's biggest advocate. That being said, she didn't want to give Jay Halstead any false impressions. He was a single father and was new to the foster care system. This was her first time meeting him, she had never been in his home, and she had never seen him interact with his daughter or Grace. "Everything Erin is saying is true. I took this job to match children with caring and capable foster parents. From everything Erin has told me about you, I believe this will be a very positive experience. That being said, you should know, you won't be receiving any special treatment from me. I will be paying close attention at dinner tonight, and if dinner goes well, I will be dropping by unannounced several times in the next few days and weeks."

Jay listened intently to her words and ingested all of the information. His head was spinning as he tried to make sense of it all. Rachel sounded positive, hopeful even. But there was a slight edge to her voice, one that reminded him exactly who was in charge. She seemed to be trying to tell him that the situation was tenuous, his guardianship of Grace was temporary, and that with one wrong move he could lose Grace. "I understand," was all he could come up with to say.

"Good." Rachel stood from her seat and reached for his hand once again. "We will be over tonight at 6. From here on out, I won't be discussing your case with Erin. She will be at dinner for the purposes of a smooth transition, but I won't debrief with her afterwards." This had been the true purpose of her asking for this meeting. She wanted both of them to know that she planned to keep a barrier between her professional and personal life. She respected the hell out of Erin, even more now since she decided to pass off this case when she recognized that she had lost her objectivity. "And should the two of you become more serious," she looked at Erin, hoping Erin wouldn't be angry at her candor. Erin was still her closest friend. "That will be something we will need to discuss further, and it will need to be documented."

Erin could sense a hint of unsteadiness in Rachel's voice, and she knew Rachel was nervous. Not because of the case, but because of how much she valued their friendship. "Completely understood," she responded, a smile slowly spreading on her cheeks. This is why she handed off the case to Rachel in the first place. Because she _wanted_ Jay to keep Grace. Rachel was as professional as they come, and there was no DCFS worker or judge in this entire city that would contest Rachel's recommendation once it was brought forth. They would never accuse her of blurring professional lines, and it was exactly what Jay needed.

Jay's mind was still reeling from Rachel's words, but Erin's happy and confident demeanor relaxed him. He may not understand what was happening in this room, but he knew it must be all a part of the plan. "Absolutely," he stood from his chair and began opening the door and directing the pair out of the office. "I'll see you at 6. I'm looking forward to it."

Dawson waited for Erin and the other woman from DCFS to leave before he walked over to his partner's desk. Jay was tapping his knee uncontrollably under the desk, something he only did when he was nervous or deep in thought. "What's up, man?" He may have jumped on the tease Halstead train before, but he still had his partner's back 100%.

Jay stood up from his chair, and moved towards the center of the room. It was a quiet day, and he really needed the support of his team. "Guys," he spoke loudly, trying to gather everyone's attention. "That was Erin Lindsay and Rachel Stone from DCFS," he said by way of introduction. The whole team may know that Erin and Voight have some sort of relationship, but he didn't plan to address that now. "They were here about Grace, the little girl we found at the apartment two weeks ago. The couple murdered by the Kings?" The team nodded along, clearly remembering the case well. He had worked on it the least out of everyone, but he still wasn't sure what they knew about Grace. "As you all know, she's been staying with me and Maddie." He wasn't sure they all knew Grace was _still_ there. Dawson, Ruzek, and Voight definitely knew, but the others may not have. "I've decided I want her to stay with us. I'm filing to become a foster parent, and that's why they were here."

He had wanted to tell his team earlier, but for some reason, he had held off until now. He had been worried about their reaction, and even now his words were unsteady and nervous. He could feel that familiar sense of anxiety creep in when he spoke. The one he had had countless times before, when people at _Mommy and Me_ asked why he was attending alone or whenever someone inquired about _his wife_ or _Maddie's mommy_. He wasn't embarrassed that he was a single father, not in the least. It was the opposite actually. He was terrified that people would see right through him, that someone might finally notice that he had no idea what he was doing and try to take his baby away.

Olinsky was the first to speak, "That's great, Halstead." He seemed genuine, and he began to walk towards Jay.

"Are you nuts? How are you going to handle two four years olds?" Leave it Ruzek to put his foot in his mouth.

Dawson glared at Ruzek, and then turned to Jay. "You're great with the one," he said, "What's one more?"

Jay sighed, hugely relieved by Dawson's comment and the way it completely lightened the mood. Atwater and Burgess joined in, and the team congratulated him and gave him words of encouraged him for several minutes, before Voight walked in and ordered everyone to get back to work.

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Voight let Jay leave work early, and he immediately rushed to the grocery store. In order to make a good impression, he wanted to first make a healthy, home-cooked meal.

When he got home, Samantha offered to begin slicing vegetables and prepping dinner while he bathed and changed both girls. He felt moderately guilty giving her the more mundane task, but he couldn't resist some quality time with the girls after a long day at work.

He put extra bubbles in the bath and indulged them in with all of their favorite bath toys while they told him about their day. He began washing Grace with a wash cloth when he noticed blue paint on the backs of both of her arms. They must have finger painted in class today. "Did someone roll around in blue paint today?"

"You're so silly, Daddy!" Maddie laughed and shouted in an excited cheer.

Grace mimicked her words, "Yeah, Daddy! You're so silly." Grace's hand flew over her mouth when she realized what she had said.

Jay's heart stopped and he lost his breath as tears threatened to fill his eyes.

Maddie noticed Grace's stricken face, the way it had reddened slightly, as if she was embarrassed. She spoke up before Jay even had a chance. "What's wrong, Gracie?"

Grace slowly removed her hands from her mouth, and looked at Maddie. She opened her mouth but it seemed like she couldn't speak.

The _maturity_ in her gestures broke Jay's heart, and he finally opened his mouth to react. "Grace," he said softly. "It's okay." He wanted so badly to continue, to say _You can call me Daddy. I want that, too._ But he kept his mouth closed, still too afraid to offer Grace a family and then have to take it away. He couldn't do that to her.

He may not have been able to continue, but Maddie did it for him. "Is it because you called Daddy, Daddy?" She said, finally catching on.

Grace just nodded, looking down into her clasped hands that were being to prune underneath the bath water.

Maddie leaned over to Grace, causing the water to splash and the bubbles to reach further up both of their bodies body, and whispered loudly, "You can call him Daddy." She leaned even closer, even though her voice carried and Jay could hear every word. "That is his _favorite_ thing to be called."

Jay couldn't help the smile that grew on his face as he heard the words he had spoken countless times repeated by his daughter. He leaned in to join their huddle in the tub, and whispered between them, "It's true, bug."

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By the time Erin and Rachel knocked on the door two hours later, Jay and his girls were all in fantastic moods. Grace had called him daddy once more since she had gotten out of the bath. It hadn't been directed _at_ him, she had been talking _about_ him to Maddie, but when he overheard the word, it elated him just the same.

At the knock on the door, all of his nervous energy seemed to returned in an instant. He tried to ignore the knots that were already forming in his stomach as he approached the door. _Relax_. Ever since she was a baby, Maddie could always sense his nerves. Before he introduced Maddie and Grace to Rachel, he needed to push the feeling away.

He opened the door, and noticed that neither Erin nor Rachel had changed since work, although Erin had pulled her hair back in a casual pony tail. "Hi, come in." He stepped aside and allowed them to walk past him into the hall. "Can I take your coats?"

Erin had already begun hanging her coat on the hook, making herself comfortable in his home. Rachel, on the other hand, slipped off her long cream-colored jacket and passed it to him. "Thanks, Jay."

Erin could tell Jay was nervous, and she wanted to reach for his hand, to ground him somehow. He had _nothing_ to be nervous about. She had known from the first time she had stepped into this apartment, Jay was a spectacular father.

"Where are the girls?" Erin inquired, as they walked further down the hallway.

"They're in their room." He hesitated for a moment. He already thought of the room as _theirs_ , not just Maddie's, but he probably shouldn't haveactually _said_ that. "Uh-"

Erin could sense he was about to correct himself, and she cut him off before he got a chance. _Okay, maybe it is a good thing I'm here._ "Great," she sent Jay a look that she hoped would get him to relax. "Jay, you can introduce Rachel and she can take a look at the room."

Rachel nodded in agreement, and the three walked down the hall towards the girls bedroom. As they passed through the living room and kitchen, Erin noticed that the rooms were _spotless._ Jay's uptightness about cleanliness seemed to rub off on Maddie as well, and the rooms were always very clean. But today, they sparkled.

The door to the bedroom was half open, and the girls were sitting side by side on the carpeted floor building a race car track. Maddie was wearing the pink earrings and necklace from the Pretty, Pretty Princess game and Grace was wearing the crown. "Race cars and plastic jewelry," Rachel commented, raising an eyebrow at Erin. Erin could tell she was impressed by what she saw.

"I... uh... read somewhere that it's good for kids to be able to build things. Girls and boys." _Jesus._ He was _so_ nervous. He hadn't been nearly this nervous when Erin had come that first night. Why was he so nervous now?

He knew the answer, of course. Two weeks ago, Erin and Grace had both walked into his life on the same day. He wanted Grace to have a safe place for the night, but he hadn't growth attached to her yet. And with Erin... he was too drawn to her to feel anything but lust and desire and longing.

But today, shit was getting _real_. If Rachel didn't like what she was, he was _finished._

Rachel nodded at his comment, but didn't respond. Instead she moved further into the room. The girls looked up, finally noticing the three grown ups that had entered the the space.

"Erin!" Maddie shouted, just as she did every time she saw her. She jumped up and ran over to her.

"Hi Maddie!" She kneeled down and gave her a tight hug.

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"I am!" Erin continued to focus on Maddie, while Rachel watched Grace.

Grace had stayed sitting on the floor at first, attaching the last piece of the train tracks. When she noticed the extra person in the room, she stood and walked over to where Jay was standing and silently slipped her hand into his. She seemed wary of Rachel, and still holding his hand tight, seemed to hide slightly behind his leg.

"Daddy! Erin's staying for dinner!" Maddie shouted.

"I know, baby." Jay replied, as he lifted Grace into his arms. "Grace, Maddie, this is Ms. Rachel. She's going to eat with us, too."

"Hi Grace, Hi Maddie." Her voice was soft and reassuring, and Grace seemed to relax in his arms.

"Hi," Grace whispered back.

"Shall we eat?"

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Dinner seemed to be going smoothly. After the initial awkwardness, Grace seemed to relax around Rachel. Maddie had been a godsend, bringing up stories from school and pushing Grace to chime in. The conversation flowed and by the time the plates were being cleared, everyone seemed relaxed.

"So, Grace," Rachel always liked to ask the first question in front of the family. She was able to see everyone's reaction simultaneously. If the children felt pressure to answer a certain way, they would generally look down into their plate. If the parents wanted to pressure the child to answer a certain way, one parent would generally glare harshly at the child while the other would make a sound to try to draw attention. "How do you like living here?"

From her place at the head of the table, she watched.

Jay looked at Grace expectantly and maybe a little nervously. A good nervous, she decided. He wasn't hoping she would say she liked living with them to appease Rachel, he seemed to truly _want_ her to like it. It was almost as if he wanted to hear her confirmation as much as Rachel did.

Another positive sign - Grace didn't look down. First, she looked over at Maddie, who was smiling at her. Then, she looked over at Jay. Then she returned her gaze to Rachel and held eye contact. _Impressive for a four year old,_ Rachel thought, as she waited for her to answer.

"I like it," was all she said, her voice low and shy.

Combined with the body language, that was actually enough of an answer for Rachel, but she continued nonetheless. "What do you like about it?"

Grace seemed to think long and hard about her answer, once again making her appear older than her stated age. "My mommy is in heaven, did you know that?"

"I did," Rachel said sadly. "And I'm really sorry to hear that."

"It's okay," Grace seemed to brush off the comment, like maybe Rachel wasn't getting the point. "Did you know Maddie's mommy is in heaven, too. We're both the same."

"That's right," Jay said softly. He stood from his seat and walked over to kneel between the two four year old girls. He had forgotten he even had an audience, he just needed to be near his daughters. _Both_ of his daughters. "Both of your mommies are up there in heaven watching over you." He pressed their hands in his and said, "Where else are your mommies?"

Grace was the first to answer, "I don't know." She was confused.

Maddie wasn't. She knew exactly where her mommy was. She had heard this countless times before. She lifted the hand that still held her daddy's and pressed it to her heart. "In here," she said.

"That's right, baby." He kissed her forehead, and then turned to Grace. He lifted his hand to the center of her chest and pressed lightly against it, "Right in here." Then he kissed her forehead and let his eyes close for a moment, before he remembered where he was and stood up.

"Who wants dessert?"

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Several hours later, Jay and Erin were snuggled together under a blanket on the couch watching the second episode of The OC on Hulu. After dinner had ended, Rachel had taken a few minutes to speak to Grace alone and then had been on her way. Erin stayed to participate in their nightly routine, reading the girls two books before tucking them in.

It had been an emotional evening, and Erin was trying not to press Jay. After they put the girls to sleep, she had expected him to bring up dinner, or at least mention the heartbreaking admission Grace had made towards the end. He hadn't.

She was having trouble focusing on the episode, instead focusing on her proximity to Jay. Her head was resting against his chest, and so she couldn't see his face. She could feel his body tighten at the scene where the high school students learned that Ryan Atwood wasn't a long distance cousin, but he was actually from Chino. She had paused the episode and described the day that the girls at her high school found out exactly who she was, hoping the story would cause him to open up. It didn't.

As the credits rolled on the screen, she tried a different tactic. She sat up, curled her legs underneath her and faced him. "Tell me something."

He seemed to ponder her statement for a moment before he opened his mouth to speak. "My mom is dead, too." He sighed sadly, and drew lazy circles on her bare knees peaking out from underneath her dress. "She had cancer, and I came home from Afghanistan a few days before she died."

She wanted to reach for him, to at least take his hands in hers, but she didn't want to disrupt his gentle movements. He seemed fixated on his hands, almost as if he was using it as a distraction. She just waited for him to continued.

"I wasn't here when she was dying, but I got a chance to say goodbye." He paused, but then thoughtfully added, "That's something Grace and Maddie will never have." His voice broke as if this was the first time he was having this realization, and she finally moved to wrap her arms around him.

She kissed him then, a deep, slow kiss that told him that she understood, that she was here for him. That she wanted to stand by him and help him carry this unbelievable burden.

That knowledge healed his heart more than any other gesture or words ever had.

In that moment, he was done feeling sorry for himself, for his girls. Between the three of the, they had lost more than most would in a lifetime. But they had each other, and that was a great deal more than a lot of people had.

Their kiss felt warm and right and complete, and soon he stopped thinking altogether. He just let his body take over completely, responding subconsciously to sate both of their needs.

Jay lifted Erin into his arms and once again carried her to his bed, his lips never leaving hers, grasping her legs, which were wrapped tightly around his waist. When he laid her down, he began peeling each layer of clothing off in a hurry, anxious to once again feast on what laid waiting for him underneath.

Her body arched up to meet his and she grabbed at his clothing, just as anxious to tear them away.

After painstakingly memorizing each other's bodies only a few nights before, the territory was familiar. But at the same time, it was exciting and new, and Erin reveled in the feeling of Jay's hard muscles underneath her hands. The way his hard body contrasted so deeply with his gentle, loving heart.

Jay kissed his way down her body, enjoying her taste almost as much as the sound of the moans escaping her lips.

He loved her so deeply in that moment. After an emotional day, a day filled with so much anxiety and worry and sadness, he turned to her and found a disarming comfort and an unbelievable pleasure. She was so capable, yet so vulnerable and the combination was something that took his breath away.

They clung to each other long after the orgasms spread ripe through their bodies, just savoring the closeness, the physical and emotional.

Erin's breathing began evening out and he could tell she was about to fall asleep. "Erin," he said, shaking her slightly.

"Mmm," she sighed out in response, bone-tired from their long day and their love-making.

He found his t-shirt resting on the mattress, inside-out, where it laid since Erin tossed it aside. He shifted slightly to reach it, then he handed it to her. "Don't sneak out tomorrow morning, okay?"

She smiled up at him lazily, and sat up to shrug on the oversized shirt. "Okay."

She shifted back into her new favorite position, her body draped on top of Jay with her face pressed into his neck, when he spoke again. "Oh and Erin?"

"Yes?"

"This time, don't forget to text Voight."

Xoxo

I'm not completely in love with this chapter, but I wanted to introduce Rachel to Grace and it's more of a transition to continue with the rest of my story line. I hope you enjoyed it though!

Please review :)


	15. Chapter 15

Hi all :) Glad you all enjoyed the last chapter, and again, I really really appreciate all of your reviews! I've been feeling stressed with life recently, and writing a little bit everyday has really helped to take my mind off of everything... and the positive feedback seriously I can't tell you enough how happy it makes me to read them. Makes my day :)

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 15,**

Erin felt the bed shake slightly beneath her the following morning, and before she even opened her eyes, she heard two whispering voices. She kept still, eyes closed, body still pressed against Jay's like a second skin, and listened.

"My mommy used to have sleepovers a lot," Grace whispered. She must have been talking to Maddie, and even though the voices were hushed, Erin could hear them clearly, both coming from Jay's side of the bed.

"Really?" Maddie asked, sounding shocked by Grace's words. "Like this?"

"Uh huh," Grace continued.

"Then what happened?" Maddie's voice was rising above a whisper, and Erin couldn't tell if it was out of excitement or if she was upset. She hoped it was excitement, but doubt crept in as she continued to listen with her eyes closed.

"Well, sometimes nothing. The sleepover would end and that would be it." Her voice started to waver, and somewhere during her speech, Jay woke up and began to listen intently, as well. "But the last time my mommy had a sleepover, it was with her _boyfriend_." Grace said _boyfriend_ like it was a four letter word.

"Then what happened?" Maddie must have sensed it, too. She was a perceptive four year old.

"He moved in with us," Grace's voice became low and fearful, resembling her voice on the very first day she came to live with them.

"Was it bad?" Jay knew he should stop the conversation, should open his eyes and signal to the girls that he was, in fact, awake. He could feel Erin trembling slightly in his arms, and knew she must have been awake, as well.

"Umm..." She sniffled, and sounded like maybe she had been crying. Erin began to move, her instincts screaming to comfort her. Before either one of the girls noticed Erin's movements, Grace posed a question to Grace. "Do you remember when Erin told us about her mommy's friends? The ones that hurt her?"

Suddenly, Erin and Jay's eyes flew open and they bolted upright in bed. Erin was still wearing Jay's t-shirt from the night before, and had slipped on a pair of boxer shorts to go with them. Both appropriately clothed, they disentangled themselves from each other and began to get out of bed.

As Erin walked around the bed to reach them, Jay opened his mouth to speak, but before the words formed, Maddie ran out of the room in tears.

He turned to Erin, his eyes wide, and she nodded slowly towards the door, signaling that she would take care of Grace and he should tend to Maddie.

Jay found Maddie curled up in her bed, her torn pink bunny nestled in her arms. She rarely removed the pink bunny from the shelf, it had been her mother's as a child and, between the two of them, it was a little worse for wear. The only times she ever reached for the bunny was when she was missing her mother. Or the _idea_ of her mother, anyway.

"Baby, I'm sorry I didn't tell you before Erin slept over." He brushed away her tears with the pad of his thumb, and then began slowly rubbing her back.

"Is Erin your girlfriend?" Maddie asked, her eyes still full of tears.

"She is," he said softly. "Is that okay with you?" He considered addressing what Grace had said, but wasn't sure it was necessary. Maddie and Grace both knew Erin would _never_ hurt them. He would tell her over and over if she needed to hear it, but for some reason, he didn't think _that_ was what was plaguing her.

"Daddy?" _That didn't answer my question._

"Yeah, baby?"

"Grace is going to be my sister, right?" He felt relieved when he looked down and saw the smile that appeared slowly on her face. She was still clearly excited about that.

"I hope so, Mads." He had explained this before, but it never got any easier. "That's why Ms. Rachel was hear last night. She is going to help make sure Grace stays here and gets to be your sister."

She considered his words, and then closed her eyes. For the first time in four years, he could not tell what his daughter was thinking. It made him feel uncomfortable and out of place.

"Is Erin going to be my mommy?" Well, _that_ he hadn't been expecting.

He took a few moments to think of how to word his answer. He was at a complete loss. Was this what was bothering her?

Before he had a chance, she continued to speak. "Because Emmy's daddy has a new baby and he doesn't even live with Emmy anymore. And Emmy overheard her mommy say it's because he has a new baby and a new girlfriend that he likes more."

 _Welp. There it is._

Fortunately, finding this response was as easy as breathing. He wrapped his little girl up in his arms and hugged her tightly as he spoke. "Maddie Halstead, you will always be my baby girl. You are the best thing I have ever done in my life, and I will love you and be here for you for the rest of your very long life. I promise."

Maddie continued to hug him fiercely, not wanting to be released from her daddy's strong arms. But the tears began to abate, and she finally spoke again. "Do you love Grace, too?"

He leaned Maddie back, and looked into her tear stained face as he replied. "I do." He did love Grace. He was surprised at just how much and how quickly he had fallen in love with the little girl. He had told this to Grace time and time again, but he was still waiting and hoping for the words to be reciprocated.

"Me too," she said, matter-of-factly. "And you want Grace to live with us, right?"

"Yes," he replied. He wasn't exactly sure where this was going, so even though he knew the answer, he posed the question anyway. "Do you still want Grace to live with us?"

"Yes," she whispered into his chest, but he could hear the smile in her voice. "Do you love Erin?"

The answer just came to him, and before he thought too much about his answer, he replied, "I do." He may have told Grace he loved her, but he had yet to tell Erin. He wasn't sure his heart could take it if she didn't respond in kind.

"Does that mean she is going to live with here, too?" _And that's where that was going._ Jay looked down at his daughter, and it was no longer fear in her eyes. It seemed to be a mix of curiosity, and maybe, possibly, excitement.

He leaned his forehead against his daughters and smiled. "Maybe one day, baby."

She just smiled back at him in response, her forehead still pressed firmly against his. "Do you think Erin will eat breakfast with us before school?"

He couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of him at the way she changed her mood as quickly as she changed the subject.

His little girl was so grown up, and she had the most beautiful heart. They had been a duo for so long, and here she was, four years old, ready to welcome two new members into the fold. "I don't know," he replied. "You should ask her."

She scooted herself off of Jay's lap and slid down off of her bed. As she began to walk towards the door, Jay had an idea. "Hey, Mads?"

"Yeah, daddy?"

"Why don't you and I go for ice cream tonight? Just the two of us." Maybe it was exactly what she needed. A daddy-daughter night. His mother used to take him and Will out separately a lot when he was growing up, to foster their different interests and make them feel special as individuals. It was part of what made her such a fantastic mother.

"What? No!" Maddie shook her head fiercely. "We can't leave Grace! She has to come, too."

And _that_ was what made Maddie such a fantastic daughter.

000000000000

Maddie had to go potty and _insisted_ she could go by herself, so Jay walked out by himself to find Grace and Erin already in the kitchen. Erin had put on a pot of coffee and seemed to be searching the cabinets for breakfast cereal for Grace. He walked past her and pulled out the oatmeal.

"Wow, oatmeal for breakfast?" She smirked. "Your tough."

He laughed as he walked over to the fridge to pull out berries and apples. "They get fruit, too." He turned to Grace, who he noticed was being abnormally quiet. "You like oatmeal for breakfast, right Grace?"

Grace nodded her head twice before bursting out into tears. _Not again._

Both Erin and Jay rushed to her side immediately. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" Jay asked, his arms automatically moving to her shoulders, hip lips automatically moving to the top of her head.

"Please don't hate me," was all she said as she cried and cried.

"What? I could never hate you. Why would you even think that, bug?" Jay asked incredulously. A headache was starting to slowly form between his eyes. This was _a lot_ of excitement for one morning, and the smell of coffee wasn't the same as actually drinking it.

"Because I made Maddie cry."

"First of all, Maddie's fine." He brushed her hair away to reveal her tear streaked face. He looked her in the eyes as he spoke. "And second, I could never hate you. Never _ever_. I promise. I love you, Grace."

She sniffled back her tears. "I love you, too, Daddy."

Every time he thought he had reached a new high, a new insurmountable level of happiness in his life, something came along and brought him higher. He smiled so wide in that moment. _Finally_. The words he had been waiting to hear from her for _weeks_. He lifted her and squeezed her tight in his arms and tickled until she began to giggle uncontrollably. "Stop, Daddy!"

Maddie came out and he lifted her in his other arm, tickling them both at the same time. His girls. He kissed them both and, after continuous insisting on their part, placed them in their chairs, still smiling ear to ear.

He walked into the kitchen to finish preparing breakfast when Erin leaned over and whispered in his ear. "She called you Daddy!"

The shock and excitement in her voice made everything feel more real. "She told me she loved me," he whispered back.

Having Erin beside him in these moments made everything better and brighter. Caught up in the excitement, he leaned in and kissed her, in front of the girls and all.

Maddie's voice broke into their moment, and he released Erin from his kiss. "Can we have chocolate chip pancakes even though it's Tuesday?"

"Absolutely."

Two crying daughters and an "I love you" in one morning? Hell, he deserved pancakes, too.

0000000000000000

"Hi," Erin walked right into Jay's arms after what seemed like a never-ending day at work.

"Are you hungry?" He leaned down and kissed her gently, before directing her into the kitchen. "We missed you at dinner." It had been two weeks since the first morning Maddie and Grace had found her in Jay's bed, and since then, she spent more nights here than at Hank's.

"Are the girls asleep?" She sat down on the stool as Jay began to heat up a plate. The smell of chicken filled the air and it smelled divine. She hadn't realized just how hungry she was. And just how exhausted.

"Yeah, I put them down 20 minutes ago." He was standing by the microwave waiting for the food to be ready, but he was turned and looking towards Erin. She had shredded her jacket and shoes when she walked in, and she was wearing only a long sleeve green dress. Her hair was thrown together in a braid, but stray hairs were falling out and present around her neck and face. "They wanted to wait up to see you, so I had to bribe them with a second book, _each_ , to get them settle down." As he spoke, he continued to take her in. Her makeup was almost completely gone from the day's wear, and she looked exhausted. Beautiful, of course, but exhausted. "This is what happens when you're not here in the morning. They miss you too much." _I miss you too much._

Erin laughed, as she took the first bite of the delicious stir fry chicken. "I do have to go home sometimes, you know?" _I wish I didn't._ "All my clothes are there."

 _All of your clothes should be here._ He held back the words, knowing it was probably too soon. "I know," he said, handing her a beer. He was still working on Grace moving in permanently. One thing at a time. "How was your day?"

"Rough," she sighed as she took a long sip of her beer. It was days like today that made her _hate_ her job.

"Want to talk about it?" He knew she didn't. From what she had already told him on the phone, it was an awful situation. A child left alone, abandoned at school. No parent to pick him up at the end of the day.

"Not really," she looked at him then, smiling sadly, and seemed to be asking permission to _not_ talk about her day.

He wanted to tell her that she didn't need to ask permission. She didn't need to tell him every detail of her bad days. Just as long as she came home to him when it was over.

Instead, he leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead, hoping to convey his message without words.

"Tell me something," she said, as she breathed in his scent. He must have let the girls splash around during bath time, because along with his familiar smell was something faintly resembling their strawberry shampoo. She let the combination of Jay and Maddie and Grace relax her as she repeated the words. "Tell me something good."

000000000000

Hours later, Erin and Jay were tossing and turning under the blanket in attempt to sleep when Jay heard the ping of cellphone, signaling a new text message. Jay leaned over, and not giving his eyes any time to adjust to the light, opened his phone to read it.

Hank Voight to Group Message: Body at the Riverwalk. Meet near the docks in 30 minutes.

He checked the time, 3:30 am. _Jesus_. The last time he had checked the clock it was 3. He had barely slept a wink.

"Who is it?" Erin asked. He noticed right away that her voice wasn't raspier than usual, it wasn't throaty and full with sleep. She had been awake, too.

"Voight. We caught a new case. The team is meeting in 30 minutes." He sent Sam a quick text message and then put his phone back on his bedside table. Then, he wrapped his arm around her waist. _Well, if we're both up..._ He began placing open mouth kisses on her neck down towards her collarbone.

"Jay!" She wriggled out from underneath him, even though she had been enjoying the warmth of his tongue on her neck. "Don't you have to go in to work?"

"Sam doesn't come before 5:30, Voight never expects me before 6. Dawson will just brief me when I get there." Voight was tough, and strict, and sometimes downright scary. But for some reason, he had also always been completely, over the top, understanding when it came to Jay being a single father. "Why don't we try and get a few more hours of sleep?"

Erin turned to face him and held her head up as she laid on her side. "Jay, go to work," she said. "It's not like either one of us is going to be able to get any sleep tonight anyway."

She was right, of course. But before he got a chance to agree, she added, "And text Sam back. Tell her I got it covered."

"You want to take the girls to school?" He asked. "Are you sure? They can be a handful in the morning." He wasn't sure why he was so surprised by her offer. He also wasn't sure why he was questioning it. She was a social worker. Of course she could handle two four year old girls.

"Yes," she leaned over and kissed him lightly. She kissed him with such familiarity, like she had done it one hundred times before, like she was going to do a million times more. "I'm sure." She shifted and placed her hand on his, "Besides it'll be a good distraction to work."

She was right. He wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight, and he was going to be a nervous wreck tomorrow.

Tomorrow was the day the judge would rule on Grace's case.

It was a _huge_ day.

"Okay, You're right."

"I know I am." She planted one more kiss on his lips, then she patted his chest. "Now, go."

xoxo

Please review :)


	16. Chapter 16

Best readers ever :) Glad you enjoyed the last chapter. Hope you enjoy this one! And hope y'all have a great weekend!

Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 16,**

Erin actually managed to sleep a few hours, spread diagonally across Jay's queen size bed. _Not nearly enough,_ she thought, as she groggily snoozed her alarm. The day before had been completely draining. Receiving a call at the _end_ of the day from the Chicago Public School System about a child who was left at school was the _worst_ way to end the day. It was her first time handling a case like this, but Rachel had given her the low-down on the procedures. She hadn't, however, prepared Erin on how devastated the 12-year-old boy would be. She had taken him for dinner, treated him to ice cream, and then put him in protective custody at one of the foster homes Rachel had designated for such situations. It had been an extremely long day, and today was going to be even longer.

When she stood from bed, she rolled her neck and shrugged her shoulder slowly. She was so tense. She had been tossing and turning for the first half of the night, and it had certainly left a mark on her muscles. She dragged herself in the shower, allowing the hot water and steam to momentarily relieve the soreness. She hadn't wanted to get out, and by the time she did, she realized she was already running late.

She dressed quickly and put on the pot of coffee. She opted to make the same amount that she usually did for both her and Jay, because today she was _definitely_ going to need it.

"Maddie, Grace!" She flipped on the lights and walk towards the closet to pick out clothes for the girls. "It's time to wake up!" Jay had gone a little crazy filling the closet with clothes for Grace. Now that he was actually feeding her a normal amount of calories, she was essentially the same size as Maddie. They could have easily shared clothes. When she had told him as much he had just smiled and said, _I want her to have her own things._ And so, Erin pulled out two similar sized outfits from _opposite_ ends of the closet.

"Erin?" Grace spoke groggily, rubbing her eyes. "What's going on?" Even when Erin was there in the morning, she usually brewed the coffee while Jay came in here and woke the girls. It was his special time with them, and she never wanted to interrupt.

"Where's Daddy?" Maddie asked, seemingly just as confused as Grace. She slid out of her bed and began walking towards Erin, her eyes slowly adjusting to the light.

"Daddy had to go to work, and that means _I_ am going to take you to school today!" She tried for enthusiasm and excitement in her tone, and she hoped the girls couldn't sense the nerves in her voice.

Ever since the debacle that morning when the girls found in her in Jay's bed, everything had actually been fine. More than fine, actually. Whatever Jay had said to Maddie seemed to pull her on board, and she had welcomed Erin happily since then.

But still, Erin had forced herself to stay _a little bit_ on the sidelines. She was a visitor, after all. It wasn't _her_ family. Even taking the girls to school this morning felt like she was encroaching on _their_ family, their territory.

"Really?" Maddie asked, her voice high and excited.

"You'll get to meet Ms. Annie!" Grace yelled, her voice just as high.

"You know," Erin began helping the girls get dressed in the clothes she had picked out for the day. "Ms. Annie is actually one of my very best friends." She pulled the blue sweater over Grace's head, it had white butterflies on it, and Erin was pretty sure it was her favorite.

"She is?" Maddie said dramatically, as if she couldn't believe it. She was slowly putting her white sneakers on, on the wrong feet, of course.

Erin walked over to help Maddie fix her shoes, and then she tied the laces into two matching bunny ears. "She sure is." She found two headbands on the dresser and placed one in each of the girls hair, combing their curls out with her fingers.

Satisfied, she brought the girls into the bathroom where they went to the bathroom and brushed their teeth. Without help, of course. Because both girls insisted, _I can do it, I can do it._ Miss independents.

When she made her way into the kitchen, she found the oatmeal in the cabinet straight away. She took out two matching breakfast bowls, two princess spoons, apples, and strawberries, and began slicing, microwaving, and preparing their daily breakfast. She was beginning to know this kitchen as well as she knew her own.

The girls talked and talked over breakfast, mostly about Ms. Annie and their friends at school. While she stood sipping her cup of coffee and listening to their conversation, that familiar feeling of longing returned full force. _This_ was what she wanted. _This._ She wanted to start each day with a kiss from Jay Halstead and breakfast with his two beautiful girls before she went to work. She wanted to end each day by tucking the girls in and then falling asleep in his strong arms.

When she walked outside with the girls, she noticed that Jay had left her his car. _The carseats,_ she realized. _Always thinking,_ she thought fondly. _Even at 3:30 in the morning._

When they arrived at school, instead of driving through the carpool line and dropping the girls off, she opted to park and walk the girls inside. She grabbed each of their hands to cross the street, and when they made it to the side walk, no one was in a rush to let go.

Until they got inside, that is. "Ms. Annie!" The girls dropped Erin's hand the minute they walked in the classroom door and ran full force towards their teacher. "Look who we brought!" The each grabbed on to one of Annie's hands and began dragging her towards Erin, who was still standing in the doorway where they had left her.

"Hi, Annie!" Erin said sheepishly. She had wanted to say hi to Annie, but she hadn't meant to cause a scene. Several of the other parents in the room were staring at her, questioningly. They clearly knew that she was _not_ their mother.

Annie just laughed at the commotion and her embarrassed friend, and then pulled her into a hug. "Those little girls talk about you all the time. They love you," she whispered into Erin's ear, hoping it would calm her down.

It did. Because all she could think it that moment was, _I love them, too._

00000000000000000

Jay was _exhausted._ Actually, he was exhausted this morning at 3:30 am. And then again at 5:30 am, after the first bust. And then again at 7:00 am, after the second. But now, now he had reached a new level of exhaustion.

He had barely slept, the case seemed to be dragging on and on, with dead end after dead end. He reached out to a couple of his CIs, but he kept coming up blank.

At least the sun was finally shining and the rest of the world was awake with him. He checked the clock and noticed that it was already 10 am. He had meant to check in with Erin, make sure the morning routine wasn't too hectic for her, but he had forgotten with all the commotion this morning.

He pulled out his phone and decided to send her a quick message. He could check in by phone later, when he had a break and could sneak away from his desk.

Jay: I hope this morning doesn't have you running for the hills ;)

Erin: You really need to give Sam a raise.

She was, of course, kidding. She loved every minute of it, even if she was 30 minutes late for work. But she couldn't help but give him a hard time.

Jay laughed when he saw her message, and was about to respond when his desk phone started to ring. The smile dropped from his face.

"Detective Halstead," he answered, hurriedly.

DCFS wasn't supposed to call until later in the afternoon, around 5:00 they had said. And even if the judge had ruled early, they usually called his cell phone. It probably wasn't the girls, either. Annie generally called his cell phone, too. But you never know. Maybe they hadn't gotten through because he had been texting. It didn't work like that, did it?

"Hey, Jay." Jay relaxed his shoulders. It was just his brother, Will.

"Will," he sighed, clear relief in his voice. "What's up, man?"

"Just checking in. Have you heard anything from DCFS yet?" Will had been out of town for the past two weeks. Will hadn't told him _exactly_ where he was going, which probably meant he was visiting their father. The father Jay hadn't spoken to since before Maddie was born. It was one of those topics that Will and Jay had long ago agreed not to talk about, and not to let it affect their relationship. So far, it hadn't.

"Not yet," he replied. Will hadn't actually _met_ Grace yet, but Jay had told him all about her last week when Will called. "I probably won't hear from them until around 5." He checked the clock again. Time was _crawling._ "Are you back in town yet?" _Are you done with dad yet?_

"Yep. I'm working today, 7 to 7." That meant he was at work now, Jay realized. He had a wave of love for his brother then. No doubt the Emergency Department was busy, but Will had taken the time out of his morning to call and check in. "I was thinking of inviting myself over for dinner tonight. It'll give me a chance to meet both of your new girls." Jay had told him a little bit about Erin, too.

"I'll let you know if it's good news." He wouldn't be up for company if it wasn't.

"I'll see you after work," Will replied, easily. "It'll be good news."

He hoped so. He wouldn't be able to bear it otherwise.

000000000000000

"Hi, friend." Rachel Stone stepped into Erin's office just as Erin was finishing up a sandwich at her desk.

"Hi, friend." She matched her greeting.

Lately, Rachel and Erin had gotten in the habit of greeting each other in this manner in order to signal they wanted to _avoid_ the discussion of work. For the past two weeks, they had successfully kept the lines between professional and personal firmly in tact. Even today, that wasn't going to change. They both knew it was a big day for the Halstead family, but Rachel wasn't entering the office as Grace's caseworker. She was coming in as Erin's friend.

"What's going on?" Erin looked at her watch, surprised that Rachel was even in the office during this lunch hour.

"I haven't heard back from the judge yet," she said, quickly, still standing by the open door.

Erin could sense that Rachel had something else on her mind, but that she didn't want to seem inconsiderate or dismissive of the occasion. She was a really good friend that way. "Yeah, I figured," Erin said, waving her hand dismissively and gesturing for Rachel to come inside. "What's really going on?"

It was just past 1 pm, and there was a big sponsored lunch in the downstairs conference room. The office was essentially empty, since everyone had gone downstairs to enjoy the free food. Erin had stayed back, eating at her desk and attempting to squeeze in as much work as possible. She was hoping to leave work early to either celebrate or commiserate with Jay and the girls.

"You don't mind?" Rachel asked tentatively, sheepishly even.

Okay. This was something _personal._ "No, friend." Erin said, reminding her of their unspoken agreement. "I don't mind. Now, spill."

"Okay, okay." Rachel finally moved past the threshold of the door and closed it. Then, she sat down on the brown leather couch in Erin's office, the one that was usually intended for clients. She slipped off her skinny black heels and made herself at home in the space. "I went out on a date last night."

"You always go out on dates, Rachel." Rachel was tall and blonde and effortlessly gorgeous, and men literally stopped her on the street to ask her out on dates. A date was nothing new. She knew she was missing something.

"I know," She turned to face Erin. "I actually, uh... went out with Adam Ruzek."

"Adam Ruzek from district 21?" _Okay, that's what I was missing._

Rachel just nodded, a huge smile spreading on her pale face.

"Wow," Erin didn't know Adam well. But if he was in the Intelligence Unit and Voight trusted him, she trusted him, too. Plus, she had never seen Rachel this jazzed after a first date. Ever. "I assume it went well?"

"It went _so_ well, Erin. I can't even-"

They were cut off by a harsh knocking at the door. Rachel rushed to slide her heels back on her bare feet and stood quickly from the couch. She brushed the non-existent dirt off of her skirt back and tucked her blouse back into place. Of course, it wasn't out of place. Nothing ever was. "We'll talk later?" She whispered conspiratorially.

"Definitely," Erin smirked. She couldn't wait.

As Rachel opened the door to leave, her phone began to ring. She turned back to Erin, her eyes wide with anticipation and mouthed _it's the judge!,_ and then quickly ran out the door to her office. In her hurry to leave the room, she slipped right past the man standing in the doorway, without really noticing him.

He was a broad man, dressed in dark torn jeans and a short sleeve red shirt. He walked in quickly, then turned and abruptly closed the door behind him. "Are you Erin Lindsay?" He said, his voice low and deep.

"Yes," He had tattoos down his rippling muscles, and was well over six feet tall. He had a deep, angry scowl on his tattooed face. She was glad she was on the other side of the desk. "Can I help you?" She tried to keep her voice from wavering, to keep it firm and professional.

"You can tell me where you're keeping my boy."

So this was Jack's father. Jack, the 12 year-old-boy who had been abandoned at school yesterday. The 12 year-old _devastated_ boy, who had cried into his ice cream when Erin told him he couldn't go home.

"Mr. Knight, please sit down." She gestured towards the chair that was positioned at the other side of her desk.

He didn't budge.

It was then that she noticed his eyes were glassy, his pupil pinpoint. He also seemed to be sweating profusely, beads of sweat trickled down his face while dark sweat stains peered through his shirt.

He was at the very least drunk, but more likely high. High on what, she wasn't exactly sure.

"I am _not_ going to sit down. Tell me where my son is _right this minute._ " He shouted at her, his agitation seemed to be increasing by the minute.

He was standing in between her and the door, completely blocking the way with his broad expanse of a body. The door was closed, but his bellowing voice likely carried through the wooden door. The door was decently thin, having been paid for on the government's dime, after all. But the office was empty, and it was no use.

"Okay, Mr. Knight." She began calmly, "Why don't you tell me where you were yesterday?" _Instead of picking up your son at school, ass hole._

"I don't have to tell you that, lady." He said, crossing his massive arms over his chest and exposing even more tattoos.

"Okay." She said calmly. She tried a different tactic. "Can you tell me who was supposed to pick up Jack from school?" She already knew the answer. Jack had indicated that he lived with his father. Just his father. But she hoped that keeping him talking would calm him down, maybe he would even sit in the chair. That would give her a chance to open the door.

He didn't take the bait. "HOW ABOUT YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SON IS?" He moved towards her quickly, banging against her desk so hard it caused her cup of pens to fall over and spill onto the floor.

She shifted to get out of his way, to create a little more space between them, but after the long day yesterday and the sleepless night last night, even the adrenaline pumping through couldn't keep her upright when his fist connected with her face.

 _Fuck, that hurt._ That was her very first thought.

She had been punched in the face before. More than once, actually. She had been hit more times over the years than she would be willing to admit. First by her mother's boyfriends, then by Charlie. Then again by her mother's boyfriends.

But she didn't remember it hurting _this_ much. _Jesus Christ._

The force from his punch had knocked her back and thankfully she fell into her desk chair, instead of flat on the floor. She was too stunned to move. She just sat their, holding her cheek, surprised by how much it hurt.

She was in a daze. Too much of a daze to get out of the way when Mr. Knight came around to the other side of the desk. He began yelling at her. _Where is my son? Where is my son?_ He was screaming so close to her face she could feel the words as he spit them at her. She could feel the specks of his saliva resting on her face.

Reality set in as he wound his arm back in an attempt to punch her again. She shifted her body out of the way and began to fight back. She may be small and frail in comparison to his alarmingly large build, but she was still a fighter. She was still Voight's daughter, after all.

After several moments of struggling, she somehow ended up on the ground with Mr. Knight was sitting on her waist, pinning her down. She clawed at him repeatedly, attempting to shake loose of his grasp.

It didn't work. He landed another punch, this time hitting her square in the jaw.

 _Jay._ That was her very last thought.

Before the world went black.

xoxo

Sorry for the cliffhanger. I promise not to leave you hanging for too long :)

Please review!


	17. Chapter 17

Hi all :) Sorry for the confusion with Chapter 16. Hope you all enjoyed it.

NOTE: Since I uploaded yesterday's chapter before the 24 hour period ended, it didn't say it was updated. So, if you haven't read Chapter 16 stop and go back! It ended with a cliffhanger, and I don't want it to be spoiled by reading out of order :)

Happy reading! And thanks for all the wonderful reviews :)

 **Chapter 17,**

It was a little after 1 pm, and the Intelligence Unit was all gathered together in the bullpen. Two hours earlier, one of Atwater's CIs had finally come through. They finally had someone in custody, and after only a few minutes in an interrogation room with Voight, he had confessed. Jay was sitting on the edge of his desk listening to the final briefing when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. The call was from an unknown number, with a Chicago area code.

"Detective Halstead," he answered, still in work mode.

"Jay, Hi. It's Rachel." At the sound of his voice, he instantly jumped off of his desk. He motioned to the rest of the team. Everyone knew today was the day, and Voight immediately waved his hand to Jay to excuse him from the pen.

He walked into the break room and closed the door quietly behind him. "Hey, Rachel." He checked his watch as he spoke. It was only 1:15 pm. Was that a good sign or a bad sign? He couldn't tell by the tone of her voice, warm and professional, as always.

"I just heard back from the judge." Jay held his breath, and it seemed like hours before she finally spoke again. Hours. Even though it was more likely a couple seconds, just enough time for her to inhale and exhale in preparation for sharing her news. "And I have really wonderful news."

Jay let out a huge sigh of relief and a smile immediately formed on his lips. "I can keep her?" He couldn't believe it. He truly couldn't believe it. He had been so busy mentally preparing himself to get his heart broken, to have to break Grace's heart and Maddie's heart, and even Erin's heart, that he hadn't allowed himself to actually get his hopes up. "She's going to stay with us?" _We're going to be a family._

Rachel's laugh filled the speaker in his ear as she responded, "Yeah. You can keep her."

 _Thank. The. Lord._

He knew that fostering was just the first step in a _long line_ of steps. Erin had taken the time to walk him through it one night when they were lying in bed. He would still have the occasional surprise home visit, although they would space out considerably. Grace would be interviewed, along with her teachers, several times throughout the next few months. Then, if everything went well, he could petition the courts to adopt her some time next year. Then, she would _really_ be his.

But this... this was a start.

This was where it _all_ started.

"Rachel, thank you so much. Thank you for everything." He wanted to thank Rachel properly, but he also _really_ wanted to get off the phone. He wanted to march into the pen and tell the team. He wanted to call Erin.

He couldn't wait until 3:30 when he got to pick up his girls. _Both_ of his girls, and _finally, finally_ tell them the news.

The news they had all been waiting for.

"Your welcome, Jay." He could hear the smile in her voice now, too. "There's paperwork involved, of course, and I'll be in touch tomorrow." She paused, allowing that to settle in. "But for now, go celebrate with your family."

 _My family._

He thanked her again and then hung up, not even closing his phone before he dialed Erin's number.

 _Damn_ , he though, when the phone went straight to voicemail. He checked the time again, 1:20 pm, and resisted calling her a second time. He knew she was going to have a busy day today, especially after she had told him last night. He also knew that she had promised to try and squeeze everything in as early as possible so she could get out of work early. She was probably working through her lunch hour as we speak.

They had planned to meet at home after the girls got out of school. They were going to wait for the call together.

But, now, it had come early and he was anxious to tell her. He had to force himself to close the phone, to not dial her number again. He didn't want to bother her at work. He would tell her soon enough.

He slipped his cell phone back into his pocket and walked out into the bullpen. _At least I can tell them,_ he thought happily.

The team was finished with the briefing, and seemed to all be anxiously awaiting his news. Even Voight stepped back out of his office and was looking at him with anticipation. "Well?" Voight finally asked, breaking the silence that had settled over the room.

"It's official!" He broke out into another smile, this one even bigger than the last. "Grace is _officially_ my foster daughter!"

Voight walked over from where he was standing in the doorway of his office and gave Jay a hug. A _real_ hug. The rest of the team watched, momentarily stunned by his out of character gesture.

But they didn't know. They couldn't know just how proud and _happy_ this made Voight.

He remembered the day Erin officially became _his_ foster daughter. It was one of the best days of his life. Up there right next to the day he married Camille, and the day they brought Justin into this world. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. The only thing that kept him afloat after Camille died. He had worked hard to help Erin turn her life around, and here was one of his men, doing the same damn thing for another girl. It was fucking beautiful.

Voight stepped back and allowed the rest of the team to congratulate Jay. One after the other they hugged him, and even Ruzek gave him heartfelt congratulations without busting his balls.

He was damn proud of his team.

"I'm barbecuing at my house Sunday night," he decided. "Everyone bring your families. We're going to celebrate." His voice was the same low, gruff voice it always was, and the team looked at him, surprised, once again, by his words. He had _never_ invited anyone from the team into his home. Well, except Olinsky.

But this was special. Really special. This was an occasion worth celebrating.

The current celebration in the bullpen ended abruptly, though, when Voight's office phone began to ring.

He went into his office to take the call, returning only moments later with a grim look on his face.

"We've got another victim." _Well, shit._ The offender in custody clearly wasn't their guy. Or he hadn't been acting alone. "This one's still alive. Barely. They're on the way to Chicago Med."

000000000000000

Rachel sat in her office with a smile on her face and watched the clock. Her legs were bouncing up and down and her whole body was jittery with anticipation. She would give Jay five minutes to call Erin and tell her the news, and then Rachel was going to find Erin and celebrate.

This was, by far, the best part of her job. And her friend's investment in the outcome made this positive one one even sweeter.

 _Okay._ She thought, as she stood from her desk and walked towards her door. _Five minutes are up._

Rachel opened her door briskly and all but _ran_ down the long hall to Erin's office. The door was closed, which was unusual. Erin generally left her door at least partly open, unlike Rachel, who preferred to keep hers closed.

She knocked, but received no answer. She was about to turn and check the bathroom, hoping she would find Erin in there, when she changed her mind and went to open the office door. That was when she noticed that there was something blocking it. "Erin?" She called out.

She thought she heard a sort of grunting noise in reply. Maybe she was just imagining things.

Then she heard a crash.

Rachel used every ounce of strength she had to shove that door open. When she got inside, she immediately saw the thing that had been blocking the door. It was a very large, very _unconscious_ man.

There was a broken lamp, the red and blue antique one that had graced Erin's desk, on the floor next to his head. His head was bleeding profusely.

She didn't stop and check to see if he was okay. Because right now, she didn't care. Not when she saw Erin's limp body laying right next to his.

She stepped over him to reach for Erin. She was lying semi-conscious, a few feet next to the large, tattoo-covered, man. She had cuts lining her arms and her face. Her left eye socket looked like it had been broken, or dislocated, or whatever it was that eye sockets did when they were smashed in. Her mouth was open slightly, and her usually white teeth seemed to be stained red with blood. Her long brown hair was matted to her right cheek, stuck in the blood dripping down her face. "Oh my god." With one hand she lightly touched Erin's face, and with the other, she reached for her cell phone and immediately dialed 911.

0000000000000

The bruising had started to come in, Erin noticed absentmindedly, as she tugged on her hospital gown. There were marks all along the length of her arm in the shape of fingers. The bruises seemed to brand her, the way they permanently outlined the places on her skin where he had grabbed her.

She could still feel his hands there, squeezing and shoving. She didn't need the marks to remind her.

She barely remembered waking up that first time. She had been lying on the ground, her head partly covered by the top of her desk.

He had been standing over her when she crinkled her eyes open. She immediately noticed that he was about to kick her. But she also noticed that he was looking away. She reacted immediately, kicking him and knocking him off balance.

While he was momentarily subdued, she had searched for something to use to hit him, knowing her own two fists weren't going to be enough when he found his bearings again, and once again, stood towering over her.

She couldn't find anything big enough, except for her lamp. She hesitated then, because that lamp had meant _a lot_ to her. It had been Camille's.

But the hesitation last only for a second. Because Camille would had rather her fight for her life than preserve some physical reminder of her memory. So she grabbed the lamp and when he lunged for her, she bashed it over his head, effectively knocking him out.

She fell over then, the adrenaline that was keeping her going had abruptly drained from her body. She must have passed out again, but, now sitting here in the hospital bed, she couldn't remember.

She remembered opening her eyes again when she heard the knock on the door, followed by the gentle turning of her door knob. When she heard Rachel's voice, she almost cried out in relief.

She tried to answer, but the words wouldn't come. Her mouth was full of blood. Before she could think twice, she lifted the lamp and threw it, creating a noise that Rachel would hear. Rachel rushed in, calling an ambulance immediately and holding her until they arrived.

Once again, the lamp saved her life.

Now, sitting in the safety of the hospital bed, surrounded by beeping monitors and bags of fluid, she thought of the day Camille gave her the lamp.

She was fifteen and Hank and Camille had just bought her a brand new desk for her room. She had tried to refuse it, knowing they had spent too much. But Camille just shook her head and said _Now that you're living here, you get to be a regular kid,_ she had raised her eyebrows when she said it. Almost like she was saying this was more of a punishment than a gift. _And regular kids have to study to get where they want to go in life._

She had plugged in the red and blue lamp and placed it on the empty desk. _This was mine when I was young._ The soft light illuminated the room when she switched it on. _I know it's a bit old fashioned, but every desk needs a lamp._ She thought of the lamp now. Since that day, she had kept it on every desk she had ever owned. She used it to study, _to get where she wanted to go in life_.

She didn't need it anymore, she decided. Because she was exactly where she wanted to be in her life. And Camille would've been happy with that.

"Ms. Lindsay," a nurse came in the room, interrupting her thoughts of the only real mother she had ever known. She was sitting in the Emergency Room at Chicago Med with Rachel by her side, trying and failing to stay calm.

Erin was _extremely_ glad Rachel was with her. Not just that Rachel had found her, but that she was _with_ her now.

And not only because it was nice to have a friend with you when you were in the hospital, but because otherwise they would insist on calling her emergency contact. Her emergency contact was Hank Voight. And Hank worked with Jay. And she was _not_ telling Jay about this. She was not going to ruin his day, not now, not today. Not a mere hour since he found out he gets to keep Grace.

He should have at least one day of blissful ignorance to enjoy his new life with his girls.

The nurse moved further into the room. "Hi, I'm April." Her voice was gentle and soothing, everything Rachel's voice wasn't since she found Erin in her office. She let the sound of her voice calm her, and she took slow steadying breaths.

"Hi," she croaked out. Her voice was hoarse, from what, she had no idea. "How are my scans?" When she had first gotten to the ER, before they cleaned and bandaged her up, they had taking X-Rays of her head, face, arms, and ribs. She _really_ hoped nothing was broken.

"The doctor will be in shortly to discuss that with you. He'll answer all of your questions" She said, her voice still smooth as honey. "I'm here to give you these," she offered her a plastic cup with two white pills in it and another plastic cup with water.

Erin didn't take them, instead she just stared at the two while pills. "What are these?" She looked up at April expectantly.

"They're for the pain," she said, by way of explanation.

"I know that," Erin shook her head as she spoke, and immediately she experienced another rush of pain. This one worse than the last. She winced, but spoke again, trying to keep her voice steady. "What exactly are they?"

"Percocet," April tilted her head to the side, peering at Erin questioningly. She was still holding both plastic cups in her hand.

"Can I just get some Advil?" She was _not_ taking drugs. Detoxing at fifteen years old had been _hell_ , and she wasn't looking to do that again.

"Erin, listen." She shook her head, and began to speak a little slower. "Advil isn't going to be enough. You need these." April used her first name this time, clearly hoping that combined with her heartfelt explanation would make a difference.

It wouldn't.

She took a deep, shaky breath and closed her eyes. She gathered her strength to, once again, resist the temptation of taking the pills. "Let's try the Advil first." They may temporarily take the pain away, but it wasn't worth it.

"Okay," she shook her head. "I'll be right back."

When April walked out, Erin fully expected Rachel to coax her to take the pills. Or to at least ask her about her adamant refusal. So she was surprised when, instead, Rachel reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. She then nodded her head, her eyes a mix of _No explanation necessary_ and _I've got your back._

God, she was glad Rachel was there.

"Erin," Rachel was still holding onto her hand when she spoke. She tried to keep her voice as steady as possible, even though Erin could tell she was still reeling, a mix of shock and hysteria had been seeping into her voice ever since she found Erin. "Let me call Hank and Jay." This was the third time she had voiced this request.

"No." Her voice was stern and resolute. She even wanted to shake her head for emphasis, but decided against it. Instead she remained still, hoping avoiding large movements would stave off the pain.

Rachel's expression changed at this refusal. This face said _Yes, explanation necessary._ Despite the terrible situation, Erin found herself laughing at the contrast. Even if she continued to bother her about Jay and Hank, she was still glad Rachel was here.

Rachel opened her mouth to speak, likely a rebuttal and long winded explanation on why she _needed_ to call them, but suddenly there was a knock at the door. Both of their heads turned to see a man in a white coat walking slowly inside. He was tall, with reddish-brown hair and fair skin. He was wearing dark maroon scrubs and a long white coat.

He was looking down at Erin's chart at first, but when he looked up and met Erin's eyes, she froze. She knew those eyes.

"Hi, Erin." He said, "I'm Dr. Halstead."

 _Shit._

xoxo

Please Review!


	18. Chapter 18

OMG! I went to the hospital to bring my hubs lunch yesterday, and he ended up being busy with consults in the ED and so while I was waiting for him in his team room I wrote like 3/4 of this chapter, then my computer died and when I got home and plugged it in IT WAS ALL LOST. Literally, I wanted to cry. So I rewrote half of it, and will rewrite the rest later today or tomorrow :) The chapter ends kid of abruptly because of that though, but I just wanted to get something out today as planned! So so frustrating!

Okay, sorry. End of rant! Thank you so much for all the reviews and love after the last chapter, so happy you all enjoyed it. I hope you like this one too!

Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 18,**

Will Halstead stood at the nurses station reviewing the electronic medical record for his next patient, Erin Lindsay.

Chief complaint: 28 yo female, attacked in her office.

 _Jesus._ That didn't sound good. April had briefed him on her physical injuries so he could put the orders for the X-ray into the computer system, but she hadn't told him the _cause_ of her injuries.

He hadn't actually been in to see her yet. After a particularly busy morning, he had been squeezing in a late lunch when she first arrived. By the time he returned to the ED, she was already being taken back to get the X-Rays he ordered. April had cleaned her wounds and bandaged her up after the scans, and was now in there to give her pain medications.

He opened up the X-Rays in her chart and scanned each bone carefully. She had X-Rays of her head and neck, and then a separate set for her arms and ribs. After looking through each set of scans, he opened the radiologist report to verify his findings.

The radiologists report matched his own. He exited out of the scans and pulled up her medical chart, clicking on each tab and skimming quickly as he went.

Past Medical History: None

Past Surgical History: Open reduction and internal fixation of the clavicle in 2000*

*Note: Suspected physical abuse; not confirmed.

Medications: Oral contraceptive pill

Allergies: None

Social History: Social worker for DCFS. Drinks alcohol socially, denies any history of alcohol dependence. Former cigarette smoker; 1/2 pack per day x 2 years, quit at age 15. Past history of substance abuse x 1 year, status/post rehab, quit at age 15. Denies any current drug use.

As he continued to click through her chart, April stepped out of the patient's room and came up beside him, still holding the two while pills in her hand. "She won't take the Percocet."

He closed out of the chart, and reached out his hand towards April. She placed the paper chart in his hand as he replied, "I'll talk to her."

He began walking towards her room, briefly checking over the paper chart for anything that may have been missing in the electronic medical record.

After reading the online chart, he wasn't at all surprised she was refusing pain medications. He was, however, surprised when he saw the last line of her paper chart.

Emergency Contact: Hank Voight.

It couldn't be. Could it?

Yes. It probably was. _Shit._

Will had been out of town for the past two weeks, and he had been a little out of the loop where Jay was concerned. He went to visit their father in New York, and as much as they both had an 'agree to disagree' type understanding surrounding their father, Will wasn't exactly _comfortable_ talking to him about it. And he was even less comfortable lying to Jay, so while he was on his trips to New York, he usually avoided talking to Jay altogether.

He spoke to him twice, and both conversations had been kept brief, so as to avoid Jay asking him any questions.

The bulk of the conversation had surrounded Grace, the four year-old girl that Jay had discovered hiding under a bed during a case and that had come to live with him and Maddie. He had known enough to call Jay this morning, that today was the big day.

But Jay had actually told him very little about Erin. He didn't know her last name, and he _certainly_ didn't know that she had any sort of relationship with Voight.

Did Jay know about her relationship with Voight? It couldn't be a _romantic_ relationship. Right?

 _Right,_ he decided.

But still. Did Jay know about her past - the drug abuse? The _physical_ abuse?

Because even from the few words Jay had said over the phone, Will could already tell he was in _deep_ with this girl.

Will walked into the room, and when he looked up and introduced himself as Dr. Halstead, he could see Erin's face change as she registered _exactly_ who he was.

"Hi," was all she said.

"How are you feeling, Erin?" He asked, keeping his voice calm and soothing.

"Um..." _Every time I take a deep breath, I feel searing pain in my side._ "I'm okay." _As long as I don't move my head too quickly._

That's when Rachel chimed in. "She is _not_ okay." Rachel had spent weeks pouring over papers and learning everything there was to know about Jay Halstead, and she knew _exactly_ who this doctor was. And she sensed that Erin knew, too. But she didn't care. Erin had been _pummeled_ by a man three times her size. She was most certainly _not_ okay.

She turned to her friend, who was _glaring_ at her, but she kept her voice calm. "Erin, you're not." She wasn't trying to embarrass her friend, but she needed to tell her doctor the truth. "And it's okay that you'e not."

It wasn't okay though. Not to Erin, who didn't like to show even a trace of weakness.

"I took a look at your scans," Will's voice interrupted their staring contest, and they both turned to look at him. "The X-rays of your eye and jaw both showed no evidence of any broken bones." _Thank god._ "You'll still have soreness and bruising, but no breaks is a really good sign. You were really lucky." Erin seemed to let out a small exasperated sigh when he said the word _lucky._ But he meant it. Breaking bones in the eye or jaw almost _always_ required surgery, and the recovery process could be unbearable.

"The X-ray of your ribs, however, showed fractures in three places." Broken ribs weren't fun, but from the looks of Erin's face and arms, things could have been _a lot_ worse.

"What do we do for that?" Rachel asked, since she knew Erin wasn't going to. She had no problem hijacking the conversation and making sure her friend got the best care.

Will sat down on the edge of Erin's bed and held her gaze. "The treatment for rib fractures is pain management."

At his words, Erin felt tears fill her eyes. She leaned back against her pillow and stared at the ceiling, hoping Dr. Halstead couldn't see her face.

 _He knows._ The way he said the words, the way he kept his voice soft and soothing, the way he looked sympathetically into her eyes. He _definitely_ knew.

It must have been in her chart.

As far as she had come, as far as she ran, her past would always outrun her. She couldn't distance herself from it. It was like a tattoo, it would always be permanently etched on that damn chart.

But she sure as hell wasn't going to let history repeat itself. "I'll be fine with the Advil." _I am stronger than my pain._ She repeated words to herself over and over in her head. Her new mantra.

"Erin," His voice was still soft, but it had a little bit of a professional edge to it. It actually sounded a lot like Rachel, and if her ribs weren't _killing_ her, she might have even laughed.

"When I say the treatment is pain management, I'm not just saying that because I want you to feel better." He did, of course, but that wasn't the whole story. "When a person has a broken rib, it hurts to take deep breaths, and they end up with very shallow breathing." He motioned towards her, as if she was a prime example. "That can lead to a whole host of problems, one in particular being pneumonia." And _that_ was never good. "And if you're respiratory rate doesn't improve, you'll require surgery." And _that_ was worse.

The recovery process would be much more complicated if she didn't comply. "So when I say you need pain management, I mean you _need_ pain management."

Will stood from the bed. "I know this is a lot to digest," he said as he walked towards the door. "Take some time, I'll be back in soon." He was about to leave when he decided to add, "For now, I'll go call your emergency contact."

He didn't actually have to call her emergency contact, she had her friend with her. But he wanted Erin to _know_ that he knew who she was. It seemed unfair, unprofessional even. He wanted to level the playing field.

 _Okay, so he knows who I am._ She took a deep breath, even though it hurt. Then, she said the only thing she could think of. "Please don't." Her voice was raspy, and full of emotion. "And please don't tell Jay."

Will turned and walked back into the room. Time for real talk. "Erin, you need to tell him." So much for being professional. _Whoops_. "He would want to know."

She simply shook her head in response. She _welcomed_ the pain that ripped through her head with the movement.

It kept her from thinking of Jay. She couldn't think of Jay right now.

Because if she did, she would start to cry. And if she started to cry, she wasn't sure she would ever be able to stop.

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Jay and Antonio walked in the Emergency Department at Chicago Med to see the latest victim from their case. They spent 30 minutes questioning the 21 year-old bartender, gaining as much information as they could. The offender they had in custody may have orchestrated the attack, but he obviously couldn't have physically been involved.

This brought them back to square one. The victims name was Cassidy, and she was able to describe her assailant well enough. She had several bumps and bruises, and she was going to be sore for a while. But she hadn't been sexually assaulted like the other victim. And she was still alive. For that, they all agreed to consider her lucky.

They stepped out of her room and into the bustling ER. "I'll call Voight," Antonio offered, "Fill him in." Jay nodded, and watched as Antonio slipped away to make the call.

He really wanted to take a minute and track down Will. Even the case today could not put a damper on his good mood. He was still on a high after hearing about Grace, and he was eager to share his news with his brother.

He walked over to the nurses station and found Maggie talking to April. "Hey," they both looked up at him. "Have you seen Will?"

April was the first one to speak, "He's in with a patient."

Maggie motioned over to a room across the hall from them and added, "He's been in there for a while, actually." She looked down at her watch. "He should be done soon."

Jay's eyes followed Maggie's hand as she gestured to a room in the far end of the ER, diagonally from where Jay was standing. As if he had known Jay was waiting, Will took that moment to swing open the door and step out.

It may have been the angle. Or the careless way Will swung open the door. Or the timing of it all.

But whatever it was, Jay lost his breath as he saw Rachel sitting on a chair, pulled up and next to a hospital bed. He had _just_ spoken to her, and yet here she was, in the ER. She was looking at the bed, a concerned look etched on her face.

The hospital bed was mostly blocked, but what he saw sent a chill through his entire body. Feet, lying at the edge of the bed. He didn't see them long enough to match them up with the feet of his girlfriend, but they were most certainly the feet of an _adult._

Which meant Rachel was _not_ here for work.

"Will," Jay began to charge towards him, yelling his brother's name so it echoed across the room. He didn't even notice when the attention of the entire staff began to rest on his shoulders. "Who's in there with Rachel?"

"Jay," _Shit. He knows Rachel._ "Calm down." This was _not_ going to be good.

"Don't tell me to calm down." His fingers clenched into a fist at his side as he struggled to maintain composure. He repeated the question, this time his voice low with a hint of threatening. "Who. Is. In. There. With. Rachel?"

"It's Erin." He conceded.

Jay thought he was going to fall over. "My Erin?" _What a dumb question. Of course it's my Erin._

Will just nodded, but Jay didn't even notice. He was already rushing past Will, barging into the room.

He was _not_ prepared for what he saw when he walked in, and it stopped him in his tracks. Erin was dressed in a short sleeve, thin hospital gown that left very little to the imagination.

Her arms were _covered_ in bruises. No, not bruises. Marks. Dark purple marks that displayed the shapes of fingers. _Someone put their hands on her._

She had a bandage taped across her jaw. Both of her eyes were black and blue, although the left one looked _significantly_ worse than the right. Her hair was thrown in a messy pony tail, but it had _clear_ remnants of blood streaked through it.

"Wh-what happened?" His voice came out raw. He barely recognized it as his own, it sounded like it was coming from miles away.

He watched as her face seemed to register surprise that he was in the room. Then her face seemed to drain of emotion altogether. As if she could just _pretend_ this hadn't happen. _Well, that's not happening,_ he thought.

"I'm okay." She said, nodding her head slightly. "I'm okay." She repeated the words again. He wasn't sure if she was trying to convince him, or convince herself. Because after she said it a third time, her face finally fell and she burst into loud, wet sobs.

Jay rushed towards her s Rachel spoke. "I'll give you two a minute," she said, as she stood from her chair. "And I'm calling Hank."

Jay sat down on the bed and wrapped Erin in his arms. She could usually fill a room with her smile, her laugh. But today, in his arms, she felt so _small_. He wanted to hold here there forever, to keep her safe. "Why didn't you call me?"

It was in that moment that she remembered his news. She remembered the reason she didn't want to call him. "I heard about Grace," she whispered into his chest. His grey henley was already soaked with her tears. "I didn't want to ruin your day."

Even she spoke the words, she knew they were a lie. That wasn't the only reason, she realized, now that his strong arms were nestled around her.

She _needed_ Jay like she had never needed anyone. And that scared the _crap_ out of her.

She had spent the first 15 years of her life taking care of herself. Even when she moved in with Hank and Camille, she had never wanted to be _vulnerable._ Hank and Camille slowly broke down her walls and taught her that she could depend on them, that they were always going to be there for her. And she learned to trust them. She even allowed herself to depend on them for a lot of the years.

They contributed so much to her life, and she welcomed it.

But for some reason, this feeling, this way she _needed_ Jay, felt entirely new. Like she couldn't live her life without him. Like the thought of him _not_ being there made her feel like she couldn't breath.

She had only known him a month. She had known Hank almost half her life. And that was scary.

"Erin," he pulled her back and touched her face ever so gently. _I love you,_ he wanted to say. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there." _I love you._

He did't say the words though. It wasn't the time for that. They were both feeling too many emotions all at once, and he didn't want her to think he was just saying it because she was lying in a hospital bed.

He also didn't want to overwhelm her. He didn't want to overwhelm her with his love. And he _certainly_ didn't want to overwhelm her with his anger. He was a fucking police officer. He carried a gun for a living. If he couldn't protect his girl, then what was the point of all of it.

As if reading his thoughts, she leaned over and kissed him gently, comforting him with a gesture instead of words. One that said _I'm here, and I'm okay._ And maybe a hint of _This isn't your fault._

He kissed her back, for a moment allowing himself to believe her unspoken words.

But then he touched her face with such a gentleness that it seemed to only make her cry harder. He rested his forehead against hers. _I love you._ He kissed her again, deeper this time, knowing it might be the only thing he could do to stop the words from pouring out.

Voight, of course, chose that minute to barge loudly in the room.

That man always had impeccable timing.

xoxo

I hope you enjoyed reading this one :)

Please review!


	19. Chapter 19

Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter :) I hope you like this one!

 **Chapter 19,**

Hank was standing in the bullpen, drawing the new timeline on the white board, and relaying his conversation with Antonio to the rest of his team when he got the call.

"Voight," he said, distractedly, into the phone. He hadn't recognized the number, and he was still focused on the details of the case.

"Sergeant Voight? It's Rachel Stone, from DCFS." He immediately sensed the urgency in her tone, and he stopped writing on the white board, capping the the marker and giving the phone call his full attention.

"What's going on Rachel?" He _really_ hoped DCFS wasn't changing their mind about Grace. That girl _belonged_ with the Halstead's.

"It's Erin." His world seemed to stop at the sound of Erin's name. "She's at Chicago Med."

Hank didn't give offer a reply, instead he slammed his cell phone shut and shoved it deep into his jeans pocket.

The team, still surrounding his position at the white board, watched him questioningly. They all seemed to take notice of the change in atmosphere. It was Alvin who spoke up, "Hank, what's wrong?"

He was already shoving on his jacket and rushing hastily out the door, "It's Erin." At the top of the stairs, he turned for a moment and yelled back through the pen. "Al, you're in charge."

Within seconds he was in his large black SUV, sirens blaring, rushing towards Chicago Med. His heart was racing as fast as his car, and he refused to slow down even for a moment until he saw his girl's face.

He should've asked _why_ she was there. A million scenarios plagued him through during his drive over, each scenario worse than the one before, Had she been in a car accident? How long had she been there? Why was Rachel there? Why hadn't the hospital called him? He was her emergency contact. He should have been the first call.

And then there was the question he refused to think about, the one he kept trying to push out of his mind. What she still alive?

He didn't bother parking his car in the visitor's lot, he just pulled his SUV up outside the entrance of the Emergency Department, careful not to block the ambulance bay.

He found Rachel pacing near the nurses station. "Where is she?" He didn't even slow down as he spoke, just charged in the direction that Rachel was pointing.

He tried to prepare himself for what he was going to see when he walked in that hospital room.

Erin dressed in a hospital gown, making out with Halstead, wasn't _exactly_ what he had been expecting. _But at least she's alive._

Jay's body blocked most of Hank's view. And with the way Jay's hand's were resting on Erin's face, he couldn't make it exactly what was going on.

All he knew was that she had called Jay, _not_ him. And at this point, he wasn't exactly sure how to feel about that.

He hoped, prayed even, that it wasn't because part of Jay was _involved._

He remembered the first time Camille got pregnant. They'd been married almost three years, and had been trying for about six months when they _finally_ saw that little pink plus sign appear on the stick. They had celebrated by spending the whole day in bed, wrapped in each other's arms and basking in the new life that was already beginning to form.

He remembered that day like it was yesterday. And even more, he remembered eight days later, when Camille woke up in the middle of the night, the lower half of her nightgown drenched in blood. They had rushed to the Emergency Room in the middle of the night. But it was no use, the baby was already gone.

Camille had cried in his arms for hours, and early the following morning, when the doctor gave her a sedative and she finally slipped into sleep, he walked into the hallway and punched the wall. He punched it over and over until his knuckles were red with blood. It had been one of the worst nights of his life.

As Hank stood watching Erin and Jay, he hoped to _God_ that wasn't what had happened. He couldn't bear to see that look in her eye. The look of loss or devastation would be hard enough. But after Camille lost their baby, her expression was something else. Vacant. Empty. Hopeless.

It had taken months for her to come back to him.

He didn't want that for Erin. Or for Jay.

When Jay finally noticed Hank's presence in the room, he pulled his lips away from Erin and he shifted his body back on the bed. He appeared uncertain, like he wasn't sure how Hank would react to seeing Jay in his daughter's bed.

But Hank wasn't looking at Jay. For the first time Hank saw Erin's eyes.

They weren't empty, or vacant, or sad, or lost, or devastated.

They were black and blue.

Anger boiled through him in that moment. An anger so deep and so wide he was sure it would swallow him whole. "What the hell happened?" He shoved a hand down his face as he made a beeline for her bed.

Jay stood up from his seat just in time to give Hank room to join Erin on the bed. When Erin didn't answer, Hank spoke again, his voice softer this time. "Talk to me, kid."

Rachel walked quietly into the room, and leaned her back against the wall. She was glad Hank and Jay were finally here, but she wasn't ready to leave yet. Not until Erin gave _someone_ a full account of what had taken place.

Tears began to pool in Erin's eyes, but she shoved them away. The two most important men in her life were finally here with her. She hadn't asked for them, hadn't thought she even watched them to come. But now that they were here, she finally felt safe.

She allowed their presence to give her courage and she finally found the words to speak. "Yesterday, I placed a 12 year-old boy in protective custody," she tried to take a deep breath, almost forgetting about the unbearable pain that always followed them. "And today, his biological father came to see me." She motioned towards her face, as if there was no other explanation needed.

Hank stood abruptly, springing into action. He reveled in the feeling of having _something_ to do. To fix. Someone beat up his kid? Did they _know_ who they were dealing with? _Clearly not._ "Give me a name." He said, pacing the length of the room. "I'm going to hunt that son of a bitch down." _And this time my fists won't just be bloody from punching a hospital wall._

"Um-"

Erin hesitated for a moment, and Rachel chimed in. "No need." Hank and Jay turned around at the sound of the female voice coming from the back of the room. Neither of them had noticed Rachel when she entered, but now she had their full attention. "He's down the hall. Erin knocked him out."

 _Well, shit._ Was it bad that Hank Voight was _damn proud_ of his girl?

"You did?" It was Jay who asked the question, his tone also revealing a hint of pride, but there was also concern seeping into his voice.

Erin just nodded, uncomfortable with the the attention. All three pairs of eyes were _staring_ at her, and she felt so _naked_ in her hospital gown.

 _Okay, no more yes or no questions._ "How?" Hank wanted _details._ Enough of this nodding crap.

Rachel answered for her, "Bashed him over the head with a lamp."

Hank appreciated the information, but he _really_ wanted Rachel to leave. He wanted to hear it from Erin. He turned and gave Rachel a look that said as much, and she nodded and then quietly exited the room.

When he looked back at Erin, the tears were back in her eyes. And this time she let them fall. "It was Camille's lamp." She whispered the words so low he could barely hear them. "The blue and red one." That last piece of information was unnecessary, he knew right away which lamp she meant.

Jay didn't though. He sat back down on the bed, and placed a comforting hand on Erin's knee. "It's okay, babe."

 _Babe_. Hank has to stifle an eye roll.

Erin may have relaxed at Jay;s touch, but Hank knew only he could offer the right words. "Kid," he said. "Camille picked out every single lamp in our house. You can have 'em all." He shook his head, "A lamp is replaceable. You're not."

She seemed to cry harder at his words, and Jay touched her face gently, a mix of concern and sadness on his face.

But Hank knew that these were tears of relief. She used to do this as a teenager, too. She held in every ounce of emotion when she didn't feel safe. She perceived emotion as a weakness, and she _never_ wanted to display weakness.

When she first came to live with them, she would wait until she was alone, and then she would allow herself to break down. He and Camille would stand on the other side of the door, their hearts breaking at the sound of her sobs. He had always wanted to barge into the room, to fix whatever the problem was that had brought tears to her eyes.

Camille had urged him to give her space and time. And she had been right. The first time she wept in his arms, he knew he had her. That she was his and Camille's. That she _finally_ understood that this was going to be her home, her family for the rest of her life.

Erin wiped away at her tears when she noticed Will walk into the room.

"Hey, Will." Jay turned his body, still seated on the bed, to greet his brother.

Hank just nodded in greeting, segueing straight into his questions. "How's she doing, doc?"

"She'd be doing better if she wasn't refusing pain medication." Erin was glaring at will. _Probably not the best way to make a first impression with my future sister-in-law. Oh well. She'll get over it._

Hank didn't see the glare on Erin's face. He was too busy staring at Will, trying to gauge what he knew. He wasn't exactly sure what Jay knew either. Erin wasn't the type to _share_.

But he knew. He knew and so he understood why Erin was refusing the medication. And if he was being honest, he didn't entirely disagree with her choice. "Does she need them?" She had fought like hell to come out of that hole. It was wide and it was deep and she didn't need that again. And the first time, she had been a resilient teenager living under his roof. He had had a level of control over the situation. This time? Well, this time twenty-eight year-old Erin could leave, walk out of his life, and never come back.

"As I explained to her earlier," Will gestured towards Erin, but remained facing and directing his explanation to Hank. "She has three broken ribs. Her lungs won't recover without the pain medication. If she doesn't comply, she will likely require surgery."

Well, this was a different story. There was a difference between needing pain medication to _feel_ better, and needing pain medication to _get_ better. "Kid, you have to take them."

It was a statement, not a question, and it made her feel 15 years-old again. Except she wasn't 15, and this time it was _her_ decision. So, she shook her head, slowly but sternly, and said, "No."

She had too much to lose. Even a month ago, she would have agreed to take the drugs. But not now. She wasn't about to subject Jay, or Maddie and Grace for that matter, to a drug addict.

"Erin." Hank's voice was stern, like a warning. He didn't care if Jay or Will didn't know. They were about the find out. "I'll administer the pills exactly as Dr. Halstead instructs." _We can do this together._ "You're going to be fine." He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, Erin or himself. But he reasoned that it didn't actually matter. This was happening, and that was that.

Jay looked at his watch, and realized he needed to leave and pick up Maddie and Grace from school.

He had been sitting quietly on the bed, allowing Hank to take the reigns. Originally, when Hank had stepped in the room, he had been shocked that Hank hadn't lifted him off the bed and thrown his across the room when he saw them kissing.

He was still having trouble reconciling this version of Hank, the father, with the other version, the one that beat suspects to a pulp in the cage. But after watching their exchange, he realized that he trusted both versions of Hank to protect his girl.

Except Erin was shaking her head, and seemed to still be refusing, even with Hank's warning tone. _She's braver than me,_ he thought, ironically.

If she wasn't going to listen to Hank, then it was time he involved himself in the conversation. "I'm going to get Maddie and Grace from school." He stood from the bed, and then turned to look down at Erin. "When I get back, you will have taken those medications."

She raised her eyebrows at him, as if asking him silently, _Or what?_

Was she kidding _?_ "Or I'll mash them and hide them in your food, like I do with my four year old."

Heat rose to her cheeks, embarrassed in front of Hank and Will. " _Don't_ treat me like a child."

"Okay. Stop acting like one."

The room was silent, but Hank shifted his gaze between Jay and Erin. Okay. Maybe Halstead had this covered after all. "Halstead," he said, gaining the attention of both Halsteads in the room. "I'll pick up the girls and take 'em to my place." He ignored the look of anger on Erin's face, and the look of shock on Halstead's, and continued. "You can pick them up tonight when you bring Erin home."

When Jay didn't answer, he laid out his hand. "Keys?"

Halstead handed the keys over, a wary look still on his face. But before he could say a word, Hank turned and walked out.

After several moments, Erin broke the silence. "Fine. I'll take the medication," she said. Her voice was steely and stern, with a hint of anger. She turned towards Jay. "But you," She knew she was probably misplacing her anger, but she honestly didn't care. "You can get out."

Okay, not probably. _Definitely_.

She registered the hurt that instantly seeped into Jay's eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, she just watched him follow her instructions and walk out the door.

Moments later, Erin took the two Percocet offered by Will and tried her best to fall asleep. But every time she closed her eyes, instead of seeing the black behind her eyelids, she saw Jay. She saw his deep blue eyes, the ones that usually sparkled when he looked at her, filled with hurt.

She couldn't stop seeing his face, and it felt like hours before she succumbed to sleep.

In truth, it had been only 10 minutes before the Percocet knocked her out. Jay had been standing right outside her door, unmoving.

He didn't care that she wanted him to leave, he wasn't going anywhere.

He watched as Erin went into her room to check her vital signs, and when April left, he was able to peak past her and he noticed that she was finally asleep. He walked into the room and over to her bed and laid down beside her. He was careful not to touch the bruises or her broken ribs, but he just _needed_ to be close to her sleeping, breathing form.

He didn't even care that she was angry with him. He was just happy his words had had the desired affect. That she had actually taken the pills.

Didn't she understand? He had lost his best friend at 25 years-old. He wasn't about to let the love of his life undergo some unnecessary surgery, and for what? Some misguided attempt at bravery? Fear?

It didn't matter. He didn't care one way or the other. Because she wasn't having the surgery, because he wasn't going to lose her, too.

He loved this woman _so much_. Too much, maybe. He loved her with every ounce of his being. He was so in love with her he couldn't stand it, he _needed_ to tell her so badly.

He wanted to tell her that his life was black and white before she came along and slashed it with color. He wanted to tell her that the thought of losing her, of returning to his black and white world, made him not want to breath.

He wanted to tell that her mere presence was the answer to a question deep inside him that he hadn't even known existed. That he had longed for her before he had ever even learned her name.

He wanted to tell her that she fills his days with more joy than he ever thought possible. But also with a quiet dread and deep-seated fear. Because he knew that if she didn't feel the same way, she would leave an irreparable hole in his heart. One that would never be filled.

All he wanted was to give voice to his love for her. To finally speak these words out loud.

But he didn't. He couldn't.

Because they were in the middle of their first fight.

Because she was finally sleeping.

Because she wouldn't be able to hear him, already.

And because, more than likely, she already knew.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**

 **Grace and Maddie will return in the next chapter, not to worry ;)**


	20. Chapter 20

Hi all! Thanks so much for all of the great reviews :) I actually had a note about a few of your reviews! Erin has already told Jay about her past (see Chapter 10) and her history with drugs - Hank just didn't know that Jay knew. He assumed she didn't tell him because she isn't one to share - but he doesn't realize how close they have become. Hope that clears things up! Thanks again for all of the feedback and reviews. You guys are amazing amazing amazing!

 **Chapter 20,**

By the time Hank moved his SUV to the visitor's parking lot and tracked down Jay's car, he was running late. He arrived at the girl's school at 3:45 pm, and when he walked into the classroom he saw that Maddie and Grace were the only two students left. They were sitting at a table, coloring flowers, clearly distracted, and blissfully ignorant of the events of the day.

Annie, however, had a look of worry etched on her face and she rushed towards him immediately when he walked through the door.

"Did something happen? Where's Jay?" Jay and Samantha were both _obsessive_ about being on time, and the only time Jay had ever been late, he called the phone in the classroom to let Annie know. Forty-five minutes _before_ he was even due to pick Maddie up.

"Jay's fine." _Physically, anyway._ Hank was glad that Annie didn't seem to think to ask about Erin, so he wasn't going to have to lie. "I wanted to pick them up." Also not _really_ a lie.

Annie scrunched her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side. She knew she wasn't getting the whole story. "The social worker from DCFS called me." She kept her voice low enough that the girls wouldn't hear. "She told me about Grace's placement. How it's going to be permanent." She left the rest of the statement unspoken. The part where she _knew_ there was zero chance Jay would miss picking up the girls on today of all days.

 _Shit._ "It's..." He chose his words carefully. He didn't want Annie to become alarmed in front of the girls. "It's a long story. One he will fill you in on later. But for now, I promise, he is _fine._ " He drew out the last work, partly to convincer her, but partly to tell her that this conversation was _over._

He walked over to where the girls were giggling and coloring at the table. "Maddie, Grace!" His voice may be low and gruff, but he knew how to talk to kids. He had a grandson of his own, after all. "Guess who's here to take you for ice cream!" He may not know Grace that well, but he had gotten to know Maddie very well in recent years and he knew that girl wasn't about to ask questions if it meant passing up ice cream.

He was right. "Sergeant Voight!" Maddie jumped out of her chair and rushed over to him. "What are you doing here?" The question came out high pitched and excited, not accusing at all.

"I'm here to pick up my favorite girls and take them for cheeseburgers and ice cream!"

Grace stood from the chair, a little more warily than Maddie had. She had seen Sergeant Voight at the police station the first night with Jay, and a few times since, but she still didn't feel completely comfortable around men she didn't know. _For good reason._

"We're not your favorite girls, silly." Maddie said, walking to get her backpack from where it hung on the hook. Grace followed, carefully pulling on her new pink jacket before swinging her backpack over her shoulders.

"You're not?" He lifted Maddie into his arms and began to tickle her, then he reached out for Grace's hand to direct both girls out of the room. "Then who is?" He nodded towards Annie as they exited the classroom, and the three began walking down the long hallway towards the door.

"Erin is!"

Hank almost stopped walking at the sound of Erin's name. And he couldn't help the confused expression that shot across his face. "What?"

Maddie, now holding his hand tightly and walking down the corridor on her own, didn't seem to notice the way Hank's body had slowed. "You said she's your little girl. That means _she's_ your favorite girl. Right?"

 _Oh, yeah._ "Goodness, you are smart." He remembered that first night he had visited Halstead's home. He had walked in on Jay and Erin in the kitchen, the atmosphere charged the way it only was when people were actively resisting each other. _That lasted long,_ he thought now, sarcastically. Except he was surprised at how _okay_ with that he was. Halstead was a good man and Erin could do _a lot_ worse.

For the first time since Hank had arrived at the school, Grace finally spoke, bringing him back to reality. "Where's daddy?"

Hank was surprised once again, but this time he didn't falter. He just continued to strap the girls into their car seats in the back of Jay's car. "He got held up at work, kiddo." _Daddy._ She was calling him _daddy?_ "He's going to pick you up after dinner." It was strange, but he felt a sudden pang of emotion when he heard the word. Surprise, sure. But there was something else, too.

Maybe, just a hint of _jealousy._

Just like he had said to Maddie and Grace, Erin _was_ his little girl. She was his _daughter._ Blood or not, she was his. But she had never, not once, called him dad. It had never bothered him, not really. Well, not until this moment, right now.

When he slid into the drivers seat and began to buckle, he could hear the girls chattering in the backseat.

"Sergeant Voight is the boss of all the detectives and the officers. Like Uncle Adam and Uncle Tony. And even Daddy!" Maddie was explaining district 21 to the other four year old. "Everyone except for Sergeant Platt. She sits at the desk, and she gives me lollipops when I visit Daddy at work. I bet she would give you lollipops, too."

Grace smiled wide, "Really?" She _loved_ lollipops. She used to get them when she went to the doctors with her mommy.

"Really." Maddie smiled back. Then she lowered her voice, and Hank had to strain to hear over the rumbling of the car engine. "Daddy says that Sergeant Voight never takes _anyone_ for cheeseburgers and ice cream. So we must be _really_ special."

 _It's true,_ Voight smiled as he listened to Maddie's words. _They are._

0000000000000

Erin woke up several hours later to find Jay snoring lightly beside her. His arms were draped gently over her body, and even though her ribs were a little sore, she didn't dare move him.

Instead, she turned her body slightly so that her body was facing his. She rested her nose against his chest and breathed in the scent of him. She let the familiar scent fill her lungs. The sharp pains were gone, leaving just a dull ache in their wake.

She had to admit the Percocet had done it's job, and her ribs really did feel better. Her headache was also mostly gone, which she suspected had something to do with the pain medication but also a lot to do with the return of normal breathing. Oxygen flowed freely through her entire body, and she felt better than she had all day.

She wanted to smile at that thought, but instead she let another deep sigh. She was _such_ a bitch.

Jay had been _worried_ about her, and she snapped at him. She had never, in her entire life, had a man worry about her as much as Jay seemed to. Well, except for Hank, but he was her father and so he didn't exactly count.

And even when she pushed him away, he hadn't gone. He must have stayed close by, waiting in the hospital until she fell asleep, and then snuck back in the room.

She made him _sneak_ in. Jesus, she was _the_ _worst._

She looked at the clock on the wall of the hospital room, and registered that it was already 6:30 pm. She had been sleeping for more than two hours. No wonder she felt better.

She also realized that this meant the girls had been home from school for almost three hours. She and Jay were supposed to have been there. They had it all planned out. They had bought Grace's favorite ice cream and had it hidden in the back of the freezer.

Erin had also secretly made a cake she was planning to bring over in the case of good news. It was a homemade marble cake she had made yesterday morning. It was actually the reason she hadn't slept over the night before last. She wasn't usually a baker, and Hank had laughed at her determination as she measured each ingredient three times. She just wanted it to be perfect. Afterwards, she had spread chocolate icing over top and wrote in bright pink letters, "Welcome to your forever home, Grace!"

Grace couldn't read of course, the words were really more for Jay. Because she had all the faith in him in the world, and because she was so proud of him. He was _really_ doing this. He was saving a girl's life. He was surrounding her with love and family and everything she would ever need.

 _Wow, I really am the worst._

Gone was the anger, gone was the pain, but it was now being replaced by an overwhelming sense of guilt, and a hint of fear. He had to forgive her. _Right?_

She needed to find out. "Jay," she brushed her fingers across his cheek, gently, trying to stir him awake. "Jay," she said again, a little louder this time.

His eyelids finally fluttered open and his blue eyes found hers. _Yeah,_ she thought. _He forgives me._

She leaned over and pressed her lips gently to his. She pulled away just an inch, and pressed her forehead against his. "I'm sorry," her voice felt raw, full of emotion. She hoped he knew how much she meant it. "I was..." she searched for the words. "I was just scared." It wasn't the greatest explanation or the greatest excuse, but it was the most true. "And I took it out on you."

"I know, baby." He stared into her eyes, and saw that her sparkle was slowly returning. So was the color in her cheeks. _Thank God._ "I'm sorry, too." Part of him was still glad his words had succeeded in making her take the medication, but he really was sorry for the way he had spoken to her. "But listen to me," he tucked his hand under her chin, careful not to touch the bandage on her jaw, "You have nothing to be scared of."

That's where he was wrong. "Jay," she shook her head slightly, satisfied once again when she realized the gesture hadn't brought on more pain. "You didn't see me last time." She closed her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to spill again. "I don't want you to _ever_ see me like that."

"It won't be like that this time." He was sure of it. "But even if it is," It wouldn't be. "I'm not going anywhere."

 _I love you._ She almost said the words out loud. She felt them so deeply. But she couldn't say them yet. Not when she was lying in a hospital bed, when they were discussing her past and potentially future drug dependence.

Instead she just said, "You can't know that." That's what scared her most of all. Because it was the most true thing either one of them had said all day. They _couldn't_ know.

"I do." He was resolute.

But he didn't know, couldn't know. Dealing with drug addicts was _hard._ And he had two _beautiful_ little girls to think of. "Jay," she tried again, "You have Maddie and Grace to think of."

He didn't even need to search for a response, it just flowed out of his mouth. "They're all I'm thinking of." _Them and you._ It was the truth. "Maddie and Grace love you." _I also love you._ "You mean the world to us. To all of us." He watched a single tear trail down her cheek at his words, and he gently swiped it away with the pad of his thumb. "They need you." _And I need you._ "And you know what," his voice lightened slightly, "They're going to be your motivation to get through this. I know it."

She knew, in that moment, that he was right. She would do this for Maddie, and Grace, and Jay. Because she loved them. And because she wanted them to be a family.

This was her chance at a family, and she wasn't going to throw it away.

0000000000000

Erin and Jay remained snuggled together on the hospital bed, waiting for her to be discharged from the ER. With the air finally clear between them, Erin was finally beginning to relax.

"Wait," she sat up suddenly, forgetting about her broken ribs. The pain seemed to return full force and she shuddered, "Owww." She drew the word out, almost like a sigh, then she closed her eyes, trying to will the pain away.

Jay sat up, but was careful not to touch her. "Are you okay?" He assumed the pain was from the sudden movement. But he was more concerned about the thoughts that _triggered_ the sudden movement, the thoughts that had lifted her from her comfortable place in bed.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I'm okay." The pain was slowly subsiding again, and she turned towards Jay.

He was looking at her expectantly, nervously. "Okay, good." He didn't believe her. "But um... Wait, what?"

"Oh," she had almost forgotten, once again. "I wanted to tell you how happy I am for you."

His expression changed to one of deep confusion. What in the world was she talking about?

"Congratulations, Daddy." A genuine smile spread slowly across her cheeks and her dimples appeared deep in her cheeks. "Grace is so lucky to have you."

"Thank you," he replied, his words full of all the emotions from the day. The happiness, the love, the worry, the fear. But looking at Erin's hazel eyes smiling bright at him, the worry and fear began to subside, and his smile began to match hers. He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers.

Will chose that moment to walk into the hospital room. What was it with everyone and their timing? Couldn't his brother just let him kiss his girl in peace. _Jesus_.

"Sorry to interrupt, you two." He didn't sound sorry _at all_ , Jay thought bitterly.

Will reached over and handed two more white pills to Erin. "Take these now, and then you'll take two more before you go to bed." Will was using his professional, no nonsense doctor tone, and Jay really loved him for it. Enough to forgive the earlier interruption.

Will turned to Jay, giving him the rest of the instructions. "Tomorrow, the first dose should be two pills." Will knew that Hank Voight would want a full report, and that he and Jay would be monitoring the pills. "After that, it's one pill every 4 hours. Before you leave, I'll give you enough for 3 days. Hopefully by then, you can switch the Ibuprofen." He turned to Erin, "If you need more after 3 days, you'll need to be seen in the office." Will knew he was being strict, and he was actually surprised by the grateful looks on both Jay and Erin's faces.

"I won't need more." Erin said, briskly.

Will believed her. "It's okay if you do, though."

"Thank you, Dr. Halstead." She said, taking the pills and swallowing them quickly. "Can you... uh..." She was a little embarrassed to ask the question, but she knew she needed to. "Can you just give the rest of the pills to Jay, please?"

"Of course," he replied, still in his doctor voice. But then he lightened it slightly, and Erin noticed that he, too, had that trademark Halstead grin. "But seriously, I think it's time you start calling me Will."

"Thanks, Will." She said, a shy smile on her lips. She knew he was trying to make her feel comfortable, but the reminder that he was in fact her boyfriend's _brother_ and not just her doctor actually made her much _less_ comfortable. She couldn't _believe_ this was going to be his first impression of her.

"You're welcome," he said. "Now last thing before we can get you out of here, I need to teach you how to use this." He presented her with a long clear plastic tube. "It's called an incentive spirometer. It'll be an instrumental part of your recovery." She relaxed at his return to his professional voice. He showed her how to use the tube, how to inhale deeply and exhale deeply, her lips secure around the mouthpiece. "The power of your exhale will move the plastic to a number. I want you to do this three times at the beginning of every hour, and your breathing should improve throughout the days. If it goes down significantly at any time, call me."

She did a few practice breaths, and when Will seemed satisfied with her efforts, he left to go get the rest of the medications.

Jay looked down at the incentive spirometer. "The girls are going to _love_ playing with this," he joked.

She looked at Jay, her eyes sad and her voice soft. "I was actually thinking it's probably best I stay with Hank during my recovery."

"What? Why?" _But also, no._

"They shouldn't have to see me like this." _I saw my mother battered and bruised too many times to count. I'm not doing that to them._

"We'll sit down and explain it to them." _My girls can handle the conversation. They can't handle going days without seeing you._

"It's too scary for them."

 _This whole thing was too scary for me._ "We'll talk to them together. It'll all be okay." _I'm never letting you out of my sight again._

He pressed his lips gently against her forehead, to comfort her, but also to signal to her that this conversation was, in fact, over. She was coming home to him.

Will came in a few minutes later to bring Jay the rest of Erin's medication. Erin signed the discharge paperwork, and after Jay helped her back into a pair of scrubs to leave. Her clothes were torn and bloody, and she never wanted to put them on again.

It was dark by the time they left the hospital. The city skyline was illuminated, and it cast shadows as they walked to the car. Erin shivered from the cold, the scrubs paper thin against the wind. Unsure if the medicine had kicked in yet, Jay resisted wrapping her arms tightly around her body. Instead he handed her his coat to lay on top of her own. They walked hand in hand towards the parking lot, and Jay helped Erin up into Hank's large SUV.

When he walked around and slid into the driver's side, he noticed that Erin was looking out of the window, seemingly lost in thought. She had a sad look on her face, and he wanted more than anything to take her pain away.

He leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek, hoping his words would do the trick. "Let's go home and see our girls."

 _Our girls._ Erin looked at him, a look of wonder transforming her face. _I like the sound of that._

And then, she couldn't hold it in any longer. The words tumbled out of her, and there was no way she would have been able to stop them, even if she wanted to. "I love you, Jay Halstead." She whispered.

Jay closed his eyes, trying to memorize this moment. The fluttering in his stomach, the love swelling in his heart. He opened his eyes and kissed her softly, before replying, "I love you, too."

xoxo

Please Review :)

Also - Unfortunately, I likely won't be able to upload a chapter tomorrow! I'll try my best, but I have a seriously busy day. SORRY IN ADVANCE :) Stay tuned for Thursday!


	21. Chapter 21

Hi all :) This is a shorter chapter, but I wanted to get something out tonight. Thank you so much to all of you! Seriously, I can't believe I have almost 500 reviews on this story. How amazing! You are all the BEST.

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 21,**

Noticing his own car already parked on the street, Jay pulled Hank's car into the gravel driveway. He turned off the car and immediately began unbuckling his seatbelt in preparation to go inside and see his daughters.

"Um..." At the sound of her voice, he turned towards Erin, noticing for the first time that she hadn't yet moved. "I think you should go in first." She paused, "Prepare the girls for..." she motioned towards her face, the white bandage that covered her jaw, the bilateral bruising around her hazel eyes, "All of this."

He wanted to object, almost did, but then he realized Erin kind of had a point. He had time to adjust to the sight of her like this, and it still saddened him each he looked at her. "Okay," he said, leaning over to kiss her gently.

"Just text me when it's safe to come inside," she requested.

He nodded, opening his door. "You going to be okay out here by yourself?"

She laughed at his question, lightening the mood substantially. "I think I can handle myself."

His smile was quick, wide, and full of pride. "Damn right you can." He was in awe of her.

He handed her the keys, knowing she would need to turn the car back on and blast the heat, or at least listen to the radio to stave off boredom. Then, he stepped out of the car, closed the door gently behind him, and began to walk towards the house.

He had only been the Voight's house a handful of times, all in the past few weeks to pick up Erin. Each time he had barely passed the threshold before Erin stepped out and they left together.

This time when he knocked, he felt the familiar sense of unease return. _Relax_ , he chastised himself. _Your daughters are in there. Just knock._

Finally, he lifted his hand and knocked twice against the large front door. He only had to wait a moment out in the cold before Voight opened the door and ushered him in.

"Hey, Sarg," he said, slightly awkward in his greeting.

He didn't return the greeting, instead he looked past Jay and out the door into the dark night. "Where's Erin?"

"Still in the car." Jay replied, "She wanted me to talk to the girls before she came in. Warm them, I guess."

Voight finally spotted Erin sitting in the passengers seat. The interior lights were on in the car, illuminating her in a soft glow. Exhaust fumes trailed out into the night air, signaling the car was running. He almost waved to her, but she was staring down at her phone and didn't seem to notice him staring at her.

He stepped back inside and closed the front door. "Probably a good idea," he said, finally looking at and addressing Jay. He was actually glad he had Jay alone for a minute. "How's she doing?"

"She's-"

"Daddy!" Maddie and Grace ran into the entrance, interrupting the two men. Jay immediately bent down and opened his arms. Each lunged into either side of him, and he lifted them up and squeezed them tight. He inhaled the scent of their strawberry shampoo, allowing it to relax him. He hadn't realized how much he needed to hold his girls after today. Past them, he gave Hank an apologetic look.

Hank watched Jay envelop his _two_ daughters in a family hug, and dismissed the apology with a wave. _Plenty of time to talk about Erin_ , he thought. "You can go into the living room," he nodded down the hall to direct him, knowing Jay wouldn't know where to go. "I'll give you all a minute."

Hank turned to leave, but stopped when Maddie called his name. "Sergeant Voight! Where are you going?" He turned back around as she continued, this time in a whisper. "Aren't we gonna show Daddy our fort?"

After dinner and ice cream, the three of them had completely transformed his living room into a massive fort. Every blanket he owned, more than half of his pillows, the couches, and half the kitchen chairs had been involved. He used to build forts with Justin as a kid, and he had forgotten how much work went into it. And he had also forgotten how much fun it was. "You go show your Daddy, and I'll be in soon."

Jay put Maddie and Grace down, allowing them to direct him to the living room. As he walked down the long hallway, he noticed the framed pictures that lined the walls. He wanted to stop and study them, to see proof of Hank and Erin's relationship, but he was being pulled along.

When they reached the living room he couldn't help the smile that appeared on his lips. "Wow!" He didn't have to fake the excitement in his voice. This fort was _awesome_. "You girls built all this?"

"Sergeant Voight helped us!" Grace said, proudly. It was the first fort she had ever built, and she never wanted to leave it.

"It's amazing." He said, his eyes still wide as he searched the large space. "I am _really_ impressed."

Maddie and Grace dragged him into the fort, and sat on two square pillows. In the middle of the floor was a very old looking shoots and ladders game. _Wow._ From what Erin had told him, he knew Hank had a son, a grandson, and he had, of course, raised Erin. But knowing this and _seeing_ this were still two different things. It was still so hard to reconcile.

Maddie pointed at a larger, rectangular pillow on the opposite side of the board game. "Sergeant Voight was sitting there, you can sit there until he comes back." She lowered her voice to a whisper, "But then you have to move, Daddy. Because he's the _boss."_

"Don't I know it." He laughed.

He settled into his large pillow, and began gearing himself up for the talk they were about to have. Just as he was about to open his mouth again, Grace asked, "Where's Erin? Sergeant Voight said she was with you."

"That's what I need to talk to you about, girls."

He probably shouldn't have started it that way, because at his words, Grace immediately burst into tears. "She doesn't want to see me anymore, does she?"

His heart broke at her sobs. She seemed so strong all the time, so well-adjusted, so _normal._ He sometimes forgot about her history of abandonment, her fears that history would repeat itself. He leaned over and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder and pressed his lips into her hair, "Grace, no. That's not it at all."

At this point, Maddie seemed to be tearing up, too. She may not have conjured up the thought of Erin abandoning them on her own, but once it was put out there, she seemed just as upset by the notion. "Mads, Grace. Listen to me," he kept his voice soft and soothing, but he rushed the words. "Erin had an accident and she got hurt. We had to go to the hospital, but Uncle Will took really good care of her and she's going to be all better soon." _She better be,_ he thought. He took a deep breath, and then delivered the rest of the news. "She has bruises all up her arms and on both of her eyes. She wanted me to come in and tell you first, so you didn't get scared. That'll all. She's right outside."

Maddie visibly relaxed when she heard that Erin was right outside, and the thought made his heart flutter. His girl loved Erin just as much as he did.

But when he turned to look at Grace, she was crying harder and her face looked worse. "Bug?" He touched her chin, lifting her face so that she was looking at him. "She's going to be fine, I promise. I'm going to get her right now, you'll see."

"She's not fine." Grace said. The tone of her voice was still that of a four-year-old, but the content of her words were wise beyond her years. "My mommy used to say she had an accident, too." She had been through this before, Jay realized. He hadn't chose then right words. "You only get bruises on your eyes when you get _punched._ " Her last word was full of anger, and a hint of fear.

Maddie's eyes grew wide. "Punched?" Jay wasn't even sure Maddie knew what the word punched meant. God, he hoped not. He really didn't feel comfortable discussing this with his four-year-old.

He weighed his options. He knew that Grace had been through a lot, and she had a much more extensive knowledge of these topics than Maddie, through no fault of her own. So maybe he should pull Grace aside, explain it to her later? When they could be alone?

Except, he didn't feel entirely comfortable with that, either. He had _never_ lied to Maddie, and he didn't really want to start now.

"Okay, girls." He made his decision. "You want the truth?"

They both nodded their heads adamantly.

"You know how Daddy arrests people, and sometimes they have to go away for a long time because they did a bad thing?" He knew Maddie knew this, at least.

Sure enough, she nodded. "Because you're a detective." She said, proudly.

"Right, because I'm a detective." Grace didn't nod, but she had stopped crying. That was at least a start. "Well, Erin's job is kind of like mine, too."

Maddie crinkled her eyebrows in confusion. "No," she said. "Erin finds homes for kids."

"That's right, Mads. She does." He continued, "But that's because those kids can't live at their homes anymore. Because they live with people who do bad things. Just like the people I arrest." He hoped he was making sense. He felt like he was talking in circles, he was confusing even himself.

Grace helped him out, "Like when my mommy's boyfriend punched me, I came to live with you?"

He didn't think it was possible for his heart to break anymore, but it seemed to shatter into a million pieces. Sure, he had known. He had always known. But he had never _heard_ her say those words explicitly. That her mommy's boyfriend _punched_ her.

That man was lucky he was dead.

If he was still alive, they wouldn't even find his dead body at the bottom of the river. His fate would be far worse.

"Like that," was all he could say. But then he knew that wasn't enough, and he added. "And no one is ever going to hurt you again, Grace. You know that right?" It was worth getting off topic if she would finally _hear_ him when he said those words.

"Right," she said the word so matter-of-factly and dismissively, and he realized with pride that she _had_ heard him. That she finally believed the words he had be repeating over and over. She may still have fears of abandonment, but she knew that _no one_ was ever going to lay a hand on her again. She must had only brought that up because she was trying to explain it to Maddie _._ "So did someone punch Erin?"

Leave it to the four-year-old to bring the conversation back on track. "Yes," he finally admitted. "Erin found a child who didn't have a good home with his daddy, so she found him a good home. But then his daddy got really really mad and he hurt Erin." He _hated_ even using the word "daddy" to describe this lowlife. But the explanation seemed to make sense to both his daughters, so he was glad he had. "But _your_ Daddy and Sergeant Voight are going to make sure that he _never_ hurts anyone _ever_ again. Okay?"

"Okay," Grace whispered, seemingly satisfied with his explanation. "Can we see her now?"

"Yeah, Daddy." Maddie chimed in, finally finding her voice again. "Can we see Erin?"

 _Jesus._ His girls rebounded _way faster_ than he did. "Yeah, girls," This conversation had seriously taken a toll, and he was happy it was finally done with. "You can see her."

He left the two girls in the fort, and went to get Erin from the car. He walked down the wrong hallway and found himself accidentally walking through the kitchen on his way to the front door. He came upon Voight sitting at the table, nursing a beer. He felt somewhat awkward walking past him without acknowledging his presence, but he also hoped Voight didn't initiate a conversation. _Too many heavy conversations for one night, already._ "Hey, Sarg."

"Halstead, sit." _Never mind, then._

Voight was still his boss, so he reluctantly sat down. "I was just heading out to get Erin, sir." He could at least make it known that he didn't want this to be a long conversation.

"I just need a minute," Hank said, as if reading his mind.

"Okay."

"I know you and Erin have been spending a lot of time together lately." _That's the understatement of the century,_ Hank thought, but he continued nonetheless. "And Maddie and Grace seem to really like her." Another gigantic understatement. Maddie and Grace hadn't stopped talking about Erin since he picked them up from school. And why wouldn't they like her? He had raised her right, after all. "I know she cares about them too. And I can already see where this is going."

Jay looked at Hank, shock clear on his face. He tried to respond, but couldn't find the words. Instead, he nodded dumbly.

"I assume Erin wants to stay with you tonight." If Hank was being completely honest, he wasn't thrilled with the idea. He wanted his girl under his roof where he could watch her. But if she couldn't be with him, he at least felt comfortable knowing she would be with Halstead. That man cared about his daughter as much as he did, and he would protect her with his life. Hank was _sure_ of that.

Again, Jay just nodded his assent, seemingly lost for words.

"Okay." He had spent the last hour considering this, planning this conversation. He hated invading Erin's privacy like this, but he wouldn't feel completely comfortable otherwise. "Listen, I don't know what Erin has told you, but-"

"Everything," he interrupted. "She's told me everything." _I think._

 _Mmmm... We'll see._ "About why she came to live her?" Hank probed.

"Yeah." He knew where he was going with this. "Will gave me all the medications with the instructions for when she should take them. I'll give them to her. I'll monitor them." He needed his boss to know that he could handle this.

Hank was relieved that he didn't have to explain Erin's history further. He really _hated_ doing this. "Jay," he used his first name this time. Because this was personal. "After you give her tonight's dose, you have to hide them."

"What?" He couldn't do that. He couldn't just blatantly show Erin that he didn't trust her. Could he?

Hank sensed his apprehension, and he understood it. But he just didn't care. That was the condition. Either Jay hid the pills, or Erin stayed with him. "Tell her, don't tell her. I don't care. But you _need_ to hide them."

"Why?" He at least needed an explanation. "I'm going to count them. I'll _know_ if she's taken too many."

"Because that way, you'll notice if she starts looking for them." He had been through this before. "And then she won't take too many." Hiding them meant it wouldn't come to that. And there was a difference between her _wanting_ to take too many, and her _actually_ taking too many. Not a huge one, but one worth noting.

Jay seemed to understand, and finally nodded his head in agreement. "Okay," he said. "Okay." He repeated, more confident this time. That made sense to him. It also gave him something to do, some way of _helping_ just a little bit more than he already was. "Thank you, sir."

"Jay," Hank called his name as he stood from the chair. He needed Jay's attention one more time. "In this house." He stood, reached out his hand to shake Jay's. "You can call me Hank."

xoxo

Please Review :)

I hope you liked it!


	22. Chapter 22

Thanks for all the reviews! Y'all are the BEST :) Also, it's almost FRIDAY! WOOOO...

Also, I don't have that many friends that watch CPD so I feel like I have no one to tell who will appreciate this - but there is this amazing instagram account called manstead_onechicago that I like to look at. Today I saw that they posted a parallel between Jay and Erin on CPD and Harvey and Donna on suits and it was literally the best thing ever. Linstead and Darvey are my two favorite TV couples - I think it's because the tension is insane but since they give us SO LITTLE and barely focus on it, it just keeps us wanting more. Ok that's all. Thanks for reading that rant haha.

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 22,**

When Jay finally stepped outside and walked up to the passenger's seat window, he found a sleeping Erin inside. Even with the bruises on her face, she looked so peaceful in the glow of the car light and he almost didn't want to wake her. After a moment of staring at her sleeping form, he finally tapped on the window gently, hoping not to scare her. Her eyes gently fluttered open, and she slowly registered where she was. She stretched out her neck and arms, before leaning over to pull the keys out of the ignition. She turned off the overhead lights and opened the car door.

"Hey," she said, her voice still full of sleep, as she stepped out of the car. "How'd it go?"

He wasn't actually sure. He still felt a little uneasy about the whole conversation. "As well as could be expected, I guess." That was true enough, he supposed. "They're eager to see you." That was _definitely_ true, at least.

"Good," she sighed. She gazed at him dreamily, her eyes still adjusting to being outside in the dark. Then she slipped her hand into his, intertwining her small fingers gently between his larger ones. "I'm eager to see them, too."

They walked towards the two-story brick house together in a comfortable silence. This time when Jay stood outside the door, the nerves that had been stubbornly present each other time were now gone. With Erin's hand still pressed in his, he didn't even bother to knock. Instead, he turned the knob on the door and slowly pushed it open.

Maddie must have heard them as they slowly came up the stairs outside the house, because she was already racing down the hallway towards them when they walked inside. Even in their current state, exhausted and bruised, even though this wasn't even his house, it didn't matter. He still _loved_ how Maddie rushed to greet him at the door. But instead of jumping into his arms, she yelled "ERIN!", and ran right past him. With that, his smile grew even wider.

Maddie was about to fling herself into Erin's arms when Grace stopped her. "You have to be careful with her," she said. The words and tone clearly displayed her years of experience, and she blushed as she said it, as if she was fully aware that this was _nothing_ to be proud of.

Maddie stepped back, listening to Grace's advice. Even though they were the same age, Maddie seemed to heed Grace's words like they were one of an older sister. "Sorry," she said, as she smiled. She wasn't offended in the least. "I was just excited."

Erin bent down and opened her arms, welcoming them both over to her. "It's okay," she said, "I'm okay."

 _Okay - ish,_ Jay thought, and added, "Just be gentle."

Grace looked at Jay for confirmation, and he nodded. Maddie took her cues from Grace, and both girls carefully hugged Erin. After a few precious moments, they both leaned away, each searching Erin's face and completely taking in all the bumps and bruises for the first time. "Are you sure you're okay?" Maddie whispered to her. Maddie gently touched her fingers to the bandage on her jaw, careful not to apply any pressure. "You don't look okay."

"Yeah, Mads," she replied, and she meant it. Her arms wrapped around the two girls with Jay standing beside her. She may not have been okay before, but she was _definitely_ okay now. "I'm good."

Maddie smiled, unable to hide her delight that Erin used her extra special nickname. Usually, only her dad called her Mads. Ms. Annie didn't at school, and neither did any of her friends. One time her grandparents had tried to call her Mads, but after a few times, she told them to stop. It had made her feel a little uneasy and she didn't like it. Like her grandparents were trying to take away from the extra special bond she had with her daddy. Because that name _was_ special, and it was just for her and her daddy. Because _Mads was Dad's girl._

But for some reason when Erin said it, it didn't make her feel uneasy at all. She kinda _loved_ it.

Grace and Maddie took in her features once more, but then they both seemed to accept her word at face value and finally let it go.

Grace was the first to speak up again, changing the topic completely. "Want to come see our fort, Erin?"

Once again, Jay was astonished by how easily Grace and Maddie could shift their focus and move on from the hurt. They were so damn resilient.

And even more than that, he loved how much Maddie and Grace wanted to show Erin their fort, and invite Erin into their world.

Deciding he needed to take a page from their book, he reached once again for Erin's hand and said, "You have to see it." He smiled at her as he began walking towards the living room, having since memorized the way there. "It's insane."

She sighed out the deep breath she hadn't even known she'd been holding. Leave it to Maddie and Grace to lighten the mood. They could lighten any mood, they could make anything better. They had hugged her and held her and taken a moment to _really_ make sure she was okay, but then once they were thoroughly convinced she was fine, they decided it was time for her to just be _normal_ again, to go see their fort just like she normally would.

They were right. She _was_ okay, and it _was_ time for to be normal again. And so she walked towards the fort, her hand pressed warm into Jay's, just like she normally would. Like she wanted to do forever.

0000000000000

While Jay buckled the girls into their carseats, Erin stayed back to say goodbye to Hank. She had been genuinely shocked by how quickly he had accepted her request to stay at Jay's for the night. Well, in truth, it hadn't actually been a request. But at the same time, if Hank had insisted, she probably would have stayed. After all that's happened, she couldn't bear to worry him any more than she already had.

But to her surprise, he had shrugged off the inquiry, almost as if he had expected her to stay with Jay. He just kissed her gently on the forehead, and asked her to call him in the morning.

She found him in the living room, slowly breaking down the fort and folding the stack of blankets. "Hey," she said, trying to garner his attention.

"Hey, kid." He said, now looking up at her, but still folding the brown throw blanket that usually resided in the den. He added it to the stack and picked up another. "I thought you left already."

"Jay's putting the girls in the car," she said. Suddenly, she felt awkward. She _never_ felt awkward in Hank's home. _Her_ home. "I...uh..." his eyes were kind, but questioning. _Just spit it out,_ she chastised herself. "I just wanted to say thanks. For everything. And that... um..." she shifted uncomfortably and had a difficult time holding his gaze. "These pills aren't going to be a problem this time." She had just wanted him to know that. "I promise." This time, she _really, really_ meant it.

"I know." He said, barely batting an eye at her stuttered declaration.

She nodded and raised an eyebrow, once again surprised at his words. His tone was matter-of-fact, as if he never even considered she would relapse.

That was a lie of course. He _had_ considered it. But he had the utmost faith that she wouldn't relapse. "You won't let them be a problem." She wouldn't find herself deep in the hole again. This time she had so much more to lose. "You're not 15 anymore, living on the streets and struggling to get by." That's what had started all of this in the first place. But she had clawed her way through it. "And Erin," he paused, holding her gaze steady. "This you have three _very_ important reasons not to."

She looked at him, and she didn't let herself look away, even as the tears brimmed in her eyes. "Four. I have four."

He could feel his tears in the back of his eyes, but he immediately blinked them away. "I love you, kid." Even without the tears, his voice was still hoarse with emotion.

"I love you, too, Dad."

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Both girls were sleeping soundly in the back of the car by the time Jay pulled up to his apartment building. He parked close to the entrance, in the "Family" parking spots designated for parents of young children. Usually mothers.

"Should we wake them?" Erin asked.

He checked the clock on the dashboard, and saw that it was already almost 9 pm. _Way_ past their bed time. But then, Maddie never transferred well from the car to the apartment.

"Yeah, let's wake them," he answered. "One they get ready for bed, they won't have any trouble going back to sleep."

That was true. He had oftentimes found himself envious of just how well Maddie slept, how easily she could fall asleep anywhere, at anytime.

But if he was being honest with himself, the _real_ reason he wanted to wake them was because he _really_ wanted to tell Grace. And it wasn't entirely selfish. He just didn't want her to spend another night not knowing that she was in her forever home. That she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

Erin understood his train of thought without even needing to hear the words, and she just nodded in response. "I'll wake Grace, you get Maddie."

Grace was asleep on the passengers side of the car, and Erin pressed her hands against her knees, which were covered in soft pink leggings, and shook her gently to wake her. Jay, still on the driver's side, woke Maddie.

"Are we home already?" Grace whispered.

 _Home,_ he thought. Yeah, he was glad they woke her. He wanted to tell her _now._ "Yeah, bug. We're home."

Even though the girls were both awake, that didn't mean either one of them was willing to walk the hundred feet from the car to the front of the apartment building. Already knowing the routine, Jay lifted Maddie into his arms, resting her on his left hip.

Grace turned to Erin with her arms outstretched, sending the universal signal that she wanted to be picked up, as well. When she laid her eyes on Erin, she saw the bruises and bandages and was immediately reminded of the day's occurrence, and so shoved her hands down. Erin couldn't pick her up, because Erin was hurt.

Jay noticed, and immediately walked towards Grace. "Come on," he said, bending down to lift her. He rested her comfortably on his right hip, and began walking inside. Erin just smiled at him gratefully, and walked alongside the three of them towards the apartment building.

When he said his brief hello to the doorman and then stood waiting for the elevator, Erin couldn't take her eyes off of him. God, she was so in love with this man.

His broad arms and shoulders were so unbelievably sexy and most of time she wanted to take a _bite_ out of them, to run her tongue across his biceps, to feel his shoulder muscles clench and shift under her hands. He used his arms and hands to turn her on and then to completely satisfy her. But then, here he was, the same mouthwatering body, but now he was using his strong arms to safely carry his two exhausted daughters upstairs and into their home. The way their heads rested on each of his shoulders made her heart melt.

This was so new to her. The way she looked at him with lust _and_ with love.

When they got in the elevator, Jay, completely oblivious to Erin's thoughts, said, "Girls, Daddy needs to put you down." The day was taking a toll on him, and he was beginning to feel just as exhausted as the girls.

He could tell they wanted to complain, and he was thoroughly impressed when they didn't. Maddie tried and failed to stifle a yawn.

"Tired, Mads?" Erin asked.

"Mhmmmmmmmm." She said, drawing out to sound. "I'm wiiiiiiiped." Erin and Jay laughed at her declaration as the elevator door opened, and together the four of them walked towards the apartment.

Within minutes, the girls were brushing their teeth, getting changed for bed, and then they were in their room, each of them picking out their books for Erin and Jay to read. They sat in their usual spot on Maddie's bed, anxiously waiting for Erin and Jay to join them. "Daddy, Erin?" Maddie called out. "Are you coming in?"

Erin and Jay appeared at the door, each one of them holding two bowls of ice cream. _With_ whipped cream and sprinkles. "Ice cream?" Grace exclaimed. "But we already brushed our teeth!"

"I think we can make an exception," Erin laughed, "What do you think, Daddy?"

"Oh, definitely." Jay winked at the girls, and then Erin and Jay walked into the room and snuggled up onto the bed. "We're celebrating."

"What are we celebrating?" Maddie asked.

"That Erin is okay!" Grace replied, retrieving a bowl from her dad. It was her _second_ bowl of ice cream of the day. This day couldn't get any better!

Until it did. "Nope," Jay said. "That's not what we're celebrating."

"Then what?" Grace asked, half confused, half distracted in her bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. She licked the whipped cream, feeling so unbelievably spoiled, and barely listening for the answer.

"Well," Jay let out a deep breath. "Grace." He should've waited to give her the ice cream until _after_ he told her.

She finally looked up at him. She was still holding her spoon, but at least this time it was empty, and so he continued.

"I talked to Ms. Rachel today." _That_ got her attention. She put the spoon down slowly, clearly feeling apprehensive about what that meant. She didn't know that she had no reason to be. "And I told her that I want to be your Daddy forever."

"She gets to stay?" Maddie had been _waiting_ and _waiting_ to hear this news. That it was _final._ That she could share it with Grace.

Jay just nodded in response.

Maddie jumped up, spilling her ice cream in the process, and wrapped Grace in her arms. "We're going to be _sisters,_ " she screamed. "Forever and ever."

Grace hadn't uttered a word. She had been too shocked. But she held onto Maddie, her arms wrapped tight, like she never _ever_ wanted to let go.

Finally she found her words. "Forever?" It was too good to be true. _Way_ too good.

Jay sensed the apprehension in her words. "Forever." Jay answered. "You are going to live here, and I'm going to be your Daddy, and Maddie will be your sister, and we are going to be a family here _forever._ "

Grace finally seemed to understand, and tears of joy streamed down her face as she hugged her new _sister_ and her daddy rubbed circles on her back.

Erin sat slightly removed, giving the three of them some time to bask in the glow of the moment. Her heart was bursting in her chest. She was sure she had never been as happy as she was in this moment.

Maddie was thrilled _._ Grace looked like she was over the moon. Jay's face was so full of joy and pride. Tears were free flowing all over the room. She could have died in this moment, and she knew she would have ended her life on the ultimate high. A high no drug in the world would ever be able to match.

She _lived_ for this. To see children find forever homes, to join happy families that _really_ wanted them. And the fact that it was Grace and Jay and Maddie? Well, nothing would ever compare to this moment.

That is, except for the one that came next.

"So wait," Grace leaned back, still holding onto Maddie, but finally allowing her grip to loosen. "If you're going to be my Daddy," Grace said to Jay. "And Maddie is going to be my sister," she looked at Maddie, then back to Jay. "Then does Erin get to be my mommy?"

xoxo

 **Please Review :)**


	23. Chapter 23

Ok two things!

First - The last part of this chapter is rated M, so please be mindful.

Second thing - I got this chapter up late, and so I may end up updating tomorrow's chapter in less than 24 hours. So if you don't get the email updates, you should check back in the late afternoon.

And THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the reviews and the PMs. You're all amazing amazing amazing :)

 **Chapter 23,**

Erin drifted into consciousness early the following morning, before the sun even had a chance to rise. Before she even opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed was that she had a splitting headache. She also discomfort in her ribs, but the soreness there was nothing when compared to the sharp pains searing through her skull. It was unbearable.

She knew right away where the headache was from. It wasn't from the trauma, it wasn't related to her bruised eyes, and it had nothing to do with the large scabs beginning to form on her jaw.

It was the Percocet. She had taken _six_ Percocet yesterday, and she hadn't had one in the several hours she had been asleep. She was already withdrawing and her body was already craving more.

But then, when she opened her eyes and allowed them to adjust to the darkness of the room, she noticed a second thing. She noticed where she was, and who she was with.

She was lying on her back, the position she had been directed by Will to sleep in. Maddie was sleeping soundly, her body curled up against her body, her head lying in the curve between her neck and her shoulder. Her hair was splayed over her face, blocking it from view. Her little arms were wrapped tightly around Erin's right arm, a compromise after Jay had explained that she needed to be careful with Erin's ribs.

Erin looked down at Maddie's hands, at the pink glittery nail polish Erin had painted on a few days before. Her hands were so small, gentle, and loving, and even spread out wide, they barely covered the handprint marks left on her arm by Mr. Knight. Instead, they stood in stark contrast to the bruises that lined her skin.

One the other side of Maddie, was a lightly snoring Grace.

And on the other side of Grace was a sleeping, smiling Jay.

Jay, with no physical injuries, was laying on his side. His long, muscular arms that Erin loved so much were draped over Grace and Maddie, and were resting lightly on Erin's hip. His arms - the ones that completely turned Erin on, the ones carried his daughters from the car - now they served a new purpose. They encompassed them, connecting the four of them, all together, as a family.

Erin inhaled deeply, allowing the scent of Maddie's strawberry shampoo to combine with the smell of Jay that was always present and wafted from these sheets. _I am stronger than my pain._ It would be her new mantra.

Because _nothing_ was going to get in the way of this. Not a few rib fractures, not a few bruises, not a few pills. Nothing.

She closed her eyes again, and in an effort to try to stave off the headache, she allowed her thoughts the drift back to last night.

She had been completely shocked by Grace's words.

Grace had been talking to Jay. "So wait, if you're going to be my Daddy, and Maddie is going to be my sister," She had paused here, and Erin had sucked in her breath, not allowing herself to believe where she was going with it until she actually said the words. "Then does Erin get to be my mommy?"

She hadn't been able to move. Or breath, for that matter. She just looked at Jay. He had been looking at Grace, but after she asked the question, he looked up at her.

His reaction had been to try to gauge her reaction. Which was unhelpful, because she had been looking at him to search _his_ reaction. She needed him to give her some sort of hint as to what she should say. What she _could_ say.

Because what she wanted to say was _Fuck yes, that is exactly what that means._ But then, that wasn't a reasonable answer. Aside from the fact that _fuck_ yes wasn't exactly an appropriate response to a four year old, she also couldn't actually agree to be Grace's mother without the permission of Grace's father.

But it really was _all_ she wanted. It was what she had been dreaming of since the first day she had walked into this apartment. And not just Grace, but Maddie, too. She wanted to spend the rest of her life being a mother to these two girls, and a partner to Jay.

Jay finally answered after what seemed like hours, but in truth was only a few moments later. "That's up to her, bug."

 _Up to her._ She studied his face as he spoke, and she realized that he wasn't just granting permission, he was _asking_ permission. He wanted this, too, and he wanted to make sure _she_ was okay with.

At this realization, tears filled her eyes.

It was ironic. She had spent her life stifling back emotion, hiding her tears, showing no weakness - but a few words from this girl, _her_ girl, and she was a basket case. "There is nothing in the world I want more than to be your mother." Her voice caught, but she was able to get the whole sentence out before the tears came.

Grace moved towards her on the bed and hugged her tight. The tears continued, now streaming from both of their eyes. Even Jay's eyes began to glass over.

When Grace leaned away, it was Maddie who spoke up. Her voice was unsteady, and was filled with a level of uneasiness that Erin had never heard from her before. "What about me?" She said, looking at Erin, with tears in her eyes. "Don't you want to be my mommy, too?"

Erin stared at her and after a moment, she realized that Maddie was the only one with _sad_ tears in her eyes. Now it was Erin's turn to look at Jay to ask permission.

He grinned, that amazing Halstead grin that made her fall in love with him even more, and nodded his head slightly. Then he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he mouthed _I love you._

And with his unspoken words, he sealed their future. "Mads," Erin said, making sure her voice was strong and assuring, "I want to be your mommy and Grace's mommy more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." It was the truth. Nothing in her life had ever come close.

She straightened her posture, and looked down at both of the girls. She allowed the social worker in her to take a small hold. If she was going to do this, she wanted to do it right. "Mads, Grace, listen." She began, "You both had wonderful mommies who loved you _so_ much." Well, Grace's mom wasn't so wonderful, but now wasn't the time to point that out. "And I wish they were here to watch you grow up and to see what wonderful, beautiful girls you've become." Tears continued to fall freely, but she kept her voice as steady as she could. "I don't want to replace them. I would never want to take that away from them, or from you." She smiled slightly, and was about to continue when Maddie interrupted.

"Can't we have two mommies?" She asked, her voice now more calm than before.

She had stolen the words straight from Erin's mouth. "Yes, you can." She smiled, "Your mommy will always be your mommy, and just like your daddy said, she is up in heaven and she is also right here," she pressed her hands against their chests, just as Jay had at their first official DCFS dinner with Rachel. "But I would love to be your mommy, too. If it's okay with you both."

She looked at Grace and Maddie for confirmation, and smiled when she saw them both nodding their heads adamantly. They hugged again, and this time, Jay joined in.

She couldn't stop smiling, and with the ice cream melted and completely forgotten, Erin and Jay read the girls their two bed time stories.

While Jay tucked in Grace, Erin had walked over to Maddie's bed and after tucking her in, she leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I love you, Maddie," she whispered.

Maddie was already drifting off to sleep. "I love you, too" she whispered back drearily.

She traded places with Jay, and when she repeated the same to Grace, she received the same _I love you_ in response.

Three new _I love yous_ in one day. Wow. Despite everything that had happened in the first half of this day, she was sure it was the _best_ day of her life.

With that thought, she turned on the bedside lamp, and then turned off the overhead light. She closed the door gently behind her when she left the room, and she found Jay waiting for her in the hallway.

Jay wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply. He explored her mouth, and he reveled in the heat of it, letting all the emotions of the day drain out of him.

After several moments, he inched back slightly. His lips, still so close to hers she could feel the heat emanating from them, turned up into a smile. "Thank you," he said.

She raised her eyebrows in confusion, and inched back a little further to allow herself to see his whole face. "For what?"

"You realize you just acquired two daughters, right?" He laughed, now that the tension of the day had found an outlet in his passionate kiss, he was feeling feather light and unbelievably happy. "Well, it's kind of a three for two deal, babe." He smirked at her, but then he couldn't help it, and his lips widened into a full smile.

"Oh really?" She raised her eyebrows and feigned concern. "I'm not sure I'm up for all of _that_." She motioned her hand at him, playing along.

He stepped towards her until he had her trapped between him and the wall. "Oh, you're not sure?"

"No," she said, breathless.

"I guess I'm just going to have to find a way to convince you, then." He said, his voice cocky and sexy, his smirk returning to his lips.

"I'd like to see you try," she winked.

Suddenly, his lips were on hers. His hands roamed the length of her body, and even though he was being gentle and mindful of her injuries, the touch of his hands burned her skin. In the _best_ way.

His hands skimmed her breasts through her shirt, and she leaned into his hands, letting out a low groan. When he slowly tugged it off and began feasting on the taut skin, flicking her nipple with his tongue, she groaned even louder.

He wanted her just like that, moaning, quivering again him, quickly, up against the wall. But as he kissed the crevice above her collar bone, his cheek brushed against the bandage on her jaw, bringing him back to reality.

He took a step back, giving her some space, knowing they couldn't do this here, and wondering if maybe they shouldn't be doing this at all.

As if reading his mind, she opened her eyes. They were glazed with desire. "Jay," she sighed. "Take me to bed."

Usually, he would have lifted her into his arms, held her bottom as she wrapped her legs around tight his waist. But tonight, he kissed her gently as he lovingly guided her to his room. And instead of throwing her down on the bed, he waited patiently for her to find a comfortable position.

And instead of a quickly devouring her, tonight he savored.

He pressed gentle kisses down her neck, and then he pressed his hands between lightly her legs.

He tortured her, caressing her slowly and lovingly, and when she came, she melted into him like she was like falling into a hot, deep pool. "Jay," she breathed his name again. "I need you..." _inside me,_ "Now."

She was panting when he finally moved hard into her. Now, it was her turn to torture him. She ran her tongue along his collarbone, his neck. Finally, her hands found his biceps. Her favorite place. She clawed at them with her fingers and then her lips pressed open mouth kisses against them. He flexed his bicep muscle while she assaulted it with her tongue, and she moaned her appreciation.

"Fuck, Er," God, he _loved_ how much his muscles turned her on.

Their lips found each others once again, and then their hands intertwined, and then they completely lost themselves in each other.

0000000

They had laid in each other's arms for a long time afterwards, talking and sharing and laughing, until it was time for Erin's last dose of pills.

Jay went to retrieve the prescription bottle from his bag and after he handed her two white pills, he excused himself to get her a glass of water. When he came back, he wasn't holding the bottle of pills anymore, and he handed her the glass.

 _Smart,_ she thought, knowing he had hidden them. She also knew by the way he was shifting while he waited for her to swallow the pills down that he was probably uncomfortable with the idea of hiding them from her. But he didn't need to be.

She loved that he didn't want to have secrets from her, of course. But to her, hiding the pulls just showed how much he cared. And that knowledge was going to give her strength.

She swallowed the pills, and then she slid on a pair of his boxer shorts and one of his favorite Blackhawks t-shirts, just in case they had two little visitors in the morning.

Both dressed, they slowly got back into bed, and Jay gave Erin time to position herself comfortable before he nestled close. "I love you," he whispered into her hair.

"I love you, too," she replied. After a few moments she added, "Thank you for hiding the pills." Because she knew he needed to hear it. And because she really had meant it.

He had been about to answer when suddenly they heard a knock at the door, and the door gently opened. "Mommy?"

Erin's breath caught, and Jay reached out and squeezed her hand. She closed her eyes, and squeezed back, as she reveled in the special moment. Earlier throughout the conversation, Grace and Maddie had discussed that they wanted Erin to be their mommy, but _hearing_ the word felt completely different. An overwhelming sense of joy settled on her, and she answered, "Yeah, baby."

"Can we come sleep with you?" It was only then that Erin noticed Grace was standing behind Maddie.

To her knowledge, Grace had never slept in Jay's bed before. Even in the mornings, she still sat timidly on the side of it. Jay had tried to do whatever he could to make her feel comfortable, but didn't want to force it.

"Of course, get in here." She sat up, ignoring the pain that settled in her ribs, and opened her arms for her girls.

And then, the four of them curled together, wrapped in each others arms.

She was the last to fall asleep. She watched as each girl slowly drifted off, and then Jay began to lightly snore, signaling that he, too, was asleep.

She stared at them with complete disbelief and unbelievable gratitude.

She couldn't believe it had been just this morning that she had taken the girls to school, that she had waited anxiously to hear the results from the judge, that she had been attacked in her office. It felt like _ages_ ago that Mr. Knight had even walked into her office.

But she realized that she wouldn't take any of it back. Every moment of this day, of _everyday_ had lead to this moment. To _these_ moments.

Had led her to this family.

And this family was kind of perfect.

And with that thought, she drifted off to sleep.

xoxo

 **Please Review !**


	24. Chapter 24

Hi all! Thank you again so much for all the reviews :) Hope you're all having a fantastic weekend!

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 24,**

When Jay drifted into consciousness the next morning, he was still wearing the same smile he had pasted on his face from the events of the night before.

It had been the best night of his life.

After Allie died, he thought he had lost his soulmate. While they may not have been romantically involved, she was still his very _best_ _friend,_ not to mention the fact that she was mother of his child. He had spent nights with her smiling and laughing and sharing, similar to the way he had last night with Erin, except with Allie he hadn't been also basking in post-coital bliss.

He never imagined it was possible to find _this_ kind of love. The kind of love that was half what he had with Allie - respect, trust, and comfort, which was coupled with actually genuinely liking the other person - and half of something entirely new. A love that went deeper, that reached from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.

Before he had loved his best friend. Now he was _in love_ with his best friend. Erin was his friend, his confidante, his partner, his lover. She was his everything.

And now, she was going to be everything for his daughters, too.

When his eyes finally fluttered open and he found an empty bed, his smile shifted to shear panic.

 _The pills._

He jumped out of bed and raced into Maddie and Grace's room, finding it empty.

Yes, he had chosen to hide them in there. He knew hiding drugs in his kid's room wasn't exactly going to win him _Father of the Year_ anytime soon, but he also knew it would be the most effective. If Erin came into this room, even if she found the bottle of prescription pain medication, there was no way she would be able to take them. Not when she looked at her precious daughters. He _truly_ believed that, and his thought were confirmed when he opened the bottle and counted the pills. _All there_ , he thought, letting out a sigh of relief.

It was only a moment later, when he heard the sounds of giggles emanating from the kitchen, that he allowed himself to completely relax.

He walked towards the kitchen, following his favorite sounds. He found Grace and Maddie perched together on the bar stools, with Erin making breakfast in the kitchen.

Usually, he didn't _love_ the idea of two four-year olds sitting on the high kitchen bar stools. He knew they were both steady enough to sit there, but Maddie was prone to sudden outbursts of excitement, and he was always nervous she might jump up and fall. Today, as he took in the stacks of pillows and cushions that Erin had stacked around them, he didn't mind.

He walked towards his daughters, "Morning," he said loudly, directing the greeting to include all of his girls in the room. Then he walked over to Grace and kissed her on the top of her head, "Morning, bug." Then he leaned and kissed Maddie. "Morning, Mads." Then he walked into the kitchen to offer the last greeting.

"Morning, babe." He kissed Erin, deep and slow, until they were both a little bit breathless. "How are you feeling?" She had removed the bandage covering her jaw exposing the scab underneath. She must have rubbed the antiseptic cream Will had given her, because it was shiny and reflected the kitchen light.

"I had a little bit of a headache this morning," She admitted. "But I took three advil and had a cup of coffee, and I actually feel much better." It was either the advil or it was the two little distractions she had sitting with her in the kitchen, but she was finally feeling okay.

"Mommy's making pancakes!" Grace shouted. "Even thought it's _Wednesday_ today!"

"She is?" Jay's eyes widened in mock alarm. "Is Wednesday pancake day?" He raised his eyebrows, directing the questions towards Maddie and Grace.

Maddie smiled wide, knowing her father was only joking. "It is now!"

Jay couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips. "Okay." He shifted his gaze towards Erin, and let a small smirk play on his lips. "Just this once," then, he sent his two daughters a wink.

Erin leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips before she turned back to work on the pancakes. It was the type of kiss that was reminiscent of the quick kisses his parents used to give each other in the morning, before they left each other for the day. The kind that says _We'll have time for a longer kiss later, I love you._ "There's coffee," she said.

"Is mommy going to take us to school again today?" Now that Maddie had started calling Erin mommy, she couldn't stop using the word. She had watched other kids get to use the word mommy for years, and she hadn't realized how much she was missing.

"Afraid not, baby." Jay replied. "Your mommy is going to stay home and rest today, and I'm going to take you to school on my way to work."

"You're not going to work today, mommy?" Grace's words were full of concern. If Erin was all better, why wasn't she going to work?

"Actually," Erin raised her voice to a high pitch, feigning the excitement that she wasn't actually feeling. "I get vacation until Monday!" _Vacation,_ she thought. _More like I've been ordered to stay home._ What was she even going to do all day?

"That reminds me," Jay cut in, knowing Erin was not _at all_ excited about staying home from work. "Sergeant Voight invited all of us over for a barbecue on Sunday to celebrate Grace coming to live with us! And he invited the whole team and all of their families, too!" The topic was completely unrelated, but he knew if would shift everyone's focus away from Erin spending the day at home.

Grace and Maddie cheered excitedly, while Erin looked at Jay with mild shock. Hank hadn't had a barbecue at his house for the team since before Camille died. And on a _Sunday?_ They hadn't had their formal Sunday family dinner since then, either. She wondered if Justin and Olive would be there with Daniel.

Jay registered the look of surprise on her face and smirked at her. "He just wants to vet the boyfriend, I think." He said, misreading the reason for the shock on her face.

She allowed herself a light chuckle, but the smile didn't reach her eyes and she looked back towards the pancakes cooking on the stove. She took care to flip each pancake, and then turned back to him. He had a concerned looked etched on his face, as if he realized right away that his joke had fallen flat. He moved closer to her and took her hand, "Tell me something," he whispered.

She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, ignoring the subsequent pain it caused her broken ribs. "Hank used to have barbecues for the team all the time," she said wistfully. "He would grill, and Camille would entertain everyone." She hadn't thought about those barbecues in a long time. "I was always _terribly_ uncomfortable because half the detectives there had known me before." She laughed lightly at the memory. "Before when I had just been Voight's CI." Now, she remembered those barbecues. Every barbecue she got more and more comfortable, Camille urging her to spend time with the kids her age, and then Olinsky and Platt kind of taking her under their wing, too. After a few years, she just felt like one of the family. Like she belonged. "But then I kinda grew to love them." She said finally, "I'm glad he's bringing them back."

Jay felt a slight wave of guilt when he heard Erin telling him about the barbecues. He was pretty sure Voight had no idea how much Erin was sharing about their shared past, and he was also pretty sure Voight wouldn't like it. But because it was Erin's life, too, and he wanted to know everything about her, he urged her to continue, "Why'd he stop?"

"Camille died, and it just..." she wasn't actually sure why he stopped. "I don't know. It just wasn't the same."

He leaned forward to kiss her, but as he pulled back he noticed that the pancakes were beginning to burn. "Er," he laughed, the sound easing the serious tone of the room. "Better take those off the burner if you want the girls to think you make pancakes better than Daddy."

She turned immediately to switch off the burner, and checked the underside of the pancakes. Black and burnt to a crisp. She just laughed and said, "I'm pretty sure they already knew I wouldn't make pancakes better than Daddy."

"Well that's true," he agreed.

"Shut up!" She rolled her eyes at him, forgetting that the girls will still seated in the kitchen.

Maddie immediately chimed in, shock evident in her voice, "Daddy! Mommy said shut up!"

Erin blushed and immediately turned to apologize to the girls. But she knew they wouldn't hold it against her.

As she stacked the pancakes on the plate, Jay walked up behind her and pulled her waist against his and whispered in her ear, "You know, babe," his breath tickled her ear and she shivered. "You're a mommy now." He kissed her behind the ear, slow and seductive. "You're gonna have to clean up that language." He slid his hands in the back pockets of her jeans and lightly squeezed her bottom. "And be on your _very best_ behavior."

Erin shuddered at his words, at the feel of his warm, hard body pressed against hers. She had no idea how to do this. How was she supposed to handle sexual flutters with her two daughters sitting in the room? She didn't have a clue. "Best behavior, huh?" She whispered back, forcing herself to keep her eyes open and keep the lust out of them.

"Mhmmmm," the sound came out more like a moan and he kissed her again. Her eyes closed involuntarily as she reveled in the feel and the sound. But then he took a step back and said "Okay girls, time for school. Backpacks and coats, let's go!"

Wow. How did he do that? Shift gears without a moment's hesitation.

Jeez. She had _a lot_ to learn.

000000000000000

"Halstead." Hank bellowed, "My office."

Jay turned off the cell phone he had been staring down at and stood from his desk. "You know," Ruzek's voice was barely above a whisper, but was low enough that Voight wouldn't be able to hear. "This seems to be becoming a regular thing."

Dawson, walked over, joining the conversation. "Do you need backup?" He asked.

"Uhh... no." He said, shifting uncomfortably. Since wrapping up the case yesterday, they had spent the first hour of the day doing paperwork. Since then, they had basically spent the day chilling out, drinking coffee, and pretending to earn a paycheck. And so he was pretty sure this conversation wasn't going to involve work. "Thanks, though."

He walked towards the office, "Hey, Sarg."

"Close the door," Voight nodded his head towards the door, and then pointed towards the empty chair at the other end of his desk, signaling for Jay to sit down. "I just got off the phone with Erin."

"Is everything okay?" He took out the cell phone that was resting in his pocket and scanned the home screen. He didn't have any new messages. "She didn't call me." He knew his voice sounded panicked and frantic, but he couldn't help it. He should _never_ had left her alone today. It was just that as a single father, his sick days and personal days were especially precious, and last night Erin had insisted that he come in to work. He hadn't wanted to, but eventually she had won the argument and he had reluctantly agreed.

"Chill, Halstead." He said, shaking his head.

 _Chill?_ Halstead hadn't even known that word was in Voight's vocabulary.

"She actually sounded... good." He shrugged his shoulders like it hadn't been the news he had been expecting.

He hadn't been expecting it. He had planned to wait until noon, and if she hadn't called, he was going to call her. He had fully expected her to say she was _fine, Hank_ , and to say that she didn't need him checking up on her. He would be able to _hear_ her eye roll through the phone, and he anticipated her sighing several times in annoyance throughout the call.

But when he heard her voice, calm and clear, he had been mostly reassured. She had said she was using the incentive spirometer every hour, and after she took the one Percocet Jay had given her this morning, her values had increased substantially.

She told him that she wasn't due for another pill until lunch time, at which time Jay planned to come home and give it to her.

And when she said that, _that_ was when he knew for sure that she was actually okay. Because the Erin Lindsay he knew would have balked at someone else bringing her pain medication. Fifteen year old Erin would have yelled that she did _not_ need a babysitter and that could administer her medications herself, thank you very much.

This was a _huge_ step. She really was going to be okay. "She said you're planning to bring her her meds during your lunch break?"

 _Shit._ Jay had meant to ask Voight about that, but it had _completely_ slipped his mind and he had forgotten. The team didn't customarily leave for lunch, and when they did, they often got Voight's permission. It wasn't a rule or anything, but it was just how they did things. "Yeah, I was." He paused, "I'm sorry sir, I should have asked you first."

Voight smiled. This kid was so scared of him, it was kind of hilarious. Even more now that he was dating Erin. "Jay," he decided to use his first name, put the kid out of his misery. "When you leave for lunch, take the rest of the day."

Jay was completely stunned. But he stood from the chair quickly, eager to leave the office before Voight changed his mind. "Thank you, Sarg. I will." He said, and then he closed the door behind him.

"Everything okay in there?" Dawson asked, concerned for his partner, who had left Voight's office with a shocked look on his face.

"Yeah," he said, as he sat at his desk. "It was... uh... personal business," he admitted.

"Personal?" Atwater chimed in.

"Wow," Ruzek raised his eyebrows. "Maybe I should try dating the boss's daughter, too."

Jay knew that Ruzek was just messing around, but he couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance at the comment. He wasn't trying to get special treatment, and he certainly wasn't just _dating_ the boss's daughter. He was fucking head of heels _in love_ with the boss's daughter. And there was a difference.

Well, two could play that game. Jay looked at Ruzek and said, "From what I hear, you've already got your hands pretty full."

He noticed in the corner of his eye that Burgess seemed to perk up, as if this was brand new information to her. Ruzek seemed to notice, too, and gave Jay a look that was halfway between an eye roll and a glare.

Atwater, on the other hand, did not pick up on the hints Burgess was throwing down. "You got a new girl, man?" He asked.

"It's that hot blonde that came in here a few weeks ago, isn't it? That DCFS worker that came in with Erin." Dawson teased from his desk across the room.

 _Damn it, I hate slow days,_ Ruzek thought.

He was about to answer when a blonde woman appeared at the top of the steps. She had short hair, and seemed to be in her late 50s. She barely stopped at the top of the stairs, and began charging towards Voight's office.

Olinksy, who had been hiding in the corner and keeping _way_ out of the other conversation stepped forward. "Can I help you?" He asked.

"Yes, you can help me," she said, angrily. "I need to see Hank Voight. Now."

Voight must have heard the commotion, because he opened the office door and stared at the woman.

 _Jesus Christ,_ Jay thought. _I don't ever want to be on the other end of a stare like that._

If looks could kill, this woman would be dead on the floor.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Voight spit the words out, his voice full of anger and disgust.

The bullpen was completely silent, as the entire team watched the heated encounter.

"Well you got old." She said, looking Voight up and down.

 _Okay,_ Jay thought. _So Voight knows this woman, then._

"What are you doing here, Bunny?" He asked, ignoring her comment.

"I'm looking for my daughter," she slurred back, her voice twice as loud and almost as angry. "Tell me where she is."

"Are you drunk?" He asked, incredulous.

"Tell me, Hank." She glared at him, and as they continued their stand off, Jay couldn't take his eyes off the woman.

"No," he shook his head. "Now, go home."

"I have a right to see my own daughter," as she yelled, Jay realized that it was her eyes. They looked familiar.

"You signed away those rights over 10 years ago, and you haven't been back since," Hank yelled. "Now get the hell out of my district."

She walked closer to him, and tried to lower her voice, make it slow and seductive. But instead it just came out slurred and desperate. "Strong and sexy Hank Voight. You wanted me and you couldn't have me." She kept walking towards him, oblivious of the team staring at her, to Jay's eyes memorizing and studying the features of her face. "You couldn't have me, so you took my daughter."

Voight's eyes darkened as he responded, "Bunny. Leave. Now."

"No!" She shouted back, "Not until you tell me where Erin is!"

And with that, the pieces fell into place.

 _That_ was Erin's mother.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**

I wrote this scene this way because I've always kind of wanted Bunny and Hank to have a blow up in front of the rest of the team. I'm not sure why! Haha, hope you liked it!


	25. Chapter 25

Note: If you haven't read chapter 24 (I uploaded it less than 24 hours after chapter 23) go back and read it!

Hope you all enjoy this one!

 **Chapter 25,**

"Halstead," Voight barked from where he stood in the open door of his office. He had seemed seconds away from physically _throwing_ Bunny out of the bullpen, but she had finally relented and left - with no information, thank God. "My office," he said, and then he turned and walked into his office without another word.

 _Jeez. This_ is _becoming a pattern,_ Jay thought, as he stood from his desk.

There were no smart ass remarks this time when he walked towards Voight's office, the rest of the team was clearly too shocked to utter a word.

Jay was shocked, too. His mind was _reeling._ He was pretty sure Erin hadn't seen or even heard from her mother since she moved in with Voight thirteen years ago. And Voight was right... Bunny _had_ been slurring her words. She seemed drunk or high, and she had to be on _something._ So it's not like she was in recovery and looking for her daughter to make amends.

In short, this was _not_ good. And Jay felt pretty new to this situation, and very unsure of how to handle it. So he was almost glad to be called into Voight's office. His boss, her father would know what to do.

He closed the door gently behind him without being instructed to and sat down in what was becoming his usual chair. When Voight didn't speak, he began instead. "So that was Erin's mom, then?"

Voight just nodded briskly, and then after several moments he shook his head and let out an exasperated sigh. "I need you to do me a favor."

 _Here it is,_ Jay thought. Voight was going to outline a plan moving forward, and Jay couldn't help but feel grateful. "Okay."

"We're not going to tell Erin about Bunny's little visit. At least now right now."

 _What?_ He did _not_ feel comfortable with that. So much for Voight knowing what to do. Was he _crazy?_ "I... uh... Sir, I'm not sure I feel comfortable lying to Erin." Actually, that was a lie. He _knew_ he didn't feel comfortable lying to Erin. His relationship was _new_ , and while he wouldn't particularly say it was fragile, because actually, he and Erin were pretty damn solid for a new relationship, he still didn't want to do anything that would upset the balance.

"That wasn't a question." Voight said, his voice stern and resolute.

"Okay," he raised his eyebrow in a question. He wasn't agreeing to Voight's proposition, but he wanted him to continue. "Then, what's the favor?"

"Bunny knows where I live." He explained, "Erin needs to stay with you, until we tell her."

Voight hadn't expected Erin to come back to his house during her recovery. He knew she would want to stay with Jay, Maddie, and Grace. He couldn't say it thrilled him, but he could honestly say he was coming around to it. So in truth, the purpose of this conversation was just to make sure he and Jay were on the same page.

But Jay didn't actually know that. Instead, Jay was sitting in the chair across from Voight, wishing he understood what the _hell_ was going through Voight's head.

"Okay," he replied, because he had wanted Erin to stay with him anyway. "When do you think that's going to be?"

Voight answered matter-of-factly, like he had been expecting this question. "When the pain is gone, and she's done with the pills."

 _Oh._ So _that's_ what was going on in Voight's head.

Voight watched as everything began to click for Jay. "Listen Jay," he said, "Erin can handle this, she's as strong as they come."

"Right, I know, so why-"

He wasn't finished. "But she hasn't seen her mother in 13 years. And I just..." _I just don't know what she'll do when she sees her drugged out, waste of space mother._ "I just want her to be off the pills." No sense in putting her in a position where she might even _consider_ relapsing.

Jay took a deep breath and considered everything Voight had said. "Okay," he finally answered. Because he loved Erin, and he trusted Voight. And if this was what Voight thought she needed, he would be willing to go along with it for the time being.

He just hoped he wasn't making a mistake.

000000000

"Erin," he called out, when he pushed open the door to his apartment and was met with an eery silence.

When she didn't reply an immediate panic that flew through his system. He had taken the pills with him into work, so he wasn't worried about that. Now, he was afraid she had gone back to Voight's house.

 _Jesus,_ he thought, as he closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath. _Another thing to worry about._

He let out a sigh of relief when he found her fast asleep, under a blanket, on his couch. She was curled up, with a book in her hand, that she must've been reading when she fell asleep.

She looked so damn adorable in his t-shirt, sleeping on his couch.

She also looked peaceful and comfortable, but she was perched on her side and she only had one of the decorative throw pillows tucked under her head. She _definitely_ wasn't supposed to be sleeping like that.

He walked over and put his hand gently on her arm and then slowly shook her awake. When her eyes fluttered open and found his, she smiled up at him.

"Hi," she said, her voice even raspier than usual, thick and full of sleep.

"Hi, beautiful." He replied, and he leaned down to kiss her. God, he loved her so much.

She sat up, and motioned for him to join her on the couch. When he obliged and leaned back onto the leather soda, she immediately leaned into the length of his body. "Is it lunch time already?"

 _Kind of_. "It's only 11 actually, Voight let me go home early." _After the day I've had, it didn't feel all that early._

She shifted her weight off of him, and looked at him. "You're home for the day?" _What's wrong?_ It wasn't like Hank to send his detectives home in the middle of the day. And Jay had been missing enough work as it is.

"Yeah," he smirked. "Is that going to be a problem?" He kissed her light and quick.

She shook her head lightly. Hank Voight, always looking out for her. Instead of being irritated by his overprotectiveness, she just smiled at the thought.

"Well, I guess not," she sighed an exasperated sigh. "It just means I'm going to have to reschedule my other boyfriend." She smirked back, "He was going to come over this afternoon, you know."

Jay shook his head, matching her exasperated tone. "Well, I was going to suggest taking our _daughters_ out of school early and going to the zoo," he began to stand from the couch and move towards the kitchen, "But I guess the three of us will just have to go without you." He winked at her as he stepped out of the room, and then added, "I wouldn't want to interrupt your other plans."

She followed him into the kitchen, laughing low and throatily. She found him by the coffee pot and she leaned into kiss him. "The zoo sounds perfect."

He laughed back, and then began to kiss her deeply, allowing his hands to roam her body while his tongue tangled with hers.

He only stopped when his lungs were screaming for oxygen and the coffee pot beeped, signaling it was finished brewing a fresh pot. "I love you, Erin Lindsay," he said, a little bit breathless.

She kissed him again. "I love you, too, Jay Halstead."

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Jay and Erin spent the rest of the morning talking, sharing, and trading _Tell me somethings,_ like they usually did.

Erin grilled Jay to see if he had acquired any new information on Adam and Rachel, which unfortunately, he hadn't. He did tell her about Kim's reaction to the news, to which Erin decided she wanted to befriend Kim at the barbecue on Sunday. Jay couldn't help but laugh at that, as he told her that could _definitely_ be arranged.

They continued their conversation through two cups of coffee and lunch, through the drive to pick up the girls early from school. The conversation flowed easily, with witty and flirty banter peppered throughout.

Except the entire time, Jay felt like he was lying to Erin. With every word he said that didn't involve Bunny, he felt like he was withholding information. Information that wasn't actually his to withhold. It was the worst feeling, and he felt so incredibly uncomfortable that by the time they picked up the girls from school, he had never been so relieved to have two little distractions between him and Erin.

They took the girls to the zoo, and watching the two little girls fawn all over the different animals, while holding tightly onto Erin's hands, actually allowed him to forget the events of earlier that day. Actually, he managed to forget the negative events of the whole week, and to just focus on their little family of four.

Grace had been especially excited when they took the girls to the area of the zoo where they could pet the animals. "I've never pet an animal before," she admitted.

"Never?" Maddie was shocked. "Not even a puppy?" Maddie petted puppies all the time, at the park, or even her neighbor's puppies in the apartment building.

"Never," Grace answered, smiling and giggling. She hadn't realized what she'd been missing.

Erin leaned over to Jay as they watched the two girls move on to pet the bunny rabbis. "You know," he whispered, "We may have to get them a puppy."

He just laughed. The number in his household basically just _doubled_ in the past month. "One thing at a time, babe." _Besides,_ he thought. _The next person I want moving into my apartment is you._

He didn't say that, of course. Because just like he had held back from saying his first _I love you,_ he knew that right now just wasn't the time.

Not wanting the day to end, Jay suggested they take the girls to an early dinner afterwards.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Erin had originally been a little nervous about the idea of going out in public at all with her injuries. At least the zoo would be full of crowds, but a restaurant wouldn't be so forgiving.

"Babe, it'll be fine." Between the long sleeve sweater she wore, and the generous amount of makeup under her eyes, the only real evidence of her injuries were the large scabs on her jaw. "And even if people do notice, who cares?" Only someone who knew Erin well would realize the dark circles under her eyes were bruises, and not just from the exhaustion of having two daughters.

She couldn't argue with his reasoning, and they decided on Jay's favorite restaurant, the Purple Pig. Erin had never been there, and she was eager to finally try it.

The hostess couldn't take her eyes off of Erin's jaw when Jay asked for a table for four. But at least she hadn't noticed the two black eyes.

Erin felt a little unnerved by the hostess' stare, but when she looked down at Grace, who was particularly excited to eat out at a _restaurant_ , she decided not to let it get to her.

It was funny how Maddie and Grace were able to have that affect on her. They made things that would have been a _big_ deal to her now seem completely insignificant. Because now, what _was_ significant was making sure Grace had a good time being taken out to eat, a luxury she clearly hadn't been afforded in the past.

When Jay noticed the hostess staring, he turned to Erin expecting to see discomfort evident in her posture. But he was surprised to see her smiling down at the girls, without a care in the world.

He began to consider telling Erin about her mother. Maybe Voight was _wrong._ Voight may think he knows how strong Erin could be for herself, but he hadn't seen Erin as a _mom._ Erin would be five times as strong when she was being strong for her girls.

She would take this whole Bunny mess in stride, just like she was taking this bitchy waiter in stride.

Yeah, he was going to tell her. Tonight, after they put the girls to sleep, he would send Voight a text message to warn him, and then he would tell her the truth.

But then, as the hostess directed them to the table, Erin stopped up short.

"Erin," said a tall man, with sandy brown hair and brow eyes, wearing a long sleeve sweater and khaki pants. He was seated across the table from a petite blonde, who was staring at Erin, mouth agape. "What the _hell_ happened to you?" His voice was full of concern and alarm, and he stood from his chair and began moving towards her. The woman stood, too, and followed the man in Erin's directions.

Erin stood completely still, but finally opened her mouth to speak. "Ben, Olivia," she said timidly, "Hey."

 _Nope,_ Jay thought, as he saw the color completely drain from Erin's face. _Never mind_ , _I'm not telling her about her mother._

Voight was right. Erin does _not_ need to be reminded of more negative things from her past.

Not while she was still recovering.

And maybe not ever.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks y'all for the wonderful reviews :) Hope you like this chapter!

 **Chapter 26,**

"Did he do this to you?" Ben kept his voice low, in an attempt to avoid attracting the attention of the other diners, but it was contemptuous and angry nonetheless. He turned his gaze to Jay, sending daggers in his direction. "Did you do this to her?"

Jay couldn't help but scoff at Ben's sudden outburst. _If you care this much about Erin, maybe you shouldn't have screwed her best friend._ Jay stared right back. _And let's be honest,_ he thought as he took in Ben's appearance, _I could snap you like a twig._ Ben was attractive, in a conventional Ralph Lauren model kind of way. He didn't seem like Erin's type _at all._ No wonder she hadn't been that upset about their breakup.

Losing Olivia, though, Jay could tell right away, was worth getting upset over. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears and her voice was softer. In place of the anger that resonated with Ben, Olivia's voice was full of genuine concern. "Did he? Did he hurt you?"

She held Erin's gaze, knowing she would be able to read the expression of her best friend of over five years. "Please tell me what happened?" _I miss you,_ she wanted to add. But she didn't. Because _she_ was the one who ruined their relationship, and it wouldn't be fair to lay the guilt on Erin.

"No," Erin shook her head, "No, it happened at work." After a few more moments of intense eye contact, the type that went straight through her eyes into her soul, Erin watched Olivia relax. Olivia nodded, and Erin knew she believed her.

Ben seemed to back off a little, now that he decided Jay wasn't a threat to Erin. Jay rolled his eyes. _Piece of shit,_ he thought. What abused woman would admit to it, _in front_ of the abuser, in the middle of a crowded restaurant. _Come on_.

Just as Jay suspected she would, Olivia refused to retreat. "Are you really okay?" She asked, trying to prolong the conversation as much as possible. She _really_ missed her friend.

"I'm fine," Erin found herself touched by Olivia's concern. "Really." She wasn't sure why she was so surprised. Olivia had been one of the best friends Erin had ever had. Of course she would have real concern over her well being.

Erin shifted her gaze to Ben, who was staring and sizing up Jay. She knew it was a little small of her, but she couldn't help but be glad she was with Jay and the girls the first time she saw Ben and Olivia out together. Jay was _objectively_ sexy as hell, and the girls were beyond adorable. She loved showing off her family and _o_ therwise, seeing them may have been hard to take.

"Olivia, Ben," she decided to finally get the introductions out of the way. "This is Jay Halstead."

"Nice to meet you both," Jay reached out and shook both of their hands politely, and as he moved the two girls hidden behind his legs finally came into view.

"Hi," Olivia smiled down at the two girls in greeting.

"Hi," Maddie said, her voice was clear but her hand still wrapped around her Daddy's leg.

"This is Maddie," Erin pointed to Maddie, and then gestured towards Grace. "And this is Grace. Girls, this is my friend Olivia and her boyfriend Ben." She was surprised how easy it was to introduce them this way. She had half expected to choke over the word _boyfriend,_ but Ben just didn't hold much significance for her now. All of that drama felt like a _lifetime_ ago.

Her discomfort lied in how much she missed Olivia. She felt such a strong pull to Olivia it was like a magnet was propelling her forward. She was desperate to confide in her, to tell her all about her new life.

"It's really nice to meet you both," Olivia said with a genuine smile. She always was the _best_ with kids, Erin thought sadly. Olivia often accompanied her when she took a group of foster kids to dinner. She was extra pair of eyes, and the kids loved her.

"Mommy," Grace whispered, as she shifted uncomfortably. "I have to go potty."

"Me too," Maddie chimed in. Both girls seemed ready to move on from this conversation.

"Girls, I can take you." Jay replied, equally as eager to exit from this conversation. Ben wouldn't stop glaring at him, and it was making him _extremely_ irritated and uncomfortable. And the way Ben kept stealing glances at Erin, the way his glances rested more on her body than her face, really made him want to yell _Back off, Buddy. You lost you're chance, and now she's with me._

And if he was being completely honest, he _really_ wanted to punch the piece of shit in the face.

In truth, the only reason he was still standing in the middle of the restaurant, with the diners now all staring at the group, was because when he watched Erin interacting with Olivia, he could _feel_ how much she wanted to talk to her friend. Olivia seemed equally enraptured. The way their bodies were bent forward, their heads close. The way they kept lifting their arms like maybe they wanted to touch each other, but then putting them down when they remembered that they couldn't. Not anymore.

"Daddy," Maddie sighed exasperated. "It's the _girls_ bathroom. Mommy _has to_ take us."

Erin could feel the question burning in Olivia's mind when her eyebrows shot up in alarm at the word _Mommy_. Now spoken by _both_ girls in reference to _her._

She wanted to explain, she even felt the words rising in her throat, but she couldn't. Not now, not in the middle of the room. She would need more time for a story of this magnitude. She turned to Maddie and Grace, "Of course, I'll take you." She paused, turning back to Olivia and Ben. "It was really good seeing you both."

Erin turned and walked towards the ladies room, hand in hand with the two little girls.

But Jay stayed back for another moment. "Hey, Olivia." He said, trying to get her attention, as she was already heading back to her table. "Erin's off from work for the next few days, because of everything that happened." He didn't expand, but figured that since Erin had admitted her injuries happened at work, he could at least say that. "Maybe you could come over one day? Keep her company while I'm at work." He had no idea what Olivia's schedule was like, and he _seriously_ hoped he wasn't overstepping, but for some reason he was pretty sure Erin would be okay with this. That she wouldn't mind him extending an olive branch on her behalf.

"I would love that," the words were rushed, as if she was grateful for the gesture and fearful it would be taken away if she didn't pounce on it immediately. "Is she still at Hank's?"

"She's staying with me," he answered, and watched the surprise register in her face. And then he watched the irritation that registered in Ben's. He wanted to laugh. _Did you not just hear my kids call her mommy?_ "I'll have her text you the address."

Olivia's face fell at his words, and Jay understood why. Even though he had offered, it would still be up to Erin to make the final decision and send her the address. He was actually pretty certain that Erin would send it immediately, but he could tell Olivia wasn't so sure.

"Okay," she said, her voice timid. "Thank you, Jay."

"You're welcome." He said. Then he noticed his girls coming back from the bathroom, and he nodded his head to say goodbye and walked to meet them.

"What was that all about?" Erin said, as she helped the girls slide into the booth.

Jay took his seat across from Erin as he answered. "I thought it might be nice for her to come by the apartment one day this week." He tried to keep his voice nonchalant, but he couldn't help the anxiety that was brewing. He hoped he hadn't made the wrong move. When she didn't say anything, he added, "She could keep you company while I'm at work."

"I don't need a babysitter, Jay." God, she knew she sounded like a petulant teenager. She just couldn't help it. She hadn't slipped up _once,_ and other than her _tiny_ thought that appeared for a moment morning, she hadn't even _wanted_ to take extra pills. Couldn't he see she was trying?

"I know that," Jay said, his voice exasperated. "But you know what else I know?" She looked at him, and raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. "I know that you miss your friend, and you don't want to admit it. I just thought I would nudge you in the direction you already wanted to go."

She stared at him, and shook her head. How was it that this man knew her _this_ well already? He seemed to see right through her, past her hardened exterior, into her heart and soul. He was able to unearth even her most deeply buried thoughts.

Before she could find the words to answer, Maddie spoke up. "Mommy, are you and Daddy fighting?" She hadn't realized that Maddie and Grace had been watching them with concern and alarm.

"No, baby." She replied, "We're not fighting." She turned back to Jay, "Actually, your daddy just did a really nice thing for mommy." She smiled at him, letting him know she meant the words and just how grateful she was to have him by her side.

000000000000000

Erin had been nursing her second cup of coffee in the kitchen when she heard the knock at the door. As she stood from her seat, she looked around the apartment nervously, making sure everything was clean and orderly.

The exercise was, of course, futile. It was Jay's apartment, and that meant two things. First, it was _way_ more organized and a million times cleaner than her apartment had ever been, even on her best day. And second, this wasn't even her apartment so show off.

She was just using it as a stalling tactic and she needed to relax.

Bringing the cup of coffee with her, she walked slowly towards the door. She took a deep calming breath, and when she opened the door, Olivia was standing anxiously on the other side, holding a bag of take out in each hand. One from _each_ of her favorite restaurants.

Erin had expected to be nervous at the sight of Olivia standing in the doorway of Jay's apartment. But instead, staring at one of her best friends in the world, she was just excited and relieved. "Chinese _and_ Burgers?"

The tone of Erin's voice seemed to put Olivia at ease, because she responded in kind. "Erin Lindsay," she said, shaking her head. "You have two little girls walking around calling you mommy. And I _know_ you don't expect me to believe you popped them out in the past month since I've seen you." She laughed as she stepped inside, raised both bags in her hands. "So I figured we had a lot of ground to cover, which called for _a lot_ of reinforcements."

"Fair enough," Erin laughed and shook her head before leading her to the kitchen. "Coffee?" She asked, as she walked towards the sink and placed her empty mug at the bottom.

"I'm good," Olivia answered, automatically finding a seat on the bar stools. "Now stop stalling and _spill_."

So she did.

She stood across the kitchen island from Olivia and told her all about how she had met Jay.

Towards the end of her story, she found herself feeling the need to defend the whirlwind romance. "And I know everything happened really quickly, and it probably seems crazy." She shook her head, because it really was _crazy_. "But, it's just..." she searched for the words. "That first week when I did all those home visits, I also went to see Jay at work." She liked to see how her clients interacted with their work colleagues. It always told her a lot about their character. "And there he is, the tough as nails detective, with his badge, and his gun holstered on his hip, and his leather jacket, and..." she shook her head again, reliving the memory of seeing him in his element for the first time. "He was just so damn sexy, Olivia, I can't even tell you." Then she smiled, "But then I see him at home with his daughter, and I swear he gets even sexier."

Olivia laughed, she could tell her friend was head over heels in love. That this was _it_. "It's like Camille always said. It's hard to resist a bad boy-"

"Who's a good man." Erin sighed, finishing the familiar line. Camille had expressed that same sentiment more than a hundred times when she was growing up. It was, she said, what made her fall in love with Hank.

"I miss her," Erin whispered, knowing her best friend would be able to follow her shift in topic.

"I know you do."

"I wish she could meet Jay," she sighed. "And his girls, too. She would love them."

"She would be so proud of you, Erin." Olivia stood from her seat on the bar stool and walked around to hug her friend. "You're going to be the best mother to those little girls, just like she was for you. Blood doesn't make a family, love does." It was truth, and it was exactly what she knew her friend needed to hear.

"She left a pretty great legacy, didn't she?" Erin would never have chosen this route, this life, without her influence. Even though Camille wasn't here, she felt her presence every day in every choice that she made. She owed her, and Hank, _everything_.

"She did," Olivia smiled and held her friend tight. After a few moments she released her, knowing Erin would need to move on from the moment before the grief swallowed her whole. So she raised her eyebrows and sent her friend a smirk, "So," she said wryly, "How's the sex?"

Erin couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of her. "Honestly?"

"Yeah!" Olivia squealed, she was _so_ ready for some serious girl talk after a month away from her best friend.

Erin just raised her eyebrows and shook her head in awe. "It's _mind-blowing_."

000000000000000

Olivia's visit had left Erin in a particularly good mood, and she decided to cook Jay a special dinner to say thank you. And it was about time, really. Erin had been practically _living_ here, she hadn't been back to Hank's in days, and Jay still did all the cooking.

She was about to leave to pick up the girls from school and take them with her to the grocery store when she received a text from Jay.

Jay: Hi babe, hope you're having a good time with Olivia. Reminder that Maddie and Annie have a playdate after school with Emmy. Her mom is going to drop them off later.

 _Good timing,_ she thought. Otherwise she probably would have been halfway to school before she remembered.

Then she had another thought.

Erin: Will they be home for dinner?

Maybe she could cook Jay a grown up meal, with some wine, and maybe some dessert after... she could thank him for suggesting Olivia come over and for her fantastic day. _It would be-_

Just then her phone buzzed.

Jay: Nope. Just you and me for dinner, babe.

 _Perfect_.

000000000000

When Erin got home from the grocery store, she immediately noticed Jay's work boots in their designated spot, and Jay's jacket slung over the hook. _Home already?_

When she walked further into the apartment, she heard the shower running. _That_ gave her an idea.

She _raced_ into the kitchen to put away all the perishable items, trying to expedite the process. Jay's shower rarely lasted more than 5 minutes and she didn't want to miss him. She hoped that his short showers were just because he usually showered when the girls were home, but something told her that it was a habit formed in the army, and it wasn't going away.

By the time she made it into the bedroom from the kitchen, Jay was already out of the shower. _Damn._

But then she stopped short at the sight of him. The white cotton towel hung _very_ low on his hips, and left _very_ little to the imagination them. His sculpted arms and chest were exposed, along with his glistening abdomen and deep V that disappeared behind the towel.

"Hey, baby." He said when he noticed her enter the room.

"Hi," she said, huskily. She walked towards him slowly, and raised her eyebrows in a smirk. When she reached him, she took his lips into a deep kiss and began to press her fully clothed body against his.

"Wait, Er," he laughed, looking down at her clean clothes. "I'm all wet."

"So am I," she replied, guiding his hand beneath the cotton of her skirt.

And then the laughter died.

 _What is this girl doing to me?_ He thought, as he lunged for her.

Within moments they lay tangled together, naked and sweaty, panting and moaning, until they reached their climax together.

And when they laid pressed up against each other, sated and wet in the afterglow of the passionate lovemaking, a thought flitted across Erin's mind.

 _Yep,_ she thought. _Fucking mind-blowing._

xoxo

 **Please Review :)**

Starting tomorrow I will be on a ski vacation and I probably won't update more than once before I return Sunday. SORRY IN ADVANCE! I hope this holds you over and you still continue to follow my story when I return! :)


	27. Chapter 27

Hi everyone :) Thank you so much for all of the amazing reviews AND for being so patient this week! I hope you enjoy this chapter and are excited for a week FULL of updates :)

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 27,**

"Tell me something," Erin's voice was quiet, as she whispered into the darkness of Jay's bedroom. They hadn't spoken in several minutes, but she could sense from his breathing that Jay was still awake.

Jay had been slowly drifting off to sleep, but he opened his eyes at the sound of her raspy words and his lips turned up into a soft smile. He allowed his eyes to slowly adjust to the darkness of the bedroom and he allowed his mind to wake before he answered. "I think tomorrow night the girls are going to have to go back to their own beds," he said, finally after several moments.

Erin turned until she was laying on her side, taking time to adjust to a comfortable position for her ribs. Her fingers found Grace, and she began trailing circles on her back. "Are the girls cramping your style?" She smirked at him, although she couldn't be sure he could see her expression through the darkness of the room.

He could see her perfectly. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the room, he could see the way the moonlight cascaded through the window and illuminated her beautiful face. He could see the dimples deep in her cheeks, and the way her eyes glowed, and he could see the possessive movements of her hand on his daughter's back. God, he was _so_ in love with her.

"That, too", he replied, and he couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of him. "But really." He shifted back to his original reasoning. "When I was sleep training Maddie, I read that you're not supposed to let your child sleep with you." The book had been talking about babies, because he had began sleep training at nine months, but he figured it was probably still true. "I don't want to create a pattern or make it so they can't sleep on their own." In truth, he actually wasn't too concerned for Maddie, she could sleep anywhere. But he wasn't sure about Grace, and he wanted to treat both girls the same.

It was Saturday night, and the two girls had spent every night sleeping between him and Erin since the night Erin had come from the hospital. It had been almost a week, and while he enjoyed the family bonding immensely, he also decided it was time to shift back into their normal routine.

"I know you're right," Erin pouted. She wasn't ready to go back to real life, but Jay was right. She had weaned off the Percocet and now was sticking to 800 mg of Advil and her incentive spirometers were increasing as expected. Her bruises were beginning to fade, and the ones on her eyes were now almost imperceptible with makeup.

It was time.

Jay noticed Erin's face fall slightly as she spoke the words. He knew she would miss snuggling close with the girls, but he was surprised that she seemed so down about it.

She was still going to get to snuggle with him, after all. "Tell me something," he whispered, hoping she would reveal whatever was plaguing her.

She wasn't ready for real life, wasn't ready to leave the comfort of Jay's bed. She pressed her nose into Grace's hair and took in the scent of her strawberry shampoo. She allowed it to her strength. If nothing else, she needed to get back to real life and be strong for her daughters. "I've been going back and forth." She began, "But ever since Olivia came over yesterday, I've been thinking it's time I move out of Hank's."

 _And move in here?_ Jay held his breath, waiting for her to continue.

"I should probably go back to my apartment," she finished.

Jay's heart sunk at her words. That was _not_ what he wanted her to say. "Okay," he whispered. He realized that it was the first _Tell me something_ he had ever asked that he regretted. That he _hated_ the answer to.

He did _not_ want her to leave.

But at this point, Erin had one third of her things at Hank's, one third of her things at her apartment with Olivia, and one third of her things at Jay's. And even though she felt completely at home in all three, at this point she didn't feel like she had a _home_.

She was constantly missing things she needed. She had three sets of tooth brushes and she had her essential toiletries in all three places, but there were some things she couldn't buy three of. Like her favorite pair of boots she had thought she left at her apartment, but then when she went to her apartment to retrieve them, she realized they were at Hank's. Or like her makeup, her curling iron, and a few items that she liked to have with her, but were too expensive to justify buying duplicates.

And then there was the time last week when she had gotten her period, and realized that she hadn't had any reinforcements at Jay's apartment.

It was time to consolidate, at least to two places. And she certainly wasn't giving up sleeping in Jay's bed.

So she had meant it when she said she was going back and forth. She didn't want to leave Hank's, but she reasoned that after she spilled everything to Olivia yesterday, she wouldn't question how often she slept at Jay's. She probably wouldn't even notice, or care, as much as Hank likely did. It would just be easier all around.

"Are you sure?" Jay said, interrupting her thoughts. _Are you sure you don't want to move in here? Please move in here._

"I'm sure," she said, clearly misinterpreting the meaning behind his question. "Olivia and I are fine, and I'm happy for her." She could handle seeing Ben around the apartment. For Olivia's sake, she even hoped that she and Ben could be friends. _No hard feelings._

 _That's not what I meant,_ Jay thought. He had been about to open his mouth and voice those exact words, but something stopped him. Her easy dismissal of his question had him feeling uneasy. It was as if the thought of moving in _here_ hadn't even crossed her mind.

So instead of correcting her and telling her what he was _really_ thinking, he just replied, "Good." Then after a pause, he added, "I'm really glad you and Olivia are friends again." Well, at least that was true.

"Me too, babe." And with that, she leaned down and kissed Grace on the top of her head and then closed her eyes and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

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"When are we leaving for Sergeant Voight's house?" Maddie asked, over her apple cinnamon oatmeal and assorted fruit the following morning. Tonight was the night of the barbecue and she was _very very_ excited. Erin had even taken Maddie and Grace shopping for new dresses for the occasion.

Jay took a long sip of his coffee and then rested the mug on the kitchen table. "Not for a few hours, Mads." His daughter was _radiating_ excitement, but if he was being completely honest, he was starting to feel a little anxious.

"We should get a cake for Gracie." Maddie said, whispering across the table.

Jay momentarily forgot about his anxiety and smiled at his daughter's suggestion. She was so damn thoughtful.

Yesterday, Grace had revealed to Maddie that she had never had a party in her honor before, and that she was feeling a little apprehensive about the whole thing. Maddie had secretly relayed the message to Jay this morning, when Grace was in the bathroom and Erin was out doing her long, albeit slightly truncated, Sunday morning run. "Good thinking, Mads."

He and Erin had already ordered a chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream cake _with_ a Frozen theme _and_ candles in the shape of Frozen characters for her to blow out. It was already at the bakery, waiting for Antonio to pick it up on his way over to Voight's this afternoon.

Erin and Grace appeared together in the doorway, and took their seats at the kitchen table. Erin took a sip of her coffee, and then stood to reheat it, since it had cooled considerably in her absence. While Grace got herself situated, Jay looked over at his little girl. "Better, bug?" She was wearing a fresh pair of leggings under her dress.

She nodded and took another spoonful of her oatmeal. "All dry." Grace had spilled milk all over her leggings during the beginning of breakfast.

Jay had actually been _thrilled_ with the spilled milk. Even though it had gotten _everywhere_ , and it he had to get on his hands and knees and crawl under the table to clean up the mess, he had smiled the entire time.

Because through the whole ordeal, Grace hadn't shed a single tear. She hadn't jumped up, terrified she would be yelled at... or worse. Instead, she just yelped in surprise, and then burst into a fit of laughter, matched across the table by Maddie's giggles. She hopped off her seat and asked Erin to help her change, and that was that. No muss, no fuss. All the while, Jay had been smiling.

Now _this_ was progress.

"Good," he replied.

"Gracie," Maddie spoke up, having finished her breakfast while Grace was in their room with Erin changing into dry clothes. "Want to play Pretty, Pretty Princess after breakfast?"

Grace nodded excitedly, her mouth full of berries. Before Grace moved in here, all she did was watch TV. She had seen every episode of Peppa Pig twenty times. She didn't have any games in her old home, and even if she had, she _never_ had people to play with. She _loved_ playing games with Maddie. "I'm almost done!" She said, scooping the oatmeal into her mouth double time.

"Finished," Jay corrected. "You're almost finished."

Maddie rolled her eyes in an expression that was so grown up, Jay and Erin couldn't help the laughter that ensued.

"Don't rush, Grace." Erin said, "You'll have plenty of time to play today."

Grade's face fell. _Plenty of time?_ "But aren't we going to Sergeant Voight's house?"

Erin nodded in response, "Yes, but we're not going until much later. We're going there for dinner tonight."

Grace smiled, and scooped another spoonful of apple cinnamon oatmeal into her mouth. "I wish we were going for lunch!" After Maddie reassured her yesterday that there was nothing to be afraid of, she was too excited to wait all the way until dinner.

"You know how in _this_ house, Saturday morning is family time?" Erin asked the girls.

Maddie nodded in an exaggerated gesture. "It's chocolate chip pancake day!" And the day where they spent the whole morning with their daddy's undivided attention, playing game after game.

"Well, when I growing up," Erin began, "I lived with Sergeant Voight and his family." They nodded. They already knew this information. "And _our_ family time was Sunday night dinner. So the barbecue being dinner instead of lunch is actually _extra_ special."

Maddie smiled at the thought, but then turned to Erin, confused. "But mommy," she began. "How come you don't still eat Sunday dinner with your mommy and daddy?" Erin had spent more Sunday dinners here than not since her first home visit over a month before.

At her question, Jay reached out his hand and placed it gently on Erin's knee. He squeezed it gently, letting her know she could answer as much or as little as she wanted. He was here to support her either way.

"Well," Erin began, wanting to be as honest as possible. After the past several weeks, she felt so strongly that these girls were _her_ daughters, too. That this was _her_ family. And Hank had never lied to her, so she wasn't about to lie to them. "Remember how I told you that I had a mommy that couldn't take care of me?" She had told them that the second day she had met them, as a part of the home visit. But then, she has told them as their social worker, and today, she wanted to tell them as their mother.

They nodded, and so she continued. Jay's hand remained on her knee, and she could feel the warmth through her jeans. She reveled in the comfort his touch provided. "Well, Sergeant Voight brought me home to live with him and his family."

They nodded again. Because, again, this information they knew. "Sergeant Voight is your daddy." Maddie said, remembering Sergeant Voight's words from Erin's third home visit. _Erin is my little girl._

"Right, he is." _Your daddy._ "And his wife, Camille, became my mommy." _My mommy._

It's funny how in all her years living with the Voight's it had never occurred to her to _call_ them mom and dad.

Sure, she had always referred to them as her parents when talking to other people, but to them she had ever actually used the terms. The thought made her indescribably sad.

But she pressed on. "And Camille always made the most delicious Sunday night dinners for me and Hank and my brother, Justin." Her voice began to waver at this part. She didn't usually talk about Camille with anyone. She had barely even spoken about her to Jay. "But a few years ago, she went up to heaven."

And with that, the four of them sat around the table in silence, in a moment of shared loss.

"Hank and I still eat together sometimes on Sunday nights." _But it's not the same._

She didn't have time to finish her sentence before both girls came and wrapped their arms around her in a tight hug. "I love you, mommy." Grace whispered.

"Me too, mommy."

Erin was sure she would never tired of hearing that word. But she felt a small pang of regret that she never said it to Camille.

"I love you, too." She replied, hugging them and holding them close. "Both of you."

000000000000000000

"Can I tell you something?" Jay whispered from the passengers seat of his car. Erin had insisted on driving, again, and for some reason, he was never able to refuse her.

"Always," she replied, as she flipped her turned signal on. She glanced at him briefly, and then turned back to the road.

"I'm a little nervous." Nerves had been radiating from Grace since he helped her into her brand new pink party dress, and they were beginning to rub off on him.

And by that, he meant they were already _very much_ present.

"Why?" Erin asked innocently.

He couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of her question, and it helped loosen the knot that had formed deep in his stomach. "Seriously?"

She looked over at him, at his _gorgeous_ face and his heart-stopping smile, and she reached for his hand.

Showing up to dinner at the boss's house would be nerve-wracking enough. Showing up to dinner at the boss's house while sleeping with the boss's daughter? With the added bonus of the whole intelligence unit there to bear witness to the first _real_ family encounter?

Okay. Jay did have a lot to be nervous about. "Fair enough," she conceded. "But Jay," she stopped at the stop sign and instead of driving, she turned her head to face him. "You have nothing to be nervous about."

His shook his head, as if to say _Yes I do, but I am going to go through with it anyway, because I love you._

She smiled, reading the words behind his expression immediately. "Besides," she continued. "No matter what happens, I love you. Your daughters love you. And we're all going home together."

 _Home_.

He opened his mouth, knowing he wouldn't get a more perfect opportunity. He was finally going to ask her to move in with him, so that they could _always_ go home together. "Actually, I-"

"Mommy!" Maddie called out from the back seat. "Are we there yet?"

 _Damn._

When Erin responded, and his girls found themselves engaged in a new conversation, he let out a deep sigh.

 _Opportunity lost_.

But then he closed his eyes, and he just listened to the sounds of laughter rippling through the car as the three girls continued their conversation. How could he be upset when he was sitting in the car, listening to his three favorite sounds?

He was the luckiest man in the world.

 **xoxo**

 **Please review :)**


	28. Chapter 28

Hi all! So glad you liked the last chapter, thanks so much for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this one too, I had the best time writing it.

Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 28,**

Hank had his steaks marinating in the refrigerator, and he was currently forming ground beef into patties for hamburgers. He had spent the morning preparing for the barbecue, including making his famous special sauce. The one he had been known for at all his previous barbecues.

He hadn't made it in years. He hadn't even thought about bringing out the old family recipe in as much time, and the one time Justin mentioned it, he had completely shot him down.

It had been _Camille's_ family recipe.

She always teased him about it, actually. _Look at you,_ she would say. _Standing there and pretending to be all manly by the grill._ Then she would come close and whisper in his ear, _Little do they all know, that sauce recipe is from a woman!_ He would always turn and kiss her then, and she would always laugh. Then she would press herself against him and whisper that she found him damn sexy standing by that grill, whether it was his sauce or not.

God, he missed her.

He _always_ missed her. She was the love of his life, his very best friend. She had been his partner in everything.

People thought he was the strong one, but they had no idea. She held this family together, had stayed smiling and holding them all close until her very last breath.

And he missed her even more today, with the smell of her barbecue sauce wafting in the air. He wanted to bury his nose in the scent. He wanted to close his eyes and drift back to those lazy afternoons by the grill.

He wanted to punch something. And then he wanted to burst out into tears.

Instead, he completed the last patty and began washing his hands, allowing the mundane task to dull his emotions.

As he dried his hands, he heard someone _banging_ on his front door.

He peered at his watch. It was only 4:00, and the barbecue was called for 4:30. It _could_ be Erin, but she would never bang on the door like that. And if she did, she would _fully_ expect him to come to the door armed. Plus, he reasoned, she had a key.

And wait, she was _living_ here.

Well, kind of. She _pretended_ she was living here, but she was really living at the Halstead's.

He had originally been bothered by how much time she was spending over there. Not because he was possessive of her time, but more because he was concerned. He could tell she was completely, head over heels, deeply, deeply in love with his detective. And that _seriously_ worried him.

Because _that_ kind of love? Well, that kind of love had a way of completely breaking you. That kind of love had a way of making a grown man want to cry into his barbecue sauce, on what was supposed to be a happy occasion, four fucking years after he lost it.

The second set of banging on the door interrupted his thoughts. He tiptoed over to the door, and then stuck his ear against the wood. Depending on what he heard, he could always go into the living room and retrieve his gun.

"Maybe he forgot about us?" It was Grace's quiet voice he heard emanating through the door.

He just smiled and threw the door open. "Forget about you two?" He said, loud and animated. "Never!"

"Sergeant Voight!" Maddie cried excitedly and then rushed inside.

He helped them out of their jackets and hung the coats on the hook. "Wow," he said. "You two look like princesses." It was true. They looked so damn adorable in their matching pink dresses and mismatching leggings that they completely lifted his mood.

He brought the girls into the kitchen, and Maddie jumped onto his left knee the minute he sat down at the table. Grace stood uncomfortably, unsure of what to do next. He motioned for her to join them, pointing to his empty right knee. She seemed to relax at that, and when he got both girls settled, he asked, "Where's your daddy?"

"He's outside with mommy." She replied.

Maddie continued to talk, but he had stopped listening.

 _What?_

His body completely stilled as he tried to process what Maddie was saying. _Mommy?_

Now Grace had chimed in, and he was pretty sure she referred to Erin as mommy, too. And after the fourth time, he had finally convinced himself that he hadn't been mistaken.

This was _not_ good. Love for your partner, for the love of your life? That didn't even come close to the love you felt for your children. For the fear and the worry that kept you up at night.

So much was changing, and it was all happening so quickly. He just wanted everything to _slow down._

Okay. He needed to have a talk with Halstead. Like right now. Like _yesterday._

"Sergeant Voight?" Maddie finally seemed to realize that he wasn't answering him, and he tuned back in at the sound his name.

"Yeah, munchkin." He replied, trying to keep his voice steady. Just as he responded, he noticed Erin and Jay appearing in the doorway.

He noticed right away that Erin looked _radiant._ The type of radiant that comes with being so damn happy you can't contain it inside your body, that it just comes bursting out of you.

It kind of took his breath away.

"You know how your Erin's daddy?" She asked, and then she looked at Grace for confirmation.

Grace just nodded. At what, he wasn't sure.

"Mhmm," he said, trying to look at both girls, all the while completely distracted by Erin and Jay's presence in the doorway.

"Well, Erin is our mommy now," she said, her voice soft and hesitant. "So doesn't that make you our _grandpa?"_

Hank was completely taken aback by the young girls words, but even more by the reactions of everyone in the room.

Grace was nodding again, but her eyes were wide and hopeful.

Jay was standing in the doorway, and he looked like he was about to _fall over._ That, of course, actually served to lighten the mood. The level of fear he had instilled in Halstead seriously never ceased to entertain Hank.

But then, there was Erin.

He had expected her to look scared, or concerned, or something that came close to Jay's feelings. He expected her expression to resemble _Jay's_ expression.

But instead, she looked like Grace.

Instead, her eyes were wide and hopeful.

She looked at him the way she had looked at him when she was 16, when Camille had put her arms around her and asked her if she wanted to live with them _permanently_. She looked like she wanted _so badly_ to say yes, but that she needed his blessing before she could open her mouth and say the words.

And so, he did the same thing he did that day. Because he would do just about anything for this girl. He nodded his head towards her, granting her his blessing.

And then he turned to Maddie and Grace and said, "That is _exactly_ what that means."

00000000000000

Erin's heart swelled with pride as she watched Maddie and Grace help Hank stir his special sauce in the kitchen. He _never_ let anyone touch that sauce.

She intertwined her fingers with Jay's, as they walked into the living room, leaving their girls to spend time with their _grandpa._

Wow. This was shaping up to be a _perfect_ day.

She loved Jay, and she loved Maddie and Grace. And she loved the little family they had created in their little cocoon. But today, it felt so much more real. Sharing it with Hank, having his blessing... it was more than she could have ever dreamed of.

"That went well," Jay whispered as they finally reached the living room couch. "I think." He was too stunned to be sure. His _daughters_ just called his _boss_ grandpa. It may have been the most surreal, if not bizarre, moment of his entire life.

Maddie had a grandfather, of course. Two, actually, but his own father didn't exactly count because he had never bothered to meet Maddie. But Allie's father had been a part of Maddie's life since she was born.

Allie's parents had moved to Florida after Allie died. They had tried to stay, to be an every day presence in their granddaughter's life, but at the end of the day, Chicago was the city that had witnessed the death of _both_ of their children. It was a burden that was too much to bear, and they had moved a little after Maddie turned one.

They visited often, and Jay _loved_ taking Maddie to Florida to visit them in the winter. A break from the Chicago cold and watching his little girl fawned over by two wonderful grandparents... the trips were always special.

But Hank Voight? A grandpa? His _daughter's_ grandpa?

It was _so_ weird _._

Sure, he had always been wonderful to Maddie. And he was clearly a _fantastic_ father to Erin.

But still. It was going to take some _serious_ time to wrap his head around.

Erin leaned down to kiss him, taking him away from him wandering thoughts. Her smile seemed to light up the entire room when she said, "It went _really_ well, Jay." Then she kissed him again and added, "I'm so happy."

He _loved_ that smile. And he loved the girl that smile belonged to enough to take on a thousand Hank Voight's.

He leaned down and kissed her again, deeper this time, when Adam Ruzek walked in. "God. Get a _room."_

"Ummm... I'm pretty sure we just had one before you walked into it," Jay replied sarcastically.

"Fair enough," Ruzek said, laughing.

Antonio came in behind him, "I just dropped the cake, and my kids, off in the kitchen with the girls." He paused walking towards the couch Erin and Jay were seated on. Erin stood up to greet him and Ruzek.

"Thank you so much for picking that up," she said. "It was a huge help."

"My pleasure," Antonio replied, an easy smile on his lips. He turned to Jay, "I just saw Grace in the kitchen, and she looks _great_." His partner was clearly doing a fantastic job with the little girl. "She looks so happy, and she no longer looks like I could knock her over with a single breath." Jay smiled at the complement, and Antonio added, "You should be really proud, man."

"Thanks," Jay said, trying to hide how touched he was by his partner's words.

"How are _you_ feeling?" Antonio said, shifting his gaze from Jay to Erin.

Ruzek gave her a once over, and repeated Antonio's question.

Erin shifted uncomfortably, and sent Jay a questioning look. Her cheeks reddened considerably in embarrassment. She was _extremely_ private, and he _knew_ that about her. Did his whole team know? Had he told them?

Antonio seemed to pick up on Erin's discomfort, and chimed in before Jay had a chance to explain. "On Tuesday when Voight got that phone call," he began, "I don't think I've ever seen him move that fast."

"Well that, and the fact that Halstead's eyes have been _glued_ to his phone since that day." Ruzek added. "I've never seen anyone check their messages that often."

Now it was Jay's turn to be embarrassed.

But now, Erin just laughed. "My protectors," she said, sarcastically.

"Please," Hank said as he walked into the living room, Grace in his arms and Maddie walking by his side. "Like _you_ need protecting." He nodded towards Erin, his voice full of sarcasm.

"She bashed the guy over the head with a lamp," Jay added, a huge grin appearing on his face. He was damn proud of his girl.

"WHAT?" Maddie yelled. "Mommy, _what_ is daddy talking about?" She raced over to where Erin was standing and launched herself into her arms.

Erin rolled her eyes playfully at Jay's comment. Then she sat on the couch and began explaining Jay's words to Maddie.

Because she was looking down at Maddie and was engrossed in her conversation, she completely missed the looks that were _flying_ across the room in Jay's direction.

Antonio's eyebrows shot up. Ruzek's mouth literally dropped open to the floor.

Antonio leaned over and whispered, "So first, you decided to take on a _second_ four year old." He couldn't contain his disbelief. "And now you're trying to double your family size in one month?"

Ruzek couldn't help but add, "And give Voight a _coronary_ in the process?"

 _It's been more than a month_ , Jay wanted to say, slightly irritated.

But then he almost said, _Hell yes, have you_ seen _Erin?_

Because _both_ responses were true.

Instead he just whispered, "Shut up." He kept his voice low, hoping no one could hear their side conversation. Voight had gone back into the kitchen with Grace, and Erin _seemed_ like she wasn't listening.

He almost didn't say anything more. He didn't want to give them the satisfaction. _Especially_ Ruzek, after his comment about Voight.

But for some reason he decided to keep talking. Because he knew he was just being touchy. And because they were his team, they were his _family._ And because he wanted them to know.

"I'm happy." He said plainly, but he couldn't hide his smile.

Antonio looked at Jay, realizing that he had never heard those words from his partner's mouth before.

He had been _urging_ Jay to date, to find _someone_ to spend his life with. For months. Being a single parent was hard. He should know.

But he always brushed him off. And according to Will Halstead, he had been trying to get Jay to date for even longer. For _years._

Jay had always replied, _I'm fine._ Or he had said, _Maddie and I are good just the way we are._

But never had once had he said those words. _I'm happy._

"I'm really happy for you, man." Antonio said, giving him a manly, but extremely genuine hug.

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Eventually, the whole team had gathered at Voight's house. Jay had taken Erin around, keeping his hand possessively on the small of her back, introducing her to the members of the team she hadn't known and all of the family members that came along with them.

Platt brought Mouch, Olinsky brought Lexi, Atwater had brought his brother and sister, Dawson came with his two children, and both Ruzek and Kim came alone.

The kids played together in the backyard while Hank barbecued, and by 6:00 they were all finally seated down to dinner.

Hank stood up from his seat at the head of the table, beer in hand, and cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention. "Before we start to eat, I would like to make a toast."

Everyone's eyes were at the head of the table. Even if he wasn't their boss, he still had a way of commanding attention.

"We are here today to celebrate Grace joining our family." Erin wasn't sure if he meant the intelligence unit family, or _their_ family, but tears welled up in her eyes nonetheless.

"And that makes today pretty special." He turned to where Grace was sitting and smiled at her. "Grace, I want you to know something. And it's _really_ important."

Her eyes were locked onto his as she hung on his every word.

"Blood doesn't make a family," he glanced over at Erin, catching her eyes, before looking back towards Grace. "Love makes a family."

By now, the tears were slowly trickling down Erin's cheek.

The rest of the team may have thought he was talking about the Intelligence family. But now, Erin knew better.

He was talking about her.

About her and Hank and Camille and Justin.

About her and Jay and Maddie and Grace.

She smiled through her tears as he finished his speech, as she heard the emotion in his final words.

"It doesn't matter where you came from, it just matters that you're here."

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review**

 **This was part 1 of the BBQ :) I hope you enjoyed it!**


	29. Chapter 29

Hi all! Happy Valentine's Day :) :) :) :)

Hope you enjoyed the last chapter, thanks so much for the wonderful reviews. Y'all are the BEST!

BBQ Part 2 :) Happy reading!

 **Chapter 28,**

Dinner had gone surprisingly smoothly.

Actually, it had gone _more_ than smoothly. It had gone _really really_ well.

But then, Jay and Hank were seated far enough apart that their wasn't _too much_ over-protective-dad-meeting-the-new-boyfriend kind of conversation.

Then again, Erin was sure Hank was just saving it for another time. Maybe even later in the evening. Definitely before everyone left. He just _lov_ e _d_ having witnesses.

Erin, Jay, Maddie, and Grace were seated together at the far end of the table with Antonio and his two kids. Even though Erin had met Dawson several times before, as a part of Hank's unit _and_ as Gaby Dawson's older brother, this time was different.

She _really_ wanted to make a good impression. Because he was Jay's partner. Her _boyfriend's_ partner. And that made him one of the most important people in Jay's life. He had his back every day on the job, and there was likely no closer bond.

And with him keeping Jay safe at work... that made him one of the most important people in _her_ life, too.

Jay and Antonio were deep in conversation about something work related and she was doing her best to follow. She perked up at the mention of them hitting the gun range.

"I'll have to join you next time," she said casually.

Antonio looked at her in surprise, and asked, "You any good?"

She smiled easily and replied, "I'm sure I could give you a run for your money."

Hank seemed to overhear the conversation and decided to chime in. "She could give all of you a run for your money." His smile was wide and full of pride, then he nodded towards Jay. "Even you, Halstead."

The team was surprised by the smile that instantly lit up Jay's face. They must have been expecting him to be put off by Voight's comment, but he wasn't. Not in the least.

Instead he turned to Erin, his eyebrows raised, seriously impressed. "How did I not know this about you?" His girl _never_ ceased to amaze him. The more he learned, the more he loved.

Erin just shrugged her shoulders and let out a small laugh, not sure what to respond. She had no doubt that she could _definitely_ beat Jay at the gun range, but she wasn't sure how well that would go over in front of his friend and unit members.

Voight, of course, responded for her. "She grew up in this house. _Of course_ she can shoot a gun." Then he turned to the rest of the table, "I don't discriminate. No girl of mine is going to walk around this city unprepared."

She wanted to roll her eyes. She had heard him give this whole _I don't discriminate, she's going to learn to shoot a gun_ speech a hundred times before. The first time it had been to Camille, when she had been skeptical about Hank bringing her to the gun range. Olinsky and Platt had surely heard it before, too. And when they had, she likely _had_ rolled her eyes. But this time she just shifted uncomfortably. Because other than Olinsky, Platt, and maybe Dawson, no one actually _knew_ that she was _his girl._

 _Voight's girl._

That's what they'd called her as a teenager.

Charlie and her mother, and all of her old friends. They had spit the words at her. Like being Voight's girl was something dirty.

It wasn't, of course. Voight had saved her, and she owed him her life. Everything she was because of him, and she never forgot that. But she _hated_ talking about her past with strangers, _especially_ strangers she was trying to impress, and no doubt this was going to invite questions.

It was then that she noticed everyone was staring at her, waiting for her to confirm or deny Hank's words. She forced herself to keep her voice light. "It's true." Then, she added wryly, "I've even beat Hank before," her voice full of mirth.

Ruzek's mouth dropped open, "For real?"

"No, Ruzek." Hank said, rolling his eyes at the young detective. "Not for real."

Laughter rose from the table, and she began to relax. She leaned over to Jay and whispered in his ear, "Think now's a good time for cake?"

He nodded, still in awe of the woman seated at his side. "Yeah, let's go."

They snuck away from the table one at a time, hoping to go relatively unnoticed by Grace. She was in the midst of conversation with Antonio's daughter, and was too distracted to even bat an eye at her parents leaving the table.

They reached the kitchen and Jay slowly took the cake from the freezer and took it out of the box. "Wow," he said, "This looks great." He smiled wide and turned to Erin. "I think she's really going to like this."

Erin smiled back, as they began tearing the Frozen shaped candles out of their wrappers and adding them to the themed ice cream cake. "She is going to _love_ it." The top of the cake was Frozen themed, too, with Elsa's face in the center. The bottom half had plain white frosting, and instead of the word _Frozen_ in blue cursive letters, it said _We love you, Grace!_

Erin had arranged the candles around the perimeter of the top of the cake and Jay was about to light the candles when Erin grabbed the lighter from his hand, "Wait," she said.

He looked up quickly, alarmed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," she said, moving her body into his. They hadn't been alone all night, and she wanted to cherish the moment. She couldn't get enough of him. "I just wanted to tell you again how amazing I think you are." She pressed her lips against his in a gentle kiss. "Grace is going to have the most wonderful life, and it's all because of you."

He stared down into her deep hazel eyes. They were sparkling up at him, and they took his breath away. It was remarkable how much she affected him, with just a light kiss and a smile.

God, he loved her smile.

He loved _her._ So much. _Too_ much, maybe.

"Er," he whispered, his body still pressed between her's and the kitchen counter. "I am going to have the most wonderful life, and it's all because of her."

The way she scrunched her eyebrows in confusion was so damn adorable. He kissed her again, another light kiss, and then added, "She gave me another daughter to love." He leaned down once again, allowing himself another feather light kiss. "And she brought me to you."

The tears that welled in her eyes and the beautiful and heartbreaking smile she gave him made him feel weak.

He kissed her again, this time slow and deep. He lost himself in the kiss. In her.

It was the type of kiss that makes you lose sense of time and space. He forgot where he was as she completely took over every one of his senses.

His vision blurred and he could only _see_ her. The _taste_ of her lips, the warmth of her tongue overwhelmed him. The only thing he could _feel_ was her warm, soft body gently pressed against his. He could only _smell_ her scent, the lavender and subtle hint of vanilla blocking out everything else.

And the only thing he could hear was the sound of her heartbeat, in time with his own.

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Erin was the first to pull away. She was so turned on, so unbelievably in love, and her eyes were dark with passion as she stared into Jay's bright blue eyes. And it took every ounce of self control she had to pull away, but she did it.

And just in time...

"Daddy," Maddie whispered, as she walked into the kitchen. She had barbecue sauce dripping all down her pink party dress, but Erin barely noticed it. She could only focus on Maddie's huge smile, the way her face lit up when she looked at Jay. "Is it time for cake?"

Jay was still completely breathless, his mind full of Erin, but he somehow managed to reply. "Yes it is, baby." He felt like a sex-crazed teenager, and he was seriously struggling with his usually seamless transition from teasing boyfriend to doting father. He forced himself to move his body away from Erin, and he lifted her in his arms. "Want to help us bring it in?"

Maddie didn't notice a thing, and she just nodded and whispered an excited "YES!" in reply.

So Erin carried the cake, and Jay carried Maddie, and together the three of them walked into the dining room.

Erin placed the cake in front of Grace and Jay stood on her other side. He had fully returned to daddy mode, and he leaned in and kissed Grace on the top of the forehead, and said, "I love you, bug." His voice was loud enough that everyone could hear, but still full of raw emotion. He wasn't even going to try and hide it today. "I'm so happy you chose to live with us."

"Me too!" Maddie said, cheerfully, still in her father's arms. "Because now we get to be sisters forever!"

Grace looked up at Jay and Maddie and seemed completely overwhelmed. She couldn't find any words to speak, and she didn't make any moves to blow out her candles. Everyone at the table sat quietly, and Jay looked down at her, his expression nervous, concerned, and maybe a little confused.

But Erin understood.

When you were handed everything you could ever want in your life, _everything_ and _everyone_ you could have ever dreamed of... and maybe even a little more... it could be so unbelievably overwhelming.

Because, yes, it was hard to have nothing. It made life difficult and sometimes it could be so lonely it could break your heart.

But when you're at rock bottom, there's really nowhere lower to go.

And having everything?

Well, that just meant you had it all to lose.

She leaned down and whispered in Grace's ears. "It's okay," she said, "This is real." She said it so quietly, so no one else could hear. This conversation was just for them. "They're not going anywhere."

But as she watched Grace relax in her chair and finally blow out the candles, she wondered who she was trying to convince.

Grace?

Or herself?

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The girls had _inhaled_ their ice cream cake, each having two slices, and were now falling asleep in their chairs. It had been a lot excitement for one day and they were _exhausted._

"We should probably get them home," Jay said to the group.

Everyone was just getting up from the table and moving towards the living room. Hank had just brought out another round of beers and another bottle of wine. "Just put them upstairs," Hank said, as he used the wine opener to open the bottle of red. "Second door on the left."

He didn't even look up as he spoke the words, he said them _so_ casually. Jay sent Erin a sideways glance, because this was still his _boss's_ house and he was _not_ about to go upstairs.

Erin just sent him an easy smile and leaned over, "That's my room," she whispered. "They'll be fine in there."

He took a deep breath and whispered back, "Okay." Even though he wanted to say _This is just too weird._ "But soon I am taking you home so we can finish what we started in the kitchen."

Erin's face reddened and her eyes grew wide as she immediately looked around to make sure no one heard Jay's words, or saw the way he kissed her neck right behind her ear as he whispered them.

 _Phew_ , she thought, as she reveled in the feeling of his breath against her ear. "Soon." Was all she said, and then she nudged him playfully.

She watched as Jay lifted both girls into his strong arms, the ones that would be wrapped around her soon enough, and walked towards the stairs.

Burgess took this as her opportunity to start a conversation with Erin. "Hey," she said, by way of introduction.

Erin was glad. She had heard a lot of great things about Kim, and she was always happy to have more girl friends. She hadn't had many growing up. "Hey," she said.

The conversation was a little slow and awkward in the beginning, but after a few minutes the girls were chatting away. By the time Jay returned downstairs from putting the girls down, Erin just smiled in his direction, letting him know she didn't need rescuing.

"So..." Kim said, after several minutes.

 _Here it is,_ Erin thought. _She's going to grill me about Jay._ She'd been expecting it, had been waiting for it all night.

She was actually surprised it had taken this long. She was even more surprised the question hadn't been posed by one of the guys.

"What's the deal with you and Voight?"

Okay. Not what she had been expecting. "What?"

Apparently she didn't hide her surprise very well, because Kim just laughed and said, "Did you think I was going to ask about you and Halstead?" Her voice was full of sarcasm.

"Yeah, kind of." Erin said, laughing in response, and allowing it to ease the tension in her gut.

"Well," she said, "I don't need to ask you about you and Halstead." Erin shifted her head, clearly wondering what she meant by that, and she rushed to add, "Halstead hasn't stopped smiling since he met you. A blind man could see he's completely in love with you."

Erin's lips turned up into a shy smile, but Kim just continued. "And the look on your face when you look at him... Well, just consider all of _those_ questions asked and answered."

Erin was right before. She really _was_ going to like Kim.

"But seriously. You and Voight?"

Erin couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her. Usually she minded this line of questioning, but for some reason this didn't bother her. She _really_ liked Kim.

Erin was about to answer her when she heard some commotion coming from behind her. Kim's face seemed to change, and her eyes widened. "Erin," she said under her breath, leaning her head closer. She nodded her head past Erin, towards the entrance to the living room. "It's your mom."

Kim had said the words so quietly that Erin had almost missed them.

Then she was _sure_ she had misheard them.

But then she turned around, and standing not ten feet from her was Bunny.

 _What the hell?_

She hadn't seen Bunny in _years._ And she had _never_ seen Bunny in _this_ house.

This was Hank's house. Camille's house. She was _not_ supposed to be here.

Before she had a chance to speak, Bunny did. "I knew I would find you here." she said, her voice snide and as slippery as a snake. It captured the attention of the entire room. Erin could literally hear her heart pounding in her chest. "You'd never miss one of your _precious_ Sunday night dinners."

There were _so_ many thoughts racing through Erin's head, but she couldn't speak. Couldn't voice a single one.

The first thought was seriously unkind, but nonetheless true. Her mother looked _old._ Like _seriously_ old.

The second was that she looked drunk and probably also high. Her slurred voice and pinpoint pupils _screamed_ it, and Erin knew she must filled with a combination of pills and alcohol.

But then a third, uglier thought crept in.

 _Jay._

Jay was going to meet her mother. He was going to see _firsthand_ where and _what_ she had come from.

She didn't want him to see the whole, ugly truth.

Sure, he said he could handle it. But what if he was wrong? What if he couldn't?

What if he realized that all the things he thought were wonderful and intriguing about her, the things he thought made her strong and fearless were actually just ugly, and awful, and _grim_.

What was it she had thought that day in the hospital?

 _I can try to outrun my past, but it always runs faster._

She couldn't lose Jay over this.

She wouldn't.

But then a fourth thought crept in. A thought that was even worse than the last.

...

How _the hell_ had Kim known that was her mother?

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	30. Chapter 30

Just finished watching tonight's episode of PD! Hope this helps with the lack of Linstead drama lol :)

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 30,**

Erin's head was spinning as she tried to piece together everything in her head. Everything felt so completely out of control.

She wanted to sit down. She wanted time to slow down so she could figure all of this out.

But, she didn't sit down. Instead, she forced herself to focus on one thing at a time.

Right now, she needed to focus on getting Bunny out of this house. As quickly as possible.

While she stood there reeling, Bunny just kept _talking._ God, she was using her innocent, _mothering_ tone of voice, and it made Erin want to throw something at her.

She could barely keep up with what she was saying. Bunny must have just asked her a question, because now she was staring at her expectantly.

She didn't answer her question. She wouldn't have answered even if she had heard it. Instead, she glared at her mother, staring straight in her eyes and said, "What are you doing here?" She didn't even try to hide the disdain in her voice.

It was only then that she noticed Jay standing beside her. At some point, Kim must have stepped away from her, and Jay must have moved closer, because now he was holding her hand.

"I came to see you," she said. "I'm not allowed to come see my only daughter?" _God._ She always put such an _act_ when other people were around. She just wanted everyone to _leave._

Actually, she wanted to leave with them.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" She repeated her question, slowly this time, enunciating each word separately, hoping to finally get her point across. Stop with the bullshit.

"I thought I would come to Sunday night dinner," she said, her voice aloof, as if this was the most normal thing in the world. Erin hated that she even _knew_ about Sunday dinners. "I am your _family_ after all." She said, now her voice was dripping in sarcasm. It always amazed Erin how she did that. Changed her tone of voice, mid sentence. And my amazed, she meant terrified. Because as a kid, it only took two seconds to go from nice to _mean._ "And now that Hank's bitch of a wife is dead, I thought I'd finally get an invite."

And there it was. Nice to mean.

Erin could feel the air completely suck out of the room. Every pair of eyes in the room seemed to widen at her comment.

God, her mother was such a piece of shit.

Hank took a step forward and looked like he wanted _lunge_ for her. The room was so quiet that Erin could hear his labored, angry breathing.

"Watch it," Erin said. Jay was still by her side, still holding her hand. Now he was squeezing it gently, rubbing soft circles around her knuckles.

His touch usually calmed her down.

Not today.

"Fine, Erin." Bunny spit at her. "If you don't want me at Sunday night dinner, then fine."

Bunny didn't seem to get the point.

Erin didn't want her here _ever._ Actually, she didn't want her anywhere within a mile radius of her ever.

And then suddenly she realized it wasn't just _her_ she had to worry about. She had two _beautiful_ little girls upstairs that she _never_ wanted her mother to meet.

Oh, God. She prayed that they would stay asleep. She needed to get Bunny the _hell_ out.

When Erin didn't reply right away, Bunny tried again. "I want to take you to lunch."

Erin took a deep steadying breath and tried to focus on the warmth of Jay's touch in her hand. He was still drawing figure eights on her skin.

She opened her mouth to ask the question she _hoped_ would get to the bottom of this visit, but before she could, Hank asked, "How much do you need this time, Bunny?"

Deep down, Erin had always known that Hank and Camille gave Bunny money. Erin had spent half of her childhood stealing groceries, making sure there was good on the table. And the other half she spent selling drugs for money, first for her mother and then for Charlie. And even when she had been selling for Charlie, she had always given her mother her own cut. She never even considered keeping a dime for herself.

Bunny wouldn't have been able to survive without Erin, but she had never really tried to go after her. So it was a pretty safe assumption that she would go to Hank and Camille.

Hank and Camille would have done anything to keep Erin safe, and Bunny would know to use that as a bargaining chip.

But even know she had always known, Hank's words still completely knocked the wind of out her. Because that's all she was to her mother. Just another bargaining cup.

That, and she was pretty sure she hit a new low in front of Jay's coworkers.

"I'm not here for your money, Hank." She sneered. But she must have sensed she was fighting a losing battle, because she finally revealed the reason for her visit. "Erin, your dad is getting out next week." She said the words so matter-of-factly, like it was every fucking day your father got out of prison and it was every fucking day that it was _revealed_ to your boyfriend that your father was _in_ prison. "He wants to see you."

And there it was. This low was even lower.

God. She _hated_ her mother.

She took a deep breath and squeezed Jay's hand to give her strength. "My dad is standing right over there." She nodded towards Hank, and then glared back at her mother. "Now, can you please leave?"

She wasn't above using the word please. _Anything_ to end this nightmare of a conversation, this _very public_ display of her personal business.

Jesus. The _entire_ intelligence unit was here. _Plus_ Platt.

"Okay, fine, Erin." She pointed her nose up into the air, like she was too good for this conversation anyway. "You know where to find me."

And then _finally_ she turned and left.

No one moved for several long seconds. It was like everyone was stuck in place, unsure of what to do. She couldn't blame them.

She wanted the earth to open and swallow her whole.

It was Hank who finally moved, stepping towards her. "Erin," he said, his voice soft and gentle, and as tender as he could make it.

"Don't." She said, looking at him. "Just don't."

He didn't seem surprised at all by her words, by the anger and hurt that were infused in them. Because he understood that during those long moments of silence, she had finally put it together.

Bunny had gone to the district. There was no other way that Burgess could have known. For that matter, the rest of the team members seemed to know exactly who she was, too.

Even Jay had known to come over and comfort her, before Bunny had even voiced who she was. There was just no other explanation.

She trusted that Jay and Hank wouldn't have _told_ Kim about Bunny. She had to have seen her for herself.

Well, actually. She _thought_ she trusted Jay and Hank.

Suddenly, she let go of Jay's hand, too. He seemed to immediately notice the shift in her mood, the direction that Erin was heading, because he tried to whisper, "Babe, I'm-"

But she wasn't having it. She wasn't having _any_ of it. She closed her eyes and whispered under her breath, "Just don't." And this time she had meant to direct the comment towards Jay, too. She was pretty sure he caught that, because when she opened her eyes, he was looking at her pleadingly.

She ignored him for the moment. Ignored his big, blue pleading eyes. The eyes that she _loved_ so much, that saw right through her eyes and into her soul. The eyes that melted her heart. Instead, she turned away.

"She came to see you right," she was talking to Hank now, anger bubbling in her voice. "And because you _always_ seem to know what's best for me, you decided to keep it from me."

No one spoke, and when Hank didn't respond she continued. "Am I close?" She didn't actually need confirmation, because she _knew_.

But a part of her hoped she was wrong.

He nodded, telling her that she wasn't. She wasn't wrong at all.

So, she turned to Jay, her voice low and angry. "And what? You _had_ to go along with it? Boss trumps girlfriend, is that it?"

God, she was so angry she couldn't see the other people in the room. She just saw red.

And if she was being honest, she reveled in the feeling, in the anger that burst through her body. Because anger was a lot better than all the other emotions that were trying to push through.

"We thought it would be best," Jay stuttered. He had clearly never seen her this kind of upset before, and he didn't know what to do about it. "You know, because you were still taking the pills."

He regretted the words the second they left his tongue.

She closed her eyes, then, trying to regain some semblance of control. But she couldn't. This situation had spun so far out of her control, nothing she could do would reign it back in.

Before she said something she would regret, she stormed out of the room and then out of the house. She _hoped_ that over-protective-I-know-everything Hank Voight told Jay _not_ to follow her, because she was in _no_ mood to see either of them.

Thankfully, he must have. Because no one followed her, and she began to walk down the street to the corner. She was shaking all over, and she was pretty sure it _wasn't_ because she left her jacket inside.

She opened her Uber app, and clicked for the current location. ETA was 4 minutes.

She couldn't get out of there soon enough.

She was so mad. She was also horrified and devastated and sad.

And she was _completely_ humiliated.

Her mother came to the district. Then her mother came to Hank's house, seemingly drunk and high.

Hank paid her mother off. Because her mother would _much_ rather have a pile of fucking money than have her own daughter in her life.

Her mother told the whole Intelligence Unit that her father was in prison.

And then, to top it all off, Jay let the _whole world_ know that she was a drug addict.

That she was just as bad as her mother.

She didn't even know which part to feel worse about. She had spent the entire night trying to impress Jay's team, and little did she know they had already met her mother. What did they think of her?

And what about Jay? As angry as she was at him, she was also humiliated _in front_ of him, too. She had never even told Jay about her father. He had found out with everyone else.

She closed her eyes and took a slow steadying breath, and finally the Uber pulled up to the corner. It was a dark black Honda, and when she stepped inside the driver turned around to greet her.

He was a middle aged man, and he had kind eyes. She wanted to curl up into his backseat and cry. "You didn't put in a destination," he said, pointing to his phone.

He was right, of course. Because she hadn't even thought about it. Where the hell was she going to go?

"You can put it in now," he said, when she didn't answer.

She looked down at the application, and opened the "Destination" tab. She lifted her fingers to put in an address, but she wasn't sure what to type.

 _Where do I go? Where should I go?_

 _Where can I go?_

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Everyone left shortly after Erin ran from the house. Jay had wanted to run after her, but he only made it halfway towards the door before Voight grabbed his arm, telling him to give Erin some time to cool off.

That she'd come back.

But Jay could tell that even Voight didn't believe that. And he certainly didn't, not for one second.

God, it was bad enough that he hadn't told her about Bunny showing up at the district. He should have told her about that, of course, but that wasn't even the worst part. That wasn't the part that made her run.

He had dug himself in deeper with the stupid comment about the pills.

 _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

He had just meant it to explain. He wanted her to know that it wasn't a _boss-trumps-girlfriend_ kind of thing like she had said. He was just concerned for her, because her safety trumped _everything._

It was the reason he had practically forced her to take the stupid pills to begin with. He just wanted her safe. Safe and with him.

He wished he had just asked her to move in with him when they were in the car today. Actually, he wished he'd asked her _days_ ago, or weeks even. Because then all of her stuff would be at his apartment, and she would _have to_ come home eventually.

Now... she had a million places she could go. And if she wanted, she could stay away for days, or weeks, or _forever_.

God, that would wreck him. It wouldn't just break his heart, it would break _him._ His entire being would be devastated beyond repair.

But she wouldn't do that, though. She couldn't. Even if she could leave him, she would _never_ leave the girls.

He held onto that thought for the rest of the night. He held onto it like a lifeline, and every time a tiny piece of doubt crept through, he would remember that.

She _loved_ Maddie and Grace, and she was _not_ gone.

She just needed time to cool off, and then she would come back to him.

"I should get the girls home," Jay said, after he and Voight had been sitting in silence in the living room for nearly a half an hour. Aside from the fact that they should be in their own beds, he wanted to get home in case Erin decided to come home.

"I'll help you," Hank said, as he began walking towards the stairs.

When Jay had brought the girls up into Erin's room originally, he had been focused on not waking them and quietly settling them into sleep. He had been so focused on positioning the pillows so they didn't roll off the bed, and he hadn't been paying attention to much else.

This time, when he walked in, he was overcome with Erin's _presence_ in the room. He was shocked at how much stuff she still had there.

She had more stuff here than she did at his place.

That wasn't good. _Right?_

 _Your daughters call her mommy,_ he reminded himself. His new mantra for any time he had a new devastating thought. _She will be back._

Hank and Jay lifted the girls into their arms, and carried them, still sleeping, down the steps. Jay stopped by the door to cover them in their coats, like a blanket, and then they walked outside and settled them into the car.

He began walking to the drivers seat when Voight stopped him. "Halstead," he said. "She'll forgive you."

This time, Voight sounded like he believed what he was saying. Jay wanted to believe it, too.

"It may take some time," he continued. "But she will. She loves you."

 _She_ loved _me. Who knows what she feels for me now._

Voight seemed to read his mind. "Over the years, I've seen Erin date her share of guys."

Okay, that wasn't what Jay needed to hear right now.

But then, Voight continued. "But she's never fallen in love with any of them." He paused a second, and looked like he was deep in thought. "She has always protected her heart." He was barely even looking at Jay at this point, he seemed to be looking out at the sky, taking in the glow of the moon. His warm breath was visible in the night air.

"But she gave her heart to you, and to your girls." Now he turned to Jay, holding his gaze. "And so, you have nothing to worry about."

Jay couldn't think of anything to say in response, so he just said, "Thank you, sir."

"Hank," he reminded him. "It's Hank."

And with that, Hank walked away and Jay slid into his seat. He checked the rearview mirror to check on the two girls, still fast asleep through all the drama.

He allowed their innocent faces and their steady breathing to calm him. And then he backed out of the driveway, and drove home, all alone.

xoxo

 **Please Review :)**


	31. Chapter 31

Hi all! Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter :) I had the best time writing this one, so I hope you like it just as much!

 **Chapter 31,**

Erin reached into her pocket and fished out a ten dollar bill and handed it over the seat to the driver. "Do you mind if we sit here for a couple minutes?"

The driver accepted the bill and nodded his head, "Sure thing," he said into the rear view mirror. "However long you need."

Erin closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest. The heat was blaring from the vents, but it did nothing to stop the shivering.

 _Calm down, Erin. Just think_.

She spent the next five minutes quietly thinking, remembering and reliving the events of the night. When she finally calmed down a little, she opened her eyes.

She had decided where she wanted to go.

She opened the Uber application and typed in the destination. Then she closed her eyes again, and prayed Olivia wasn't home.

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Jay sat in the car long after he pulled into the parking lot in front of his apartment building. He wasn't ready to go inside and face his apartment alone.

And he certainly wasn't ready to wake the girls, who were sleeping soundly and blissfully in the back seat.

He couldn't transfer the girls from the car to the apartment by himself without waking them.

It was times like this that he hated living in an apartment, and wished he had a house. One with a long driveway and a two-car garage, so he could transfer the girls into the house one at a time. One with a big backyard where he could have a swing set and jungle gym for the girls, and maybe he could set a basketball hoop, too. Because his girls were going to be multi-talented, of course.

And maybe one day, he and Erin would have a son that would play with it, too.

God, he wished he and Erin had a house together. More than anything.

Actually, on second though, he just wished he and Erin had a _life_ together. If Erin lived with him, he wouldn't care if he had a house, or an apartment, or if he lived on the street.

And if she was here, he didn't need a garage. Because if she was here, they could carry the girls together.

He pushed those thoughts deep to the back of his mind as he finally turned off the engine. He quietly stepped out of the drivers seat and opened up the back door.

"Mads," he whispered, gently shaking her leg. Her party dress was completely stained, a mix of ketchup and barbecue sauce and ice cream cake, but her white leggings had actually faired better. "Wake up, pretty girl," he whispered again.

Her eyes fluttered open slowly as she took in her surroundings. She had fallen asleep in the chair at Voight's dinner table, and it took her several moments to realize that she was now right outside her home.

He leaned across Maddie and gently rubbed Grace's knee. "Grace, wake up, princess. We're home."

Grace took longer to wake up, the excitement from the day having drained so much energy out of her. She didn't fully open her eyes until Jay had unbuckled Maddie, closed her door, and walked around the Grace's side.

Maddie was in his arms with her head resting on his shoulder, and her breathing began to even out as he bent down to unbuckle Grace's car seat. He bobbed his hip up and down slowly, "Mads, wake up, baby, I need you to walk." He had the ice cream cake in his car, and he would consider leaving it in lieu of making the girls walk, but he didn't want it to melt all over the seats.

Maddie barely even opened her eyes, before she said, "Can mommy carry me?"

He wasn't sure it was possible for his heart to break more. "No, baby. You have to walk."

He unbuckled Grace from her car seat and began to lift her out. When he placed them both on the ground and went around to the drivers seat to pick up the cake, Grace finally seemed to wake up enough to realize that Erin wasn't there.

"Daddy?" Grace said, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, bug." He prayed the question wasn't coming, but he knew it was.

"Where's mommy?" She asked, her voice filled with sleep and confusion.

See, this was the problem with the rule he'd created. The never-lie-to-your-kid rule that made perfect sense back when it had been just him and Maddie, and his life had been a hell of a lot simpler.

God, he was _such_ an idiot back then.

He took a moment to think of the best way to answer as they began to walk towards the front door of the large apartment complex. "Remember how mommy has her own home?" She hadn't slept there in over a week, but Maddie and Grace both knew she had one. Even if she'd slept over his apartment more nights than not in the past six weeks, at least his statement was true. "She went to sleep there tonight."

Grace used Jay a look to tell him that that answer was _not_ an acceptable one, and Maddie used her words. "But daddy," she said, as they stepped onto the elevator. Grace pushed the button for the 5th floor, because it was her turn to press the button. "That was _before_."

"Before what, baby?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Before she became _mommy_." She raised her eyebrows when she said this, as if to say _Duh_ and let him know that he had just asked the _stupidest_ question in the world. Grace just continued to look at him expectantly, her expression showing that she was clearly just as bewildered by his question as Maddie was.

When he didn't answer right away, Grace filled the silence. "Mommy's are supposed to live with their babies," she whispered. "Even I know that."

And in that moment, he wished he hadn't woken the girls. He wanted the ground to swallow him whole so he didn't have to have this conversation.

 _Even I know that_.

Sometimes he forgot about Grace's past. He forgot that she had a life before she became his daughter, and that it wasn't a very good one. That she had parents who abandoned her. That she had a mother who let men hit her. He simply forgot about all of it.

Sometimes he forgot _he_ had a life before Grace and Erin walked into it. Because he loved them as strongly as he loved anyone, even people he had known his entire life.

Maddie, Grace, Erin. They were his whole world.

He had to respond. He had to say something that wouldn't fuel Grace's feelings of abandonment. Something that would reassure her that Erin wasn't going anywhere. No one was abandoning her. Not today. Not ever.

"I know, bug." He said, keeping his voice light, like this was the most normal thing in the world. Even though it _so_ wasn't. "But did you know that her home is with Grandpa Hank?" They had been calling him Grandpa Hank all night, and it was finally becoming a little less weird. Kind of.

They both nodded their heads.

Erin had showed them her room when they first got to the house, she had been excited to show them where she had grown up. And all of her stuff was everywhere, so even if they hadn't known before, they had likely figured it out tonight.

"Well, mommy decided to stay and help Grandpa Hank clean up from the barbecue." He almost choked over the lie, it felt slippery and slimy on his tongue, but he got it out. And he was pretty sure they hadn't noticed.

"She didn't want to say goodbye?" At the this point, Maddie and Grace were in their room and getting dressed and ready for bed. He was hoping this meant the conversation was almost over.

"She didn't want to wake you." He said, ruffling their hair. "You were sleeping so peacefully."

When that didn't seem to ease their concerns, he added "But she kissed you both goodbye before we left. You just slept right through it."

That lie felt worse than before, and a cold sweat came over his body when he saw how much his words seemed to calm down both girls.

He needed to change the subject. He couldn't talk about this anymore.

But first, he needed to tell them something that was true. He couldn't finish the night on a lie.

"Mommy loves you," he said. Because she did. "And daddy loves you too." He kissed them both twice gently on the forehead. One kiss for him, one for Erin.

"Now pick out your books girls." He shifted topics, signaling that was going to be the end of this conversation. "It's time for bed."

00000000000

Erin allowed the soft music emanating from the radio to calm her down as she sat in the back seat of the Uber. She peered out at the night sky, at the heavy fog that had descended on the city, obscuring the moon and stars. When the Uber driver finally pulled up to her building, she collected the few items she had taken when she made her abrupt exit, and stepped out of the black Honda and into the freezing cold.

She looked around for Olivia's car, and was relieved when she didn't see it in her usual parking spot. _She must be at Ben's,_ she thought, and she realized she had never in her life been more grateful for Ben's existence than she was in that moment.

Her shivers had finally stopped, and once she scanned the parking lot a second time and confirmed that Olivia's car was, indeed, absent, she rushed inside, hoping to prevent the shivers from starting up again.

When she walked into the lobby, she walked right over to the front desk. In her haste to leave Hank's house, she had left her keys in the pocket of her coat, which was still hanging in the closet by his front door. "I'm Erin Lindsay," she said to the night manager, a middle aged man with a friendly smile. Thank God they had chosen an apartment building with a 24-hour desk person and door man. "I locked myself of my apartment, it's apartment 302."

As the night manager disappeared into the back to retrieve her keys, she took another calming breath.

 _You're doing the right thing._

She repeated the words over and over until he returned. "Have a good night, Ms. Lindsay," he said, as he passed the spare set of keys over the counter and dropped them into her open palm.

"Thanks, you too," she replied, and then she was already walking towards the elevator, in a rush to get upstairs.

To finally move on with this night.

000000000000

Jay had been ready to read four books, an extra one for each of his daughters. Actually, he would've read ten books if it meant keeping the conversation _away_ from Erin Lindsay, and on safer topics like Thomas the Tank Engine or Dora the Explorer. But five pages into Purple, Green, and Yellow and they were both out cold.

He knew he should move them. He should lay Maddie down and tuck her under the covers, and he should carry Grace over to her own bed.

But right now, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Grace was on his left side, her body tucked under his left arm. Her brown curls were matted against her face on one side and cascading down his t-shirt on the other. Her body was warm against his, and she had left two large drool marks on his blue shirt.

Maddie was on the other side, and instead of being seated up and leaning against him like Grace, she was laying down, her head resting in his lap. Her blond hair remained in the pig-tail braids Erin had crafted earlier that day, but there were pieces of whispy hair coming out of the braids. Her pale skin was so translucent he could see the blue veins in her eyelids.

He took a deep breath, listening to his daughters breath and basking in the love of these two girls. All the while, hoping he still had the love of another.

After several minutes, he finally relented and put the girls to sleep. He lifted Grace first, bringing her over to the other bed and getting her settled. She seemed to stir a little, but when he bent down to kiss her forehead and whisper I love you, like he did every night, he didn't get a response.

By the time he got back to Maddie's side of the room, she had already moved herself and was asleep under the covers, her head now resting neatly on her own pillow. He pressed his lips against her forehead and inhaled her scent. She still smelled faintly of strawberry, but she also smelled like a mix of barbecue and frosting. It was quite the combination, but he loved it just the same. "I love you, Mads," he whispered quietly.

"I love you, too, daddy," she whispered back, not even opening her eyes as she spoke.

He kissed her again and then tiptoed quietly out of the room.

It wasn't actually late, but he was _drained_. Completely and utterly, emotionally and physically, drained.

He fished his iPhone out of his pocket and, to his dismay, saw that he had no new messages. He decided to call Erin, but wasn't actually surprised when she didn't pick up. He decided against leaving a voicemail, not trusting his voice to remain steady and not crack with emotion.

Instead, he typed out a quick message, hoping she would at least read it.

Jay: I'm so sorry. Please give me a chance to explain.

Before he thought too much about it, he typed out a second message and sent it immediately after the first.

Jay: I love you. Please come home.

He stared at his phone for what felt like an hour, but the screen remained blank. He got no reply.

He walked towards his bedroom, wanting to just lay down and succumb to the exhaustion. To block out the day, and hope to God tomorrow would be better.

But when he got to the room, all he saw was evidence of Erin. Her clothes, her shoes, her makeup, her jewelry. Her favorite boots. Even his own t-shirts reminded him of Erin, because she loved to sleep in them night after night.

He usually teased her about it, reminding her that she _did_ actually pack her own pajamas that she could wear. But he secretly loved it. He _loved_ seeing her all rumpled and wearing his t-shirt.

Actually, he was pretty sure there was nothing sexier than seeing Erin in his own clothes. Nothing more beautiful.

He felt tears slowing forming behind his eyes. This wasn't supposed to be happening. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

He couldn't help but think that if Erin lived here, if she moved in and lived here permanently, that she would be back by now. She would have to be back by now. This would be her _home_.

And when she did come back, he would explain everything. And when he did, she would understand.

Because he loved her and she loved him, and this was their family.

You just didn't run out on family.

He pushed back the tears and turned away, not able to look at the room any longer. At all the happy memories that were still inside.

Instead, he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and sat on the brown leather couch. He flipped on the TV, but he couldn't even bring himself to pay attention.

He checked his phone again. Nothing.

 _Damn it, Erin. At least let me know that you're alright._

He turned on the home screen of his phone and was about to text her as much, when he heard a knock at the door.

His heart leapt in his chest, but it fell just as quickly when he realized it couldn't be Erin. She wouldn't knock. She had a key.

He walked slowly to the door, wondering who the _hell_ would be bothering him this late on a Sunday night.

He had just about convinced himself it was Antonio checking up on him, when he opened the door to reveal Erin standing on the other side of it.

And she wasn't just standing there alone.

She was standing there surrounded by three _massive_ suitcases.

"Hi," she said, shifting uncomfortably. He could hear the unsteadiness in her voice, the anxiety present right beneath the surface. "Can I come in?"

 _Can I come in?_

Was she serious?

He was so shocked to see her that he still couldn't put two words together.

So instead of responding, he reached for her.

His fingers found her face, and then they were in her hair, and then his lips were hovering over hers, and then he felt the warmth of her chest as he pulled her against him.

He wrapped her up in his arms and carried her into the apartment without another word.

And then he kicked the door closed behind them.

Because now that he had her back in his arms, he wasn't planning on ever letting her go.

 **Xoxo**

 **Please drop me a review and let me know if you like the direction this story is going. I've never written a story that's been this long, but I love the characters so much I don't want to end it yet! :)**


	32. Chapter 32

Okay, seriously, y'all are the BEST! I am just blown away by the feedback I've received on the last chapter and this story in general. I had no idea I had so many readers as invested in this story as I am. Thank you so so much, sending love to you all :)

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last!

And PS. It's rated M at the end, so please be mindful :)

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 32,**

Jay almost made it past the kitchen, his arms still tight around Erin's body, his lips still locked against hers, his tongue still sweeping the insides of her mouth, before Erin pulled away. "Jay, wait," she breathed, "Wait a second."

His breathing was labored and heavy, his pulse beating double time, and he was still struggling to find words. He _really_ didn't want to wait.

"Why?" He tried to make the word come out light and joking, but it came out like a sigh.

"My suitcases," she replied, still breathless, still in his arms. The three suitcases she had brought were outside, behind the door Jay had kicked close.

She hadn't smiled as she said the words, the way he would have expected her to if she planned to stay, to just take a momentary break and continue this in a few minutes.

All of a sudden a horrible thought descended on him. He finally found his words, and they rushed out of him. "Please tell me those suitcases aren't empty." She _couldn't_ be here to collect her clothes, she just couldn't. "Please tell me they're full of clothes. Please tell me you're moving in with me." He tightened his hold on her as he asked the question. If she answered no, if she told him she wasn't here to stay, he wasn't going to put her down until he had her convinced to change her answer.

But there was no need. Erin turned her lips up into a slow smile, "They're full, Halstead." She leaned in and kissed him slowly, a kiss that was more intimate and less rushed. "I was actually planning to _ask_ if I could move in."

He wanted to laugh, as he found himself thinking the same thing he had thought less than two minutes ago when she had been standing outside his door. _Was she serious?_

"Yes," he whispered against her lips. Yes, yes. A million times yes.

They still had to talk, he still had so much explaining and apologizing to do, and so when he released her and her feet touched the ground, he said, "I'll get your suitcases. Get us a couple of beers and meet me in the living room." It pained him to say living room and _not_ bedroom. Because _Jesus Christ_ he wanted to rip her clothes off. But that could wait.

This conversation couldn't.

Erin walked into the kitchen and retrieved two beers from the refrigerator, appreciating Jay's suggestion. She opened hers right away, taking a long sip. Her heart was racing again, and she needed to alcohol to take effect and calm her body.

She hadn't expected Jay to sweep her up into his arms when he saw her in the doorway. Although, she probably should have, she thought, smiling against her drink. That man never did anything half way.

She opened Jay's beer and walked gingerly to the living room. She had changed since the barbecue, and was now dressed more comfortably in leggings and an oversized dark red sweater. She tucked her legs under her body as she sat and waited for Jay to return.

They had a _lot_ to talk about.

When Jay finally returned to the living room, he looked as nervous as she felt. He seemed to want to say something, but when he sat down, he just took a long sip of beer, mimicking her recent actions. Then he pressed his hand against her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze, all the while holding her gaze.

His soft eyes told her more than any words could. They were so similar in that way. The way that they both appreciated that sometimes words weren't enough.

"Jay," she said, finally. "I'm sorry."

His expression shifted, as one of surprise took over his face. " _You're_ sorry?" He asked, incredulous. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry about."

She did though. She was sorry she hadn't told him about her father being in prison. She was sorry she had run out on him, on the girls. But it was more than that. "I'm sorry my family is such a mess," she explained.

That was her biggest fear. That her history, that her awful family would affect her relationship with Jay and his wonderful one. What if he didn't want Bunny near Maddie and Grace? She had been wracking her brain, but there was no real way to stop her. The only way she could be sure to keep them safe was if Erin removed herself from their lives.

"Er," he said her nickname softly, full of love and compassion. "I don't care that you're family is a mess. It makes no difference to me."

 _Really? Promise?_

That's what she wanted to say. She wanted to bask in the blanket acceptance he so easily offered her.

But she couldn't. Not yet. Because he still didn't understand the full picture. He couldn't possibly understand. "My mom..." she began, "She won't stop coming around. When she finds out I live here, she'll show up." The thought made her sick to her stomach. "What if Maddie or Grace answers the door?" That one thought scared her so much it almost kept her from coming back here tonight. From coming back here ever. Because as much as it would devastate her, she knew it was the best way to keep them safe.

"And I haven't seen my dad since I was a kid. I can't even imagine what he'll do next week when he gets out." God, she would give anything if he would just stay away. Bunny was enough trouble without adding another ' _parent'_ to the mix.

"Erin, baby, listen." His voice was so kind it made her want to weep. She shifted her body slightly, and hugged her knees as he spoke. "We will figure this out. We'll sit down and talk to the girls, we'll make sure Annie knows that no one can pick the girls up from except for us, Sam, and Voight. We will figure this out. I promise you." He squeezed her knee again gently, and added, "We can do anything as long as we do it together."

A lone tear slowly slid down her cheek at his words, and he reached over, wiping it away with the pad of his thumb. Then he let his hand rest softly, intimately on her cheek.

"I love you," she whispered, as she leaned her face into his hand.

"I love you, too." He said, caressing her face gently. "And I am the one who needs to be apologizing. I'm so sorry for everything, Erin." He needed her to forgive him, to understand why he did what he did. "I should never have kept everything from you, and I should never have brought up the pills like that in front of everyone, I was just trying to-"

"Hey," she replied. "It's okay."

Because it was. When she had run out of Hank's house, she had been _fuming_. She had been angry and sad and confused and _humiliated_. She was still a little, actually, a lot, humiliated, but that was on her mother, not Jay.

When she finally calmed herself in the warm backseat of the Uber, she realized that Jay and Hank were both just trying to do what was best for her. Even if they had collaborated and schemed behind her back, they had the best of intentions. She was lucky to have two people worry over her like that, to _love_ her like that.

"I love you," she said. Because it was the only explanation that was really need.

And because loving Jay felt better than anything had ever hurt.

"It's not okay," Jay replied, shocked at how Erin seemed to be taking all the blame for herself. "I lied to you." He lied by omission, and that was still a lie.

That was true. "Okay," she said. "Just promise you will never lie to me again. Tell me, even if you think I can't handle it."

"I just can't bear to see you in pain," he said, leaning his forehead against hers.

"Jay, you don't see it do you?" He lifted his head from hers, looking into her eyes, waiting for her to finish her thought. "Being with you..." she searched for the words that she knew where in her heart. "You take my pain away."

He kissed her slowly, and then finally gave her his promise. "I promise I will never to lie to you if you promise me one thing," he paused, making sure he still had her attention. "Promise me you'll never run out again." He let out a deep breath. "You really scared me."

She leaned in and touched her lips to his ever so softly, "I promise."

0000000000000

Jay and Erin had each finished their beers and they sat snuggled together on the couch, enjoying each other's company. Jay's arm was around Erin's shoulder, and her body was wrapped in his. "The girls are going to be so happy to see you when they wake up," Jay said, his fingers lightly trailing up and down her arm.

She sat up suddenly, her heart breaking. She ran out on them, too. "Were they upset?" She asked, not sure which answer she preferred.

"A little." Well, that was an understatement, but he didn't want to make her feel bad. He tried to lighten the mood, by adding, "When I reminded them that you have your own place and told them you were sleeping there, Grace scrunched her nose up like this," he scrunched his face in to mimic Grace's expression, "and explained that 'Mommy's have to live with their babies'!" It was adorable to think about, now that he wasn't so damn sad. "God, she's so cute."

She smiled a sad smile, "I'm sorry I missed it," she said. Then she paused, thinking over Grace's words. "Is that the reason you want me to move in?" She _loved_ the girls, she loved them like they were her own, but she wanted to move in with Jay because she was in love with _him_. And she wanted him to feel the same.

He seemed to understand where she was going with this, and he immediately sought to assuage her fears. "Nope," he said, matter-of-factly. Then he kissed her lightly on the lips, "I've wanted to ask you for days." _Weeks_. "I want to fall asleep with you in my arms every night and I want to wake up next to you every morning." _For the rest of my life_. "I almost asked you a hundred times."

"Why didn't you?" she whispered, her heart overflowing and bursting at his words. The way he looked at her when he said them, it damn near killed her.

"I don't know," he said. "I guess I was worried you would think it was too soon." They'd barely been together six weeks, after all. "I didn't want to scare you off." His children asking her to be their mommy may seem like a bigger step, but it was different. Because that had come from them. _This_ , well this was coming from him. It was asking for a permanence that he couldn't be completely sure she was ready for.

She thought about that, and she reasoned that he may have been right. "When I saw my mother tonight," she whispered, her voice raw and husky. "I remembered all the times she left me." She shook her head, as if recalling each one individually. "And all the times she chose Hank's money over me." That specific thought still broke her every time she thought about it. "And I realized that I'm never going to be like her."

It was all she thought about during the drive home. It was the reason she had pushed every other negative thought away. It was the reason she chose not to stay away, and instead had decided to come home. "I never want to leave you, and I never want to leave our girls."

Jay was drawing figure eights on her back as she leaned against him and she closed her eyes as she continued to speak. "That's when I decided I wanted _this_ to be home." _You are my home._ "With you and the girls." _Forever_.

Jay bent down to kiss her then. And what started of as a gentle, loving kiss quickly spiraled into something more greedy, as he breathed in her lavender scent. He loved her so deeply, needed her so completely, wanted her so badly.

God, he would never tire of this feeling.

He slowly kissed down her neck and, shoving the red fabric aside, began to nibble on the crevice above her collarbone. She moaned against him, and the sound sent shivers down his body, straight to his groin.

He grasped her shoulders and shifted her position, pinning her down against the couch and pressing his body against hers. When he knew she could feel his erection through his clothes, he began grinding against her center, still kissing her feverishly.

She rested her fingers on the buckle of his belt, trying to focus on the task of undoing it as he assaulted her tongue. She unclasped the buckle and began pulling at the belt, eager to shove it aside.

She needed to feel his skin on hers like she had never needed anything in her life.

He was mid-kiss when he suddenly pulled away, his eyes were dark with passion but he seems to be trying to shake it away. "Did you hear that?" He asked.

She tried to focus on something other than his penis, hard and pressed against her, on the feeling it was eliciting inside her. She tried to focus on something other than his fingers still on her hips, scorching her skin. She really, really tried.

But it wasn't until Maddie was standing in front of her that she was able to regain some semblance of awareness.

Jay pushed himself off of her and she immediately shoved her shirt down. "Baby, what are you doing up?" Jay asked, his voice still thick.

She didn't even bother answering him. "Mommy!" She yelled, running towards the couch and jumping on top of her. "You're home!" She thankfully seemed to be completely obvious to the scene she had just walked in on.

She was just happy her mommy was home.

"I am, baby." She said, pressing her lips against Maddie's forehead, hoping she didn't notice how red they be.

Grace seemed to hear the commotion, because after a moment she was walking into the living room. She was still rubbing her eyes, half asleep, when she noticed Erin on the couch. She dropped her hands and ran for her, joining Maddie on her lap. "Mommy!" She said, excitedly.

"Girls, what are you both doing up?" Jay asked. He was trying, but failing, to seem exasperated. Truth was, he was thrilled the girls woke up and saw that their mommy had come home.

Of course, he would've appreciated if they'd waited another 15 minutes, so he can finished ravishing their mommy on the couch, but still, his heart was melting at the sight of them.

Maddie and Grace just ignored him, once again. "Mommy," Grace said. "Don't sleep at Grandpa Hank's anymore. Okay?"

"Yeah," Maddie chimed in. "We missed you!"

"I missed you, too." She replied, "And I was just at Grandpa Hank's tonight packing up my stuff."

"To bring here?" Grace asked, her voice full of excitement and hope.

"To bring here!" Erin confirmed. "I was thinking I would move in," She said. "Well, that is, if it's okay with you two!"

Maddie and Grace jumped up and down with delight, hugging both Erin and Jay tight.

"Can we sleep with you tonight, daddy?" Grace asked, her voice still full of the same excitement and hope.

 _Ugh_.

If it had been Maddie who'd asked, he may have said no. Actually, he probably wouldn't have, but still. He _definitely_ couldn't say no to Grace. Not after all the worry he and Erin had caused her.

Damn. He definitely wasn't getting any tonight.

"Of course you can, baby," He replied, sending Erin a look that said _What can I say? I'm weak_. "Let's go to sleep."

Then within seconds, Grace was in his arms, Maddie was in Erin's and they were walking into his bedroom to go to sleep. Together, as a family.

 _Okay,_ he thought _. I guess I wouldn't have it any other way._

0000000000000

"Jay," Erin whispered quietly across to the other end of the queen size bed. Jay's face was buried in Maddie's blonde hair, and she couldn't tell if he was asleep. "Are you awake?"

Grace and Maddie were definitely both asleep between them, each of them snoring lightly. It had been almost forty-five minutes since they had all snuggled into bed.

"Yeah," he responded, even though she could tell he wasn't. His voice thick with sleep.

She probably shouldn't bother him.

But why shouldn't she? She was all hot and bothered, and it was _completely_ his fault.

"I was...uh... thinking of taking a shower," she whispered, suggestively. She sent him her best sultry smirk, but her face was partially obscured by Grace and she was hoping he would be able to just hear her intentions through her voice.

He did and he _popped_ out of that bed faster than he had moved all day. "Yes," he replied, not sure why he hadn't thought of that before. "That is a fantastic idea." He hadn't even been asleep, his need to feel her naked skin against his had kept him awake.

She laughed, and the sound, deep and throaty, turned him on even more. He _had_ to have her.

He moved his pillows to the outside of the bed, enclosing Maddie and Grace so they wouldn't roll from the large bed while they were gone.

Then he _ran_ across the room and swept Erin into his arms. He kissed her mercilessly as they moved together towards the bathroom. He broke apart the kiss only to turn on the water to allow it to heat up.

When he turned back, he finally got a good look at Erin in the light. She was wearing green ARMY t-shirt, and her brown hair was rumpled and flowed past her shoulders. Her face was clean and fresh, and her eyes were bright with desire. God, she was so fucking beautiful to him.

He moved towards her, holding her gaze steadily, as he slowly removed her t-shirt and tossed it aside. He let his fingers skim against her breast, and she let out a quiet moan, leaning into him, all the while never breaking eye contact.

His fingers found the tops of her boxer shorts, and he shoved them away, revealing a hint of black lace underneath. He let his fingers travel underneath the silky fabric, tantalizing and teasing her, still keeping his blue eyes focused on her hazel ones.

When her eyes rolled back into her head and her breath hitched, he almost came himself.

Finding his eyes again, she removed his white undershirt, and let her fingers graze his bare shoulders and arms. She hooked her fingers on the top of his boxer briefs and shoved them down, revealing his impressive erection.

As she kicked off her own underwear, he noticed the steam rising from the shower. The water was finally hot.

He was ready for them to steam it up even more.

His hands found her butt and he pulled her body against his. He lifted her and kissed her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

And then he carried her forward until they were both under the hot water.

 _Why the_ hell _had they never done this before?_

He pressed her body against the wall of the shower as the water pelted his back. He bent down to suck each breast, to tease each nipple, as her hands roamed his entire body.

When he finally entered her, she cried out in ecstasy, "Oh my god, Jay," She breathed.

He loved when she said his name like that - a cross between a turned on moan and a beautiful declaration of love. There was nothing like it.

He had never had this kind of sex before Erin. The kind that was as much about the love he had for the other person as the physical sensations.

He placed his hands on either side of her head for balance as he pumped his body against hers. Her legs wrapped even tighter around him.

He was close to losing control when she stopped kissing him. She looked into eyes, once again, and saw right into his soul.

"God, I love you," he breathed, still rocking against her.

"I love you, too, baby." She sighed into his mouth. "More than you'll ever know."

Her words were his undoing, and they reached their climax together.

Xoxo

Please review :)


	33. Chapter 33

Hi :) Hope y'all had a great weekend! Thanks so much for the reviews and suggestions. I have a few ideas up my sleeve, let me know what you guys think of this one!

Happy reading !

 **Chapter 33,**

"Yo Halstead, Dawson," Adam Ruzek stood from his desk, slung on his light jacket, and began gathering his things. "Kevin and I are heading to Molly's. You guys in for a drink?"

 _Ugh._ Jay knew he should say yes. The case had been wrapped up in the early hours of the morning, and with the paperwork now complete, Voight had dismissed them and they were leaving earlier than expected. Plus, he had skipped out on drinks with the guys the last three times they had asked.

But he _really_ didn't want to go. Actually, it was the _last_ thing he wanted to do. He just wanted to get home to his girls.

"Sure," Dawson answered first. "Laura has the kids tonight, and I could definitely use a drink after this one." It had a particularly gruesome and tough case, involving three dead college girls. Each one had been sexually assaulted by multiple offenders, their bodies had been badly beaten and disfigured, and then they had been been dumped in the woods, left to rot, only to be discovered by a jogger and her dog. The case had taken longer than usual, and the more they learned about the case, the more depressing and difficult it became.

But he was past the days where cases like this made him want to bury himself in a drink. Now, cases like this made him want to bury himself in Erin. To inhale her lavender scent and to let warm her touch calm him from the inside, out.

"What about you Halstead?" Ruzek asked again, "I'm sure Erin can handle the girls for a couple hours."

He was right, of course. Erin had been _officially_ moved in for three months now, and she had the mother thing down pat. They had even gone through the _lengthy_ process of making Erin an official co-foster parent of Grace, and they were rapidly moving in the direction of adoption.

But it didn't matter that she could handle them just fine, that she didn't _need_ him there. It was that _he_ needed to be there.

He loved hearing the girls chat animatedly about their day over snacks in the afternoon. He didn't want to miss it. They were just growing up too fast, Grace was about to turn five next month, with Maddie turning five two months after that.

He just wanted them to stay little forever.

"I'm gonna need a rain check, guys." He said, hoping they wouldn't give him too hard of a time. "With the hours we've been pulling on this case, I haven't been home to see Grace or Maddie before bed time in days." He was pretty sure they couldn't argue with that. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Okay," Ruzek sighed, dejectedly. If Ruzek had a family to go home too, he would probably take a rain check, too. Things hadn't ended up working out with Rachel Stone. After he brought her to Molly's a few times, she had abruptly ended things, telling him that he was _clearly_ not over his ex. And, well, he couldn't exactly argue with that one. "See you tomorrow."

"You're off tomorrow, Halstead." Voight's gruff voice descended upon the bullpen as he stood in the doorway of his office.

"What?" Jay asked, genuinely confused.

"You blocked off the day months ago," he said. His voice grew a little softer when he added, "It's April 15. You block it off every year." Jay recognized his soft tone of voice as the one usually reserved for Erin and his daughters.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, taking a deep breath.

How could he have forgotten?

The past few months had been a whirlwind. Was it really that time of year again?

Yes, he realized. It was. The freezing winters had abated enough that he was now only wearing his leather jacket. The air had begun growing crisp and fresh, the flowers were beginning to show signs of bloom.

Erin had taken the girls out shopping for new more seasonally appropriate clothes. He was signing up them up for summer camp, the deadline for signing up for next year's kindergarten class was fast approaching.

It had snuck up on him. It was almost spring.

Tomorrow was April 15.

 _God. How could he have forgotten?_

000000000000

Erin pulled into the parking lot of the preschool to pick up the girls. She was running a few minutes late, she had been caught up in an adoption hearing.

She had tried to time it out perfectly, but things never seemed to go as planned. After the hearing, the parents had wanted her to stay, celebrate with them, and take photos. She had wanted to refuse, but when they approached her, tears in their eyes, thanking her and begging her to stay, she found that she couldn't say no.

So she had driven as fast as she could to the preschool from the courthouse, wishing the whole time that she had sirens like Hank and Jay.

She texted Annie to let her know she would be fifteen minutes late, apologizing profusely, and feeling extremely guilty that she was taking advantage of the personal relationship she had with their teacher.

God, what was she going to do next year when they had someone else.

She didn't even want to think about that. Because that meant kindergarten. That meant her babies weren't going to be babies much longer. She pushed those thoughts _way_ to the back of her head.

She rushed into the classroom, and found Maddie and Grace quietly looking at books in the corner of the room. It always surprised her how much they loved looking at books, taking in each page so intently, even though they had yet to learn to read.

"Annie," Erin said, her voice panting slightly from her run from the car. "I'm so sorry I'm late."

"Don't sweat it, Erin." She laughed, dismissing her friends apology with a wave. "I have been staying an hour late every day this week doing paperwork. Student reports are due at the end of the week and I have less than half done." She motioned towards the stack of papers at her desk and shook her head, exasperated. "They've been quietly playing by themselves this whole time, and I've been trying to crank these out."

"Good," she smiled at Annie gratefully. "I'm glad they weren't distracting you." Maddie and Grace could play quietly, but they could also both talk a mile and minute, and sometimes at the end of a long day, you didn't know which versions you were going to get.

She began to walk towards the girls cubbies to collect their things when Annie stopped her. "Oh, actually I had a quick question for you." She said, looking down at the calendar she had opened in front of her. "I have written down here that Maddie is going to be absent from school tomorrow." She double checked the date, and then nodded her head. "I think I put this in the calendar a long time ago, maybe before Grace even started." She wasn't sure, but the ink was black, and she had switched to color coordinating her calendar about five months ago. She rarely used black anymore. "Is Grace going to be out, too?" She asked.

If it had been any other teacher, Erin probably would have put on a show and pretended she knew the answer to that question. Because what mother wouldn't.

Right?

But Annie was one of her best and oldest friends, so instead she tilted her head to the side and gave her a confused expression, revealing exactly how she felt. "I have no idea," she admitted. "I didn't know Maddie wasn't going to be in school tomorrow."

She began wracking her brain for potential reasons Maddie would be missing school for one random day in the middle of the week when Annie spoke up, "Maybe it's a doctors appointment?"

She shook her head in response. That was definitely not it. Jay had just taken Maddie to the doctor last week for a checkup. Plus, doctors appointments didn't take all day.

"I'll talk to Jay and let you know," she said, finally, as her cheeks blushed with embarrassment. Even if this was an old friend, it didn't make it any less embarrassing that she didn't know her own daughter's schedule.

Sometimes, in these moments, she remembered that Maddie wasn't _actually_ her daughter. Or at least she hadn't been for all that long.

She folded that thought up as small as it would go and pushed it to the back of her mind, _way_ further than all the other ones.

She couldn't do this here.

"Girls," she said a little louder, making sure her voice projected to the other side of the room. "Time to go home."

"Hi, mommy!" Grace said, as she raced over to greet Erin. Erin smiled at the word, she _really_ had needed to hear it.

Maddie followed and smiled up at her, "Mommy! Look what we painted in school today!" Maddie pointed to two large pieces of artwork drying on the table. They were both finger painted rainbows, but they each had their own style.

Erin could tell right away which one was which. Maddie always opted to put pink next to the purple in her rainbows, because she thought it made it prettier. And Grace always opted for clean lines and symmetry. _Her little perfectionist._

 _See,_ she thought. _I know my daughters._

"Wow!" She said excitedly, as she kissed each girl on the top of their head, hoping her other emotions didn't show. "Girls, go put your books away, okay. Ms. Annie shouldn't have to clean up after you."

The girls turned and did as she instructed and she walked over to their cubbies to grab their jackets and backpacks.

All the while, she was deep in thought.

What did Maddie have to do tomorrow that she wasn't going to be in school? And why had it been penciled in so far in advance?

And why hadn't Jay told her?

00000000000000

The apartment was still empty when Jay got home from work, which meant no little girls running to greet him, jumping into his arms after a long, shitty day.

He wanted to reach for a beer, but judging it to be too early in the day to start drinking, he opted to brew a fresh pot of coffee instead. He hoped it would relax him the same way he _knew_ a bottle of beer would.

But if he started drinking today, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop.

As the coffee began to drip from the machine slowly into the pot, Jay began to unload the dishwasher. He found his headphones and turned on some music, allowing himself to get lost in the mindless task.

When he was finished, he looked around the kitchen, just hoping to find something out of place. There was nothing like cleaning and organizing to dull his mind.

There was, of course, nothing out of place. This was _his_ apartment, after all.

So instead, he decided to start a load of laundry. The girls' laundry bin was only half full, but his and Erin's seemed to be overflowing. He turned up the volume and began dividing the brights from the whites. He filled the washer with clothes and added the detergent, and then he returned to the kitchen.

He checked the clock over the oven. It was 4:15. He wasn't usually home this early, but he was pretty sure the girls were not usually this late. He was about to call Erin and check in when he heard the key turning in the front door.

 _Thank God,_ he thought, as he let out a sigh of relief.

There was nothing in the world that Erin and his daughters couldn't make better.

00000000000

By the time Erin returned home with the girls, she had almost forgotten about Maddie's planned absence for the next day. Grace and Maddie had been telling her all about their day at school, and about how excited they were that Friday was show and tell. They each got to bring something to school to share with the class, and neither one of them had decided what to bring.

Erin told them she would try to help them come up with some good suggestions, and they bounced around ideas all the way home.

But when Erin got home, she found Jay in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee, with music blaring through the white headphones in his ears.

Jay only wore his headphones when he was running.

Or when he was trying to block out the world.

He began removing them when he saw her, trying to stuff the evidence into his pocket along with his phone. "Girls, go play and I'll call you when it's time for your snack," she said quietly.

Then she walked over to him and put her hands on his shoulders. She noticed right away that his eyes were sad and his breathing was labored. "Baby," she said, suddenly nervous. "Tell me something." _Tell me what's wrong._

"Tomorrow is April 15th," he whispered, by way of explanation.

"I know," she said, her voice full of empathy and compassion as if she understood exactly what he was saying.

Which, by the way, she didn't.

When he didn't elaborate further, she kissed him softly and tried again. "Tell me something," she repeated. She hoped this time he would give her a little more.

"April 15th was Allie's birthday."

000000000000

Grace and Maddie had run into the kitchen shortly after his admission, requesting apples and peanut butter for their snack. They had gotten home from school later than usual and they were hungry.

Together, they made it through snack time, play time, dinner time, story time, and bed time, and finally the girls were asleep. Erin brought Jay a beer, and sat down with him on the couch.

She sat crosslegged on the brown leather couch, and her body was turned so that she was facing him. She rested her hands on his thigh and began caressing lightly up and down. "Okay," she said, softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jay sighed, as he felt her warm touch through the denim of his jeans.

He didn't really. He didn't want to talk at all.

He just wanted to trade his beer for a glass of whiskey and drink until he couldn't see straight.

Until he could go to sleep and forget about the fact that he was never going to see Allie's face again.

Until he could forget about the fact that for the first time in over fifteen years, he had _forgotten_ it was her birthday tomorrow.

Until he could forget about the fact that he was so deliriously happy in his life that this year, he had simply forgotten to be miserable.

He felt so fucking guilty, because this year he seemed to miss her less.

 _Ugh._ He was the _worst._

The day she died she had been his best friend, and Maddie's mother. That's how she left this world. In the kitchen with the two of them standing beside her.

That's how she would remember it.

She was still Maddie's mother, of course, and she would always be his best friend. But he had found someone to dull that pain, to full that void. Actually, if he was being honest, Erin filled voids that were there even when Allie had been.

Was he being selfish? Were his actions making Allie's memories less precious?

Was making new memories completely unfair to her? To the Corson's?

He reasoned that the answer was probably yes. He was being selfish and completely unfair.

Maddie hadn't touched that stuffed pink pig in months. _Months._

"Allie and I usually go to the cemetery in the morning," he said. Because he couldn't say _no, I don't want to talk about this_ to Erin, but he also couldn't find it in himself to say the rest of it. "Then we have lunch at her favorite restaurant." They always ordered her favorite meal, spaghetti with meatballs. "We play in the park in the afternoon, and then have dinner with the Corson's."

Erin hadn't met the Corson's. He had told them about her _briefly_ over the phone, but they lived in Florida and he hadn't found the words to tell them _everything._

Jesus. They were probably already in town. They probably wondered why he hadn't reached out yet.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

What the hell was he going to do?

How was he going to face them?

He tried to keep his voice light and steady, but Erin seemed to read his mind. Or at the very least she realized that he was a lot more upset than he was letting on, because she squeezed his knee softly and then stood up and disappeared into the kitchen.

And then two minutes later she came out, and replaced his beer with a large glass of whiskey.

 _God._

This was the problem.

How could he be miserable when he had this beautiful woman in his life who knew him _this_ well?

What was he supposed to do?

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	34. Chapter 34

Thanks so much for all the reviews this past weekend :) It has been seriously motivating me to write. I have so many ideas bouncing around my head, I can't wait to get them all out. I'm thinking there are a lot of chapters left in this story :)

Happy reading slash happy Monday!

 **Chapter 34,**

Erin awoke to Jay yelling out in his sleep. She couldn't decipher his words, but even with his eyes closed she could see the haunted look on his face. She moved towards him, noticing that the cream-colored sheets were soaked with sweat. She had never witnessed him having a nightmare before, and she wasn't sure if she should wake him up or let him ride it out.

She was sure he was dreaming of Allie.

He hadn't wanted to talk about it. He had given her the facts of his April 15th routine, but she could tell he was leaving something out. The way he was peeling the sticker on his beer and avoiding her gaze, she could tell that something that was really plaguing him.

She desperately wanted him to trust her with his thoughts and feelings. But she knew more than anyone that sometimes things were just too hard to talk about. Some thoughts were so huge that they had a way of stealing your word and your breath.

It had taken her years before she could relive the night that Hank rescued her and Bunny. And even then, she had picked the moment to share it with Jay. The date hadn't been sprung upon her, she hadn't been given a deadline,

So she had decided to let him know that she was there for him, but also chose not to push. Instead, she just snuggled with him on the couch, refilled his whiskey glass twice, and after an hour, led him to bed.

He was still tossing and turning, calling out gibberish in his sleep. She was surprised when she didn't hear Allie's name, but instead heard him calling out for a Mouse. She wasn't sure what that meant. Was that a person?

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, not caring that she was quickly becoming soaked with his sweat. She gently pressed his head into her chest and began stroking his hair gently. When he continued to struggle against her, she decided to slip off her shirt, hoping the feeling of her warm skin against his bare chest might subconsciously calm him down.

Thankfully, that seemed to work, because a few moments later his breathing evened out and his body laid pliant against hers.

She didn't sleep at all for the rest of the night. She just continued to hold him in her arms, stroking his hair and peppering kisses lightly to the top of his head every time he stirred.

Finally, the moonlight was replaced by sunlight cascading through the window. She began taking in the room around her, smiling at the subtle changes to the room since she had moved in. Instead of her own drawer, she had her own dresser. Two painted clay bowls stood on the table, an arts and craft project at school that turned into a gift from each other her girls.

She stayed cradled against him, her eyes searching the room, until ten minutes before Jay's alarm was set to go off. Then, she slipped out of bed and threw on his discarded t-shirt and quietly tiptoed out of the room.

The kitchen was freezing, and the light fabric of Jay's undershirt was doing nothing to warm her body. She turned the coffee maker on, and quickly prepared a large cup. She added a spoonful of skim milk and a tiny pinch of sugar, mixing the ingredients together in his favorite Blackhawks mug.

She checked the time on her cell phone. Two more minutes.

She walked back into the bedroom they shared, and put the large black mug on the nightstand. Then she slipped back into bed, wrapping her body around his hard, warm limbs. She pressed her face into his back, and laid a kiss between his strong shoulder blades.

When his iPhone alarm began to chime, he didn't even open his eyes before reaching out for his phone and pressing snooze.

"Good morning," she whispered into his ear. She wanted to ask him how he was feeling, but she didn't. She didn't need to. She knew _exactly_ how he was feeling anyway.

Hungover and sad.

He turned around to face her, and she was shocked at how blood shot and red his eyes were. "Good morning," he whispered back. He pressed a kiss lightly to her lips, and then he looked past her at the steam slowly rising from the mug on her nightstand. "Is that for me?" He asked throatily.

She smiled, sitting up and carefully lifting the mug and passing it to him. "I figured you could use it." It was the closest thing she would say and it was only a vague reference to the night before. If he wanted to bring it up, she would let him. Otherwise, she would just be here.

"Thanks, Er." He said, sitting up and taking a tentative sip.

They sat quietly while he sipped his coffee. She wished she had thought to make herself one, because then she would have something to do with her hands.

Jay noticed her shifting uncomfortably, and he clasped her hands with his empty one. "I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you, too, Jay," she breathed.

Jay was about halfway through his coffee, when Erin finally spoke. "So," she began. Jay was still leaning against the headboard, his eyes looking straight ahead, but he turned at the sound of her voice. "I have to take a shower, but then I was thinking we could get the girls ready, feed them breakfast, and then I'll take Grace to school before work."

She wasn't sure why she had said all of that. It was essentially their morning routine, the way they spent _every_ morning. Unless Jay was between cases, she usually dropped the girls off at school in the morning, because she didn't have to be in as early as he did. Sam, their regular babysitter, had even signed up for an early morning college class, knowing she wasn't going to be needed as much for last minute back up.

"Yeah," he replied. "That sounds good."

She was disappointed by the brevity of his response, and it was only then that she realized _exactly_ why she had said all of that.

She wanted to _expand_ on his plans for the day.

Had he talked to Maddie? Did _she_ remember what today was?

Did he want Grace to meet them at the park after school? Did he want Grace with dinner at the Corson's?

Did he want _her_ at dinner with the Corson's?

It was the only way she could think of asking, and when he shut it down, she knew she couldn't continue with the line of questioning.

Today was about Jay and Allie and Maddie and _their_ family. It wasn't about her. Or how she fit into it.

000000000000

Maddie hadn't cried at the cemetery.

She had quietly placed the flowers down against the headstone, and then, facing it, she sat down. Then she talked to Allie like she was talking to her best friend.

Jay stood a few feet away, giving her some some semblance of privacy, even though he was intently listening to every word.

She spent the first ten minutes talking about Grace. She included everything from Grace's favorite shirt, to the way she always laughed at Maddie's jokes, to the way she loved macaroni and cheese, to the way the two of them constantly ganged up on their daddy to let them watch Frozen. She included her favorite flavor ice cream and her favorite things in school. She told Allie about how Grace wanted to bring in her stuffed elephant for show and tell, because it was the first thing daddy had ever given her.

And then, she spoke with such tenderness when she finally told Allie about Grace's mother. She relayed the details of the day they found her, about the incident with the spilled milk.

It broke his heart and healed it at the same time. He was _damn_ proud of his little girl.

When she finished her long monologue about Grace, Jay listened intently as she began to talk about Erin. The _other_ new person in her life.

The entire time he had been sitting in the car, trying to decide how to bring up Erin. Allie was dead of course, and while he did believe she could truly hear them, his care with his words was more for Maddie's sake. In case she decided to eavesdrop, like he was doing now.

But he was stunned by how easily Maddie introduced her. "When Grace came home to meet us, she brought Erin." That was how she started. Simple. Direct. Honest. "She lives with us now, because she and Daddy love each other." Also true.

Maddie's voiced lower to a whisper, and he could barely make out her words. "Grace calls her mommy, and I do, too." She said, "I hope that's okay." She touched the headstone softly, and then began picking at the yellow petals on the flowers she had set in front of it. Yellow had been Allie's favorite color.

He wasn't sure if it was Grace's maturity rubbing off on her, or if it was the fact that she had lived through a great loss herself, but her movements - her _words -_ were so grown up that it quite literally took his breath away. "I'll never forget that you're my mommy." She said, her eyes still completely dry. "You were my first mommy, and I love you." Then she paused, and added, "I'll miss you forever. But you're always right here." She finished with her hand pressed against her chest, right above her heart.

Her eyes may have been dry, but Jay's eyes were wet as she walked away from the headstone and moved towards him. He lifted her into his arms and hugged her fiercely, burying his nose in her hair. "I love you, Mads," he whispered.

"I love you too, Daddy."

He held her tightly in his arms for a long time, and after a few minutes she seemed to fall asleep. According to Annie, lately she had been forgoing nap time in school, choosing instead to play quietly on her mat, but the emotions of the day had clearly exhausted her because she was snoring lightly on his shoulder.

He walked over to the grave site, and sat down in the perfectly mowed grass. In a seated position, his legs stretched long in front of him, he leaned his body against the grey marble headstone, Maddie still sound asleep in his arms.

"Hey, Al. It's Jay," he sighed. It was always how he started their conversations. Although he hadn't started one in a while. "I guess a lot's changed in the last year."

A lone tear fell from his cheek as he continued, "You would love Grace," he said, not feeling the need to explain further. Even without Maddie's ten minute monologue, he was sure Allie knew all about her. She was up there, and she was watching.

"And god, you would _love_ Erin," he chuckled slightly, tears still slowly sliding down his face. "She's exactly the type of girl you always pressed me to date," he said shaking his head slightly at the thought. Allie had _constantly_ hassled him about his _perpetual bachelor-like_ behavior. He hadn't seriously dated anyone after Allie got pregnant, not liking anyone enough to invite them into their inner circle. She was always making fun of his 'string of one night stands'. There hadn't really been that many, but she loved to tease him just the same.

Whenever he teased her back, she always insisted that she needed to _'return to her pre-baby body first.'_ He would always tell her that she had never been more beautiful to him, because it was true. And then he reminded her that he wouldn't approve of any guy that judged the few pounds that remained around her middle, because that was _definitely_ true.

God, he missed her so much sometimes. Their uncomplicated friendship, full of love and laughter. "Al, I just wish you were here to see it all." He paused, because it wasn't just that. "I wish you were here to be _part_ of it all." She would have added so much to his life now.

"And I'm so sorry that I'm doing this life without you," he choked out.

Well, that was the crux of it, wasn't it?

She had died, and with it, her entire future had died along with it. She was never going to meet the perfect man, her other half. She wouldn't walk down the aisle with her father on her arm, or maybe him, because he would have _loved_ to give her away.

She was never to watch her daughter grow into this beautiful person she was already becoming. She would never meet Grace. And she really would have loved Grace. She would have insisted on being the _cool Aunt,_ even though he would have immediately reminded her that she actually _wasn't_ that cool.

And she would have loved Erin. She would have been so happy for him. They spent their entire lives standing by each other's sides, cheering each other on. This would have been no different. She would have been the best woman at his wedding, and no doubt, her speech would have moved him to tears.

She died, and with it, so did all of these little moments.

But he was still here. And his life, well, it just kept going.

And it kept getting better and better everyday.

0000000000000

"Higher, Daddy, higher!" Maddie squealed from the swing. Jay had pushing her for a few minutes, but he had been keeping his pushes slow and gentle. He _hated_ the swings. Almost as much as he hated the monkey bars.

Why were they so many places to get hurt? The wooden mulch scattered on the ground would do nothing to cushion a fall. God, this place was like a death trap.

"Okay, baby," he replied, pushing only a _tiny_ bit more. She loved to press him, but she knew his limits. The same she finally stopped insisting he stand under her when she swung from the outermost monkey bar. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when she was old enough to actually move across them.

He focused on the swings, and tried to block his nerves from his mind. He had tried to release all of his anxiety at the cemetery, but it had followed him mercilessly to the park.

His stomach was in knots, his chest was tight. He had never been this nervous to see the Corson's.

At least he had a few hours to mentally prepare.

Or so he thought. "Nana! Grandpa!" Maddie yelled from the swing. She kicked and dragged her feet against the ground, trying to slow the swing down abruptly. She turned in place and almost fell off the swing in her excitement.

See, this is why he didn't let her sit on the stool in the kitchen unless it was surrounded by a heap of pillows.

"Hold on, Mads." He said, grabbing the side of the swing and easing it to a more comfortable stop.

With the sun in his face, he hadn't spotted the Corson's right away, but when the swing finally slowed to a stop, Maddie took off running towards the slides. It was only then that they came into view, and he saw them walking towards them. They each had huge smiles on their faces as they opened their arms to Maddie.

"Hey Gail, Danny," he said as he reached them, his daughter was already in Danny Corson's arms. "It's good to see you," he said. And he meant it. He forgot how much he had missed them, too.

"Jay, you look tired," Gail said, always slipping into the mother role whenever she saw him. "Are you sleeping enough?"

"Gail," Danny said, "Leave the boy alone. He has _two_ daughters to take care of now." Danny began looking around, "Speaking of, where is she?"

"Oh, I... uh... wasn't sure if you would want me to bring her," Jay said, shifting uncomfortably as Danny passed Maddie to Gail, letting her get her hugs and kisses in, too.

Gail kissed Maddie on the head and turned to Jay, her face a mix of surprise and exasperation. "Why in the _world_ would you think that?" She said, "We have been _dying_ to meet her!" She turned to look at her husband, "Right Danny?"

He nodded in agreement, seeming just as surprised as his wife.

"We're just sorry we haven't made it out here sooner," Gail said. "It's been four, almost five months since she's moved in, right?"

"Yeah," Jay said, immediately feeling guilty that it had been longer than usual since he had seen the Corson's. He should have planned a trip. "Well-"

Maddie, who had been so busy with hugs and kisses and bouncing in her grandmother's arms, finally spoke up. "Daddy," she said, seemingly not paying attention to the adult conversation. "I'm hungry. Can I have a snack?"

He smiled down at her and shook his head, "Mads, didn't you just have one?" That was the best part of having a kid around. It always eased the tension.

She smiled shyly, "Yeah, but I'm still hungry."

"Okay," he replied. "Why don't you go show Nana and Grandpa how well you do on the swings, and I'll go get you some apple sauce from the car."

"Okay!" She said, happily. Gail set her down on the ground, and she immediately grabbed both of their hands in hers. "Let's go!" She said.

"I'll be right back," he said, smiling at them, and trying to hide his discomfort. If they wanted to meet Grace, that meant he should also introduce them to Erin. And he couldn't introduce them to Erin until he told them everything. Because he _certainly_ couldn't have Maddie call Erin 'mommy' without warning them first.

Jay was _not_ hiding his discomfort well. Anxiety was radiating off of him, and it was clear with every step slight movement he made. "He seems..." Gail began, whispering quietly over Maddie to her husband.

"Nervous," Danny finished.

"It can't be about Grace, though, right?" Gail asked. "Maybe it's about his new girlfriend?" Jay had only mentioned her a few times in passing, but Danny and Gail could already tell she was something pretty special.

Danny shifted his head and nodded towards Maddie. Then he raised his eyebrows in question.

She knew she shouldn't go behind his back, shouldn't use his daughter to get information, but she couldn't seem to help it. She nodded yes in agreement.

"Maddie," Danny leaned down to pick her up. "Tell me about your new sister." Once she got talking, he was sure she could lead him in Jay's new girlfriend's direction without much difficulty.

He was right.

"And then, after Grace moved in, guess what happened?" Maddie had been so excited to fill her grandparents in on everything. Facetiming just _did not_ suffice.

"What?" Gail asked, excitedly.

"Daddy started to love Grace's social worker. And then _she_ moved in, too!" She squealed.

"She did?" Danny probed, knowing he had limited time before Jay came back from the parking lot. Thankfully, it was a bit of a walk.

"Yeah!"

"What's her name?" Gail asked, smiling. _Good for him,_ she thought.

"Her name is Erin Lindsay," Maddie answered, "But now I call her mommy."

Gail's eyebrows shot up as the smile drained from her lips, and Danny shifted his head in shock. "You do?" He said, his voice unsteady.

"Yeah," Maddie said, staring at her grandfather, but she seemed unaware of the change in his manners. "When Grace started calling daddy daddy, she asked if she could start calling Erin mommy. And she said yes!" She said, her voice still full of excitement. "And so I asked her, too!"

"What did she say?" Grace said, wishing she had been present for the conversation. She was glad it was Maddie that had posed the question, and that it have come on the back of Grace's request. But she still wished she could have seen _exactly_ how everything had gone.

"She said that I had a mommy, a _really_ special one who loved me more than anything in the whole world." Gail's shoulders sagged with relief at her words, and Danny smiled sadly.

Maddie continued, "Then she said that she wished more than anything that my mommy could be here to watch me grow up." Maddie's voice grew softer then, "She said my real mommy is in here," she pressed her hand against her chest, "But that she would love to be my mommy, too."

Then Maddie whispered the same words she had voiced at the cemetery. "Do you that's okay? I don't want mommy to be sad in heaven."

Gail and Danny, who had begun to soften at her words, nodded slowly. "Yeah, Maddie. I think that's okay." Gail whispered, as a small tear fell from her eye.

"She sounds pretty special," Danny added, truly meaning it.

When they reached the swing, they placed Maddie on it and began to push her slowly.

"Higher, Nana!" She cried. "Higher!"

And she obliged. In that way only grandparents did.

Danny stepped behind the swing and hovered next to his wife. "Are you okay?" He whispered. It had been a lot to take in, and she had always been the more sensitive one of the two.

"You know," Gail whispered back, "I think I am." She said, really meaning it. Her daughter had been gone a long time, and Jay had grieved her as much as any of them. "Besides, it's about time that boy found someone to share his life with."

"You're right about that," Danny replied, proud of his wife for her grace and compassion.

Just then, Jay appeared beside them. He seemed to be avoiding their gaze slightly, and instead his eyes remained fixated on his daughter. "Hey, monkey."

"Hi, daddy!" She said, turning towards him, slightly unsteady. She was _way_ too high on that swing.

"Come on, baby." He said, "Let's go eat your snack."

He took care to slow down the swing and then plucked her from the seat. They were _so_ done with the swings for the day. He was nervous enough without them.

The three of them moved towards the dark wooden picnic tables, Maddie happily chattering between them. He tried to steady his breathing as they walked, rehearsing over and over what he planned to say the next time they asked about dinner.

When they finally sat down, he began to open the apple sauce pouch for Maddie and handed it to her.

"Beautiful day," he remarked, unsure of what else to say. Why was he so uncomfortable? He was never this uncomfortable around the Corsons.

"It sure is," Danny replied, looking at his wife. She nodded her approval at his look, and he added, "Beautiful day for a barbecue, I think."

"Really?" Maddie interrupted. She _loved_ barbecues. Especially at Grandpa Hank's house.

"Really." Gail replied. Then she turned to face Jay. "And Jay," she added, " _All_ of your girls are invited." She tilted her head, making sure he caught her meaning. "We have room for six."

Jay remained speechless, but Maddie seemed to count the people up in her head and said, "Mommy can come, too?"

"Yes," Gail replied, a soft smile on her lips, her eyes still on Jay. "Your mommy can come, too."

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**

I hope you guys liked it! I didn't want to make it a whole dragged out thing - because honestly, it might be hard for them to hear their granddaughter mommy, but I didn't think it would be hard to see Jay dating and happy! It's been years and he wasn't even dating Allie. Let me know what you think :)


	35. Chapter 35

Thank you all for your reviews on the last chapter! I'm so glad you liked it how I structured the conversation.

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 35,**

For Erin, April 15th dragged. At work, she spent the morning keeping herself as busy as possible, trying to distract herself from the magnitude of the day. But even throughout the five school visits she squeezed in, her mind kept drifting to Jay and Maddie. She wondered what they were doing, _how_ they were doing.

That morning, when Jay had reminded Maddie that it was Allie's birthday, she seemed to handle it much better than Jay. She went on with her normal morning routine, and then spent breakfast talking to Grace about show and tell, Grace having finally come to a decision on what she wanted to bring. When she finally went to put her shoes on and began preparing to leave, she turned to Jay and casually asked if they were going to pick up yellow flowers on the way to the cemetery.

Evidently, yellow was Allie's favorite color.

Jay had spent the morning trying to put on a good front for the girls, and for her, but she saw right through it. He seemed to be struggling, no doubt missing his best friend.

When Erin finished up at the last elementary school, she noted it was almost noon. She sighed out at the principal's office, and then walked slowly to her car, trying to enjoy the weather and planning to type out two quick text messages.

The first was directed to Jay. She began to type:

Erin: Hope you're doing okay after this morning. Try to enjoy lunch with your daughter and remember that you have two more girls at home that love you. I'm here if you want to talk. Xo

She backspaced the whole message, realizing it wasn't the right thing to send. She hadn't even said those things in person yet. She _certainly_ shouldn't be sending it over a text message.

Further, even if she really did have the best intentions, she couldn't help but feel like that message was bringing attention to her, when the day was supposed to be about Allie, Jay, and Maddie.

She tried again, typing more slowly this time.

Erin: I hope you're enjoying your spaghetti and meatballs for lunch. Thinking of you, xo.

She backspaced again. That sounded like she was making light of the situation. _Of course_ he wasn't enjoying the spaghetti and meatballs. He was probably struggling to even take a bite, his appetite completely lost in his grief.

 _God_. She had never in her life overthought a text message this much. And she _never_ overthought what she said to Jay. The words usually just flowed out her mouth, conversation coming so naturally to them. Even through the hard stuff, she always found the words.

Resigned, she sighed and typed out one last message. This one short, sweet, and to the point.

Erin: I love you

She closed her eyes and clicked send before she could stop herself again.

At this point she had reached her car, and she fished around her large leather purse for her car keys. When she couldn't find them right away, she could feel herself growing irrationally frustrated, anger bubbling inside her.

 _Calm down,_ she thought. She took a deep, calming breath trying to soothe herself. _It's just one day_. _It will be over soon._

She found her keys, and unlocked the door to her car. The weather was balmy, the complete opposite of her current mood. She decided to roll down the windows and open the sunroof, hoping the light and sunshine might seep it's way into her mood.

After another calming breath, she sent out another message. This was one quick and easy, and was to directed to Rachel.

Erin: Done with my school visits for the morning, picking up lunch at Chopped. Lunch date in 30? Send me your order :)

Rachel responded right away with her order, and told her she would start on the coffee in twenty minutes, so it would be ready by the time Erin arrived back at the office.

She really was the best.

Erin knew she couldn't really talk about all of this with Rachel. Even if Rachel knew the whole logistical backstory from Jay's foster application and background investigation, it wasn't her place to reveal how he _felt_ about all of it. It was too intimate, too private.

Plus, did she even know how he felt about it? She was just speculating, trying to assign meaning to every little move or expression.

Either way, she knew she shouldn't say anything. But she also knew that sitting in the sunny yellow break room eating lunch with her friend would substantially improve her mood. And it was serve to distract her, even it was only for a few minutes.

000000000

Lunch with Rachel _had_ successfully improved her frame of mind, and afterwards, with a new attitude, she quickly filed the reports from the five school visits earlier than day. When she completed the final task on her to-do list for the day, she checked her phone.

She had a response from Jay.

Jay: I love you more.

She couldn't help the smile that grew on her face at his response, and her mood lifted even more. It was what he would have responded on any other day, and it was exactly what she needed to hear.

Checking the time, she saw that it was barely 2 pm.

 _Maybe I should try to distract myself more often,_ she thought. She never finished her work this early.

She typed out a quick message to Sam, giving her the afternoon off and letting her know that she would pick up Grace at school today.

This would be the second time this week that Erin got off work early enough to pick the girls up from school. That _never_ happened.

Maybe her day really was turning around.

00000000000

Fifteen minutes early for pickup, Erin stood in the hallway of the preschool, outside the closed classroom door. She was surprised by how many women were standing in a line outside the door, all chatting amongst themselves.

 _Maybe if you weren't always running late you would have met some of these women already,_ she thought looking around.

The group seemed split down the middle. Half of the women seemed to be stay at home moms of some sort, with only one or two moms dressed in professional clothing, clearly coming from work. Then the other half the women seemed like they were Sam's age, and Erin reasoned that they must be nannies.

She knew she should try to be social, but she wasn't really feeling it today. Instead, she lightly tossed her brown curls over her shoulder and out of her face, and then began staring down at her phone. She was scrolling through Facebook, smiling at one of Olivia's most recent posts, when she saw a woman approaching her out of the corner of her eye.

The woman had long, thin limbs; a yoga body, clad in a bright, form fitting yoga outfit. Her long, dirty blonde hair was pulled straight back in a long pony tail. She had tanned skin that couldn't _actually_ be natural in Chicago in April, and her makeup was so perfectly done that there was no way she had actually come from the gym. She definitely fell firmly in the _stay at home mom_ category.

"Hi," she said, her voice falsely cheerful. Erin couldn't help but think she would have fit in so well with the bitchy girls in the private girls school Hank sent her to for high school.

 _Be nice,_ she scolded herself. _You don't even know this woman._

"Hi," Erin replied, trying to keep her voice friendly. She knew she was just being touchy after a long day.

"Are you Grace's mom?" She asked.

"Yeah," Erin answered without a moments hesitation. "I am."

"I've seen Jay Halstead here a couple of times picking her up when he gets Maddie." The way she _purred_ Jay's name made Erin regret her previous thought. She did _not_ feel like playing nice.

She took a sip from her water bottle to avoid the woman's gaze.

"He's a detective for the Chicago Police Department. And he is a _fantastic_ father. But just so you know," She raised her eyebrows slightly and she leaned her body forward like she was preparing the reveal a secret. "He has a rule against dating moms from his daughter's class." Then she lowered her voice to a whisper when she added, "Not that I haven't tried."

Erin almost _choked_ on her water.

She wasn't sure how to respond, but she _certainly_ didn't owe this woman an explanation, so she just said, "Um... okay," And instead of drawing the word out to form a question, she said it quickly and dismissively, hoping the woman would leave her alone.

She didn't. "I'm just trying to help you, honey. Jay and I are friends, you know," she said, with a hint of edge to her voice. Erin _hated_ when people called her honey. It was so fucking condescending. And it was even worse coming from this woman, this _friend_ of Jay's. "And well, I just wanted to save you the embarrassment. He doesn't usually go for girls like you."

After the emotional roller coaster of a day she had already had, Erin wanted to _smack_ this woman. Well, first smack her and then tell her that not only was she dating Jay Halstead _and_ living with Jay Halstead, Jay Halstead was also in love with her.

Oh, and also, she got to see him naked. Ans they had unbelievable sex.

Lots and lots of sex.

But instead of being petty and stooping to this woman's level, she held her tongue. "Thanks for the warning," she said simply, before moving towards the classroom door.

Annie chose that exact moment to open the door. _Thank God,_ Erin thought, as she immediately moved past her into the room.

 _That woman got off easy._

000000000000

Thirty minutes later, Erin pulled into the parking lot of the Chicago Zoo. She knew she couldn't keep Grace inside during this unseasonably gorgeous day, but she chose to avoid the park, knowing that if Grace ran into Maddie, she wouldn't want to leave. She hadn't stopped talking about Maddie the entire drive.

In the past few months, Erin and Jay did a lot to ensure the girls weren't too dependent on each other. And just like Jay's mom had done for him, he had wanted to make sure he was fostering their separate interests. While they took ice skating lessons together, they did other things separately. Maddie was signed up for ballet, while Grace participated in art lessons.

More than that just fostering their own interests outside of the home, they wanted to make sure they each had their own identity _within_ their home. They took strides to ensure that Maddie didn't feel like she was getting lost in the new family, and similarly, they wanted Grace to feel welcome, important, and special on her own.

But, all of that being said, school was something they _always_ did together and Maddie's absence hadn't gone unnoticed by Grace.

The zoo would be a good distraction.

"Wake up, sleepy girl," Erin called to the backseat, as she turned off the car. Grace had dozed off in the last five minutes of the drive. "We're here!"

Grace's eyes opened immediately, and a smile graced her lips. "YAY!" She cried.

"Ready to see some elephants?"

Graced laughed easily as she unbuckled the top of her seat belt. "There are other animals too, mommy." Grace had been getting better at buckling herself in and out, but still struggled with the bottom snap.

Erin unbuckled the bottom buckle and then, trying to give her little girl some independence, waited patiently for Grace to step out of the seat herself. She was becoming so grown up. "I know that, silly," Erin replied as she lifted Grace from the car to the ground, because at least _that_ she still couldn't do herself. "But the elephants are your favorite!" Erin said.

"I'm ready to see the monkeys, too." Grace said, because she knew the monkeys were her mommy's favorite.

Then she slipped her hand into her Erin's, and they began walking towards the members gate, ready to spend the day with the animals.

0000000000000

An hour and a half later, they had already seen two monkey displays, the elephant area, the indoor penguin display, and the entire 'lion's, and tigers, and bears' section of the zoo. "Ready to go home, bug?" Grace was completely worn out from the walking, and was now in Erin's arm, her head resting on Erin's shoulder.

"Mhmmm," Grace nodded into Erin's shoulder, and Erin was pretty sure she was falling asleep again.

During the walk to the car, Erin felt her phone buzzing in her back pocket and she struggled to reach it with Grace's legs wrapped around her waist. She looked down, and a smile spread on her face when she saw a photo of her and Jay light up her screen.

"Hi, baby," she said quietly into the phone, not wanting to wake a now lightly snoring Grace.

"Hi, Er," he said, his voice was warm and calm through the phone and she could hear the smile that was on his lips. She couldn't help but feel a little torn by the obvious change in his tone. She was pleased that his mood had clearly improved on this difficult day, but she couldn't help feeling a little disappointed that she hadn't been the one responsible for it, even though she had tried last night and this morning. "Why are you whispering?" he asked.

She decided to shake off her disappointment and just be happy her man was happy. "Grace is asleep on my shoulder," she whispered. "I took her to the zoo. It _seriously_ wore her out. I'm just getting to the parking lot now," she said, as she ascended the two flights of stairs to the third floor of the parking garage, her workout for the day.

"Man," he said. "I'm sorry I missed that." That had Erin smiling, because she knew he genuinely was. That bitchy woman at Grace's school was right. Jay really was a fantastic father.

"How's your day going?" She asked. As happy as she was to hear from him, she was curious to find out the actual reason behind his call.

"Um, it's been..." he took a deep breath, as if he was thinking about how to response. "It's been okay, actually." Even through the phone she could picture the way he must be raising his eyebrows and gently nodding his head, his voice full of surprise at the revelation. "I'm actually calling to tell you and Grace to meet us for dinner," he said.

 _But aren't you having dinner with the Corson's?_ Erin thought, and she almost said it, but then she stopped herself. "Oh?" She said, instead, letting him lead the conversation. She was seriously exhibiting _a ton_ of self control today.

"Yeah," he said. "We're going to barbecue at the Corson's." Without any further explanation, he just added, "I'll text you the address. Just come straight from the zoo, we're already on our way." It was only then that she realized he had been using the bluetooth speaker phone during the call. She usually noticed right away when he was calling from the car, the fuzzy background noise always making his voice sound distant. But today, she had been so focused on the sound of his voice, she hadn't even noticed, unable to pay attention to anything else.

"Okay," she said tentatively, waiting for him to say more. Waiting to him to fill her in on what changed his mind. Or at least to _prepare_ her for what she was going to walk into at dinner.

But he didn't. He didn't tell her anything. He didn't indicate whether they knew about their living situation, if they knew that their granddaughter called her mommy, or for that matter, if they even knew about her at all.

Instead he simply said, "Let me hang up so the address goes through. Bye, baby. I love you, see you soon."

And then, he was gone.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review!**

Stay tuned for the family dinner... :) :)


	36. Chapter 36

Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter :) And not to worry, you will definitely be seeing miss yoga mom again at some point! Also TOMORROW'S FRIDAY! Thank the lorddddddd.

Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 36,**

Erin spent the entire drive trying to avoid the nervous feeling that was slowly creeping in, but as she grew closer to the address, the anxiety settled and her stomach felt tied in knots. She wished Grace was awake to distract her, her daughter being one of the best distractions, but she wasn't selfish enough to _actually_ wake her up.

In the end though, Erin didn't need to be worried. The minute she stepped into the beautiful red brick house, Mrs. Corson enveloped her into a hug and made her feel right at home.

"Erin," she said, releasing her from the hug but still draping her fingers onto Erin's shoulders lightly, as if she was a grandmother saying _let me get a good look at you, sweetheart._ "I'm so glad to finally meet you." Her smile was wide and gracious, and her demeanor was completely relaxed. Erin felt her shoulders sag slightly in relief, and the knots in her stomach seemed to loosen a little.

Mrs. Corson didn't even let Erin reply before she turned to Grace, "And _you_ must be Grace." She bent down, opening her arms even wider this time. "I'm Gail, but you can just call me Nana."

They were still standing in the large open foyer, and there was something in the way Mrs. Corson carried herself, in the way she spoke so genuinely, that seemed to completely put Grace and Erin at ease. Erin was so stunned and distracted by her presence that she didn't even notice Jay and Maddie walking towards them.

"Mommy!" Maddie cried, "You met Nana!"

Erin froze, her previous nerves returning full force. She looked down at the dark wooden floors, avoiding both Jay and Gail's gaze. "I sure did," she looked up slightly, finding Maddie's eyes only, trying and failing to keep her voice steady and calm.

 _Okay,_ Jay thought as he watched Erin shifting uncomfortable near the front door. _I probably should have warned her._

He hadn't even thought about it during their brief phone call earlier. After the sudden invitation and the 'mommy' name drop at the picnic table, Danny and Gail just laughed at his stunned reaction. Then they insisted that he stop acting so weird around them. Then they told him they were happy he was happy, thrilled even.

And then they added that Allie would be, too.

At their words, for some reason, all the guilt he had been feeling was washed away and he was left feeling light and happy. The rest of the afternoon, all he could think about was finally introducing Grace and Erin to Danny and Gail. After his mom's passing and breaking off contact completely with his father, they had become like second parents to him. Almost like _his_ version of Hank and Camille.

He walked towards Erin, and slipped his hand into hers, interlocking their fingers, and squeezing them gently between his. Then while Gail was momentarily distracted, leading Grace and Maddie into the kitchen to be her _big helpers,_ he leaned into whisper in her ear. "I love you." Then he slipped his free hand under her chin and moved her face so she was looking at him. "And they are going to love you, too. Okay?"

While his words calmed her slightly, he hadn't even come close to addressing her biggest concern. "Um..." _Did he noticed that Maddie just called me mommy?_ "Maddie just called me-"

His trademark grin spreading slowly across his face, "Baby, she's been calling you that all day."

000000000000000

"Everything looks delicious, Mrs. Corson," Erin was seated next to Maddie at the large outdoor table. Jay was sitting directly across her, with Grace at his side, and the Corson's were sitting at the heads of each end. The table sat towards the side of the expansive deck, right beside an extra large grill and serving area. Then there was a couch and seating area on the other side of the deck, with potted plants and flowers strewn throughout.

It was nearly the size of the first apartment she remembered living in with her mother, she realized, and that made her even more nervous.

"Oh, honey, call me Gail." How different the word _honey_ sounded coming from her lips. This time, it made Erin smile, and she relaxed a little into her large outdoor chair.

"I helped too," Grace said, her face brightening. "Right, Nana?" She added, like she was trying to word out on her tongue.

"That's right," Gail replied. "You certainly did."

"What did you girls do today?" Danny asked, turning to Erin and Grace. Maddie had spent the entire afternoon talking his ear off about both of them, and he wanted to learn more about them. From what he could tell, they truly seemed as great as Maddie had said.

"Mommy took me to the zoo!" Grace said cheerfully.

"WHAT?!" Maddie interrupted, her face fell as her limp trembled slightly. "You went to the zoo _without_ me?"

"Mads," Jay said in his no nonsense tone. "You got to go miss school today to go out to lunch _and_ go to the park."

"I like school," she pouted, her big blue eyes beginning to tear up. She brushed it away, trying to hold in her emotions.

Jay was about to respond, but Erin beat him to it.

"I know you do, baby." Erin said, "Grace and I just wanted to give you some time to see your Nana and Grandpa before we joined you." She smiled softly at her, brushing her hand through her blond curls, clearing them away from her pale face. "But we missed you the whole time."

"Really?" Maddie said, perking up slightly.

Grace nodded her head furiously, partly because it was true and partly because she seemed to know her sister needed it. "Are you kidding?" Erin said, "I miss you every minute I'm not with you." She gently touched Maddie's cheek, and then squeezed it playfully. "And today at the zoo was no different."

Maddie perked up even more, and she launched into the story of the _last_ time Maddie had been to the zoo, that time _with_ Grace. Then Grace interjected, telling the Corson's it had been her first time ever.

Jay watched his girls as they continued to tell the Corson's all about that time at the zoo, about their stuffed elephants, then they shifted topics and talked about school, and about Ms. Annie. All the while, he couldn't for the life of him figure out how he had gotten this damn lucky.

The smile hadn't left his lips since Erin had walked in the door, and it just seemed to be growing with every passing moment. This dinner was going better than he could have ever anticipated. He was so happy to have them all here together.

As he continued to listen, he slowly moved his foot across the table until his leg found Erin's, and he began rubbing his calves against hers. Her involuntarily shiver and the slow smirk she sent across the table had him smiling even more.

0000000000000

The girls had excused themselves from the table, and ran inside to play. While many of the parts of the house had been boxed up, the playroom was still completely set up for anytime they came back to Chicago to visit, and Maddie wanted to show Grace all of her toys.

The adults were still sitting outside on the deck, drinking through their second bottle of red wine. The more wine Gail drank, the more the stories began to flow.

"One time during their, what was it, Danny, their junior year?" Gail said, her eyes finding her husband's across the table.

"Yep," he nodded in agreement, already knowing the story she was about to share.

"We went out for the night," Gail continued. "To see a movie."

"Oh, god." Jay said with a nervous laugh, evidently realizing right after Danny did, where this story was going.

"Oh hush," Gail scolded, and then she turned back to Erin. "Anyway, the movie was sold out. This was back in the days where you didn't buy your ticket online like you did today," she said, by way of explanation. "So we decided to go back home, rent one instead."

Erin was trying to listen to the story intently, but Jay's leg gently stroking her's under the table was driving her _crazy._ She had opted against wearing stockings with her skirt today, the weather being so nice, and the feel of his warm skin on hers was _seriously_ distracting.

"When we got home," Gail continued, not noticing Erin's reddening face. Or maybe she just assumed it was the wine. "We hear noises coming from upstairs."

That got Erin's attention. This was a Jay _and_ Allie story.

"Allie was supposed to be at a study group studying for her math test the next day," Danny picked up the story here, his voice genial and full of joy. "So I tell Gail to stay downstairs, and I quietly sneak upstairs, all worried." He sounded anything but worried now.

"I didn't want to stay downstairs _alone_ ," she said "So I follow him up. And we noticed the noise is coming from Allie's room." Gail began to laugh at she remembered the rest. She could still see it like it was yesterday. "And they must have finally heard us because when we open the door, Jay is half naked, climbing out of the window."

Erin couldn't contain her laughter, picturing Jay half in and half out of a second story window, holding his clothes against his chest. Sometimes she forgot that Jay and Allie dated in high school, since every story she had heard had been about their later years, when they were only the best of friends.

"Okay," Jay said, his voice full of embarrassment. "Is story time be over?"

"No way," Erin said, still laughing.

"Danny wanted to put bars up on her windows after that," Gail was still laughing, and she waved her hand at Jay, and then reached for Erin's hand to squeeze it, bringing her into the joke.

"Trust me," Danny interjected. "If it was anyone but Jay, I would have." He smiled warmly at Jay.

"The future doctor," Gail added. She seemed to be a little tipsy, and she didn't notice the way Jay froze at her words. "He could do _no_ wrong in my husband's eyes."

"Future doctor?" Erin asked, her laughter dying down slightly.

"Yeah," Jay said, "I was _quite_ the disappointment." He tried to keep his voice light, make like he was joking, too, but his voice betrayed his nerves.

When she heard the catch in his voice, Gail's voice immediately sobered as she grasped his hand. "We are even more proud of you now," she said.

Her voice was so genuine Jay wanted to cry. Instead, he nodded, unable to speak.

Choosing to enlist instead of going to college, choosing to be a detective instead of being a doctor, he had been the disappointment of his family. And his father never let him forget it. By the time his mother passed away, his father had barely spoken to him in months. And now? Well, now, it had been years.

God, they really were his Hank and Camille. Thank God for them.

"Jay," Danny said, immediately noticing his shift in mood. "Walking away from that money at 18 years old to do what's right," he shifted his head to the side and shook it to exaggerate his point. "Bravest thing I'd ever seen." And then to lighten the mood, he added, "And I was an old man even then."

"You're not old," Jay replied laughing slightly, and sending him a grateful smile.

Danny just nodded back, understanding his unspoken message.

Jay shifted his gaze towards Erin, hoping this conversation wasn't revealing too much. He had asked her, _begged_ her even, to let him in, to tell him anything and everything about her past and her life. He had wanted to learn as much as he could about her. He had wanted to break apart the puzzle of her life, to uncover all the pieces that came together to form this amazing, beautiful woman he had fallen so deeply in love with.

But he just realized he had barely told her anything. He had told her about losing Allie, and maybe a little bit about losing his mother, but otherwise he had barely scratched the surface.

It wasn't exactly _fair_.

Erin sat across the table from him, her lips still formed in a smile, not minding at all. She had _a million_ questions she now wanted to ask Jay, of course, but she knew he would just tell her when he was ready. In the months they had known each other, he had shared more with her than anyone ever had.

He had shared his _children_ with her.

The stories would come later, they would trickle in as time went on, as they got to know each other better and better.

But she had all the time in the world to learn them, and she was happy to wait.

"What about you Erin," Gail said, shifting the topic and taking Jay out of the hot seat. She was beginning to feel bad for putting him there. "What made you want to become a social worker?"

Jay knew that Gail was just trying to shift the attention off of him, but he really wished she had chosen a different question. He reached across the table and gently squeezed Erin's hand, letting her know she did _not_ have to answer that.

She shook her head, brushing his worry away. She was happy to share. "I was a foster child myself, actually," she said, her eyes shifting from Gail to Danny, and then back to Gail. She could see the clear surprise in both of them. "I guess I just wanted to help other kids find happy homes." _Safe_ homes she also thought, but didn't add.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize," Gail said, her voice as sweet and smooth as honey.

"It's fine," Erin said, easily. Because it really was. Being fostered by Hank and Camille was the best thing that ever happened to her. Even to this day. Because even now, it is what had brought her to Jay.

"How old were you when it happened?" Danny asked, his voice full of sympathy.

"I'm sorry?" Erin asked, confused.

"How old were you when your parents died?" Danny clarified. He knew Grace had been taken in by Jay after her parents had been murdered. He had lost two children himself, and he couldn't imagine what it must be like for a four year old to be robbed of the only parents she ever knew.

"Oh, um," Erin shifted in her seat, suddenly unsure of how much to reveal. She peered over at Jay, trying to read his expression.

Gail and Danny were this genuinely nice, happy, _perfect_ couple, living in this gorgeous brick house, in an expensive Chicago suburb, with a playroom _and_ an office, and it also had a full backyard. And this was only _one_ of their homes, because presumably they had an apartment or a house where they lived in Florida.

Jay probably grew up in a similar home. They were so _sheltered_ from her world. She would never had fit in here, and she wasn't sure that she really wanted them to know that.

"I, uh-"

Jay squeezed her hand once again, but this time he interrupted, sensing she could use the help. "Erin's parents are both alive," he said, his voice matter-of-fact. "They just couldn't take care of her the way she deserved to be taken care of."

Erin smiled gratefully at him, wondering how he had a way of making her feel like this.

Safe. Happy. Loved.

And maybe for the first time, _deserving._

000000000000

The sun dipped behind the clouds and the moon rose up high in it's place. Along with the appearance of the moon came the mosquitoes, and after another thirty minutes, they were all ready to return inside.

When they found the girls in the play room, they were both passed out, fast asleep on the floor, a dozen barbie dolls and race cars between them.

"She's really wonderful," Gail said, nodding her head towards Grace.

"She really is," Jay agreed. "She has become such a huge part of my life in such a short amount of time. It's truly amazing."

If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he was talking about Erin.

Gail knew he was talking about Grace, but if she hadn't known any better, she would have thought he was _also_ talking about Erin.

He probably would have been, if Erin wasn't standing right beside him.

"We should probably get them home," Jay said.

"Are you sure you have to go so soon?" Gail said sadly.

"Yeah," Jay said, his voice slow and reluctant. "We probably should."

Erin could tell he wasn't ready to leave. Her man was _never_ that hesitant, and he used the word _probably_ twice.

"I was... uh... hoping to talk to you about something," Danny said, as they walked together towards the kitchen.

"I'll take the girls home," she whispered quietly in his ear. "Stay. Spend some time with them."

"Are you sure?" He asked, his voice slightly hopeful. He hadn't realized how much he truly missed spending time with the Corson's. "Both of them?"

"Are you trying to say I can't take care of your girls by myself, Halstead?" She said, teasingly.

He turned to her, his voice serious. "Our girls, Er." He leaned and kissed her softly, and then he added teasingly, "And I was saying no such thing."

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Jay returned home nearly three hours later to find Erin, fast asleep, on the couch. The view of her, asleep with all the lights on, with the TV still playing quietly playing in the background, warmed his heart.

Other than his mother, he had never had anyone wait up for him before.

She was in her pajamas, which was really _his_ green ARMY t-shirt and a pair of blue plaid boxer shorts. The shirt was the one that used to be his favorite, the one that now he was pretty sure he was never going to get back.

He walked over to the couch and pressed his lips against her smooth forehead, inhaling her scent, and letting his eyes roam over her sleeping form.

God, he _loved_ her in that t-shirt.

When he finally lifted his lips from her, he swept her up into his arms. Then, he carried her to their bed, nestling her under the covers. Then after getting himself ready for bed, he snuggled against her, burying his head in her hair.

All the while, the conversation he had just had with the Corson's was still playing in his head.

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	37. Chapter 37

Hi all :) Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews! Hope you are all having a great weekend!

 **Chapter 37,**

Erin's eyes fluttered open and her eyes adjusted to the light slowly as she took in her surroundings. It took her several moments to realize she was in her bed, and she had no clear memory as to how she had gotten there.

The last thing she could remember was sitting on the couch trying _not_ to succumb to sleep. But the sleepless night the night before and the events of the day must have gotten to her, and she must have fallen asleep.

She felt Jay's arms arm wrapped around her waist, and his warm body pressed against her backside. She tried to wiggle slightly to loosen his grip, but after several failed attempts, she had to physically remove his hands from her body.

She didn't want to leave the safety and warmth of Jay's arms, but she desperately needed to pee. And she should probably brush her teeth, too, which she was at it. She slowly slid out of the bed and walked into the bathroom, turning the light on only after she had closed the door quietly behind her, hoping not to wake Jay.

She may have needed her sleep, but after the day he had, he probably needed it more.

She didn't close the door quietly enough, because Jay shifted as a result of the sound. His body woke before his mind, and he reached his arm across the large bed looking for his girl.

His mind woke fully when his arms came up empty. He opened his eyes, and it was only then that he noticed the light peering from under the bathroom door.

He was _exhausted._ Even though he slept soundly the night before, he had awoken feeling ragged instead of rested. And then there was this day, which had been emotionally draining to say the least. But as exhausted as he was, he didn't want to go back to sleep. Not until he spoke to Erin.

He had wanted to talk to her when he got home. And he _could_ wait until tomorrow if he had to, but it was Friday, and they had plans to go to Molly's with the Intelligent Unit after the girls went to sleep. Lexi was coming over to babysit, and it was one of the first nights out they'd had in weeks.

So instead of going back to sleep, he waited for Erin to return from the bathroom.

After another couple minutes, the door opened and she tiptoed slowly towards the bed. She must not have realized he was awake. She slipped under the covers and moved her body towards him.

"Hi," he whispered.

She jumped out of her skin at the sound. "Jesus, Jay." She said, completely out of breath. "You scared me."

He laughed at the terrified look on her face. "Were you expecting someone else?"

At that, her lips broke out into a slow smirk. "Maybe," she replied.

"Oh, well, in that case..." He slowly slid his hands up her waist as his tongue slid easily into her mouth, letting her know that the _someone else_ wouldn't be nearly as fun to sleep next to.

Before he let himself get carried away, he eased his lips back, his hands still stroking her skin. "Hi," he tried again.

"Hi," she whispered back, her voice husky and her eyes dark with arousal from his teasing.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." She had wanted to tear his clothes off only moments before, but as she searched his eyes, she realized that he seemed ready to talk. She pressed her forehead against his and instead of leaning into press her lips against his, she whispered, "Tell me something."

"I love you," he repeated.

She laughed, easing her forehead away slightly. "That's cheating."

"I know," he laughed throatily. "I just like saying it."

"I like hearing it," she instantly replied. But from the moment she woke up from his nightmare last night until this moment right now, her day had been riddled with anxiety and she really wanted him to finally share what was on his mind. "Tell me something else."

He kissed her, and then he held her gaze and said, "I was going to." He wanted her to know that he had stayed up for a reason. That he wasn't sharing because she asked, she wasn't dragging the information out of him. He had been planning to tell her everything this whole time. "I just wanted you to know how much I love you before I tell you my something," _And I just wanted to be sure you would still love me after you heard it._

Her expression grew serious as she took in his words, as she understood the meaning behind them. "Baby, I know you do." She pressed her hand to his cheek and added, "I love you just as much." _Probably more,_ she thought. "And there will never be a time where the something you tell me makes me love you any less."

He relaxed at her words, and his fingers wrapped around the hand she still had pressed to his cheek. He leaned into it, closing his eyes and taking in the moment.

"Just start from the beginning," she said.

And so he did. "I wanted to tell you about the reason I was so upset last night."

 _You missed Allie_ , she wanted to say. But she didn't interrupt, wanting to hear his own words.

"I don't think I've ever been this happy," he said softly, almost like he was admitting something terrible.

"Okay." _Why is that terrible? I don't understand._

He shifted his position so he was sitting up in bed, his hands pressing into his legs like he was pushing his own body away. "And for the first time in 20 years, I forgot Allie's birthday."

"Oh." _And now I do._

"I know I've told you about my mom," Jay said, moving his hands from his legs to Erin's. "But I haven't really told you much about my dad." He began drawing circles on her legs, trying to keep his blue eyes steady on her hazel ones. "He's the chief of surgery at Northwestern." Jay thanked God everyday that their victims always wound up at Chicago Med, that had been able to avoid that hospital all these years. "And it was just kind of understood in our house that his kids would be doctors, too." His brother had followed that path willingly, and it was always assumed Jay would, too.

Erin had been wondering about the doctor comment, but hadn't planned on asking. It had seemed like a sore subject, and now she could see why.

"The day I signed up to enlist," Jay shook his head in defeat. "I've never seen him that angry." The Rangers was supposed to be _impressive._ It was one of the most elite military formations. And he had quickly moved up the ranks, ending with dozens of soldiers under his command. He had worked hard, and performed exceptionally well, but it had done nothing to change his father's minds.

Erin noticed the way his body seemed to flinch at the memory, and she reached out to touch his arm. She was _damn_ proud of his military service.

"Our relationship was strained from them on," he continued. "But at least we still had one," he sighed. "But when my mom died..." his voice trailed off, as he relived the days and weeks after his mother's passing. "His disappointment felt like a noose around my neck. Every time we spoke, it felt tighter and tighter." He closed his eyes, remembering how bad it had gotten. "But he was my only parent left, and so I just took it. Every time he made a demeaning comment, I just gritted my teeth and tried to bear it." He subconsciously reached his hand back and rubbed the back of his neck, as if there was a physical noose to reach for.

"Allie came home a few weeks later for winter break, and she stayed with me while I was on leave." He remembered that they had had sex then, too. They had always seemed to seek each other for comfort back then, especially when they were feeling particularly lost. It was as if they were looking for a way to regain some control of their lives, to put some order back into it. Or to at least to take a few moments to pretend they were still in high school, when there _was_ actually some order to it.

"It sounds like she was a really good friend," Erin said, softly.

He knew he should elaborate. Lying by omission was still lying. "She slept in my apartment for a whole week," he said, figuring that was elaboration enough. They had actually only had sex the one time, but she slept by his side every night. "And every night she would try to reassure me that I wasn't a disappointment."

Erin took a deep breath, knowing _exactly_ what that meant, and unable to help the tiny bit of jealousy that snuck in. _Why is he telling me this?_ she thought.

"She convinced me that it was my life." He said, trying to rush through this and get to the point. "And that my father wasn't my _only_ family." He found Erin's feet lying next to him and lifted them into his lap. "She brought me to the Corson's." He began massaging her feet and her toes, trying to keep his fingers busy as he spoke. He was finally getting to the good part of his story. "And they welcome me in. Told me that they were _proud_ of me." He could still remember the shock he felt at the sound of their words. He shook his head slightly, "I'd been fighting for my country for three years at that point, and no one other than my mother had ever _once_ said those words to me. And my mom was gone." A tear slowly trickled down his cheek, and he quickly brushed it away.

"Allie went back to school, but Gail and Danny, they stayed in my life." He smiled slightly thinking of them. "And it wasn't like it was in high school when I was just their daughter's boyfriend. We had our own relationship. They sent me letters, Gail sent me packages filled with muffins and cookies. They treated me like I was their own." They had been his saving grace in the years since he lost his mother. "I stayed with them when I was on leave, even when Allie wasn't there."

"Allie gave me so much," he admitted quietly. "Between her parents, and Maddie. She gave me everything." Then, he shook his head, disgusted with himself. "And I couldn't even remember her fucking birthday."

Erin almost flinched at his words. Jay rarely ever cursed, and when he did, he was usually inside her, trying to regain control before exploding.

"I'm living this whole full life, with the family that _she_ gave me. And it just..." his voice caught, and he could barely get the rest of his words out. "It isn't fair."

"I know," she said, moving her body closer to his and leaning her head against his chest. "I know."

"And last night," he said, regaining his composure slightly. "I didn't tell you because I was so ashamed." He wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her even closer. "I was leaving her behind, building this whole life with her daughter that she is never going to get to be a part of."

Erin could hear as the emotion crept back into his voice, the way he was almost choking on the words.

It was guilt, she realized. Sure, he missed Allie. He missed his friend, his daughter's mom. But more than that, what he was feeling last night, this morning, all day... it was guilt.

Guilt that he had _lived_.

She leaned away from his chest, finding his eyes. She knew there was nothing she could say, nothing that could possibly take this pain away.

"It was never supposed to be like this," he continued. "I found you," he shook his head slightly, "But she was supposed to find her soul mate, too."

Erin sighed, feeling a little selfish when her heart blossomed at the words _I found you_ and _Soul mate_ in the same sentence.

"We had this plan," he said, softly, remembering. "We were going to live in the same neighborhood, right near each other. We would have our own families, but we would all get together to have Saturday morning brunch together every week." They had talked about that when she was pregnant with Maddie, after they had decided to return to just being friends. It had been the inspiration for chocolate chip pancake day. It was his way of honoring her. "And of course, we would only marry people who would fit in with our plan. They would value it and understand it." He smiled wistfully, realizing now how crazy this all sounded. "It would've been unconventional, but-"

"No," Erin interrupted, her voice full of compassion and understanding. "It would have been amazing." She was shocked at how much she meant it.

000000000000000

Jay and Erin spent the next hour laying in each other's arms, both mourning the loss of Allie and what could have been. When Jay began to notice Erin's breathing evening out, he realized he still hadn't brought up his conversation with the Corson's.

"Er," he whispered.

"Mmm," she responded.

"There's something else," he whispered.

She lifted her head from where it was resting in the crevice between his neck and shoulder, and looked down at him. Her eyes were slightly glassy from sleep, and he instantly felt badly for waking her. "I can tell you tomorrow," he said.

"No," she shook her head, nervous. "Tell me now." The conversation with Jay had been difficult. The conversation had healed and broken her heart at the same time, and she was still processing it all.

"I talked to the Corson's tonight." They had spent the first hour gushing over Grace and Erin, and then they had shocked him with their news. "They... uh... they want to give us their house."

"What?" _That_ she hadn't been expecting.

He hadn't been either, but now that he had mulled over the idea for a few hours in his mind, he was starting to warm to it. He assumed Erin may need a little more time to get on board. "They only use it twice a year when they come to visit. But they've never been able to bring themselves to sell it."

Erin's head was spinning. It was one of the most beautiful houses she had ever seen. She could _see_ Jay living there. And Maddie and Grace would have so much room to run around. "That house is _huge_." For some reason, with all the thoughts running through her mind, that was the first thing that popped out of her mouth.

 _Okay,_ Jay thought. _Reminder to prepare her if she ever sees where_ I _grew up._ Jay's childhood home was _at least_ three times the size. "I know," he said.

"I don't understand. They want to _give_ you their house," she was fulling sitting up now, her previous exhaustion now completely gone.

"Us," Jay corrected. Erin's eyebrows shot up in shock, and Jay realized she hadn't heard him the first time around. So he repeated himself just to make sure. "They want to give it to _us."_

"But..." she began. She hadn't been upstairs, but she was willing to bet there were a _lot_ of extra bedrooms. Bedrooms she and Jay could _fill._ "They don't even know me," she finished, shock still evident in her voice.

"They couldn't shut up about you after you left," he laughed, hoping to lighten the mood somewhat. "They seemed to love you _almost_ as much as I do." He smiled and kissed her gently then. "Listen," he touched her cheek softly, "We don't have to give them an answer right away. We can just think about it."

"Okay," she replied, her world still spinning. She felt like her head was going to _explode_ from this day.

"Hey," he said, kissing her again softly. "Please don't freak out."

She sighed, smiling at how well he knew her, at how much she loved him. "Okay," she said, this time more confidently.

He leaned into kiss her, and this time she captured his mouth with fervor. She poured all of her emotions into the moment, allowing all the stress to drain from her body.

"I love you," he whispered as he broke the kiss apart.

"I love you, too." She replied. And then his hands found her hips, and her hands found his chest.

She kissed him again, and decided after this _insanely_ long night, she needed to find something to lighten the mood.

"So you were supposed to be a doctor, huh?" She smirked at him and her voice was slow and sultry.

He raised his eyebrows and tilted her head, unsure of where she was going with this. "I was," he saw, drawing out the words uncertainly.

"Well that's handy," she said, as she straddled him. "Because I think I could use a _physical."_

He flipped her over and roamed his hands over her skin. "Happy to oblige."

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	38. Chapter 38

Thank you for all the reviews :) I seriously can't tell you how much I appreciate them. They make my day, and they always inspire me to write even more! Also, keep the suggestions coming. Even if I don't use them exactly, they always give me inspiration and new ideas!

I hope you enjoy this chapter and also have a great week!

 **Chapter 38,**

Erin walked up the front steps of district 21, two small girls in tow. "Hey, Sergeant," she said with a wave to Platt.

Platt's eyes lit up, her usual stone face softening. "Maddie, Grace! You two haven't visited in _way_ too long." She scrunched up her face, "Has your daddy been hiding you?"

They both giggled in response, loving the special attention Platt was giving them. Erin smiled warmly as she watched. Platt had always had a soft spot for kids, but she seemed to have an _extra_ soft spot or these two.

Platt's eyes lifted to Erin's, "Halstead went to talk to a CI," she said. "Want to wait for him upstairs?"

Erin simply nodded, "Thanks, Sergeant." Then she turned to Maddie and Grace, who seemed to be in the middle of a _very_ important conversation while sitting on the wooden bench near the front door. "Come on girls, let's go upstairs and wait for daddy."

Platt buzzed them through the gate, and they began to ascend the stairs, hand in hand. When they got to the top of the stairs, and the bullpen came into view, Maddie and Grace each dropped Erin's hands and took off running.

"Uncle Adam!" They shouted in unison. They _loved_ their cool Uncle Adam. They loved everyone else too, but at the moment he was the only one in the room.

Ruzek lifted both girls in his arms and then immediately threw them upside down over his shoulder. "Wait," he said, his voice full of fake confusion. "Where did Maddie and Grace go?"

"I don't know!" Erin replied, her voice mimicking his confused tone. "They were just here, I swear!"

The girls laughed mercilessly and wriggled until they were no longer upside down, and were safely in his arms. "Right here, Uncle Adam!" Maddie cried.

"There you are," he said. "Man, that was sneaky," he raised his eyebrows, seemingly impressed. "I think you two could work undercover, what do you think?"

Grace smiled wide, and Maddie began nodding her head furiously.

 _We need to teach her to nod without her whole body,_ Erin thought, as she watched Adam tighten his hold before Maddie fell out of his arms.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Voight emerged from his office. "Well, they are my granddaughters," Voight said, standing in the doorway and smiling at the girls. "So I would expect no less."

"Grandpa Hank!" Grace and Maddie wriggled out of Adam's arms, and began running across the bullpen towards Hank. They may had loved their Uncle Adam, but he was no match for their grandpa.

Hank lifted them easily into his arms and placed a kiss on both of their foreheads. "Hi, girls," he said, happily.

"Hey, Hank." Erin said, moving slowly across the bullpen towards where he was standing.

"Hey, kid." He replied, "What are you all doing here?"

She raised her eyebrows at him and tilted her head, "I can't just come in to say hi to my dad?"

His face broke into a smile and an easy laugh rolled out of him throatily. "You can," he drew out the word, as if to add _But you didn't._ Then he just looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm actually here to drop the girls off with Jay," she said, by way of explanation. Then she added, "I didn't realize you had a case, I thought he would be wrapping up by now." She didn't want Jay to get into any trouble. He usually finished work between 5 and 6 pm when he didn't have a case, and she hadn't expected to find the bullpen empty. "I can take them back home." She had plans with Kim, but if they had a case, she would undoubtedly need to reschedule.

"Relax, kid." Hank could see her trying to cover for him, as if he may get in trouble for bringing his family to work. She didn't need to explain. "We don't have a case." Even if they did, Erin was always welcome here. "He went out to pay a CI from our last case, and I dismissed everyone else for the day already."

"Then what are you still doing here Grandpa?" Grace interrupted quietly, still in his arms.

"I never stop working," he said, then he smirked and added, "Just ask your mommy."

Erin smiled softly at his words. It had meant the world to her that Hank seemed to accept this new life she was living, that he even seemed to be _encouraging_ it, if such a thing was possible. "It's true," she confirmed.

"Well that's good," Maddie said, bouncing in Hank's arms. She was still light enough to carry, but all her movements always brought an extra weight. "Because you were working when you met mommy, right?"

"You're right." He turned to Erin and let out a small laugh, "Your mommy was _quite_ the troublemaker back then."

Grace and Maddie's eyes widened in shock, "No way!" Maddie said in complete disbelief.

"Yes, way." Hank confirmed, his eyebrows lifted to exaggerate his point.

"Why was she a trouble maker?" Grace asked, still clearly surprised. "Is it because she didn't finish her oatmeal?" That was one of the only things Maddie and Grace _ever_ got in trouble for.

That got another laugh out of Hank. "Among other things," he was shaking his head, his voice full of mirth.

"Okay," Erin intervened. "Grandpa needs to get back to work. Let's go wait for daddy in the there," she said, pointing to the break room. The girls bounced out of Hank's arms and began walking towards the break room. Erin stayed behind, whispering a low and sarcastic, "Thanks for that," to Hank. But her eyes were still shining, and her dimples were still accentuating the smile she was attempting to hide.

"Anytime, kid," he replied. He _loved_ giving his girl a hard time, especially lately. She was so damn happy, and no playful comment from him could ever dull that shine. He just loved to see how Erin's eyes seemed to sparkle whenever she was around her daughters and Jay. And even more, he loved how she and Jay seemed so happy to include him.

He returned to his desk, and watched them through the window. Erin was making herself at home, brewing herself a cup of coffee. She was even using his favorite mug, the blue one Justin had bought him years ago. He hoped the coffee she was making was decaf, and that she wasn't working herself too hard.

Maddie and Grace were sitting in the chairs at the table, playing with the princess card match game Erin had clearly brought them to keep them busy. Some parents distracted their kids with their phones or iPads, pushing them into a corner to sit down and shut up, but not Erin and Jay. When she sat down with her mug of steaming coffee, she joined in. He watched as she flipped over two non-matching cards, and then flipped them back over. Then Maddie went, and she cheered when she found a matching pair of Cinderella's.

Erin shook her head laughing, and seemed to be trying to encourage her to keep it down because they were in a workplace.

Hank didn't mind at all. The sound of laughter coming from that room was like music to his ears.

000000000000

"There are my girls," Jay said, standing in the doorway of the break room. He was wearing dark washed jeans with a light grey short sleeved v-neck t-shirt. He walked over, kissing each one of his daughters on the top of their heads. "How was school today?"

Grace and Maddie began to answer, to tell him all about the nature walk they went on with Miss Annie, as he settled into the empty seat at the table. While he listened, he leaned over and gave Erin a slow kiss, saving her kiss for last.

As he leaned in, she reached out and slowly touched his bare arm. Even as he pulled away, she left her hand on his warm skin, feeling his muscles bunch underneath her fingers. She couldn't keep her hands off of him.

Maddie stopped her story and scrunched up her nose. "Ew," she said, drawing out the word.

"Ew?" Jay pulled back and stared at her. This was new.

"Boys have _cooties_." Maddie explained.

"Yeah," Grace added. "Emmy told us about them in school today. Boys have cooties and girls are _not_ supposed to kiss them."

Jay laughed, and held back from saying, _Damn right they do._ His girls better not be kissing any boys any time soon. "So mommy can't kiss me then?"

"No," they shook their heads vehemently.

"Okay, okay," Jay said, somewhat approving of this latest lesson from school. "But I think daddy's are allowed to kiss mommy's. Can that be an exception to the rule?"

Grace and Maddie seemed to think about this for a moment, and then nodded.

"Good," he said, still laughing. "Now say goodnight to Mommy and go run and say goodbye to Grandpa, and then we are going to get going."

Erin had come to drop off the girls because she was going to Molly's with Kim for a girl's night. Things had been tough for her in the past few weeks since Ruzek had broken up with Rachel. The sexual tension seemed to be mounting, and _evidently_ it was like an elephant in the room at work. Jay didn't seem to notice it when Erin mentioned it, but Kim _insisted_ it was definitely there.

Kim needed a night to blow off some steam, and Erin had been happy to oblige. She was hoping to be home before the girls went to sleep, but with the way Kim could talk, she couldn't be sure she would make it.

"Can Grandpa come out to dinner with us?" Maddie asked, as Grace hugged Erin goodnight.

 _Um, if you want it to be incredibly awkward._ "If he wants to, baby." Jay had seen Voight socially a little more since he began dating Erin, but he still didn't feel _entirely_ comfortable with their new relationship dynamic. Plus, she was always there as a buffer. He had never been out with Voight _alone._

Maddie took her turn, hugging Erin as Erin pressed a kiss to the top of her blond hair. "I bet he would _love_ to," Erin whispered quietly into her ear. She was _all for_ Hank and Jay spending a little more time together outside of work. They were the two most important men in her life, after all.

The girls ran out of the break room, and knocked on Voight's door. In the mean time, Erin walked over to Jay and kissed him lightly, with the goal of giving him a little added encouragement before dinner.

Her light kiss turned into something more as she settled her hands on his chest and his hands found her waist. He pulled back and gave her his trademark grin, and whispered, "I see you're not worried about my cooties?"

"Actually," she pressed her lips against his ear, now feeling a little hot and bothered. "I _love_ your cooties." She slowly kissed the spot right behind his earlobe. "In fact," she dragged her tongue along it, "I wouldn't mind if you rubbed your cooties all over me when I get home tonight."

 _Jesus. Christ._ What was this girl doing to him?

Suddenly his jeans felt uncomfortably tight.

 _Well, this is a first,_ he thought as he pressed his erection against her... in the break room... in his work place... with Voight less than fifteen feet away.

She pressed her stomach against him, holding his gaze steady and letting him know she felt him hard against her body.

Suddenly he didn't care _where_ he was.

"Skip Molly's," he all but pleaded with her. "I'll send the girls to dinner with Voight," now he was practically begging, his mind scrambling to put together a plan that would let him take her right here. "I need you." _Right now._

Her lips spread into a slow smile, "Sorry, baby. I can't ditch Kim."

He knew she wasn't _actually_ sorry. In fact, she sounded anything but. But then he pressed his lips against her, biting her lower lip suggestively, and letting his tongue dance around her mouth. Then he lightly brushed his fingers over her breasts, teasing her with his touch. Then he shifted, wrapping his arms around her, making sure she could feel his biceps against her skin.

He waited until she was panting against him, and then he pulled back. "Okay," he said. "Have fun."

She sighed, her eyes dark with arousal. "You're mean," she said, completely breathless.

 _Well,_ he thought as he sent her a slow and sexy smirk. _That'll teach you._

000000000

Dinner with Kim didn't serve to distract Erin at all. She was still _crazy_ horny. Like picturing Jay hovering over her naked, rocking inside her, while she clawed at his shoulders, with her legs wrapped around his waist, _crazy_.

And the worst past was, she knew it was all her fault.

She had started it. And _damn it_ if he knew how to finish it.

She tried to take her mind off of Jay.

And his chest. And his arms.

At one point, she even decided to confide in Kim about Jay's conversation with the Corson's, looking for an outside's opinion. It had been two weeks since Jay had asked her to think about it, and she had yet to give him an answer.

But then the conversation shifted to Adam. And listening to Kim drone on and on about the sexual tension and longing stares between her and Adam, about the way they _needed_ to touch each other but couldn't, just served to make it worse.

Because she _needed_ to touch Jay. And she actually could.

If this drink date with her friend would ever end, that is.

0000000000

Jay was actually faring much better. Nothing like dinner with your two daughters and your girlfriend's father to stifle _that_ kind of mood.

He was actually having a surprisingly good time. The girls were having a great time, and Voight was so wonderful with them that, in the end, he didn't feel uncomfortable at all.

The restaurant they had chosen was kid friendly and it had a jungle gym and a ball pit for the kids to play in. Jay had insisted that they finish their dinner first, but when they were finished, he let them run off and play.

The two adults shifted into an easy conversation about work and the case that they had wrapped up this morning. But then, they hit an awkward silence and Voight decided to take the opportunity to change the topic. "So, Halstead," Voight began, his voice gruff and his tone serious.

 _So much for not feeling uncomfortable,_ he thought, shifting in his seat.

"How's the adoption process going?"

Jay hadn't been expecting that question. He and Voight hadn't been _alone_ in an out of work setting since Jay and Erin had moved in together, and he was expecting to get grilled about that. Especially with his gruff, serious tone.

He hadn't expected the genuine curiosity and the honest concern that was clear in his question. "It's going well, I think."

"Good," he said, his voice still low, but a little softer. "You let me know if you need me to make a call on your behalf." He leaned back against the chair, taking a sip of his soda. He wished it was a beer.

Jay was floored by his offered, and said, "Thank you, sir."

"You know," Voight said, as he tilted his head slightly to the side and placed his drink back down on the table.

 _Here it comes,_ Jay thought.

"When Camille and I fostered Erin," he said, "We had always planned to adopt her."

"Really?" He asked. Voight was just full of surprises tonight.

"Yeah," he said, sadly. "We never told her, though."

"Why not?" Jay wondered aloud. He was not sure that he should be asking, but he seemed unable to stop himself.

"Because Bunny wouldn't sign the papers," he said, sadly. "And we didn't want to dangle hope in front of her to just take it away."

He nodded, understanding completely.

"And I hope you're not doing that to her, now."

Jay shifted his head, now not understanding at all.

"Dangling hope, I mean."

Jay narrowed his eyes, still confused.

"You have Maddie, you're adopting Grace," he said, shifting his gaze towards the play area and finding the girls climbing the jungle gym. He nodded towards them, and said, "They call her mommy."

"She is their mommy," Jay cut off, not sure where the conversation was going, but wanting to make sure Voight damn well understood Erin's role in their family.

"Camille was Erin's mom, too. That's not what I'm trying to suggest," Jay noticed that his voice was full of compassion, as if he was trying to tell Jay he wasn't discounting their relationship, at all.

Voight wasn't trying to. He was simply shedding some light on the situation. He was giving an opinion, one he had learned years ago, from his own experiences. "These things just aren't official until the ink is dry," he said, flatly. "That's all I'm trying to say."

Hank wasn't sure he was expressing himself well, or finding the right words.

He just wanted it to be better for Erin, this time around.

Because as much as blood didn't make a family, the law didn't always see it like that.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	39. Chapter 39

Hi y'all! This chapter is rated M in the middle, so please be mindful! So glad you enjoyed the last chapter, hope you like this one, too! Please drop me a review if you get a chance!

 **Chapter 39,**

Jay spent the following night with Erin snuggly in his arms, and Voight's words dancing in his mind.

Then, the entire morning, he had just gone through the motions.

When the girls catapulted themselves into their bed a little after 6 am, he had already been awake, his mind completely full. He helped them get dressed, then he showered and got dressed himself. Then he found the three girls in the kitchen, and he drank the coffee Erin offered. He sat at the breakfast table surrounded by his two amazing daughters and his beautiful girl, and he listened to the normal chatter around the table.

All the while, he was lost in his own thoughts. Half paying attention, half somewhere else completely.

By the time he had gotten to work, he had come to a decision.

How many times had he thought about growing old with Erin? About retiring in Wisconsin, with the views of the majestic lake. How many times had he already pictured the beautiful faces of the children they would have together? The ones that would be half him and half Erin.

He hadn't wanted to rush it.

He had fallen in love with her the day he met her, and thinking back, he could have dropped down on his knee and proposed right then.

It's been six months, and he had just grown to love her more. Seeing her as a mother to his daughters had just served to cement it even further: He wanted to spend his life with her, and that was never going to change.

Now, he just needed a plan.

The girls were 'graduating' from preschool in two weeks, and the Corson's were planning to come to town to join in the celebration. They had offered to take the girls the following weekend, giving Erin and Jay a much needed vacation weekend away. He hadn't mentioned it to Erin yet, but he had planned to take her to Wisconsin.

Maybe he could propose there?

That would give him two weeks to get her a ring. And as strange as it sounded, he actually _had_ a ring guy. Not that he had ever needed one in the past, or had ever even come close, it was just that Jay Halstead had a _guy_ for everything.

He could take her to his family cabin, and snuggled up on the rug in front of the fireplace, he could ask her to marry him.

He would tell her how much he loved her, that he couldn't imagine spending another minute not being married to her. Because even though it was Hank's concerns that had brought this on, he realized that those words were so _completely_ true.

He would ask her to spend the rest of her life with him, and then he would ask her to _officially_ adopt his children. Well, Maddie to start, since her adoption was _actually_ in his control. But then they would go through the legal process of adopting Grace together, as husband and wife.

Doubt trickled in for a moment, but he shoved it back. It was the same doubt that had pushed in that had kept him from professing his love to her right away. It was the same doubt that had pushed in and kept him from asking her to move in right away.

But then _she_ had said _I love you_ first. And then _she_ had asked to move in.

 _No way_ was he going to let her be the one to propose.

00000000000

"What's on your mind, man?" Dawson asked from the driver's seat. Dawson noticed that his partner seemed to be a little distracted earlier, and when he didn't object to Dawson driving, he _knew_ something was up.

"Nothing," Jay said, his eyes still directed out the passenger's side window. He had already called Steve, the diamond dealer he knew, and set up an appointment for 4 pm today. He hoped to get out of work early enough to find the perfect ring and still be home at the usual time, so Erin wouldn't suspect anything. He just wasn't _exactly_ sure how to make that work, and it was making him a little stressed.

"Are you sure?" Dawson pressed once more, as he turned into the parking lot of the restaurant. The day had been a slow one, and he and Jay had offered to pick up takeout for everyone for lunch. Dawson had needed a break from the third day in a row of mindless paperwork. He _seriously_ needed a case to break soon.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Jay said, as he unbuckled his seat belt and began to get out of the car. But then he added, "Thanks, man," because something _was_ up and he appreciated that his partner cared enough to ask a second time.

He _really_ wanted to confide in Antonio, but he decided he needed to talk to Hank first.

000000000000000

He ended up canceling on Steve when they caught a case in the mid-afternoon. The case ended up being a slam dunk, and he was even home in time to read to Maddie and Grace and to tuck them into bed. He forced himself to act normal, knowing Erin would be able to tell if something was up.

 _You can't act strange for the next two weeks,_ he thought, as he left the girls bedroom quietly.

"How was work today, baby?" Erin asked, as she leaned in for a quick, but meaningful kiss. She hadn't been expecting him home this early after she heard they caught a case around 2 pm.

"Boring, then exciting, then boring again," he replied, laughing as he said the words. "I'm telling you, some criminals are so stupid. It's like they _want_ to get caught." This one in particular had left a bloody crime scene with the gun ten feet away, fingerprints still fresh on it. Sure, he had moved the body, but barely. And that just left _more_ fingerprints and evidence. It was an open and shut case. They picked him up and got a confession out of him without even needing to bring him down to the cage.

Erin smiled at his words, "I bet you'd be a good criminal," she teased.

"The best," he replied. He leaned into her, and placed his hand on either side of her head, pinning her body between his and the wall. "I wouldn't leave a single finger print."

Then, using only his body, without use of either one of his hands, he slowly moved her towards the bedroom. "See?" He said, "No hands." He kicked the door closed behind him.

Her breath caught in her throat as he backed her towards the bed, leaning over her body until she fell backwards on to it.

He kissed her deeply, and then he trailed kisses down her jaw and her neck, until he reached her shoulder. He used his teeth to shove her bra straps aside beneath her shirt, then he softly bit her shoulder, and she let out a low moan.

He considered the shirt she was wearing, and realized he probably _couldn't_ get that off with no hands.

 _Not a problem._ He pressed hard kisses through the material of her shirt until he reached the bottom. Then he pressed his mouth _hard_ into the fabric between her legs, and huskily said, "Take off your pants."

"That's..." she had started to say _that's cheating_ , but then he traced his tongue along the top of her leggings, and then pressed his erection into her center.

And then she couldn't. Because she wanted his tongue on her. _Now._

She shoved down her pants, letting them gather at her ankles, as he dove in. She removed her shirt, too, her breasts heaving with her ragged breaths.

His lips kissed and sucked even as his tongue tantalized her. Without the use of his hands, he used the rest of his body to touch her skin. He wrapped his arms around her bottom, bunching and flexing his arm muscles in a way that he _knew_ drove her crazy. When she couldn't take it anymore, an orgasm ripped through her body.

Jay looked down at her, her hair fanning out on the bed, her face so beautiful, and he realized that if she faced him any longer, her rosy cheeks, her swollen lips, her hardened nipples... well, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands to himself. So as she laid convulsing, he used his knee to turn her over.

She laid face down on the bed completely spent, and he entered her slowly from behind, kissing every inch of her shoulder and back as he did.

"Touch me," she panted.

His smile grew as he pressed kisses between her shoulder blades. "Where?" He teased, his hands pressed into the bed, keeping him balances while he tortured her with his tongue.

"Everywhere," she said.

And so, finally, he slid his hands between the front of her body and the bed, and began to finally touch her even as his body rocked hard against her. Then he pulled out, flipped her over, and reentered her from the front.

Because he wanted to see her face when the next orgasm came. He _needed_ to see her lips as they formed his name.

0000000000000

Jay met Steve the following morning. It only took him five minutes of looking before he found _the_ _one_. He knew immediately when he saw it, and it seemed almost poetic to him, because he had known immediately when he saw Erin, too.

It was an extremely thin, dainty band with small micropave diamonds along the sides. In the center was a large, round brilliant diamond. Simple, elegant, beautiful. Just like her.

"I can have it resized and ready for you by Monday," Steve said, taking it from Jay's hands and examining it.

"That's perfect," Jay wasn't able to contain the grin that spread across his face. Monday would still give him a few days to talk to Hank. Or should he talk to Hank after he already had the ring? He wasn't sure.

As soon as he finished signing the paperwork and writing a check for the deposit, he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He had told Antonio he needed to run a quick errand, but that he would keep his phone on.

He wasn't worried that Antonio would suspect anything. Being a single father for the first four years of Maddie's life had led to him running _a lot_ of errands during down time at work, because otherwise he would never get anything done. They worked during regular business hours, and then some.

He removed his phone from his pocket, and saw a text message from Dawson.

Antonio: Body found at 110 Wabash. Riding with Ruzek and Atwater. Meet there.

Thankfully, Jay had the forethought to bring his gear with him on his errands. He already had his badge slung around his neck and his gun holstered on his hip, but his vest and gear were always in the back of the car. He was the designated sniper of his team, and so that gun was locked and stowed in the trunk.

"I have to go," he said quickly to Steve.

Steve just nodded, knowing exactly who he was in business with. "See you Monday," he said quickly as Jay walked towards the door. "Call if you can't make it, I'll hold it for you."

"Thanks," Jay yelled, and then he ran out the door and to his car.

00000000000

Jay: Caught a new case. Looks like this one is going to be a long one. The criminals must have learned a thing or two from me... No fingerprints ;)

Erin flushed as she read the text message, as the images from the night before came back to the forefront of her mind.

 _God,_ she thought. Sex with Jay was _so_ _hot._

She had always heard stories about how the spark seemed to lessen when couples had kids, but that was just their normal. And they were always finding creative ways to be together with two little rugrats running around. That's what made shower sex so fun.

After a moment of thought, she typed out a quick reply.

Erin: Don't be too late tonight, or I'll have to start without you ;)

 _That'll teach him_ , she thought, _getting me all hot and bothered at work._

But then she couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips. Because truthfully, she _loved_ getting those messages in the middle of the day.

She finished up her work as quickly as she could, recording and filing her observations from her two school visits this morning. Then, she called to make a reservation for the dinner she had planned to following evening for the six elementary aged foster kids she was working with now. Last minute, she added two to the reservation, unsure of how long Jay's case would _actually_ be. The girls could stay home with Sam, of course, but they were nearly old enough, and they'd have a good time.

She checked the clock and noticed that it was nearly 5:30. She _really_ needed to get home. Sam had an evening seminar tonight, and she needed to leave by 6:15. And aside from that, Erin really wanted to see the girls for dinner. Sam would have cooked something by now, but if she hurried, she could probably join them for the second half.

She _hated_ missing dinners, but she hated it even more when Jay wasn't home. Between Hank and Camille, someone had always been home with her and Justin for dinner. Even when she was in college, when she was barely home for dinner every night herself.

She packed up her bag and locked up her office. She sent Jay another message on her way to the car, this time just to check in.

Erin: Leaving work now. Miss you xo.

He replied after only two minutes, as she was pulling out of the parking lot. He must have been in the middle of a debrief in the bullpen, because he never answered during busts or when he was questioning suspects. At least if he was in the middle of a bust or questioning a suspect, that meant the case was further along. Debriefs could mean anything.

Sure enough, when she opened the message, she saw that he wouldn't be home any time soon.

Jay: I won't be home before bed time. I'll try to call to say goodnight to the girls. Miss you more :)

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She made it home for dinner, and played the girls two rounds of Pretty, Pretty Princess before getting them bathed and dressed for bed. She had become pretty skilled at handling their bed time routine alone, and sometimes she couldn't believe that this was her life.

Six months ago, she hadn't even _known_ them. And now... well now, she couldn't imagine her life _without_ them.

And she honestly couldn't believe how _normal_ it all seemed.

Rachel had asked her a few times recently if she had minded 'giving up the singles life'. Erin had quickly dismissed the notion the first time, and even the second, but after the third she had given it a little more thought. And then she realized even more definitively that _no_ she _really_ didn't. She still saw her friends, she still loved her work, but now her life was so much more full. So much more meaningful.

It was more than she could ever have imagined.

She quietly closed the door to the girl's room and began walking towards the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. She considered going for a glass of wine or a beer, but she decided against it. She just wanted to take a long shower and get in her warmest robe and get into bed.

Maybe she could finish that book she'd been trying to read. That same one she'd been reading back in her 'singles life' that Rachel had thought she'd been so fond of.

Nope, she realized smiling. She didn't mind at all.

She took a long sip of the water when she heard a knock at the door. She looked down at the time, and realized it was after 8:30.

As she walked towards the door, she assumed she would find Sam on the other end. She must have forgotten something, because the only people who ever really knocked at the door without calling first were Hank, Antonio, or Kim. And they were all at work with Jay.

Suddenly, at the second, more urgent knock, her heartbeat picked up.

 _Jay._ He was at work.

Suddenly, she couldn't breath.

Was the person at the other end of the door here to tell her Jay was injured at work? Or _worse?_

She began to race for the door, and she flung it open, her palms sweaty and her breathing ragged and uneven.

But the person at the other end didn't work with Jay. And it wasn't Sam, either. In fact, she had never seen her before in her life.

The woman had light brown hair that fell in waves past her shoulder with beautiful fair skin. She was wearing minimal makeup, her skin so clear and her lips so pink that she didn't need it. Her large blue eyes were as striking as her tall, thin figure.

She was dressed casually, in flip flops, black leggings, and a thin blue tank top that did _nothing_ to hide her amazing figure.

She was, in a word, stunning.

The woman spoke before Erin had a chance to say a word. "You're not Sam," she said, a bored expression on her face.

 _Neither are you._ "Um, no." Erin said, her voice flat, as to not give anything away.

"Did Jay finally hire a housekeeper? God, I've been telling him to _forever,"_ she said, as she repositioned her large black purse over her shoulder.

 _Forever?_ Erin wondered. How long has this woman known Jay? How did she know Sam?

When Erin didn't respond, the woman looked her up and down, and said, "Is Jay home?"

She looked maybe 25 or 26, only a couple years younger than Erin. "No," Erin said, shaking her head slightly. She felt frozen in place, unsure of what to make of the feelings of uncertainty, of _jealousy,_ creeping in and settling on her skin.

"Can you tell him to call Eloise?" She said, as she turned to go. "Tell him I'm staying at the Sheraton tonight, but I only paid for one night. I'll be back tomorrow," she said, her eyes fixed on Erin's. "Assuming my bed is still available, of course."

Erin forced herself to take slow breaths as she closed the door behind Eloise, and moved slowly back inside.

 _This is good news,_ she tried to convince herself. She had been concerned that Jay was hurt, or worse. That she was going to open the door and receive the worst news of her life.

But for some reason, that thought didn't actually make her feel that much better.

Because Jay had been so open about Allie, about their relationship, but she had _never_ heard of an Eloise.

And Eloise was one of the most gorgeous, beautiful people Erin had _ever_ seen. And that was saying a lot, especially considering she was friends with Olivia and Rachel.

And if Erin didn't know any better, she thought Eloise had been looking her up and down as she spoke the last part. _Assuming my bed is still available, of course._

She had been appraising her. Trying to figure out if Erin had taken _her_ spot in bed.

Erin closed her eyes and let out a huge sigh.

 _Damn right, I took your spot, bitch,_ she thought miserably.

That bed was _definitely_ no longer available.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	40. Chapter 40

Hi :) Love love loved all of your reviews on the last chapter! So happy to see so many people are invested in these characters as I am! Sorry to leave you with a cliffhanger yesterday :/ Hope you enjoy the resolution of it!

Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 40,**

Erin hadn't been able to concentrate all morning at work. Thankfully, she didn't have any meetings scheduled for the morning, because if she had, she wouldn't have been prepared.

She stayed in her office with the door closed, staring at new lamp on her desk. True to his word, Hank had taken a lamp from his house and given it to her to place on top of the mahogany. She tried to let the calm colors of the porcelain relax her.

It didn't work.

After the sudden appearance of _Eloise_ , and the subsequent _nonappearance_ of Jay, she had started to seriously freak herself out.

Jay hadn't woken her when he crawled into bed after midnight, and he had merely given her a quick kiss goodbye at 5 am, citing the ongoing case and explaining that he had just come home to get a few hours rest.

She understood, of course, but it felt like terrible timing.

It wasn't as if she hadn't known that Jay dated. Of course he had dated. He was 30 years old and _insanely_ attractive. He was much sexier and _way_ more attractive than a man should ever be allowed to be.

He probably had women lining up to date him. And she was sure that Halstead grin had gotten him into a lot of beds and into a lot of hearts.

And it wasn't as if she expected him to mention the name of every girl he had ever slept with or dated, seriously or not. Other than Ben or Charlie, he probably wouldn't recognize any names from her past, either.

If it had been those things, she wouldn't have lost a moment's rest. And she _certainly_ wouldn't be sitting at her desk, losing time, staring at a lamp.

No, it was neither of those things.

It was the fact that Eloise had _known_ Sam. Sam, who had only been around for the past two - maybe three - years.

It was the fact that she said that she had bugging Jay to get a housekeeper for _years._

She had been in his life for _years._

And if _that_ wasn't enough, which, by the way, it was, she had also slept over.

She had clearly slept _in_ his bed, while Maddie had been in the nextroom.

And there it was, she realized. That was the crux of it. After the first night she had woken in his bed, Jay had confessed that he had never had a woman sleep over with his daughter down the hall.

He had made the comment in the morning, casually, off-handedly. He said he hadn't actually _slept_ with a woman in years.

When she had raised her eyebrows and given him a surprised look, one that said _that sounds like a line_ , he had just laughed and explained that sure, he had had sex with women, but at _their_ place. And he had always returned home afterwards, to his baby girl.

She had believed him. And she had felt so special in that moment.

But now, she closed her eyes and thought:

 _Of course it was a line._

000000000000

Jay sat at his desk at work, going through the background checks of the three offenders in custody. They were currently being held separately in interrogation rooms. Voight and Olinsky were questioning one of the offenders, the one that seemed the _least_ guilty but the _most_ nervous, and the other two were being left alone to sweat it out.

He was sitting in the bullpen, with Ruzek and Dawson also on their computers, while Atwater and Burgess were out trying to attain security camera footage from the street cameras on Wabash.

"Halstead," Platt's voice interrupted his scrolling, and he looked up. "You have a visitor."

He looked at his visitor, and a confused smile reached his face. "El, what are you doing here?" He moved towards her and wrapped her into a tight hug.

"I'm here for a conference," she said, still wrapped in his arms.

He pulled away, looking her up and down. He always did this when she had been away for a long time. "When did you get back?" She looked thinner than when he had last seen her, but not in an unhealthy way.

"To DC, last week." She said, as she moved towards his desk and plopped down in his seat. "To Chicago, last night." She slung her big black purse onto the back of his chair and then turned to face him. "Actually," she paused, "I stopped by your place. Met the new Sam."

"New Sam?" He asked confused, as he sat on the edge of his desk and looked down at her. She was dressed casually in dark jeans and a light grey t-shirt. It was a deep v-neck, and it was a little low for his liking.

"Yeah." She said, "Except, does she live in? She was in her pajamas." Eloise had been surprised by her attire the night before. She had been wearing boxer shorts that were _a little_ too short for a housekeeper. Actually, a lot too short. Although, when she thought about it on the way home, it didn't surprise her _at all._ Women were _always_ trying to date her brother, why would his housekeeper be any different.

"What?" Jay was staring at her confused, but then it clicked. _Pajamas._ "Oh no," he said, now understanding. "That's not the new Sam. That's my girlfriend."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. _A girlfriend?_ "Oh," she paused. She thought back to the woman's confused and maybe even slightly possessive facial expression. Yeah, okay. "That makes sense."

"But yeah," Jay continued. "She lives in."

Now her eyebrows shot up. That _did not_ sound like the Jay Halstead she knew. "Wow," she said. _Now I wish I had checked her out a little more thoroughly._ "Good for you, big brother. Never thought I'd see the day."

"Shut up," he said, rolling his eyes and kicking her gently.

"So does that mean the guest room is still available?" She asked, lightly. "Because I only booked the hotel for one night, and as much as I _love_ sleeping in the other twin bed in Maddie's room, I need to look presentable tomorrow. I'm presenting at the conference." Being the youngest, whenever she _and_ Will stayed at Jay's together, she was always the one who slept in Maddie's room. She didn't mind the twin bed, it was more that Maddie snored like a trucker and she never got a good night sleep.

"Yes, you're bed is still available." Jay said, "But, uh, you missed a lot since you've been gone." _Like the fact that the other twin is no longer available._

"I'd say," Eloise said, laughing lightly as she leaned back even further in her brother's chair. "You're shacking up with some woman I've never met."

He laughed at her terminology, rolling his eyes and kicking her once again. His sister had always loved giving him a hard time.

She loved giving his girlfriends a hard time, too, but in a _way_ less playful way. No one would ever compare to Allie in her mind. "Yes, that and other things." He said, not wanting to get into it at work in the middle of a case. "You know, you could've called." He said, bringing out his big brother tone. The one designed the make her feel wracked with guilt.

"How many times did you call me when you were deployed?" She asked, her eyebrows raised. She may have felt guilty about not calling Maddie more, but she _certainly_ didn't feel bad about not calling her brother. She'd been busy and he of all people should understand.

"Fair enough," he conceded. His sister was a surgeon training with the military. Combining medicine _and_ serving your country, well, she had been the golden child.

And she _never_ let them forget it.

He took his key off the ring and handed it to her. "I'll try to be home for dinner," he said.

"Thanks," she said, taking the key from him and putting it in the pocket of her big black purse. Then she stood from the desk, gave him another, shorter hug, and turned to leave. She had already checked out of the hotel, her suitcase was downstairs, and it was only a short Uber drive to his apartment.

"Oh, and El?" He yelled after her.

She stopped and turned back, "Yeah?"

"Be nice."

She smiled her sweetest _daddy's little girl_ smile and replied, "I'm always nice."

He just rolled his eyes as she turned away and descended the stairs. That smile hadn't worked on him when she was a kid, and it _certainly_ wasn't going to work on him now.

Because that justwasn't true. She was _never_ nice.

He opened his phone to shoot Erin a text message, planning to warn her, when Ruzek walked over and momentarily distracted him.

"Dude, _that's_ your sister?" he said, his mouth wide and his voice full of surprise. "She's _hot._ "

He rolled his eyes. He was _well_ aware. El had had guys fawning all over her for her whole life. Even some of his own friends. Well, actually, _most_ of his friends.

He had always found it extremely annoying.

Because, of course, she would undoubtedly break their hearts, one heart after another. And then his friends would whine to him about it.

That was even more annoying.

"She's off limited, Ruzek." He said, his voice stern. At Ruzek's sad and mildly offended look, he added, "Seriously, I mean it."

Ruzek gave him another sad look, and before he could lift his arm and _smack_ him, Voight and Olinsky came in with an update from the offender. He had given them a name, and now they had another lead.

And with that, Jay slipped his cell phone into his back pocket and got to work.

The warning text message to Erin had been forgotten.

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By 3:00, Erin couldn't focus on _anything._ She had tried. She had, truly, truly, tried. But she had been at work for 6 hours and had accomplished nothing. So, she sent Sam a quick text message, letting her know she was going to leave early and pick up the girls from school. No sense in staying holed up in her office for another minute. She needed to see her girls.

When the three of them got home, she sent the girls in the living room to play while she went into the kitchen to begin making their after school snack.

When the kitchen came into view, she stopped dead in her tracks.

Eloise was sitting on the bar stool, nursing a cup of coffee, a phone attached to her ear.

"How's her heart rate?" She asked. Then she waited for a response, which presumably came, because then she followed it up with another question. "And her blood pressure?"

She clearly hadn't seen Erin yet, which gave Erin a chance to examine her a little more closely. Today, she was wearing dark jeans and a grey t-shirt. Her hair was in a casual pony tail today, and she was still wearing very minimal makeup.

"Yes, you can check the incision site. But I can't imagine that would cause such a drastic change in her vitals. Do a FAST scan, but then just get a CT abdomen and pelvis."

Erin forced herself to walk fully into the kitchen, to make her presence known.

Eloise seemed to see her, but she casually finished her phone conversation, detailing out a few more instructions to the person on the other end, and sipped her coffee as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

It wasn't.

"So," Eloise finally said to her, placing her cell phone faced down on the kitchen counter. "Not the housekeeper."

"Nope," Erin said, her voice steady.

"The girlfriend," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Yep," she kept her voice steady, and then asked, "And you are?" Even though she felt like she already knew.

"Eloise Halstead," she said, reaching her hand out for Erin to shake. "Nice to meet you."

Halstead? _That_ she hadn't been expecting.

"Aunt El," Maddie cried, as she ran into the kitchen and catapulted herself into Eloise's arms.

 _Oh my god._

 _This_ was Jay's sister Elle? Elle was short for Eloise?

Why had she never considered that possibility?

Well, she knew why. Because Eloise was _stunning_ and Erin jumped to conclusions.

And because Will and Jay were one syllable, and the name Elle just seemed to fit right in. Which seemed like a really dumb reason right about now.

 _Thank God._

Except, Erin noticed that Eloise was still looking at her coolly, appraising her once again, even more than yesterday if that's possible.

Grace walked in behind Maddie, momentarily distracting Eloise and giving Erin a break from her stare.

"This is Grace!" Maddie said, excited to introduce her aunt to her sister. Eloise's face brightened and she gave Grace a warm and friendly smile.

 _I should've known,_ Erin thought. Eloise had the Halstead grin. _Not that I've seen it,_ she realized.

"Grace, Mommy, this is Aunt El!"

The friendly smile fell from her face. "Mommy?" She asked, her voice incredulous.

Erin was surprised by her tone. She wasn't _just_ surprised. She seemed almost angry. Hank hadn't minded. Even the Corson's hadn't minded.

But evidently, Eloise minded a great deal. And it seemed like she wasn't about to let Erin off the hook without an explanation.

"What the hell?" Eloise continued.

"Hey," Erin said, without even thinking. "Watch your language."

Eloise rolled her eyes, but seemed to concede to her point. "Since when are you mommy?" She probed, not ready to let this go.

Erin ignored her question, and instead said, "I'm going to make the girls a snack. Why don't we talk when Jay gets home?"

Eloise simply nodded in agreement.

Then Erin turned away, keeping her eyes fixed on the kitchen counter, trying to focus on the task at hand. She could _feel_ Eloise's eyes on her back. _Watching._

She _was_ watching. She had kept her eyes squarely on Erin as she sliced apples for the girls. She knew she should be focusing on Maddie, paying more attention to the story she was currently telling, but she couldn't help but feel _incredibly_ skeptical of this whole situation.

She had only left for nine months. How much could really happen in nine months?

But then she thought about the news she had been keeping to herself, the one she had planned to come to Chicago and tell both of her brothers, and she realized that there was _a whole lot_ that could happen in nine months.

Well, they had _a lot_ to talk about when her brother got home.

That was for _damn_ sure.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review**


	41. Chapter 41

Hi all :) Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter! So glad you all liked the introduction of Jay's sister as a new character!

This chapter is a little longer than my usual and therefore took me a while to write. I hope you all enjoy it :) Drop me a review if you can!

Also, HOW GOOD WAS THE CROSSOVER?! Amazing amazing amazing.

 **Chapter 41**

Eloise opted to play with the girls in their bedroom in order to avoid Erin, who was cooking dinner in the kitchen.

They three girls were currently building a train track, piecing together the wooden pieces so that it twisted and turned, covering almost the entire room. Maddie had gotten more attachments since the last time she had been there, including several large wooden bridges.

Maddie had first introduced Grace as her _sister,_ and Eloise couldn't help but be somewhat irritated by that. She became even more irritated when she walked into Maddie's bedroom and saw a large wooden _Grace_ sign hanging over the other twin bed in the room. The sign perfected matched Maddie's, and it even had the pink flower added onto it as embellishment.

She had bought that for Maddie.

 _I guess Erin and her daughter are just moving right on in,_ she thought, annoyed.

As they built the tracks, she began to examine Grace a little more closely. She was surprised to see how little she actually resembled Erin. Maddie was a miniature Jay, with a little of Allie thrown in, softening her features. But Grace - well, other than the brown hair and the soft brown eyes, she looked nothing like her mother. And even her hair and eyes seemed different, both being a more dark chocolate brown to Erin's light brown and hazel.

She wanted to dislike Grace right off the bat, the way she was already starting to dislike Erin.

She had just moved _right_ into her brothers house, and they had forged a whole new family.

One Eloise wasn't a part of.

Allie had _always_ included her. And when Allie died, while Eloise had been devastated, it had also served to bring her closer to her brother.

She had stayed with Jay to help out often in the beginning, and they had grown _so_ close. It was the first time in 20 years she had really felt like his equal.

When she was growing up, she had been the baby of the family. Five years younger than Jay and seven years younger than Will, she had always felt so _separate._

And they had treated her that way, too.

And it didn't help that her father had always seemed to favor her. That had just served to widen the separation between her and Jay, especially when she was in high school and Jay had joined the military.

 _Well,_ she thought miserably, _at least we won't have that problem anymore._

But even with the rift her father had created between them, when Allie died, everything had changed. He had leaned on her, and she loved that feeling, of finally having a _brother_ in her life, not another parental figure. He had treated her like an equal.

Now though, watching Maddie and Grace play so happily together, and seeing the way they had clearly already bonded as sisters, she began to soften.

Because she knew what it was like to not have anyone to play with. To not have siblings close to your age. When she was a teenager, she seemed to have two mini-parents instead of two siblings. And it had been hard.

And lonely.

After thirty more minutes of spending time with Grace, she had softened even more. She had already begun to fall in love with her laugh and her easy going, fun personality. Grace seemed a little older than Maddie, maybe 5 instead of 4, and she seemed like a pretty amazing little girl.

 _Okay,_ she sighed. _Maybe her mom won't be so bad, either._

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Erin, oblivious to Eloise's thoughts down the hall, was hiding in the kitchen. She was making an elaborate dinner, way more elaborate than usual, to avoid the girl's bedroom.

And the living room, in case they decided to change locations.

She had already texted Jay _twice,_ with no answer.

 _If he doesn't make it home for dinner,_ she thought, _God help me..._

She just couldn't reconcile this Eloise with the Aunt El she had heard so many stories about.

Eloise had been finishing medical school in Chicago when Allie died. She had practically moved in in the first few months after Allie's death, helping out whenever she could. Jay had clearly leaned on her, she had been his rock during that difficult time, and he had always spoken so fondly of her.

Through his stories, she had seemed warm, generous, and kind.

Added to that, Jay had told her so many times that he couldn't wait for Erin to meet her. And he had certainly made it seem like Eloise would want to meet her; evidently, she had been hassling him to ' _finally settle down'_ forever.

But then as she methodically chopped the peppers for the stir fry, she realized that she _could,_ in fact, reconcile it.

Eloise was just being protective of her brother and her niece. Which, now that Erin thought about it, was pretty normal since Eloise had _just_ learned about her existence.

That was Eloise's own fault though, Erin thought, irritatedly.

Maddie had asked Jay _repeatedly_ over the past 6 months when she was going to get to speak to her Aunt El, but she never called. Eloise had sent a few emails to Maddie, with lots of funny stories and beautiful scenic pictures, but she hadn't ever phoned. Jay had chosen not to mention Grace or Erin in their short email exchanges. _It's too important to relax in an email,_ he had said. He hadn't wanted to type it quickly, wanting instead to tell her everything in person.

As she tilted the cutting board and slid the colorful peppers into the simmering pan, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

Jay: I'm sorry about the surprise visitor, babe. I had no idea she was coming! I'm wrapping up here, will be home in 30. I love you :)

 _Oh, thank god._

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The minute the case ended, Jay had stepped into Voight's office and asked him if he could go home. He hadn't made it home the night before, and he would happily come in early to file all the paperwork he needed to file. He just needed to get home and see his girls after this long, crappy day.

Voight had agreed easily, following it up by dismissing the entire team, telling them they could all finish their paperwork tomorrow. Jay smiled gratefully, and went home.

When he stepped through the front door, Maddie and Grace ran into hallway to greet him. He wrapped them both in his arms, breathing them in, and finally letting his shitty day fade away.

"Daddy!" Maddie's voice was muffled, because he still had her tightly wrapped in his arms. "Aunt El is here!" He wasn't ready to let either one of them go, but Maddie was wiggling out of his grasp.

"We missed you last night, Daddy." Grace said, still letting herself be held.

"I missed you too, bug," he said, kissing her on top of the head.

Then the three of them walked towards the kitchen. Jay smiled when he saw Erin near the stove, and Eloise sitting on the stool nursing a glass of wine. "My four favorite ladies, all under one roof." He said, smiling.

El swung her legs and turned towards him, giving him a smile, "Hi, big brother. How was work?"

He took a deep breath and let out a sigh, shaking his head and signifying that it wasn't great. Then he walked towards Erin, resting his hands on her waist and moving his body until the front of his was pressed against her back. He leaned his head down and kissed the side of her face, "Hi," he whispered.

Forgetting she had an audience, as she always did when his warm body was against her own, she turned in his arms and gave him a real kiss. "Hi," she whispered back, and smiled.

El was sitting and watching, wanting to vomit at the public display of affection.

Sure, she had spent years encouraging her brother to find someone to share his life with and she _wanted_ to be happy for him. But she couldn't help hating the familiar feeling that seemed to be returning, like an itch she couldn't quite scratch.

That feeling of being _separate._

"I invited Will to come over after dinner," she said, partly because it was true, but mostly to interrupt the little _honey I'm home_ scene that was playing out in the kitchen.

"Uncle Will!" Grace shouted excitedly.

 _God,_ Eloise thought immediately, _They have her calling him Uncle Will now, too._

Just more of the same, she thought. Her over here, Jay and Will over there.

"When is he coming?" Maddie asked, her excitement mirroring Grace's.

"Sorry, sweetie," she replied. "He can't come until after you're sleeping. He's still at work."

They both seemed to pout a little, and she couldn't help but smile at them, "What am I?" She asked, "Chopped liver?"

That turned their frowns upside down.

0000000000000

Dinner was awkward, to say the least.

After the girls left the table, Jay, Erin, and El continued to sit, finishing their meal while engaging in forced conversation filled with periods of uncomfortable silence.

They were about halfway through their second bottle of wine, but it didn't seem to be having the same loosening effect it had at the Corson's.

After several minutes of stilted conversation about Jay's work day, Eloise decided to change the topic, wanting to put Erin in the hot seat. "So," Eloise asked, "How did you guys meet anyway?"

"Erin was Grace's social worker," Jay explained, taking another long sip of his red wine. Eloise had opened the bottle before he had even gotten home, but he _really_ wanted a beer. He could tell Erin wanted one, too.

"Oh," Eloise replied. _Great,_ she thought. _A social worker._ The _last_ thing she needed was little miss perfect social worker to sit there and judge her for her news. The one she planned to share once the girls went to sleep and Will had joined them.

"Wait," she realized, interrupting her own train of thought. "Grace's social worker?" She directed her gaze away from Jay and toward Erin. "I thought Grace was your _daughter."_

Erin opened her mouth to explain, but Jay answered for her. "I discovered Grace while I was working a case. She needed to be placed in protective custody, so I brought her here. I actually decided to foster her myself, and I got to know Erin during the home visits."

"Wow," she said, now softening completely. Her brother was _such_ a good guy. It was part of the reason she had always wanted to be part of his life. Because he was one of the best people she knew, and she couldn't help but feel better when she was with him. "That's great, big brother."

"Thanks," He replied, smiling.

But then he reached out and squeezed Erin's hand in a gesture that was so subtle and intimate, reminding Eloise once again who the _real_ family was in this room. And then the moment was ruined for her.

00000000000

Maddie and Grace had insisted their Aunt El put them to bed, so Jay and Erin were alone in their kitchen, cleaning up from dinner. Jay noticed that Erin was being awfully quiet as she rinsed the dishes one at a time and placed them gingerly in the dishwasher.

"Er," he said, moving to wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry about my sister." She had been so standoffish all night, and he couldn't figure out why.

"It's okay," Erin said, leaning into him but shaking her head dismissively. "She's just being protective."

"She's being a little monster," he replied, a light chuckle leaving his lips.

"Well that's true," she said, turning and once again meeting his lips in the center of the kitchen. And then, she backed against the counter and continued to kiss him, letting her nerves pour out of her, even as the sink continue to run.

00000000000000

Eloise was still putting the girls to sleep when Will knocked on the door.

"Hey," Jay said, quietly when he opened it and ushered him into the long hallway.

"Hey," Will replied, his voice also a whisper. "Do we know what's going on?"

Jay shook his head, "What do you mean?"

"She shows up unannounced and-"

"She just got back from being deployed," Jay replied, feeling defensive of his little sister.

"I know that," Will said, with a dismissive way of his hand. "But if you would let me _finish_ ," he said, exaggerating his words, "I was going to say that when she invited me over, she said she needed to _talk_ to us _._ And she sounded a little nervous."

"Oh," Jay said, his eyebrows raising slightly in alarm. "Okay, then." He let out a deep sigh, "Then, let's go talk."

They moved towards the kitchen, where Erin already had two beers open and waiting for them. "Hey, Erin," Will sent her a casual wave, and nodded his head at her.

She passed him the beer and smiled, "I think you're going to need this." Then she walked towards the microwave and pulled out a plate, full of chicken, rice, and the vegetable stir fry they had eaten at dinner. "This, too," she said, as she handed it to him.

"You're the best sister-in-law ever," he said, taking the plate from her and smelling it. "Did you make all of this?" He asked, as he looked down at the contents of the plate.

She was glad he was looking down and didn't notice the blush that had risen to her face at the _sister-in-law_ comment. She avoided Jay's gaze, slightly embarrassed and hoping he didn't see how much the comment thrilled her. Then she turned away, busying herself getting him a fork and knife as she answered. "I did," she said, proudly. "I think your brother is trying to domesticate me," she joked.

Jay _hadn't_ noticed the red that had risen in her cheeks, cause he was busy hiding his own red face. Red from anger.

He had _stupidly stupidly_ confided in his brother the day before about proposing to Erin. He had been visiting a young victim and had found himself feeling particularly sentimental and so he had decided to share. Will had been so genuinely happy for him, and Jay was so glad he had decided to tell him. Now though, not so much.

He tried to laugh lightly at Erin's comment, and hoping she didn't sense anything off in his voice, he answered, "We just need to teach you how not to burn the pancakes, and then I think you'll be all set."

"Shut up," she smirked at him playfully. One look at her beautiful face and his anger dissipated away.

0000000000000

Eloise had been standing unnoticed in the hallway, taking in the moment. _Of course she is friends with Will,_ she had thought. And then she had lost her breath when he called her _the best sister-in-law ever._

At least he said 'in-law', because if he hadn't, she may have burst out into tears right there.

She was an _adult._ She was a _doctor,_ for God's sake.

She was a _competent_ surgeon. The best resident in her class.

So why did she feel like _such_ a child.

Okay, so she knew why. Because of everything that had been going on in the past month with her father, she _felt_ like a child.

She knew she was just being touchy. It had been a rough month, and she knew she was just taking it out on Erin.

Her brother's loved her, and they _did_ treat her like an adult. She just needed to relax.

"Hey, Will." She said, walking towards him slowly. He was sitting on the kitchen stool while Jay finished cleaning from dinner, and he was about halfway through his plate.

He stood and engulfed her in a hug, and she melted into it, needing the warmth and safety of her brother.

And then she started to cry.

 _Fuck, so much for relaxing,_ she thought _,_ as she tried to reign back in the tears. It wasn't working.

Jay heard the sniffle and turned towards his sister. "El," he said, cautiously. "What's wrong?"

She wiped away the tears, mortified that she was breaking down. She didn't say anything, and Jay continued. "Why don't we go sit in the living room?"

She simply nodded, and began walking towards the living room. She noticed that Erin hung back, and she smiled gratefully, glad she wouldn't have another witness.

But then Jay grabbed her hand and pulled her with him.

 _Great,_ she thought. _Little miss perfect social worker is going to hear all about the mess I have made of my life._

When they were all seated, Will turned to his sister and tilted his head to the side, an expression of concern on his face. "El," he began, "Tell us what's going on."

She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. "Okay," she said, her voice raw and unsteady. "You know I've been interested in trauma surgery," she said, by way of introduction. "Well, I began training under this _amazing_ trauma surgeon for the past few months."

"Okay," Will said warily, unsure of where this story was going. He had been a plastic surgeon before deciding to switch to Emergency Medicine, but he had fully expected his sister to stay on the surgery path.

"One night, after a particularly difficult night, he invited me back to his room for coffee," she said, her voice soft. She seemed to shiver slightly as she remembered that night.

Jay jumped up, immediately, his voice angry. "What happened?" He knew _exactly_ how the military system worked, and how much sexual assault was pushed under the rug when the act was committed by a superior.

"Jay, no," she said, immediately, holding his gaze. "It wasn't like that," she said. "It was... uh... consensual." It had been magical, actually. One of the best nights of her life.

"El," Will sighed, "Tell me you didn't sleep with an attending." She was a _resident_ , and that was a _really_ bad idea.

"I didn't _just_ sleep with him," she said, tears streaming slowly down her face. "I fell in love with him." So deeply in love.

Now Jay _really_ had no idea where this story was going.

Silence filled the room, as Jay, Will, and Erin waited for Eloise to continue. "But, uh, he's married."

"Shit, El," Jay said, exasperated. He rubbed his hand down the front of his face, trying to force himself to relax. The motion didn't help him relax nearly as much as Erin's hand resting on his knee did.

She fought the urge to stop right there, and let them think that was the worst of it. "There's more," she continued,

 _More?_ Will raised his eyebrows, "We're listening."

"His wife found out," she said, sheepishly. _After he broke up with me,_ she thought miserably, which caused her to cry even harder. "And I've been suspended."

" _Suspended_?" Jay jumped again, causing Erin's hand to hand to fall onto the brown leather couch. "What the hell were you thinking?" And then he added, "Tell me that son of a bitch was suspended, too."

She just let out a chuckle, barely dignifying that comment with a response. Jay should know more than anyone how things worked in the military. _Of course_ he didn't get suspended.

"God, Eloise." Jay said, using her full name to let her know just how much trouble she was really in. "You know how the military works. You can't _do_ that. You _really_ screwed up here."

That caused her to cry even harder, and she was shocked when Erin, who hadn't been a part of this conversation at all, immediately rushed to her defense. "Hey," she said, looking at Jay, a slight edge to her voice. "She made a mistake, okay." Eloise watched as Erin put a hand gently on her brothers knee, but her voice stayed stern. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime," she continued, "And they were a hell of a lot worse than that. Give your sister a break."

Eloise was _shocked_ as she watched her brother soften. Even Will seemed to change his attitude at the sound of Erin's words. And neither one of them seemed as surprised as she was to hear Erin admit to _making mistakes_ that were _a hell of a lot worse than that._

Maybe Erin wasn't that bad after all.

Maybe she had jumped to conclusions about the woman sitting across from her, looking at her empathetically.

Eloise looked at Erin gratefully, and then returned her gaze to the floor as she found her voice again. "Anyway, um..." She continued, because of course, there was more. "Dad found out, and he cut me off. He took away my apartment in DC, and I can't get military housing until my suspension is lifted." There it was. Finally the real reason she was here.

She had no where else to go.

"What?" Will asked, his voice shocked, but much softer now.

 _God,_ Jay thought, _my dad is_ such _a dick._ "Are you okay? Where have you been staying?" He asked, his voice dripping with parental concern.

"Chill out, Jay." She said, instantly _hating_ his fatherly concern. She didn't need a father, she needed her _brother._ "I way staying with friends. It's not like I was staying in a _shelter_ or something."

At Eloise's words, Erin let in a sharp intake of breath, and then she coughed, trying to act like she had something in her throat and she wasn't _reacting_ to what Eloise had said.

Jay, Will, and Eloise all turned to stare at her, as she shifted uncomfortably.

Eloise watched as Jay raised an eyebrow in concern, and then as Erin shook her head ever so slightly, trying to dismiss the concern. _What was that?_ Eloise thought.

Erin tried to shift the focus off of her, realizing no one in this room, not even Jay, knew that she had lived in a shelter. "Eloise," she said softly, "Why don't you stay here?" She smiled at her.

She was about to respond when Will interrupted. "Or you could stay with me," he said, knowing this Halstead residence was _a little_ crowded.

"Either way," Jay said, and then he reached for her hand and squeezed it.

Eloise turned to Jay, and then to Erin. "Are you sure?" She couldn't imagine that Erin would actually _want_ her to stay with them. She was probably just trying to be nice.

"Of course," Erin said, seeming like she truly meant it. "We would love it if you'd stay. And seriously, the girls would be over the moon." She laughed lightly at that, but then her voice softened once again. "Really," she nodded, "You can stay as long as you need."

Eloise began to tear up once again, and Jay smiled at her. "You know your always welcome here, El."

Eloise sighed, and finally let out a small smile.

She didn't need her stupid boyfriend. She didn't need her stupid father.

She had the best family, right here.

Erin, seemingly, included.

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review : )**


	42. Chapter 42

Thanks for all the reviews so far, y'all are the best! Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 42,**

"Tell me something," Jay's voice broke through the silence of their large bedroom. They were finally alone in bed after the seemingly never-ending day.

After many more tears and hugs, which finally shifted into stories and laughter, Will had finally said he needed to return home to Natalie and Owen. Erin had given the three siblings some privacy, and went to set up the spare bedroom for El. With Erin gone, El had whispered a quiet apology to Jay.

"I'm sorry if I made Erin uncomfortable with my comment about the shelter." She had shrugged her shoulders as she said it, and then she had looked at Jay expectantly, like she thought he had known _anything_ about the source of Erin's discomfort.

He hadn't.

So in the moment, he had dismissed El, telling her it was no big deal. But the thought had yet to leave his mind.

And now that they were finally in bed, in the darkness of night, he had his opening. He waited for her to give him his answer.

Instead, she shifted in bed, rubbing her tired eyes, and replied, "What?" as she yawned quietly.

He shifted his head to the side slightly, because he had never received _that_ as an answer to _Tell me something._

Maybe she hadn't heard him, he thought. So he repeated himself, this time, elevating his voice above a whisper. "Tell me something."

She let out a sound that was half laugh and half sigh, and said, "Yes, I heard you the first time," she said, shifting her body so that it was propped up more and she was able to see him in the eyes. She twisted the comforter between her fingers as she continued, "But don't you think _I'm_ the one entitled to a 'Tell me something' tonight?"

He let out a small smile and nodded slightly, knowing she was right. It had been a pretty eventful day, to say the least.

"Why didn't you tell me your sister was _gorgeous?"_ Erin hadn't meant that to be her first comment, but it just slipped out. It was honestly the first thing that came to mind. His sister was _strikingly_ beautiful. Like model turned actress pretty.

Of course, after the shock of her beauty had worn off, Erin had began to notice all the personality traits that Jay had described in detail over the past few months. She was sensitive, but bullheaded. She had a some serious sass, but clearly had a kind heart.

Erin liked her already. Although, she wasn't sure how Eloise felt about _her._ But that was another discussion entirely.

She could tell how much El cared about Jay and Maddie, and how much she was beginning to care about Grace, and truthfully, that was all that mattered.

Jay just let out an irritated groan in response, and replied, "Because she's my _sister._ " He shook his head, closing his eyes momentarily. "And because I spent a not insignificant part of my life trying to get my friends _not_ to try and sleep with her." He _wished_ he was kidding. He wished he didn't already know he was going to need to do the same with Ruzek.

Erin let out a laugh and gently touched his arm, "Rough life, babe." Her voice was full of mirth and she smirked at him.

"It _was,"_ he said, exasperated.

"Tell me something," she said, her tone turning serious. "About growing up with your sister."

Jay thought back to all the things he had told her about his sister.

And then he thought back to all the things he hadn't. "She was daddy's little girl," he said, thoughtfully. "But not in the normal way, not the way most fathers are with their daughters."

Erin reached out and laced her fingers between his, and he reveled in the comfort it brought him. He _hated_ thinking about his father. "The thing is, my father was tough. He was that parent who made it to every sports game we ever had, and _not_ in a good way." If he hadn't loved soccer so much, he probably would have stopped playing altogether after the first miserable season with his father in the crowd.

"He would _yell_ from the stands." He could still hear his loud voice echoing over everyone else's. "And he would make us walk home if we didn't play well." It didn't matter if the team had won. It never mattered.

Erin shifted slightly, and he immediately looked up at her, embarrassed when he realized just who he was complaining to.

He met Erin's gaze, expecting to see irritation in her eyes, but instead saw only empathy and love. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't even be complaining about this to you," he said apologetically.

She immediately shook her head, "Jay, no," she whispered. "I want to hear about this." She didn't want to lay out the _street kid_ trump card. Not with him.

And just because her childhood was what it was didn't mean Jay's was a walk in the park. And either way, she wanted to know. She wanted to know _everything_ about the man that sat in front her, running his fingers over her bare knees as he spoke.

"Okay," he whispered in response. He focused back in on his memories, as he continued to trail his fingers on along her calves and towards her toes. "When I enlisted, it's like he... he took it out on her. I mean... he took it out on me, obviously, but, I don't know," He wasn't sure he was explaining it right.

"It's like he pinned _all_ his hopes and dreams on her." It had been hard to watch. "But," he paused, shaking his head, "I don't think she ever minded. I think she _enjoyed_ it." That had been even harder to watch.

Erin waited a moment, letting a comfortable silence come to rest around them. "It's okay that it bothered you," Erin said, as she reached for the hand now currently moving up towards her thigh.

 _How does she do that?_ He thought.

How had she known that he had _always_ felt so unbelievably guilty for the pressure Eloise had been under, but even more than that, he had resented how much she _enjoyed_ the attention.

It had caused him to distance himself from both of them.

Up until the day Allie died, that is. When he and his sister had been brought back together by the terrible tragedy.

"It was childish," he said. Because looking back, it was. He had been hurt by the rejection of his father. And he _hated_ how easily it was for Eloise to get his acceptance, his undivided attention, and his love.

For years, he had _wished_ that he would somehow develop the desire to go into medicine, the way Will and Eloise clearly did. But he hadn't.

But that was no reason to cut out his sister, and to leave her alone with _him._

"It was human," Erin corrected. And then she leaned in and kissed him, softly, signaling that he could be finished for the night. That he could be done sharing, if he wanted to, and they could spend the rest of the night finding comfort in each other's arms.

Except, he didn't want to be finished for the night. He had started the conversation for a reason. "Tell me something," he said, against her lips.

She closed her eyes, and leaned her forehead against his. She wasn't sure what he wanted to know, but she knewhe wanted to know _something_. "Jay," she whispered. "What do you want to know?"

That wasn't how this worked, and Jay suddenly felt uncomfortable. Like maybe Erin didn't _want_ to share. She had been so forthcoming with everything in her life, even when it was awful, even when it was _worse_ that awful, and he didn't want to push.

"Nothing you don't want to tell me," he whispered. "We can forget it." Then he leaned in closer to her and pressed a soft, warm kiss against her lips.

"Jay," she whispered again. The way she breathed his name sent a tingle up his spine, one that made him want to forget all about this conversation and bury his face in her.

But then she continued, "I want to tell you," then she shook her head playfully, "Whatever it is that you want to know." He _always_ had something in mind when he said 'Tell me something', and she knew tonight was nothing new. "I just don't know what you're getting at." She wracked her brain, trying to think of what he might want to know. She laughed, "I think I'm getting a little rusty." Or maybe she was just tired after this long day.

He laughed, and wrapped his arm around her. He kissed the side of her head, and kept his lips pressed against her temple.

"Just ask me," Erin said, knowing he was holding back.

"Okay," he sighed. "Tell me about the shelter."

 _Oh._ She hadn't been expecting that. She had honestly forgotten all about it. She pulled back and looked at him, and then she shook her head softly.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me," he said immediately at the sight of her shaking her head.

He had misinterpreted her movement, so she reached for his head. "No, I just meant, it's not like a bad memory." She stopped and held his gaze. "It was actually kind of nice," as soon as heard the words aloud, her cheeks reddened and she looked down, embarrassed.

What kind of person _enjoys_ living in a shelter?

It's just that the shelter had heat.

And it had other people there.

People that weren't high or strung out like her mother. People that didn't ignore her, leave her hungry, starving equally for food and attention.

When she didn't continue, Jay reached and touched her cheek gently. "Nice?" He asked, softly.

"Yeah," she said, shaking out of her daze. "I had a friend there," she remembered the young blond girl who slept nearby. "And my mom, well, she had never remembered to take me to school," Erin had walked alone to school everyday of her childhood, until she had stopped going altogether. "But there was a social worker there who walked me all the way to school on my first day." She remembered that she hadn't been alone that day.

It had been pretty wonderful.

"A social worker, huh?" Jay said, smiling at his beautiful, strong girlfriend.

"Yeah," she smiled back.

"I'm proud of you, you know that?" Jay said, wrapping her up in his arms.

He would never be able to put into words just how proud he was. Or how lucky he felt that this strong, beautiful woman was willing to be vulnerable, and was willing to be held night after night in his arms. "Letting your childhood shape you in a _good_ way. Always paying it forward like you do." He pressed another soft kiss against her temple. "You're pretty amazing."

She leaned into his body, soaking in his words. "Thank you, baby." But then she added, "I'm kind of proud of me, too."

0000000000000

Saturday morning had come and gone uneventfully. Between the chocolate chip pancakes, and the extra person to play with them, the girls had been in heaven. They had worn themselves out, and were both down for - what would hopefully be - a very long nap.

Erin was in the kitchen, mindlessly washing dishes from breakfast. Things had been better over breakfast, the conversation less stilted and awkward. It almost seemed like Eloise was beginning to _not_ dislike her.

 _We'll see,_ she thought, as she quickly rinsed the final plate before moving onto the three used coffee mugs.

She jumped suddenly as she felt Jay's arms wrap around her waist. "Jesus, Jay," she sighed. "You scared the _crap_ out of me." She hadn't even heard him walk into the kitchen. "Since when are you so stealth?" She asked, not turning around, her hands still busy in the sink.

Jay moved his body against hers slowly and tightened his grip around her waist. "You do know I'm a detective, right?" He whispered into her ear. "I can be _very_ quiet."

Okay, well she _definitely_ wasn't going to let that one go. She turned off the sink and inhaled deeply as she felt the hard part of his center nestle against her backside. She leaned back, letting her head fall back against his chest. "I must have forgotten," she said. "Maybe you should show me how quiet you can be," she said breathily, as she pressed her body and rubbed it deliberately against him.

His groan was audible and _loud_ , and Erin couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of her. She turned around and gave him an apologetic smile, feeling _a little_ bad for laughing at him. _Kind of._

But she seemed to have forgotten just how much he _loved_ that sound, because it did nothing to stop his mood. If anything, it stirred him on even more.

Suddenly, his hands founds her bottom and he lifted her up on the counter. He slowly began trailing kisses down her neck as he ground his body against hers.

 _What is it about this kitchen?_ he thought, as he found her collarbone and began to tease it with his tongue.

"Babe," she whispered, her voice hoarse and low.

The raspiness in her voice turned him on even more, and he took possession of her mouth greedily. The kissed deepened, and he began to press the palms of his hands hard against her legs, so she could feel them through the fabric as they trailed upwards.

When they came within millimeters of her center, she pulled away from him, panting heavily. His lips immediately found her neck again, and he began to shove her shirt aside with his teeth. "The... kids..." she breathed, too out of breath to finish the sentence.

When he lifted his lips to answer, she immediately missed the warmth of his tongue against her skin. "The kids are asleep," he said, and then he plunged his tongue into her mouth once again, and he used his hands to scoot her body towards the edge of the counter. She wrapped her legs around him, and he began to lift her off the edge.

"Not all the kids," came a voice from the hallway.

Jay immediately moved Erin back onto the counter, but he refused to turn and look at his baby sister. He knew the evidence of his arousal would be all over his face... and his pants. "El," he sighed, and then he dropped his face into Erin's shoulder. "You're killing me."

Erin was glad Jay hadn't immediately jumped off of her, but she wasn't sure why. Was it because she wanted Eloise to _know_ that this was _her_ home? Was she taking Eloise's possessive behavior and trying to one up her?

No, she realized. That wasn't it.

She just didn't want to _hide_ the fact that this was her apartment, too. And she didn't want to spend the next fews weeks, or however long Eloise was planning to stay, walking around on eggshells in her own home.

"Sorry, Eloise." Erin said. Her face felt hot, and she wasn't sure if it was embarrassment or residual feelings from Jay, who's body was still hot against her own.

Eloise just moved towards the kitchen, and opened the cabinet, pulling out a clean mug. "Don't stop on my account," she teased, as she smirked at her brother. She couldn't remember the last time she had walked in on her brother, but it happened often enough when she was growing up.

It felt so fucking _normal._ She was just the kid sister, and he was the older brother, sneaking in a make out session in a different room.

God, she missed these days.

When Jay's body finally returned to it's resting state, he pulled away from Erin and he finally turned to face his sister.

Eloise noticed that he and Erin both looked mortified, and she couldn't help but laugh. "God, relax, you two." Eloise began, as she poured herself a second cup of coffee. "This isn't the first time I've walked in on you in a compromising position," she raised her eyebrows momentarily. "Although, I hope to _god_ it's the last."

Then in lieu of adding cream and sugar, she decided to just take her coffee black, and stepped quickly out of the room.

Now it was Erin's turn to raise her eyebrow. "Got a story you want to share?" She teased.

Jay shook his head, exasperated, and let out a small laugh. "No." _Definitely not._ "I'm good."

 _Four females under one roof,_ he thought. _They're going to be the death of me._

000000000000

"I was thinking," Erin turned over so she was facing Jay. It was Sunday night, and after another long day, they were finally in bed. She had yet to cover herself with his t-shirt, and so her naked body was now pressed against his. "About your sister."

"God, Erin," he cut her off, "Can we _not_ talk about my sister while you're naked." When she turned around, he had been hoping for a round two.

She laughed, and then sent him an apologetic shrug. "You should do something just the two of you," she continued, ignoring his request. "Tomorrow, maybe."

He wanted to argue, because he had to work tomorrow, and after work he wanted to come home to his girls. _All_ of his girls. But instead, he said, "If I say okay, can we stop talking about her?"

She kissed him hard, and then said, "If you say okay, we don't have to talk at all."

00000000000000

"Hey, Sarge," Jay knocked on Voight's door the following morning, noticing that he was finally finished with his phone call.

Voight motioned for Jay to enter, leaning back in his chair. "What's up, Halstead?"

"I was hoping I could take an hour for lunch today." They didn't have anything going on, he had finished all of his paperwork before the weekend had even begun, and he _really_ had somewhere he needed to be. "I'll be available by phone."

Voight looked at him, considering his answer. "You got plans?" He knew Erin was working through lunch today, he had actually just gotten off the phone with her. He had had to cancel Sunday night dinner last at the last minute, and he just wanted to check in with her. She had pressed him on his plans, but Hank hadn't been forthcoming.

"Uh, yeah." Jay said, shifting uncomfortably.

"What kind of plans?" Voight asked.

Jay raised his eyebrows, signaling that this was an unfair question. Voight wasn't exactly asking as his _boss,_ but when Jay was standing in his office, he felt compelled to answer as though he was.

Voight just shrugged, and then said sternly, "Be back by 1:00. Not a minute later." He didn't mind playing the boss card when it suited him, and he wasn't about to apologize for it.

Jay rushed out of the his office and grabbed the leather jacket that was slung over his chair. He opened the home screen of his iPhone, and found the number he was looking for, and pressed the green call button.

She answered as soon as he reached the stairs. "Hey, El," he said. "If I send you an address, can you meet me there?"

"Suureee," she said, slowly and skeptically into the receiver of the phone. "You want to try to be more cryptic?"

"Not really," he said, and then he hung up without another word and sent her the address on his way to the car.

000000000

Twenty minutes later, he was standing and waiting for her outside of the store. He checked his phone once more, wondering where she was. He only had forty minutes left, and it was going to take him 15 minutes to get back to work.

"Woah," she said when she walked towards him. "We're going to see Steve aren't we?"

"Actually," his face lit up with his bright Halstead grin. "I've been to see Steve, already."

"Really?" She said, a mix of surprise and excitement in her voice. "You have?"

"Really," he replied. "Want to come in, make sure I did a good enough job?"

"Yeah," she smiled as tears formed in her eyes, shocked and humbled that her brother was including her in this. "I do." Then she moved towards him and wrapped him in a tight embrace. "I'm so happy for you, big brother." She was still not _exactly_ sure how she felt about Erin, but in the 72 hours since she'd been back in Chicago, she could already tell her brother had _never_ been happier. She would just have to try her best to come around.

They walked into the store together, and at the sight of them, Steve immediately went into the back to get the ring. "Here it is," he said.

"Wow," Jay sighed. It was almost as stunning as his bride.

"Wow," El agreed. The thin band was simple and elegant, and the round center diamond sparkled beautifully as it caught the sunlight cascading through the windows.

Steve placed the one and a half carat diamond into the black velvet box, and began to wrap it up into a larger box and a bag for Jay. Jay raised his hand to stop him, "Just the small box is fine," he said.

"Are you sure?" Steve asked, wanting Jay to have a place to put it for safe keeping.

"I'm sure," he took the velvet box and placed it snugly in his pants pocket. He didn't want it too far away. He paid the next installment, glad to be getting the ring at such a discounted price, and then waved goodbye to Steve.

As he and El walked towards the exit of the store, she turned to him and asked, "Are you going to do it today?"

He let out a throaty laugh. His sister, always the impatient one. "No," he chuckled.

"Then why is it in your pocket instead of a bag?" She asked, confused. Surely someone would notice the square shape bulge in his front pocket. His jeans weren't exactly tight, but he worked with _detectives._

"I need to bring it with me to work," he explained. "I need to run it past Hank first." He tried to keep his voice casual, even using his boss's first name and the casual terminology of _run it past._ He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince. He knew it was definitely _not_ going to be _that_ easy.

She saw right through him. "Hank," she paused, "Like your boss, Hank Voight?"

"The one and only," he sighed, nervously.

"Umm..." she looked at her brother thoughtfully. She _definitely_ wanted more information on _that_ subject, but she was smart enough to recognize that now was _not_ the time. "Good luck with that?"

"Thanks," he replied, as they moved briskly towards the cars.

 _I'm gonna need it._

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 **Please Review :)**


	43. Chapter 43

Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 43,**

Eloise stood on the sidewalk and watched her brother drive away from the jewelry store before walking towards her own car. Even as she slid into the driver's seat of her small red Honda Civic and turned on the ignition, she couldn't wipe the smile from her face.

Her older brother was getting _married._

Of course, she already had a married older brother. Will had been married to Natalie for some time now. But for some reason, that felt different. If she was being honest, it had been just as unexpected though, Will having been the 'partying' brother for as long as she had been alive, always bouncing from one woman to the next through college and medical school.

But with Jay, he had been husband and father material _forever_. He had essentially parented _her_ when she was growing up, taking on the added responsibility when their mom got sick, until the dispute between Jay and her father had created distance between them.

He had been protective of her, always wanting the best for her, and in turn, she was protective of _him,_ wanting him to have the best things life could offer. She had wanted to him to settle down and be happy, and while part of her would always be disappointed it wasn't with Allie, there wasn't much she could do about that now.

And at that, her thoughts drifted to Erin Lindsay. The object of her brother's love and affection.

Eloise turned up the volume on the car radio, and shifted onto the road as she started for home. She let the music wash over her as she continued to contemplate her brother's future bride.

Eloise knew she could be sassy.

In fact, her mother's favorite saying when she was growing up was "Don't you sass me, Eloise Jane Halstead." She had said it so many times that El could still hear it in her head, the way her mom would emphasize her full name. So yes, she knew she could be sassy.

But she also knew she could be a bitch.

And she was _pretty sure_ that's what she had been to Erin.

Okay, sure. She was sure.

And the worst part of it was that Erin had seemed to let it slide. Ever since El had showed up at her door, giving her the threatening once over she knew she was famous for, Erin had been nice and gracious. She had opened her home to El without any prompting from Jay.

She hadn't even asked her how long she was staying, and she has seemed to seen stop Jay from asking the same. And El could tell Jay _wanted_ to know.

So there was all of that, and then there was the fact that Jay _really_ loved her. Like _really, really_ loved her. Maddie clearly did, too. And of course, there was Grace. And how could you not appreciate the person who had brought Grace to the Halstead family.

 _Okay,_ she thought, as she made the final turn towards her brother's apartment. _It's time to apologize for real._

As she pulled into the parking spot, she searched for Erin's car, hoping it might be in her designated spot in the parking lot. It wasn't, of course, because Erin was at work.

She stepped out of her car and began walking towards the front door of the building, twirling the spare set of apartment keys in her hand. She checked the time, it was a little after 1:00.

She wasn't sure who was supposed to pick the girls up from school today, but she _really_ hoped it was Erin. And she hoped Erin got home before Jay. Because suddenly, she felt the need to talk to Erin _now._

She needed to apologize before Jay proposed. She didn't want Erin to think her apology was contingent on the fact that she realized Erin was, in fact, not going anywhere.

Because for the first time, she realized, it really wasn't.

0000000000

Jay couldn't hide the smile on his face either. Even as he got closer to the district, knowing that he needed to focus and shift back into work mode, he couldn't tear his mind away from the beautiful ring in his pocket, or the even more beautiful woman he was going to present it to.

He had a little over a week to plan the perfect proposal in Wisconsin, but he wanted to ask Voight _today._

He had planned it all out the night before, and he had been rehearsing his words over and over again on his drive. He felt ready, and he _really_ wanted to get it over with.

He had to say okay. Right?

On the third run through his thoughts, he was interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

Without knowing the identity of the caller, he clicked the green button on his steering wheel, connecting the call through his bluetooth speaker system. "Halstead." He hoped it was Erin.

"Halstead, we got a case." Dawson's voice filled the car. "How far are you?"

Jay, who had been zoning out during the drive thinking of his planned speech, began taking in his surroundings. "Um... three minutes," he replied when he saw the familiar stretch of city buildings about a dozen blocks from the district. He flipped on his sirens, knowing with traffic, it would take three times as long.

"I'll brief you on the way," Dawson said quickly.

"Okay," he said, trying to listen intently while simultaneously speeding down the narrow city roads. "What have we got?"

"Kev got a tip from a CI," Dawson explained. "Big drug deals going down at the empty warehouse on Bleaker. Scheduled for 2:00."

Jay shifted his eyes from the road momentarily, taking a look at the clock on the dash, as he took in the information Dawson had just given him. "He _just_ got this tip?" That didn't give them a lot of time to prepare.

Dawson understood the hesitation in Jay's voice. "Yeah," he said, "Voight and Olinsky are planning out how to orchestrate the bust." He paused, "According to the CI, it's about 5 million dollars worth of coke."

 _Woah,_ Jay thought, understanding the urgency a little better now. _No way_ could they pass this opportunity up. Massive product transfers like this happened extremely rarely, and within a day, the coke would be separated between many many different suppliers. "Got it," he replied, "I'm pulling in now."

"Okay, meet me in the back to suit up," Dawson replied and then he hung up the phone.

Jay parked his car and turned off the ignition, moving as quickly as he could. When he moved to unbuckle his seatbelt, his fingers brushed against the large box bulging through his jeans pocket. _Shit,_ he thought. He had momentarily forgotten it was in his pocket.

In a rush, he contemplated quickly whether he should leave it the glove compartment of the car, or bring it with him to the bust. He didn't have much time to decide.

 _No,_ he thought as she began to slide out of the drivers seat. _No, I shouldn't leave my not yet insured diamond ring in the car in the middle of Chicago._ He knew it would be safer on his person.

He closed and locked the car door, forcing himself to shove thoughts of the ring and his conversation with Voight far from his mind, as he went to meet Dawson.

The thoughts were brought right back to the forefront when he approached the back of the district and found Voight scowling at him. "Sorry to cut your plans short," he said gruffly, emphasizing the word plans, and reminding Jay that he could be his boss _and_ his girlfriend's dad simultaneously.

Jay just shrugged it off, trying to not to engage, and moved towards Dawson. He was the last one to arrive, and he needed to suit up and be ready to listen when Voight and Olinsky ran down the plan.

00000000000

"Everyone in position?" Voight's voice came through everyone's ear pieces, and they all responded affirmatively. "Go."

Immediately, they sprang into action.

Halstead and Dawson use the metal cutters to open the side entrance of the warehouse. They moved forward, their guns raised into position. Halstead covered for Dawson as they were immediately met with another door, this one wooden, smaller, and already slightly ajar.

They walked slowly down the empty hallway, Dawson in front. They had both studied the blueprints of the building as best they could in the time they had been allotted, so they knew how to get to the main room. They both moved slowly in that direction, their eyes and ears staying alert.

Their informant had outlined the positions of the guards, and the location of the drugs, which were in four large trucks in the main room. The guards were placed more heavily towards the front, three were stationed at the back, with only one guard beyond this empty hallway, stationed at the side of the room.

The side entrance had the longest hallway, and would take the longest to get through. They would likely be the last ones through to the main room. They would quickly take down their guard, and then move to help the rest of the team.

They approached the end of the hallway, and Halstead rested his ear against the door, listening intently. "Nothing," he whispered to Dawson, shaking his head. Neither of them were surprised, the door was thick.

"Ready?" Halstead asked in a low whisper, as he pointed his long gun towards the knob of the large, locked door.

Dawson nodded affirmatively, "Let's move," he said.

Jay nodded his head and signaled before pulling the trigger. Knowing the sound would bring unwanted attention, they opened and stepped through the door immediately, hoping to still catch the lone offender off guard.

As Halstead stepped through the door, he assessed the situation quickly.

Ruzek and Atwater were standing at the front door. Two or three guards were already down, but one guard had a gun pointed at Ruzek. Atwater had a gun pointed at the guard, handling the situation.

At the other corner of the room, Olinsky and Burgess had all the guards handcuffed and were slowly, guns drawn, approaching the truck with the drugs. Voight, who had come in from behind, had disarmed his offender and was slowly approaching the truck from the other side.

Dawson, who had been scouring the room the same way Halstead had been, shifted his gaze back to Ruzek and Atwater. He allowed the sight of Ruzek with a gun pointed at him to distract him for a moment.

It was at that moment that Halstead, gun raised but facing the other direction, realized neither he nor Dawson had taken down his guard. In fact, he hadn't even seen one.

He turned back, and his eyes widened when she saw a large man dressed in all black standing ten feet in front of Dawson, his gun pointed directly at him. Dawson was facing away, already moving towards the front of the building to help Ruzek and Atwater.

Jay opened his mouth to speak, wanting to warn Dawson, but it was too late. He heard the click of the gun, knowing the offender was about to pull the trigger.

Without thinking, he dove in front of Dawson, covering him and shoving him to the ground even as the bullet hit him square in the shoulder.

The next bullet found his right hip.

The pain was unbelievable, and the momentum from the bullet forced him backwards. He fell backwards on top of Antonio, collapsing against the door they had just come through.

He had been shot before. It is what got him brought up to Intelligence in the first place. But this time? _Holy shit._

"Halstead" Voight yelled.

At the sound of the bullet and Voight's screams, Atwater watched as the guard with his gun on Ruzek shifted his eyes. It was only for a moment, but Atwater took advantage of it and shot him.

At the same time, Dawson shifted from underneath Halstead and took out the guard that had shot him. Now that all the offenders were taken care of, the entire team rushed to his side.

Dawson shifted again from his position on the ground, as Voight ran towards them. Dawson pressed his hands against Jay's shoulder, trying to stop the bleeding. Blood was still pulsing through his hands.

When Voight got to Jay's side, his palms found the wound at his right hip, and did the same.

"You're going to be okay, Halstead," Voight said, his voice low and gruff.

 _You have to be_ , he thought. And then, with a shudder, another thought slipped through. _You have too many people counting on you._ Voight forced himself to shove that last thought out of his mind. The idea of telling Erin that he hadn't protected Halstead was too much to bear, and he needed to focus.

He could hear Olinsky calling for an ambulance as he pressed two fingers to Jay's neck, feeling for his carotid pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt it, weak but present.

As Voight continued to press his hands against Jay's hip, his wrist brushed against something hard in Jay's pocket. He went to reach for it, to see what it was, but stopped as he noticed Jay's eyes fluttering open. Jay began opening his mouth, as if he wanted to speak.

No sounds came out.

Jay was in a daze, he couldn't believe the amount of pain he was in.

He tried helplessly to speak their names.

Maddie.  
Grace.

Erin.

God. How fortunate he was to have so many people in his life that he loved so deeply. It made him feel so unbelievably lucky and grateful.

 _So many people,_ he thought with a smile. He had built a whole wonderful life, full of people he loved, of people who loved him.

 _I have so many people in this life that I need to say goodbye to,_ he thought, as his eyes began to glaze over.

And with that, his feelings shifted. Now, he was sad and heartbroken.

And terrified.

Because he wasn't going to get the chance to say goodbye to any of them.

He opened his mouth again, determined to voice their names aloud. To make sure they knew he had been thinking of them as he took his final breath.

But before he got a chance, his world went black.

 **xoxo**

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	44. Chapter 44

Hi all! Seriously, you all are the BEST readers ever. I was so excited to read all of your reviews on the last chapter :) Seeing them throughout the day seriously made me so happy, and GUESS WHAT?! I reached over 1,000 reviews! So THANK YOU :)

And sorry about the cliffhanger, but I tried to get this one out quickly so you didn't have to wait too long!

I hope you enjoy it! Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 44,**

Hank stood deep in the corner of the trauma bay at Chicago Med, watching the paramedics lift his detective from the stretcher and move his limp body to the bed.

The paramedics were speaking in medical jargon as they transported Halstead, efficiently giving doctors information as much information as they could supply.

"He's a GCS 8," Sylvie Brett said to Dr. Choi. "He's been unresponsive since we found him at the scene." Dr. Choi focused on Brett's words, as his two residents began to cut Jay's clothes off using the trauma shears.

"Okay," Dr. Choi said, turning away from Brett and looking towards Dr. Rhodes. "Then we have to intubate." GCS of 8 gave them no other choice.

Voight watched as Dr. Rhodes got the intubation kit ready, and with the help of the nurse, shoved the tube deep into Jay's throat.

As soon as he connected the tube to the bag, he handed the bag to the nurse who began to squeeze methodically. Then, he pressed his stethoscope against Halstead's bare chest, which was stained with blood all along his left side. "Breath sounds present," then he shifted the stethoscope to the other side, "And equal bilaterally."

It was time for them to check circulation, that much Voight knew. It was the primary survey. Airway, breathing, circulation. The rest he couldn't recall, but he knew the big three.

Voight watched as Choi pressed his fingers against Jay's neck, the same way he had done only twenty minutes before. Then he moved down, checking his radial pulse, then his femoral, then the popliteal, until he reached his feet. "Pulses present bilaterally."

Voight breathed out a sigh of relief. He may be unconscious, but at least he was still alive.

April Sexton was sitting recording, and as soon as she heard Dr. Choi confirm the presence of pulses, she called out, "Can we get a recheck on the vitals?"

Dr. Rhodes reached over and pressed the button of the machine, that signaled it to remeasure the vital signs. After a moment they saw that his heart race had increased up to 150 bpm.

 _Even I know that's not good,_ Voight thought.

Then, they began to say something else, but Voight had stopped listening.

He felt frozen in place as he heard a voice loud and cascading in from the main hallway of the ER.

He could already hear the panic clear in her voice.

He took a deep breath, willing himself to move his legs, to go towards the sound. But it took him several seconds before he could propel his body forward, because suddenly, the little black box he had picked up from the floor at the scene and slid discretely into his coat pocket, felt like a weight.

000000

Erin couldn't remember ever moving so quickly in her entire life. Not even the day she received the call that Camille had been taken to the hospital that final time. But then, they had known it was coming.

This? This had taken her completely by surprise.

She had been sitting at her desk when she got the call. Hank's picture had lit up her screen, and she had picked it up right away. He hadn't bothered with any preamble or pleasantries, he just instructed her to get the hospital, that Jay had been shot.

Thank god she had been sitting down, because she quite literally would have collapsed on the floor in that moment if the chair hadn't been there to support her.

She couldn't even remember standing up. She didn't remember the walk from her office down to the parking garage, and she barely remembered the drive over. How she had made it safely, she had no idea.

She hadn't bothered to park her car when she pulled in, instead, leaving it near the front with the hazard lights on.

She only made sure she wasn't blocking the ambulance bay. Otherwise, she didn't care.

She'd probably get a dead battery. Or a ticket. Or a tow.

Or it might get stolen, because she couldn't remember even turning the car off. Instead, she had just flung herself out of the car, moving her body towards the entrance to the emergency room as fast as she possibly could.

But really, who cares?

It was just a car.

Who can take the time to find a parking spot when the man they loves is fighting for his life in the hospital.

Who has time to walk from the parking garage, located all the way across the street?

What if Jay had lay dying, and she had missed her opportunity to say goodbye because she had been parking her fucking car?

No. She didn't give it a second thought. She just moved inside at a rapid pace, slamming her feet against the ground as quickly as they would move, thanking god she had already slipped her heels off for the day.

When she got to the main hallway, she ran towards the center nurses station. "Jay Halstead," she shouted, to no one in particular. She knew she must seem belligerent, but again, she couldn't bring herself to care. "I need to see Jay Halstead." She repeated his full name, hoping someone would help her. "Can someone tell me where he is." Her voice was getting louder and louder, and at this point, she had managed to garner the attention of the entire room.

 _Good,_ she thought. Let them stare. Let them _help_ me _._

Suddenly, she saw Voight step out from behind a closed curtain, and he began to move towards her.

"Hank," she cried, her voice finally breaking at the sight of him.

"Erin," His voice was thick and full of emotion, and together with his broken face, it made everything seem even more real, if that was possible.

She felt the world finally crash around her.

And that's when the tears came. Loud, audible sobs that came from deep in her chest and shook her entire body.

They moved towards each other until they finally met in the middle, and when he opened his arms to her, she fell into them, clinging to him like she did when she a child, holding on to him for dear life.

000000000

Erin sat with her head in her hands in the waiting room. She had been at the hospital for almost an hour, but there had been no word on Jay.

He was in surgery, and that's all she knew.

Hank was sitting next to her, and he had placed his hand on her back, trying to comfort her.

But it didn't comfort her.

Not the way Jay's touch did. He could press his hand lightly on her shoulder or gently touch her knee, and it immediately calmed her down.

She _needed_ him. She wouldn't be able to get through this without him.

Eloise was sitting across from her, her expression completely stoic. Ruzek was sitting next to her, probably trying to comfort her as well. Erin could tell it wasn't helping.

Erin knew she should get up. She should get up and move towards El, try to comfort her in some way. She was the older one, she was the responsible one. But for some reason, she couldn't make her legs move.

Erin watched as El's expression changed and she jumped out of the chair. "Will!" She shouted.

Erin shifted her gaze in the direction of El's movements and saw a stunned Will Halstead standing in the door. "What's happening?" Erin asked before Eloise even had a chance to.

Erin stood up and moved quickly towards Will, needing an answer. She noticed the entire Intelligence Unit standing to join them.

"The bullet," El continued, "Was it a through and through? Did it hit a major artery?" She began firing questions at him, her trauma surgery experience shining through. "Ruzek said he was shot in the hip. Did it hit his femoral? Did it invade the abdominal cavity? Does he had any free fluid?" She couldn't slow down. She was asking every question she could think of.

"I don't know," Will replied, wishing he had _any_ answers. Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Choi had been working on Jay for an hour, and he had been pacing the hallways waiting for an update, but he hadn't received one yet. "I don't know." He repeated again.

Eloise began fastening her fair into a tight bun, like she did when she getting ready to go into the OR. "Will, get me privileges," she said, using her no nonsense surgeon tone. "I want to be in there."

Erin watched with bated breath, hoping Will would agree.

Jay had bragged about Eloise. She was a trauma surgeon with the army. Erin knew she probably saw this all the time.

But instead, he shook his head. "El, you know you can't go in there."

Her stoic expression fell as tears began to stream down her face.

"Dr. Choi served," Will said, hoping this would make her feel a little better. "He's got this, okay?"

Eloise nodded and suddenly Erin's voice broke through their conversation. "You really can't find out anything?" She said, her voice raspy and full of emotion.

El and Will both turned to look at Erin, taking in her red rimmed eyes, her broken face. She looked every bit the part of the broken wife. Eloise had seen it a hundred times before, but this time was worse. "Erin," she said, her voice soft. "Surgeries of this magnitude take time." It could be hours before they knew anything, she knew. She slipped her hand in Erin's, and squeezed in gently. "Let's sit down, okay?"

Erin looked at Eloise completely stunned. The calming voice, the way she grabbed hand and squeezed it so gently. She was so like Jay in that moment that it made Erin cry even harder.

But she did as El requested, and she sat down next to her. Will sat on her other side, and she let herself be comforted by the two Halstead's in the waiting room, while the whole time wishing for the third Halstead to walk through the door.

000000000

"Burgess," Erin sat up suddenly, calling for her friend. Will sat up straighter, and rested his hand on Erin's shoulder.

"Is everything okay?" He whispered, concerned. Erin had been sitting quietly for the past thirty minutes. He and El had finally managed to _kind of_ calm her down, each of them knowing that this woman was the person their brother loved most in this world and it was what Jay would want them to do. "What's wrong?" he asked again, when she didn't answer.

She finally turned to look at Will. "What time is it?" she asked. She touched her bare wrist, cursing herself for forgetting to wear her watch. And God, she had _no idea_ , where she had left her phone. Maybe in the car? Maybe it was still at her desk at work?

Will pulled his cell phone out of the front pocket of his dark maroon scrubs. "4:30," he answered.

"What's wrong?" Burgess stood from her chair next to Olinsky and rushed over. "What can I do?"

It was 4:30. _Shit, shit, shit._ "The girls," she whispered.

God, she was the worst mother ever. How could she forgot about her girls?

Sam was supposed to get them and had last minute had to study for an exam, so Jay had said he would leave work early to pick them up. So in reality, the last minute change of schedule, combined with the fact that _she_ wasn't actually supposed to be picking them up, combined with the stress of the day, combined with the fact that she had _no concept_ of what time it was in this hospital, well, no one could blame her forgetting.

Except, she was in the mood to be hard on herself, and so that's what she was going to do.

"Can you pick them up?" She asked, embarrassed. She could feel the heat coming to her cheeks, but she doubted anyone would notice. Her face was probably so red and blotchy from spending the last two hours crying, it might as well be stained that color. "They're still at school."

Burgess nodded in agreement, even though she had no idea where school was. She moved towards Voight, and retrieved the address from him, and then she was on her way.

00000000000

Dr. Rhodes appeared in the doorway thirty minutes later. Erin jumped up and moved towards him, Will and El hot on her tail. "Dr. Rhodes," she said, louder than she intended. "How's Jay?"

"He's alive."

She let her shoulder's sag with relief at the sound of his words, and she let out the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. "Oh, thank god," she said, her voice returning to it's usual quieter volume.

But then, she noticed that Will and Eloise still seemed tense. She seemed to be the only one standing here feeling relieved.

She looked at the three of them nervously, and then she found Voight's eyes. He was shifting his gaze between hers and the doctor, clearly waiting to hear more.

"How bad is it?" El whispered, knowing that she _never_ started with 'He's alive' if it was good news.

Dr. Rhodes eyes grew soft, and he nodded sadly. "It's not great," he said. "The bullet that hit his shoulder was a through and through. But the other one," his voice trailed off for a moment, giving them time for that first bit of information to sink in. "He lost a lot of blood. We had him on MTP, and we lost him twice in the OR."

"What?" Erin suddenly felt like the world was crashing around her _again_ , and she began to lose her footing. Voight appeared right behind her, sticking his arm quickly around her waist to hold her up.

"Are you going to have to take him back in?" Eloise asked. She did that all the time. Started with damage control, and then stuck the patient's in the ICU until they were stronger for another surgery.

 _If_ they ever got stronger, that is.

"No," Dr. Rhodes said, shaking his head. "We were able to complete the repair, and the bleeding has stopped for now."

And for the first time, Eloise relaxed. "Okay," she said, "So he's stable but critical? We just have to wait for him to wake up?"

Erin began to perk up when she noticed that Eloise had, but she waited with bated breath for Dr. Rhodes' response.

"Exactly," he said. "But we just don't know long it will be until he does. It's up to him now."

"Thank you, Connor." Will said, his voice soft and full of gratitude towards his colleague. They didn't always get along, but the doctors at this hospital always treated each other like family.

Erin was about to open her mouth to ask a question when Burgess came through the door, holding Grace's hand.

Erin couldn't exactly read Burgess' expression, but she could tell she was nervous.

Erin assumed it was because she could see the doctor's crowding around, not knowing what information was being delivered. So she ignored her nervous expression, and began to move towards them.

Grace dropped Burgess's hand and ran across the room, catapulting herself into Erin's arms. "Mommy!" She yelled, and then she burst into tears.

"It's okay, Gracie," she whispered softly. "Daddy's going to be okay." She held her tight in her arms, reveling in the warmth of her small body. She kissed her on the top of the head over and over, "I love you, baby girl," she said.

"I love you, too," Grace whispered, as she sobbed against her chest. "Where's Daddy?" she asked urgently.

"He's sleeping, bug." She replied, holding her close and pressing her head against her chest. After a few moments, Erin released her hold on Grace slightly and stepped back, looking past her for her other baby girl.

She didn't see her.

"Where's Maddie?" Erin said, standing suddenly. Burgess stood across the room, and all eyes fell on her.

"Um... she's umm," she stuttered.

Had Erin misread Kim's nervous expression? "Kim," Erin cut her off. "Where the hell is my daughter?"

"It was a substitute teacher," she said, quickly. The substitute teacher had been waiting when she had gotten there over an hour late. She had been fuming, and had gone on an entire tirade the minute Kim had stepped through the door.

She had already called them by the time Kim had even arrived. "You're Grace's foster parent, too, but when they found out Jay was shot, they wouldn't give me Maddie."

"WHAT?" Erin was shouting now, her voice reverberating off the walls of the waiting room.

Kim just continued, knowing Erin's anger wasn't actually directed at her. "Jay's her only guardian." Kim never should have told the teacher Jay had been shot. She had just been explaining, because she had already showed up over an hour after school dismissal. She was trying to garner some sympathy, to persuade the teacher to let Kim take the kids, and not make her wait for Child Protective Services to get there. She had been trying to explain the situation, that she had permission to pick the girls up from school, even though her name wasn't on the list of approved persons. Evidently the only people allowed to pick her up were Jay, Erin, Sam, and Voight. She had just been trying explain. But it had completely backfired. "You're, um... You're not her guardian."

"Where is my daughter?" Erin said again, as if she thought asking the question again would cause Maddie to suddenly appear in the doorway behind Burgess.

Hank stood beside Erin, watching the exchange. He sighed, knowing _exactly_ where Maddie was.

His own words were coming back to haunt him.

 _These things just aren't official until the ink is dry._

"She's with DCFS."

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	45. Chapter 45

Thank you all SO MUCH for your continued reviews! I have been so excited to write this story arc, and I'm so glad you all love it as much as I do :)

Happy reading :) And YAY for the weekend!

 **Chapter 45**

Erin just stared at Kim in disbelief.

 _She's with DCFS._

Was she kidding? Erin _was_ DCFS.

This was _ludicrous_.

"I need to talk to Rachel," she said, to no one in particular, switching immediately from shock mode to let's get shit done mode. She moved her gaze past Kim, and settled her eyes on Adam Ruzek.

This substitute teacher and _whoever_ this schmuck was at DCFS who had taken her daughter was about to regret going against her. They were about to regret the day they had _taken_ those jobs in the first place.

They were about to find out how fiercely protective Erin Lindsay could be.

She began moving through the crowd of the waiting room. She felt the heat of everyone's stares, no doubt trying to figure out what she planned to do next. "Can I use your phone?" She asked when she finally reached Ruzek. He had dated Rachel, albeit briefly, but he still had to have her number. _She hoped._

Ruzek gave her a confused look, but then pulled his cell phone out, quickly punched in his passcode, and handed it to her.

"Thanks," she replied. Had this been in the days _before_ cell phones, she probably would have had Rachel's number memorized. Or at the very least she would have the number written down somewhere. But, of course, she didn't. Rachel's number was saved in her list of favorites, on her cell phone, which was currently god knows where.

She looked down at the phone, and went straight into his contacts. She knew she was being short, abrasive, and maybe a little bit rude to her boyfriend's colleague that she had only _really_ spent time with a handful of times (She was team Burgess after all), but she couldn't bring herself to care.

She couldn't bring herself to care about a lot of things today, she realized.

Jay. Maddie. Grace.

They were the only things on her mind.

She found the number, and she let out a sight sigh of relief. _First step done,_ she thought.

As the phone rang in her ear, she noticed Eloise had grabbed Grace's hand, and they were now standing next to her, looking worried. Erin bent down to Grace's level and whispered to her, "Everything is going to be okay, bug." She leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, and then added, "Mommy's going to take care of everything." _And there is about to hell to pay._

"Hello," Rachel said into the receiver. Her voice was cold, and for a moment Erin found herself at a loss for words. Rachel Stone could be _scary,_ but she had never been scary towards Erin. She was like Hank Voight in that way.

"Hello," Rachel repeated, when Erin didn't reply right away.

"Hi," She whispered.

"Erin?" Rachel's voice immediately softened, and Erin realized she must have thought it was Ruzek on the other end.

"I need your help," she said, without any preamble. "Jay was shot, and-"

"Oh my god, Erin!" She cut her off, her voice full of concern. "Is he okay? Are _you_ okay? Where are you right now?"

God, she loved her friend. This girl would do _anything_ for her. She allowed herself the smallest of smiles as she continued. "He's, um..." she didn't actually know how to finish that sentence, so instead she just shifted to the more pressing topic. "I was late to pick up the girls," she said, "I sent one of the officers Jay works with. She didn't get there until maybe 4:45-5:00."

"Okay?" Rachel had a bad feeling. In her line of work, she could already anticipate where this was going.

"The substitute teacher called DCFS, and they took Maddie." She rushed the words, looking at Grace as she spoke, careful to block out all the obscenities she really wanted to use. _That fucking substitute teacher._

"Grace is with you?" Rachel asked. "Because you're her guardian _with_ Jay?"

This was the other reason she called Rachel. There was no explanation needed, just help offered. "Yeah," she replied. "I need you to-"

"Find out which DCFS counselor has her." She finished Erin's sentence, already typing furiously into her computer. "I'm on it." She needed to hang up so she could make some calls. "I'll meet you at the hospital. But in the mean time, should I call you back on this number?"

"Yeah," Erin replied, feeling so unbelievably grateful. "Thank you, Rach."

"Erin," Rachel said before she hung up, "You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you and your family."

 _Your family._

Erin allowed Rachel's words to calm her slightly, and she closed her phone. She reached down and lifted Grace into her arms, holding her as tight as she could, letting the feel of Grace's warm body calm her down the rest of the way.

000000000

Erin allowed the presence of Grace to distract her as she waited for news regarding Maddie. She had _finally_ received more news about Jay in the interim. They had been able to extubate him, and while he was still on oxygen, he was breathing on his own. He was in the PACU, and would be transferred to the ICU in the next few hours.

Once he was transferred to the ICU, she would be able to go and see him.

He may be in critical condition, but Dr. Rhodes had once again used the word _stable_ when describing his condition, and she clung to that word like a life raft.

And at least she knew _where_ Jay was.

He was in the PACU, being well taken care of.

Maddie? She had no clue where Maddie was. And even though she trusted DCFS, and she trusted the system, she had no fucking clue if she was being well taken care of.

"Mommy," Grace was sitting in her lap, with her head resting against her chest. She had been quiet for several minutes, which had given Erin's mind time to wander. She forced herself to refocus.

"Yeah, baby," she replied.

"I'm hungry," Grace whispered quietly.

 _Jesus. Christ._ Erin thought. _I am the worst mother ever_. Of course Grace was hungry. It was past dinner time, and she hadn't even had her after school snack.

Well, silver lining, at least Grace has finally learned to be comfortable enough to ask for food.

"I'm sorry, Grace," she replied, meaning it. "Let's get you some food."

"I can take her," Hank stood up from across the room. He was not feeling particularly useful at the moment, and he _really_ needed something to do. He had offered to go and beat the shit out of the substitute teacher, but Erin had just laughed quietly at his offer and shook her head, as if she appreciated him lightening the mood with a joke. Except, of course, he had been dead serious.

He was almost sad the son of a bitch that shot Halstead had been killed at the scene. He _really_ wanted to beat the shit out of someone _._ "Can Grandpa take you, Gracie?" He kept his voice as soft as he could make it, trying to stop his inner anger from seeping into his tone.

"Okay," she nodded. She _loved_ her Grandpa Hank.

Erin smiled up at Hank gratefully, but then added, "Do you want me to come, bug?"

"That's okay, mommy." She said, hopping off of her lap. Then she moved towards her Grandpa Hank and motioned for him to lean down so she could whisper in his ear. "Can we get mommy some ice cream?" Ice cream made _everything_ better.

"Of course we can, pumpkin." He replied, as he straightened and grabbed her hand. "Let's go see what we can find."

000000000000

The call came in five minutes later, and Erin jumped up at the sound. "Hello," she said into the receiver.

"Hey," Rachel replied. She was already in the car, and would hopefully be seeing Erin very soon, but she didn't want to wait to give Erin the news. "I made some calls," she started, by way of introduction. "Cynthia, the new girl who replaced Amber, is the one who picked up Maddie."

Erin tried to put the name together with a face, but she was having trouble facing her. _No wonder_ , she thought. A DCFS counselor she knew personally would _never_ have taken Maddie. Or at the very least, Erin would have received a phone call. "Okay, where are they now?" She rushed the question out, getting to her feet.

She reached into the pocket for her car keys, and grimaced when she realized they weren't there. So much for not needing her car. She needed her car _now._ She needed to get Grace from the cafeteria and go find her baby. And she needed to do it _before_ Jay was transferred to his new room, because there was no way in _hell_ this bitch Cynthia was going to cause her to miss that.

"Cynthia dropped her off at the Millers," she said. "About an hour ago, maybe two."

Erin sighed a small sigh of relief. She may not know Cynthia, but she knew the Millers. They were good people. They were probably filling Maddie up on sugar by now, but they were _really_ good people.

Maddie was probably scared, but if anyone could try to calm her down for a few hours, it would be them.

"Okay," she said. She moved towards the door of the visitor's area to go find Grace, and she saw that Eloise was trailing behind her. "I'm on my way."

"Wait, Erin, listen." Rachel took a deep breath. "Cynthia is on her way to the hospital," She had just finished _demanding_ Cynthia drive to the hospital immediately. "She flagged Maddie's file." She wanted to _kill_ Cynthia. When all this was over, Rachel was going to have her fired for sure. Rachel had been in DCFS four over four years, and with social workers constantly coming and going from the department, Rachel definitely had some seniority over there. "She told the Miller's that Maddie could only be picked up by a blood relative, and if you showed up at their door, to call the police and have you arrested."

"What?" _Could she even do that?_ The Miller's _knew_ Erin, and half the fucking police force was sitting in the visitor's area with her. "That's ridiculous."

"I know," Rachel continued. "And I'm not sure it would exactly stand up in court or anything." Actually, she was _pretty sure_ it wouldn't. But she didn't want to press her luck. "But you still have an active case with DCFS right now."

Erin closed to her eyes and moved back into the room, Eloise still standing behind her, looking at her with grave concern.

Rachel was right. Erin was Grace's _foster_ mother, and she was in the process of trying to adopt her. Which was actually not as easy as it sounded, being an unmarried woman in a considerably new relationship, at least by DCFS's standards.

And her position at DCFS wasn't going to get her special treatment with Grace. It _may_ get her special treatment with Maddie, but if this bitch Cynthia wanted to raise a problem, she probably could.

"What do I do?" she whispered into the phone. Maddie would probably be okay for a few hours at the Miller's, but she couldn't _sleep_ there. She was probably so scared.

And Jay couldn't wake up and have Maddie not be there.

 _If_ Jay woke up.

God, this was _such_ a mess.

"I'm on my way to the Miller's now," Rachel said. _Her name_ wasn't on the file, and she still worked at DCFS. "I'm going to see if _I_ can get Maddie." And hopefully by the time Rachel picked her up and brought her home, Cynthia will be at the hospital, Erin will figure this out with her, and everything would be fine.

 _Here's hoping,_ Rachel thought, as she pulled off the highway and turned towards the Miller's home.

00000000000000000

Cynthia showed up in the hospital visitor's lounge thirty minutes later, looking visibly uncomfortable. She showed up dressed in jeans and a short sleeve t-shirt, and had likely already gone home for the night before getting the call demanding her immediate presence at Chicago Med.

"Hi," she said, her voice actually sounded much more confident than she looked. "I'm looking for Erin Lindsay."

Erin stood up from her seat, with a now sleeping Grace on her shoulder, and walked towards Cynthia. She passed Grace to Hank's open arms, and then extended her hand to shake, "Cynthia, I presume?" She replied, her voice laced with just as much confidence, with the added bonus of complete irritation.

"That's right," Cynthia shifted, feeling the weight of everyone's stares.

Erin got right to it, not willing to waste any precious time. "I know you're _new_ at DCFS," she said, emphasizing the word new as if it tasted badly coming from her mouth. "But you don't just _drop_ a child off in protective placement without doing a little background checking." She let her words sit for a moment, and then she gave Cynthia a once over, slowly checking out her casual clothes. "And you _certainly_ don't go _home_ before the matter is taken care of," she finished, her voice full of disdain.

"I spoke to Madeline's teacher," Cynthia shifted uncomfortably, wishing she had changed back into her work clothes before rushing out the door.

"Her _substitute_ teacher," Erin corrected.

Cynthia just ignored the comment and continued, "She told me that Madeline has one legal guardian, and that he was currently unconscious at the hospital." She paused, "I double checked," because she _had_ , "And found that information to be correct."

Erin stared at her in disbelief. She wasn't going to lose a moment's sleep over getting this idiot fired after all was said and done. "So, you decided it was late, you were tired and wanted to go home, and you just took her to the Miller's?"

"No," Cynthia replied immediately, a little harsher than she had intended. "That's protocol and-"

"You forget," Erin cut her off. "I know the protocol. I've worked at DCFS longer than five minutes." Her eyes grew even angrier as she spit out the words. "You are supposed to find them a family member." She shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment and trying to stop herself from punching this bitch in the face.

"You're not supposed to just _leave_ them with strangers," Erin's voice broke at the word strangers, as the emotion leaked into her voice. Maddie was probably so scared. She wasn't like Grace. She wasn't used to being abandoned. She had never spent a single night away from her father; not once in her four and a half years.

Cynthia had had _enough_ of being berated in front of an entire room of strangers, and so kept her voice cool and emotionless when she said, "You're _not_ family. "

Erin froze in place then, forcing her fists to stay by her side. _You need to stay calm,_ she thought, _Grace is in the room. She's watching._ She saw Grace slowly stirring awake in Hank's arms as he stood from where he sat out of the corner of her eye. He was clearly just as ready to pounce on this woman, Grace in his arms and all.

 _He probably wants to throw her in the cage,_ she thought, humorlessly.

When she didn't respond right away, Cynthia took the opportunity to continue. "I don't have any responsibility to _you_."

Erin took a deep, steadying breath, and decided to change tactics. "Okay," she replied, knowing she _legally_ wasn't going to win that battle. "Okay." She repeated, nodding her head this time. "Well, what about your responsibility to my _daughter?_ " She asked, wanting to wipe that ugly smirk from Cynthia's face. "Because just looking around this room, I see _two_ blood relatives of Maddie's. You could have _easily_ put her in their care."

Eloise, who had been standing against the wall, watching the exchange, moved towards the center of the room to finally join the conversation. She had known this whole time that all she needed to do was pipe up and said _I'm Maddie's aunt, I'll take her,_ but she had been biding her time.

"Oh," Cynthia said, finally having the decency to look a little embarrassed. "Well, if they can show some identification, then they are welcome to go to the Miller's and pick her up. Madeline can remain in their custody," she said. Then she gave another small smirk, and added, "But their custody only."

Erin just let out an irritated laugh, as she shook her head.

Fine. Eloise could go pick up Maddie. She didn't care _who_ picked up Maddie, she just wanted Maddie here _now._

Plus, Eloise was _living_ in her house.

Plus, Jay was going to wake up soon, anyway. He _had_ to wake up soon.

She had been about to agree when Eloise stepped forward and finally spoke. "No," she said, bringing out her full on bitch voice, the one Erin hadn't heard since the first day she had met her.

Erin was shocked at her words, and she turned to stare at Eloise, as she continued. "I may be Maddie's aunt, but Erin Lindsay is Maddie's _mother._ " She looked at Erin, hoping this action could convey her apology more than words ever could. "Erin get's custody of Maddie."And then, since Eloise wasn't the least bit concerned about cursing in front of Grace, she added, " _Right fucking now._ "

000000000

In the end, Cynthia caved.

Erin didn't know if it was Eloise's final proclamation, or the fact that Cynthia must have realized she had _seriously_ screwed up when she didn't go searching for other relatives, but Erin didn't care. Rachel was on her way to the hospital with her baby girl, and that was all that mattered.

Grace, who had fallen asleep again, began to stir in Hank's arms. Erin walked over to her. "Hi, bug," she said, keeping her voice low and soft. "Did you have a good nap?" She really should be getting her home. Once Maddie got there, she would have to figure that out.

Grace rubbed her tired eyes and extended her arms up to Erin, signaling she wanted to be held. Erin lifted her and held her tight. "Mommy," Grace whispered against her ear.

"Yeah, Gracie?" She whispered back.

"Is Daddy going to go to heaven like my mommy did?"

Erin's heart shattered into a million pieces at the sound of Grace's question. Between Jay getting shot and Maddie getting placed with the Miller's, she hadn't actually taken the time to sit and _explain_ to Grace what was happening. And the last time one of her parent's got shot, they _had_ gone to heaven.

She pulled back, and looked at Grace in the face. Her eyes were sad, and tears were pooling in her eyes. "No, baby." She said, "The doctor's took _really_ good care of Daddy, and he's going to be all better so soon."

"Can we go see him when Maddie gets here?" She wanted to see for herself.

She leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "He just needs to rest a little right now. But we'll see him soon, I promise." She _really_ hoped she could keep that promise.

Suddenly a shrieking voice came from the other side of the room. "MOMMY! GRACIE!" And then Maddie was catapulting herself into Erin's arms. Her eyes were dry but puffy, and there was definitely evidence of the previous tears that must have streamed down her face.

Erin stood, holding both of her girls, and she finally smiled her first real smile of the day. "Mads," she said, trying to keep her voice light. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Mommy," she said, her smile mirroring Erin and Grace's, so happy to finally be with them. But then her voice softened. "I was scared I was never going to see you again. Ms. Cynthia said Daddy was really hurt and I had to go live with someone else."

My God. Erin was going to _kill_ that woman. "Oh, baby, I would _never_ let that happen." Then she placed both girls on the ground and bent down to look at them. "And your daddy is going to be just fine."

"He is?" Maddie asked, surprised.

Erin closed her eyes briefly and let out the saddest of sighs. These two little girls were so used to death, it just broke her heart. "Yes," she said, smiling wide. "Let's go see him, okay?"

She didn't care if he had been moved to the ICU, or if he still in the PACU. They needed to see Jay, and they needed to see him now.

Erin looked at Will, and Will seemed to immediately understand her message. He nodded, knowing that he could get in trouble for this, but not caring in the slightest. "Let's go," he said, quietly.

And then he led the three girls out the door, in search of Jay.

At the entrance, Erin turned to Eloise. "You coming?" she asked.

Eloise smiled softly, "You three go first," she said, knowing it was the right thing. Those were the people Jay should see when he first opened his eyes. "I'll be here."

Erin just nodded, sending her a silent thank you, and then she followed Will.

They found Jay just being settled into his room in ICU, and after Will _seriously_ sweet talked the nurses, Erin and her two daughters were allowed to sit by Jay's bed.

Jay's arm was in a sling, but between his gown and the blanket that was fully covering his body, he looked almost peaceful. And while there were still wires and IV lines attached to his body, the tube had been removed from his throat.

She was grateful he had no visible bruising, knowing that would scare the girls.

She pushed the large arm chair up against Jay's bed, and reached out to touch his hand. It felt surprisingly warm, like he truly _was_ just sleeping.

She leaned back into the chair, letting the hum of the monitors relax her. She had both her girls on either side of her, leaning into her, watching their daddy sleep soundly.

They were finally all together, and all was _almost_ right with the world.

The only thing she needed now was for her man to open those beautiful blue eyes of his and finally come back to them.

She just hoped it would happen soon.

 **XOXO**

 **Please Review :)**


	46. Chapter 46

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 46,**

As Jay drifted slowly into semi-consciousness, there is only pain.

His head feels heavy, his shoulder feels stiff and bruised, and his hip - oh god, does his hip hurt. Stabbing pains shoot through his body as he tries to shift even slightly.

 _Where am I?_ he thought, as he tried, but failed to open his eyes.

Even with his eyes closed, he can hear sounds drifting around the room. First, the slow beeping of monitors, then the subtle sounds of low snores, and finally a voice he doesn't recognize.

"He's still stable," the voice says. "We're just going to have to be patient and stay hopeful." The voice is low, but smooth, and it sounds _anything_ but hopeful. It belongs to a man, Jay realizes. It sounds somewhat familiar, but he can't place it through the fog that is resting heavily on his pounding head.

But then a voice breaks through, a voice he _does_ recognize.

"But doctor, it's been _48_ hours," the voice pleads.

 _Erin._

Jay tries again, harder this time, to open his eyes. He continues to focus on her words, but the questions she is hurling back to back at the doctor get lost in the haze, and before he knows it, he is asleep again.

00000000

"Hey, Jay." Jay wakes again, this time he notices that he is in slightly less pain than the last. Instead of stabbing pains in his hips, his limbs just feel... _heavy._ As do his eyelids.

The sounds of the monitors are still beeping in the background, but he doesn't hear the soft snores he recognized the last time he had drifted into consciousness.

With his eyes still closed, he tried to focus on the sound of Hank Voight's voice.

"You need to wake up, Halstead." Voight continued.

 _I am awake,_ Jay wanted to answer, but he struggled to find his voice. Once again, he attempted to open his blue eyes, to find Voight's gaze.

Nothing.

"They need you," he whispered. "Erin, Maddie, and Grace," he continued, as if Jay didn't know to whom Hank was referring.

He did. _I know they do_ , he thought.

The harder he tried to open his eyes, the more exhausted he became. He felt his body slipping into unconsciousness, but not before he heard Hank Voight's next words.

"I'm keeping the ring safe for you, Halstead."

Jay felt himself freeze. Well, as much as he could when already felt frozen in place in his bed.

Then his chest began to feel heavy.

Jay could feel the bed dip slightly, and he absently wondered if Voight had pressed his hand on the bed. He tried again to focus, harder than he ever tried before. But his chest felt heavy, and he was struggling to breath, and then Voight's word became blurred and the sounds of the monitors echoed, louder than before, and then he heard a bustle of activity in the room, voices he didn't recognize seemingly surrounding his bed on both sides.

And then the world, once again, went black.

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"I need some help in here!" Voight yelled out, running towards the door. The monitors had started beeping, blinking and turning bright colors, and Jay's breathing had become slow and ragged.

If Voight wasn't mistaken, he thought it seemed like Halstead was having a panic attack.

Maybe Halstead had heard him?

He knew that wasn't possible. It was just wishful thinking. Jay had been sleeping soundly for the past 72 hours with no signs of waking any time soon. The doctor's still seemed hopeful, but his hope had been starting to wane.

He finally had a moment alone with Halstead, this being the first time in 72 hours that Erin had left Halstead's side. And it had taken _a lot_ of convincing from Hank. She had spent every night sleeping fitfully on the cot next to him, waiting for him to wake up.

Grace and Maddie had spent the first night in the hospital, snuggled into the twin cot with their mother, but after that, Erin had insisted Hank take them home.

 _They need their own beds,_ she had said.

 _They need you,_ he had wanted to respond.

But he hadn't. Instead, he had taken Grace and Maddie home with him, and had brought them back to the hospital the next day.

And then, that had become their routine. He would take the girls home when it was time for bed, and bring them back in the morning. Erin would spend the day with the girls, playing games and reading books in the hospital room.

They would entertain visitors throughout the day, each visitor offering to sit with Jay while the girls got some air, but the three girls would shake their heads, adamantly refusing to leave Jay's side.

But this morning, Erin had sent him a text message asking him to pick up a bag of chocolate chips on the way to the hospital.

When he had gotten there, Erin had said she was going to take Maddie and Grace to the hospital cafeteria to get some breakfast this morning, in lieu of breakfast being brought to them.

She had taken the bag of chocolate chips from him, telling him she was planning on slipping it to the hospital chef. She wanted him to make chocolate chip pancakes for the girls.

Because, she said, today was _Saturday._

Her voice had broken slightly when she said it, but she had forced a smile for her two beautiful daughters, the way she always did when they came into the room.

He knew she waited for them to leave at night to break down, to finally let the tears flow.

His little girl's world was falling apart, and he had a front row seat.

"Push 2 mg of Lorazepam," he heard the on-call physician say.

The nurse moved to the metal drawers in the corner of the room, punching in her code and removing a vial from the second drawer. She moved quickly over to Jay's IV, and shoved the contents through the tube.

"Okay," the doctor sighed out. "Good."

Everyone watched as Jay's heart rate slowed back to a normal rate. Voight let out a large sigh of relief, glad Jay was fine, but even more glad Erin hadn't been there to witness whatever it was that had just taken place.

As the doctors and nurses filed slowly out of the room, he returned to Halstead's bed, and searched his sleeping form.

He _needed_ Jay to wake up.

He still had the engagement ring in his pocket. He wanted to hand it back to Halstead at the same time as he handed him his blessing.

He knew Erin had never been happier in her life.

They were a family.

He just _really_ needed Jay to wake up.

0000000000

"Mommy?"

Erin's eyes drifted open at the sound of Maddie's voice. The sun had begun to set, and a dark shadow had settled on the room. "Yeah, baby."

"Do you think Daddy will wake up before the next chocolate chip pancake day?" She asked, as Erin stood and walked over to the doorway. She flipped the light switch on, and widened her eyes as they adjusted to the fluorescent lights now streaming through.

"I hope so, baby." Erin said softly, as she moved back towards them. Maddie was sitting on the couch, and Grace was fast asleep on the cot that stood aside Jay's bed. The sheets were rumpled from the days use, and one corner had lost it's place, the yellow of the mattress coming plainly into view. Grace didn't seem to mind.

"I want Daddy to wake up now," Maddie whispered, not wanting to sound like she was whining. She needed to be strong for her Daddy. Her daddy was the stronger person she knew, and she wanted to be just like him.

Erin sat down next to Maddie on the couch, and wrapped her up into her arms. "Me too, Mads." She kissed Maddie on the top of the head, letting her know her reaction was completely normal, that Erin was feeling it, too. She whispered once again, "Me too."

After a few moments of silence, Erin could feel as Maddie began shifting nervously. "What's wrong, Mads?" She asked, pulling Maddie away so she could get a good look in her eyes.

"What if Daddy _doesn't_ wake up?" She whispered, her eye moving towards Jay and then to Grace. "What's going to happen to our family?" Tears began to spill over, and she was barely able to get the question out before a large hiccup rocked her body.

Erin closed her eyes for a moment, forcing her own tears back. "Madeline Rose Halstead," she said, her voice as clear and unwavering as she could make it. "Your Daddy is going to be _fine._ " She wanted to say that first, before she added the rest of it - the thing that came after the _what ifs_ and the _worst case scenarios_ that she had been pushing around her head since the day Maddie was taken from her.

Fucking Cynthia. This was all _her_ fault.

"But if he isn't," she said, her voice softer but still just as clear. "You, and me, and Grace. _We_ are a family. We're going to _stay_ a family. Forever." She leaned into kiss Maddie on the forehead, and she let her lips rest for several moments before she added, " _Nothing_ and _no one_ is going to change that, I promise you."

Maddie finally allowed herself to relax a little, knowing her mommy didn't break promises. "Okay," she whispered. "I love you, mommy."

"I love you, too, baby." Erin replied, "More than you could ever know."

And then, as Maddie relaxed into her side, she let the tears come.

000000000000

When Jay's eyes finally open, it was dark in the room. There was a soft glow coming from a lamp in the corner of the room, but it was barely casting any light.

The room was mostly quiet, save the sound of the beeping monitors coming from next to his bed.

When he looked down, he noticed Erin sleeping soundly under a small white blanket on the bed next to his. Her feet were peeking out of the small blanket, but her bare feet were covered in thick gray socks.

She seemed so peaceful in that moment that he almost didn't want to wake her.

Instead, he studied her features. Even with the soft glow of the lamp, he was still able to see the dark grey bags under her eyes, the tear stains against her cheeks. Her hair was in a messy pony tail, the way she often wore it after a long day.

He noticed that she was curled up into fetal position, tightly holding a pillow in her arms.

The place where she usually held him.

"Erin," he whispered, realizing he _does_ in fact want to wake her.

She didn't stir right away, and so he repeated her name, saying it louder this time. "Erin!"

Finally, he watched as her eyes drift open, as she slowly took in her surroundings. He watched as she shoots up in her bed, even as a smile springs to her lips.

"Oh my god," she said, as she nearly trips out of the bed. "Jay, thank god." She began to move towards him, sitting slowly down on the bed and leaning into him. "God, I missed you."

He has no idea how long he's been unconscious, or how long she's been sitting by his side, but he's so unbelievably grateful that she's here.

"I missed you, too," He replied. His throats felt raw and sore, but he didn't care. The pain in his throat wasn't about to stop the words from leaving his mouth. He knew they _both_ really need to hear them. "I love you, Erin Lindsay."

Tears began to stream down her face when she responds. "I love you, too," she sighed. And then she lightly pressed her lips against his, savoring the feeling.

He smiled into the kiss, and shook his head with awe. The warmth of her lips against his is _everything_ , and he finally lets a tear fall away.

Everything that brought him to this hospital bed, to this moment, it slowly drifted away as he kissed his beautiful girl.

He couldn't imagine a better way to wake up.

0000000

When he woke up the second time, Hank Voight had taken Erin's place and was sitting in the chair next to him.

"Halstead," he said, his voice the same low, gruff it always was. Jay was shocked at how _good_ it felt to hear that voice. This voice that usually terrified him was now bringing him unbelievable relief.

"Thank you," Jay choked out the words, as he remembered the way Voight had kept his hand pressed against the bullet wound, stifling the bleeding as much as he could. If it hadn't been for the combined efforts of Voight and Dawson, he probably wouldn't be sitting here right now.

A slow grin reached Voight's lips as he replied, "Don't thank me, yet." He said, smirking at him. "Now that you're awake, we have some _things_ to discuss." Even though he was _fully_ planning on giving Halstead his blessing to marry Erin, he couldn't help giving his detective a hard time.

Battered and bruised and all, it was still one of Voight's favorite activities.

 _So much for feeling relieved,_ Jay thought, as he shifted uncomfortably under Voight's steely gaze. "Things?" He asked, unsure of what Voight meant.

Voight reached into his pocket and pulled out the black velvet box that he had retrieved from Jay's pocket four days before. "Things," he replied, as he placed it on the bed.

"Sir," Jay said, his eyes widening as he looked at the ring. "I brought it in to work so I could talk to you," he rushed the words, willing Voight to understand, "I would _never_ have proposed without getting your blessing first." He wanted to make sure Voight _knew_ that.

But Voight just continued to stare at him, signaling for him to continue.

"Last week, you told me you wanted to adopt Erin," he began. "And that day, you warned me that things aren't official until the ink is dry." He remembered the sick feeling he had ever since Voight had said those words to him. "I want the ink to be dry," he said, his voice wavering only slightly. "And I want that ink to be permanent marker."

Jay vaguely remembered his prepared speech, and deciding not to use it. _Let's just try for honesty,_ he thought, as he spoke the words that had been in his heart since the day he laid eyes on Erin Lindsay. "I love your daughter," he said, not even bothering with the formalities of _foster_ daughter. For all intents and purposes, Erin was his.

"I've loved her since the first day I met her. I love her smile and the sound of her laugh, and I love that she is the most fantastic mother to our beautiful girls." He paused, as the emotion seeped into his voice. "I want her to adopt them, and I want them to be their mother, _officially._ "

But then he continued, because it wasn't just that. He wanted Voight to know that he wasn't just looking for a mother for his children. "But more than that, I want her to be my _wife._ " He said, finally. "She is kind, and strong, and when she looks at me, it's like the whole world falls away." He shook his head, as if disbelieving his own words. "I don't know how she does it, but she looks into my eyes and she sees my soul."

"She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I just want the chance to be that for her, too."

A stubborn tear slid down his cheek as he finished his speech, and he looked up at his boss, hoping to see a glint of a blessing in his eye.

"Halstead," Voight replied, lifting the ring from where it sat on the bed. "That's what you should say," he nodded, "Those words." Then he handed over the ring, sliding it gracefully into Jay's open palm. "When you propose to my girl."

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

"I want to wake Daddy up."

He couldn't help but smile at the sound of Maddie's whispers, even as they were summoning him from his restful sleep. At least this time when Jay woke up, he felt lighter than he had before. The nurse had woken him several times in the middle of the night to check his vitals and administer medications, and the medications must have finally been doing their job, because the sharp pains that were present with every slight movement were now slowly receding into just a mild discomfort.

"We shouldn't," Grace replied in a hushed tone. He knew Maddie would listen to her, always heeding her words like an older sister.

He was about to open his eyes, when he heard Maddie's next words. "I'm just happy he woke up," Maddie whispered, and he noticed that her voice was full of a sadness and relief Jay had never heard in her tone before.

So, this time when Jay woke up, he kept his eyes closed on purpose. He knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to know what brought on that tone, and he knew if she saw him open his eyes, she would be so excited and happy and he wouldn't be able to find it in him to ask her and bring that tone back.

Similar to the first morning Erin spent in his bed, he listened eagerly to the whispered conversation between his two daughters, waiting for Maddie to continue.

"Because now I won't get taken away again," she said, finally.

 _Taken away?_

 _What?_

The words stunned him into silence for a moment, and before he could open his blue eyes and tell Maddie that no one would _ever ever_ take his baby girl away from him, Grace answered for him.

"Mommy would _never_ let that happen," Grace said, her voice calm and sure.

Jay finally opened his eyes slowly, taking in the room. The sun was streaming through the paper blinds of the hospital window, casting bright lines to spread in a striped pattern across his bed and the floor. Grace and Maddie were standing on one side of his bed, their bodies scooted as close to the bed as possible without _actually_ touching it.

And then there was Erin. She was sitting on the arm chair that was pushed up against the other side of his bed. Her neck was kinked uncomfortably, but she was snoring soundly, with a small smile on her sleeping face.

"Hi, girls," he croaked out, his voice full of emotion. It was _so_ good to see them.

Their heads swiveled towards him at the same time, and he noticed right away the tears that sprung to Grace's eyes.

She may have _sounded_ calm and sure, but she had _really_ needed her Daddy to wake up. This was the first _real_ family she had ever had, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing it.

"Daddy," she whispered back, following Maddie towards the head of his bed.

"Daddy," Maddie repeated, "We missed you so much!"

He helped both of them onto the narrow hospital mattress and snuggled them each under one arm. "I missed you too, Mads," he said, as he bent down to kiss Maddie on the top of her head. "You too, bug." He said, repeating the gesture once again.

"Mommy said the doctors fixed you, and that you're going to be all better?" Uncertainty seeped through Maddie's voice, and Jay could tell she meant that more as a question and that she needed reassurance.

Well, she was going to get it. Even if his arm had begun to hurt as Maddie leaned into it, and the scar on the outermost part of his lower abdomen began to ache with the weight of Grace's body, he _was_ going to make sure his little girl knew he was going to be just fine. "Your mommy is right about that," he said. Then, he leaned in real close, and whispered, "But we should probably whisper, because your mommy needs her rest."

Maddie smiled, and he even felt Grace relax beside him.

After several more minutes of animated whispering, he heard Erin shift beside them.

He watched her open her eyes, and take in the sight before her. The smile that was already on her face widened until she was beaming at him, dimples and all.

"Good morning, beautiful." He said, smiling back.

"Hi," she replied, her voice raspy and full of sleep.

He looked at her and then down at his two beautiful daughters, and he was truly astonished at how much love he had in his heart in that moment.

He knew he had everything he was ever going to need, right here in this small hospital room.

00000000000000

"Why don't you go relax on the couch, babe," Erin said, as she followed Jay down the front hallway of their apartment. "I'll put the girls to bed." He hadn't had a sling around his arm since the first day he woke up in the hospital, but she knew the other bullets trajectory was still causing him significant discomfort.

Still, she had expected an argument from him, since it was his first night home. But instead, he looked at her gratefully, and moved towards the couch.

 _He must be in more pain that he's letting on,_ she thought. She turned back to peer at Eloise, who was currently holding Maddie's hand with one hand, and one of the suitcases from the hospital in the other.

Eloise raised her eyebrows and made a nervous face, mimicking exactly what Erin had been thinking.

"I can put the girls to bed," she offered as she shoved the suitcase against the wall in the hallway.

"Umm.." Erin thought for a moment. "No," she said, shaking her head after a beat of silence. "I want to put them to bed." She hadn't been home to put them to bed in a week either _,_ and even with all the attention she showered the girls with at the hospital, she knew it wasn't the same.

"Thank you, though," She added, truly meaning it. Eloise had been a godsend in the past week, helping with _anything_ Erin and the girls needed, and never giving it a second thought. That, combined with the fact that she had stood up to the DCFS social worker... Well, let's just say they were _definitely_ square.

"I'll take Jay, then?" Eloise asked, seeking permission and being careful not to overstep.

"Yeah," she nodded in agreement, "That'd be great."

Erin knew she would talk to Jay in bed tonight, and she figured a conversation with his sister couldn't hurt.

000000000000

"How ya feeling, big brother?" Eloise said, plopping down on the chair across from the leather couch.

"I've been better," Jay responded, gesturing his lower abdomen near his hip.

Eloise examined her brother's features, and she could tell something was plaguing him. Something _other_ than the pain he was in.

"Want to talk about it?"

 _Not really_ , he thought.

But then Jay took a deep breath, and considered his sister. He wasn't sure when she was supposed to be getting back to D.C. and to her life, but he imagined she had stayed longer than she planned to help with Erin and the girls.

She deserved more than being blown off with an answer like _Fine._

"It's just..." He shifted into a more comfortable position, leaning his side against one of the throw pillows on the couch. The pain had actually been improving, but he had essentially been lying in bed for over a week, and he had been shocked by how exhausted and winded he felt after moving from the car to the apartment.

But of course, that wasn't what was _really_ bothering him. "I talked to Hank," he admitted, glad he had actually told his sister about the proposal _before_ he got shot, and that his sister would know _exactly_ what he meant. No more explanation needed.

Sure enough, she responded right away, shifting her head to the side expectantly. "And?"

 _And, nothing,_ he realized. It had gone _fine._

And yet something had been nagging at him ever since their conversation.

"He gave me his blessing," he whispered, even though he knew Erin was nowhere near close enough to actually hear him.

"That's great... Right?" She said the words slowly, as if she was confused. He didn't blame her.

He was confused.

"Yeah, it is," he said. "It's just... I don't know, El. I had this whole plan." Ever since his conversation with Hank, he had been thinking of his plan to propose. He had even checked with the Corson's to make sure they were really serious about taking the girls for the weekend. He was going to cook Erin her favorite dinner, and then they would open up a bottle of wine with dessert, they would move towards the fireplace, and when they were all cozied up together on the couch in the firelight, he would propose. He had it all planned.

Except something felt... off.

And he couldn't place exactly what it was.

A look of understand dawned on Eloise's face. "And the injury got in the way of it?"

"Exactly," Jay lied.

 _She doesn't understand a thing_.

He really needed to figure out what was bothering him... and fast.

0000000000

Jay could tell something was on Erin's mind as they got dressed for bed later that night.

The nurses had been changing his bandages for him for the past several days, but tonight was the first time he had to do it himself. So he stepped into the bathroom to take care of it as quickly as possible, eager to finally talk to her.

When he finally slid into bed fifteen minutes later, he wrapped his arms around Erin, and whispered into her ear. "Tell me something."

Erin shivered at the feel of his breath against her neck.

Even though she had spent every night in the hospital with him tucked in his arms in the small hospital bed, _this_ felt different _._ They were finally _home._ They were finally _together_ in their own bed.

She wanted to turn around and capture his lips in a slow kiss. She wanted to deepen the kiss until they were both panting against each other, their fingers slowly clawing against each other's warm skin.

But she knew she couldn't. Not yet.

Not until she finally told him about everything that had happened when he had been lying unconscious in a hospital bed.

"DCFS took Maddie," she said, feeling suddenly so unbelievably ashamed by her completely incompetence as a mother. "They only gave her back because of Eloise."

Because _she_ was family.

And Erin wasn't.

Jay shifted his body and used his good arm to turn Erin to face him. "I know," he said. Maddie and Grace had told him everything when he asked a few days ago. He had been waiting for Erin to finally get up the courage to tell him. He had known she had been upset about it, but he hadn't expected her to sound so _embarrassed._

"You know?" Her voice was louder than she intended, but she had been taken completely aback.

"Yeah," he said, his voice soft. He kissed her lightly on the lips, but he noticed that she barely kissed him back.

She couldn't believe he knew this whole time. She couldn't decide if she should be upset or angry or _completely_ relieved.

She had been _dreading_ telling him. She had been late to pick the girls up from school, she had lost track of time and had _forgotten_ her own children. Except actually, they weren't even her own children; Maddie was _his_ child. Cynthia had made that pretty damn clear.

But on the other hand, he could have _told_ her he knew. He could have put her out of her misery _days_ ago.

When she didn't speak, he continued, "You know it wasn't your fault, right?"

His voice was honest and full of love and understanding, and she began to soften towards him. "You're just saying that to make me feel better." He may be willing to let her off the hook, but she wasn't.

"No, I'm not." _I'm saying it because it's my damn fault._

And as he held her in his arms, he realized one thing, at least. It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to propose. His uneasiness had _nothing_ to do with his desire to marry Erin. He wanted her as his wife as soon as she would have him.

But if that wasn't it… then what was it?

000000000000

It came to him four torturous days later, when he stood in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at the sight in front of him.

"Mommy, can I help stir?" Maddie asked.

"Sure Mads, hold on," Erin said, placing the spoon on a napkin by the bowl. The pancake batter was completely stirred and ready to go, but she could never say no to her little helpers.

"Me too, Mommy," Grace added from the corner of the kitchen.

"Okay, bug." Erin said, as she moved towards the kitchen table to grab two chairs. She slowly dragged the chairs over to the kitchen counter, and helped Maddie and Grace onto them until they were standing.

"Be careful, though, okay." She made the comment to both girls, not wanting to single out Maddie, even though all three of them knew that comment was _completely_ directed at her. She was still prone to sudden excited outburst where she completely forgot that she was standing up on a chair or sitting on a stool.

"Okay, Mommy," they both nodded their heads in agreement, smiles wide on their faces.

Erin watched the two girls stir the chocolate chips into the batter, but her mind was full of Jay.

He had been acting _so_ strange the past few days. The conversation on their first night home had ended fine, and she had fallen asleep safely wrapped in his arms, and had woken up the same way. And the pain seemed to be slowly tapering off; he was even walking normally now. But for some reason, the past four days he had been acting… off.

Every time she said _Tell me something_ , trying to get it out of him, he always answered with something else. He would say I love you _,_ or he would tell her a story from his childhood, and well, she couldn't exactly complain about those admissions.

But for some reason she couldn't explain away the bad feeling she had deep in her gut.

The feeling that was telling her something was seriously wrong.

"Is it ready now?" Maddie's voice interrupted Erin's downward spiraling thoughts, and she shifted back into reality.

"Yeah, it's done, Mads," she said, without even looking. It had been done before.

With all of her wandering thoughts, she hadn't noticed Jay standing in the doorway.

He had meant to just come in and grab a cup of coffee. It was chocolate chip pancake day, but he had been _shooed_ out of the kitchen by all three of his girls, who had said that wanted to _make him breakfast._

He was pretty Erin was just trying to avoid him.

He had been acting so weirdly the past few days, and he knew she was beginning to notice.

So he hadn't objected, and instead he had gone into the living room to flip channels and mindlessly watch TV.

But then he had noticed the beginning of a small caffeine-withdrawal headache, and he decided he didn't want to wait for his cup of coffee so he had moved towards the kitchen. And when he found himself standing in the doorway, watching his three _amazing_ girls stirring the pancake batter, the two little ones chattering away, with their beautiful mother standing in between them, everything clicked into place.

He slipped away for a moment, and then returned to the doorway just in time to hear, _"Yeah, it's done, Mads."_

That's when he moved forward, towards Erin, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

And when she turned around, he got down on one knee.

"Erin," he began, surprised at how calm he _finally_ felt. By how _sure._

"I bought this ring before I got shot." He took a deep breath, remembering the day he purchased the ring, how he noticed the way it sparkled. The same way Erin's eyes were sparkling now.

"I was going to propose next weekend, at my cabin in Wisconsin." He kept his gaze on hers, trying to keep his voice clear. "I had a whole plan. I talked to Hank, the Corson's… we were going to snuggle in front of the fireplace and I was going to ask you to marry me while I held you in my arms. I was going to tell you that you're already the most amazing mother of my children, but that I also want you to be my wife - that I wanted to make it all official. But after I got shot, something felt off." He watched her stunned expression change as a little anxiety crept in.

He knew he needed to get to his point. "And I realize now, I realize what it was." He opened the box, and watched her eyes widen as she took in the sparkly stone. "I couldn't do it without _all_ of my girls here. And I couldn't do it in Wisconsin."

He stopped speaking for a moment, and looked around the kitchen. The center of the apartment, the place it all happened. "This is the room where you met Maddie and Grace for the first time."

"Over there," he indicated the stools at the counter, "That's where my knees brushed against yours on that first day. That's when I knew you were the most beautiful woman I had ever met." He paused, and indicated the kitchen counters. "Right over there," he paused, and then let out a laugh. "Well, I can't say what happened over there." He raised his eyebrows, indicating that it was for adult's ears only. "But that was the first time I had ever been _in lust_ and _in love_ at the same time."

Then he pointed towards the center of the floor. "That's where I was standing when Grace called me Daddy for the first time." Tears welled in his eyes as he continued. "That's when I knew you were the person I wanted to celebrate with for the rest of life."

Then, he finally moved his hand to indicate the space they were standing in. "And this. Well, this is the place I want to bend down on one knee in and tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to go to bed with you, and wake up with you, and do everything in between with you, everyday, for the rest of my life." He paused, his voice full of emotion. "That is, if you'll have me."

"Erin Lindsay," he said, as tears finally broke through and streamed down his cheeks. "I love you with every ounce of my being. And I know that I always will." He took a deep breath, and then he asked the question that had been in his heart since the day he had laid eyes on her. "Will you marry me?"

 **XOXO**

And there you have it! The proposal :) I hope you liked it and it was worth the wait. Drop me a review if you get a chance:) :)


	48. Chapter 48

I'm so glad you all loved the proposal :) I hope you enjoy the follow up chapter just as much!

Happy Monday!

 **Chapter 48,**

A million emotions raced through Erin's mind as she looked down at the love of her life, bent down on one knee, asking her to spend the rest of her life with him.

Surprise was the first.

The last thing she had ever expected this morning was a proposal. She was standing in the kitchen in black leggings and Jay's favorite blackhawks t-shirt, and she didn't have an ounce of makeup on. In fact, she was pretty sure there was pancake batter smudged across her chin.

Complete shock came next.

 _He talked to Hank? He talked to the Corson's?_

Relief was the third.

 _This_ _is why Jay had been acting so strange_. He was nervous about proposing!

It seemed so unlike him to be nervous, he always seemed so sexy and confident. She actually found it insanely endearing.

Shock came again when he opened the black velvet box, giving her her first peak at the most beautiful ring she had ever seen.

 _How is it that this man knows me so well,_ she thought, as she looked down at the simple, but elegant setting. _It's so beautiful._

Love was the last feeling, and it was the one that stayed.

Overwhelming love for this incredible man, standing in front of her, replaying all of their firsts in this kitchen. She couldn't help but smirk when she remembered their knees brushing together in the stools. She had felt it, too, that day, but she hadn't known he had. And she couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her when he mentioned their escapades on the kitchen counter. She thought about the close calls, the times they'd been interrupted while standing in this very place.

But when he mentioned the day Grace called Jay Daddy, that's when the biggest smile reached her face. She remembered that day. She remembered the longing she felt to be a part of the unbelievable family that was growing right before her eyes.

She knew it had been a significant moment for him, but she thought it had to do only with Grace. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that would be day he realized he wanted to celebrate with her, and only her, for the rest of his life.

By the time he finished his speech, and asked the most important question she would ever be asked, tears were flowing freely down her cheeks.

She could hear the sharp intake of breath that belonged to Grace on her left, and she could already hear the bubbled excitement coming from Maddie on her right.

Jay was right.

This was the perfect way to propose.

In this kitchen, with _these_ people.

In fact, it was the _only_ way she could ever imagine this moment happening.

"Yes!" She cried, and then she bent down to capture his lips with her own.

He lifted her up into his arms, his body still wired and shaking from the nerves of his speech.

He was so damn happy. And _relieved._

Not that he ever imagined she would say no. He and Erin were meant to be together, and he knew she knew it, too. But he was just relieved to have the uneasy, unsettled feeling drift completely away.

He kissed her deeply, lovingly, and only pulled away after they were both completely breathless.

"I love you," he said, as he slipped the diamond onto her left ring finger.

 _The perfect fit._ "I love you, too," she choked out in response.

"Mommy and Daddy are getting married!" Maddie screamed from her place on the chair. She was careful to hold onto the back of the chair as she jumped up and down, just like her Mommy had taught her. She had stayed silent through the entire time her Daddy was talking, just watching in awe. But now she wanted to _celebrate!_

"Yes they are," Jay replied, a goofy grin still wide on his face. His arms were still wrapped around Erin's in the center of the kitchen, but he turned his body to look at his other two girls.

Maddie had a huge smile on her face, and she was bouncing up and down like the four year old she still was.

Grace, on the other hand, was standing still. She looked so much like Erin in that moment, he was shocked they weren't _actually_ related.

But it wasn't her features, so much as her expression. She was standing on the chair, a wide smile spread across her face, crying silent, grateful tears.

The same way Erin cried when she was so unbelievably happy and relieved, when she knew with 100% certainty that it was _real_.

That this happiness wasn't going to be taken away, like all the other times when it had been.

Erin saw it, too, and she wiggled out of Jay's arms to move towards Grace. When she finally reached Grace's chair, she leaned it and said, "You know what I think?"

She kept her voice breezy and casual, even with the tears still present on her face.

"What?" Grace whispered in response, her voice full of emotion. She wiped a few tears away with the back of her hand as she looked up at her mother.

"I think when your Daddy and I get married and I become Erin Halstead, I think _you_ should become Grace Halstead," she smiled, as she saw Grace's eyes light up even more. "What do you think about you that?" She asked.

Grace just nodded, lost for words, as she memorized the moment.

"I think that's a really good idea," Jay said, coming up behind Erin to lift Grace into his arms. "We'll be the four Halstead's." Then he kissed Grace lightly on the forehead, and shifted her until she was resting comfortably on his good hip. "What do you say us four Halstead's make some chocolate chip pancakes?"

Erin found his eyes and smiled at him. He never failed to lighten the mood. "I think that's a _fantastic_ idea."

And then for the very first time, the future Mr. and Mrs. Halstead made pancakes while holding their two daughters in their arms.

000000000000000

"Surprise!"

Erin and Jay walked hand in hand into Molly's and were _shocked_ when they saw all of their friends standing in the bar.

Ruzek had been _pestering_ Jay to come to Molly's after work for a few days now, but today he had _seriously_ insisted. Even Voight had said he was going to join. Since Sam had already offered to babysit for the night so he and Erin could go celebrate their engagement, he couldn't think of a good excuse to say no.

Well, now he knew why Sam had offered.

He moved with his future bride through the room, as his eyes wandered the bar. His brother was there with Natalie, his sister was there standing a _little_ too close to Ruzek for his liking, and then there was the rest of the team, plus Rachel, and Olivia (without Ben, _thank god_ ).

"Guys," Erin spoke before he did, her voice slightly higher than her usual tone. She was clearly just as surprised as he was, but also just as happy. "I can't believe you did all of this." She smiled at them, her dimples deepening in the crevices of her cheeks.

"Are you kidding?" Voight's voice was low and gruff as he started towards them. "My little girl only gets engaged once, you know." He said, before he wrapped her in a tight hug.

"Thanks, Hank," she whispered into the hug. "For everything."

He pulled away, looking at her in the eyes and instantly knew she didn't just mean the party. "I love you, kiddo."

Before she had a chance to respond in kind, people began to pull her in a million different directions. She schmoozed for what felt like hours, thanking everyone for coming, showing off her beautiful ring, telling and retelling the story of Jay's proposal.

But she felt like she had barely seen Jay all night.

The one person she _really_ wanted to celebrate with.

As if her thoughts summoned his appearance, she felt his arms slides around her waist and his breath tingle against her ear. "Hi, beautiful," he whispered against her skin.

She turned around, and kissed him gently. "Hi," she replied.

"You know I was thinking," he whispered, still keeping his voice low. "El looks like she's gonna be here for a while," he nodded his head in her direction. She was standing next to Ruzek, and had _clearly_ turned on the charm. "And the girls are going to be asleep when we get home..." Then he leaned in close and quietly added, "Maybe I could finally get you back up on that kitchen counter... you know, have the celebration we _really_ deserve."

Suddenly, her entire body felt _hot._ It didn't matter how many months they'd been together, how many nights they had spent wrapped up naked in each others arms... she was _sure_ she would never tire of this.

Of the way he could make her feel sexy and wanted and so unbelievably turned on. It was that mix of love and lust he had been talking about. And it was just about her favorite thing in the world.

"Yeah," she sighed out, "We've got to go."

0000000000000

They barely made it through the front door of their apartment before the jackets were _thrown_ off and discarded haphazardly on the floor.

Jay shoved Erin up against the wall in the hallway and pressed his erection into her center. "I need you so bad right now," he panted, lifting his lips from hers only long enough to speak the words.

He meant it. At some point during the drive, he had somehow slipped past _want_ and tripped into _need._ Like he might die if he didn't have her.

Her leaned in again to capture her lips with his, tantalizing her tongue with his own.

"Wait," she said, leaning her head back.

 _No._ Instead of leaning back with her, his lips trailed down her neck to the sensitive spot above her collarbone. He licked and sucked while she panted underneath him.

"Wait," she said, again, a little louder this time. "Sam's here."

 _Shit_. What is it about this girl that made him _completely_ lose all sense of reality.

He sighed, and moved his body away from her. The evidence of his arousal was still quite obvious, so he reached into wallet to find three bills and shoved them into Erin's hand. "Get rid of her," he whispered, "I'll be waiting for you in the kitchen." She turned to walk away, but he grabbed her back for one more passionate kiss. "Don't be long, though. Or I'll have to start without you," he added an eyebrow raise so she _knew_ he meant business.

The smirk that graced her lips even as she rolled her eyes at him made him love her even more.

If such a thing was possible.

After several minutes, when she finally met him in the doorway of the kitchen, he could barely contain himself.

He moved towards her and lifted her into his strong arms. Her legs wrapped easily around his waist, the way they had hundreds of times before. He moved towards the counter and settled her down, as he began shoving away her clothes. He broke their kiss only long enough to fling her black tank top onto the floor, before attacking her lips again.

He removed his own shirt while she undid his buckle. When her fingers brushed against his erection while she was unzipping his jeans, he let out a loud groan. "Erin," he sighed her name.

God, he was so in love with her.

She just smiled at him as she used her legs to remove what was left of his jeans.

He reached for her jeans next, slowly taking his time removing them, as he bent down to kiss each inch of her skin as it became exposed.

"Jay," she panted at him. _The car ride was slow torture enough,_ she thought.

He knew she wanted him to stop, to move full into her, to let their bodies finally convulse and get their much needed release.

 _Not yet,_ he thought.

As his lips explored her legs, his hands spread open her thighs. She was already wet and waiting for him, and the thought made him want to explode right there.

He shoved her back, moving her body out of _his_ bodies reach. His dick was hard and ready for her, and if she stayed on the edge of the counter, he knew it would find her on it's own.

His lips continued their assent up her thighs until they found her center. As his lips teased her, his fingers moved upwards, caressing her stomach until they found her breasts, her nipples hard under his hands.

"Jay," she panted. She had never _ever_ experienced anything like this before. Her butt and back were bare against the cold counter and back wall, while the front of her body was hot with need. "I need you..." she panted, but then she paused, unable to finish the rest of her thought as a second orgasm ripped through her.

"Inside me," she finished. But then she added, "Please," because she _wasn't_ above begging.

He finally obliged, lifting his head and capturing her lips with his own. He shifted her to the edge of the counter and slowly pushed his way inside her.

They rocked against her each other, kissing mercilessly, only five feet away from the place he had proposed.

Five feet from the place he had told her he was going to love her from the moment he woke up to the minute he went to sleep, everyday, for the rest of his life.

 _Well,_ she thought, _I think we're off to a pretty great start._

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	49. Chapter 49

Hi all :) Thank for so much for the reviews on the last chapter! I really appreciate the feedback, and I am SO glad you liked it :)

Happy reading, xo

 **Chapter 49,**

"Er?" Jay had felt Erin's breathing even out almost an hour before, and he knew she was likely sound asleep. But there he was, his arms wrapped around her middle, his body pressed into her back, arguably lying in his favorite place in the world, and he couldn't fall asleep.

"Hmm..." She let out a sound between a grunt and a sigh in response, letting her fiance know that was she was awake. More awake that she would have liked, but he had been fidgeting so much that every time she began to drift off, she was awoken again. She didn't _really_ mind. With his arms wrapped around her in their big warm bed, being awake wasn't the worst thing.

She just wished he had been able to settle down, this restlessness was so unlike him.

She wriggled out from beneath his arms and slowly turned to face him. "Are you okay, baby?" She searched his face, looking for signs of distress, for _reasons_ he might still be awake at 1 in the morning.

Ever since he had proposed the week before, his little 'funk' had completely disappeared, and it was like the two of them had been walking on clouds.

"Yeah," he whispered back, holding her gaze. "I'm okay." He was touched that she had so easily woken from her slumber to sooth him, and it made him feel kind of guilty. This was a conversation that _definitely_ could have waited until morning. "Go back to sleep."

 _I wasn't asleep._ "Tell me something," she whispered, knowing this was the best way to get whatever it was out of him.

He sighed, and closed his eyes slightly. He had been going back and forth, and he was feeling so conflicted. He really wanted to bring Erin into the discussion to help him make up his mind. "We have to tell the Corson's tomorrow about the house."

They were seeing them the following day at Maddie and Grace's preschool graduation, and Jay had indicated that he would give them an answer by then. Otherwise, they wanted to put the house on the market before the end of summer. "I know you said that you were happy to live there-"

"Jay, I would go anywhere with you. You know that." She cut him off before he could continue. She knew he had been worried about how she would feel moving into his _ex-girlfriend's_ parents house permanent, but Erin really didn't see it that way.

The Corson's were _family_. They had accepted her, and she had accepted them. And without said ex-girlfriend, they would have never gotten Maddie. So, in truth, she thanked god for Allison Corson every day.

"I know," he said. They had had this conversation a few days before, and he believed her when she said she was fine with it. _More than fine with it_ was what she had said. And she wouldn't lie to him.

But the more he thought about it, the more _he_ wasn't fine with it. "It's just..." He considered how to put it, "I see Allie's face every time I look at Maddie smile." He smiled sadly as he continued, "And when Maddie laughs, I swear I close my eyes and sometimes and I think I can _hear_ Allie. Sometimes it feels like she's right there in the room with me."

Erin watched Jay's face as he struggled to continue. "Hey," she said, reaching out to place a gentle hand on his cheek. "It's okay." She hadn't even considered how difficult it might be for _him_. But then, _he_ was the one who had asked her, and he seemed fine, so she hadn't really given it a second thought.

He reached out and covered Erin's hand with his own, leaning his face into the warmth of her palm. "Don't get me wrong," he said, shaking his head slightly. "It's not like I get sad every time I see Allie's expression in Maddie's face." He didn't. "It's just... I don't know. I already have a living reminder. And when I look at Maddie, I can remember all the good we had together, and the beautiful person we made together." He paused, hoping he was making sense. "I just don't think I want to live in her house."

For some reason that he was struggling to explain, it just felt _different._

"I want to live in _our_ house," he finished. "I want us to make _new_ memories in our own home."

Erin could tell that Jay was feeling guilty about his words, and she tried to comfort him. "Jay, the Corson's will understand," she said, keeping her words soft and soothing.

She remembered back to the day Jay had forgotten Allie's birthday, how guilty he had felt for moving on, for being so _happy_ without her. She thought that between his conversation with the Corson's and with her, he had moved past this.

 _I guess not,_ she thought. "And they'll know that wherever we live, we are going to take the memories of Allie with us." _And now you'll know that, too,_ she thought, hoping her words put him at ease.

"It's not that," Jay replied, shaking his head. Surprisingly, that wasn't what had Jay feeling guilty. "The Corson's house is more than anything I could ever afford," he said, embarrassed.

He looked down at his hands, avoiding her gaze. "You and Maddie and Grace deserve a big house, with play rooms and spare bedrooms and jacuzzi's in the master bathroom and a big backyard." He began listening only _some_ of the amenities they would be saying no to. "If we turn this down, I'm just afraid we'll never have that."

 _Oh, so that's_ _what this is._ "Hey, baby, look at me." Erin's hand returned to Jay's face, lifting his chin so that his eyes were on her own. "Did you not hear me before?" She shook her head in disbelief. How is it possible that this man didn't already know this. "I would go _anywhere_ with you."

Then she pressed her lips against his and slid her body towards him. "Because I love you," she whispered against his lips. "And I love our life together."

 _How did I get this lucky?_ "I love you, too."

0000000000000

"Girls!" Erin yelled from her room, "We were supposed to leave five minutes ago, come on!"

"Babe," Jay came up behind her as she put the finishing touches on her mascara while sitting at the vanity mirror that had _never_ been used before she moved in. "I'm pretty sure _you're_ the one who isn't ready."

She shifted her eyes towards his, holding his gaze through the mirror. "Well, I would have been ready sooner if _someone_ hadn't decided to join me in the shower," she smirked at him, as the memory of their wet, soapy sex flitted through her mind.

Jay leaned down and kissed her on her neck, just below her ear. "I didn't hear you complaining," he teased.

His breath warmed her ear and her heart began to pick up speed, but she didn't reply. She couldn't think of a good come back with his body so close to hers. Plus, she _hadn't_ exactly been complaining. She took a deep breath, and sighed it out. "If you don't want to be even later, can you go check on the girls?" She laughed, and it came out throaty and deep.

He kissed her again, loving the affect he _still_ had on her after all this time. "How do you know they aren't ready? You've been in here getting dressed for the last half hour."

She turned, this time choosing to hold his gaze without the help of the mirror. "Trust me," she said, shoving him playfully towards the door. "I know my daughters."

That earned her the full Halstead grin, which he gave her before she walked out of their bedroom door.

Sure enough, when Jay left Erin to finish getting dressed, he found that _none_ of his girls were ready. "Mads, Grace, what happened in here?" He looked around their bedroom, and their were clothes _everywhere._

Maddie was currently wearing her blue and white flower dress with no tights or shoes, and Grace was wearing her white polka dot tights and her brand new pink dressy shoes and nothing else. "Did you hear your mommy? We were supposed to leave five minutes ago!"

"Daddy!" Maddie said, and when she turned towards him, he noticed for the first time that she must have done her hair all by herself this morning. "Can you help me find my silver shoes?"

"Of course, baby." He said, moving towards her. "Let me just fix your braids first, okay?" Before Erin came along, he had been a single father, and over time he had developed some pretty decent hair styling skills.

He refastened her two braids until her curly hair was neat and shining. "Should we add your white headband?" He said, as he watched Grace out of the corner of his eye. She seemed to be deciding between her yellow dress and her pink and white dress. He knew the yellow dress would mean a change of shoes, but he _also_ knew that that one was her favorite.

"The one with the flower?" Maddie said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Of course!" He said, animatedly.

He moved towards Maddie's dresser to get her white headband _with_ the flower, just as Grace slid the yellow dress over her body. _Of course,_ he thought, smiling. "Bug, do you want your silver shoes too?"

The grateful, beautiful smile she gave him when she looked up at him stopped his heart. And for the second time in ten minutes, he found himself thinking about how good it felt to _still_ have this affect on one of his girls.

That was the thing he loved most about Grace and Erin.

With everything they had lived through, will all the pain and hurt and sadness in their life, they never took a single happy moment for granted.

And the way it was beginning to rub off on him and Maddie was pretty great, too.

0000000000000

"God, we're so late." Erin said, as the four of them ran through the parking lot of the preschool, hand in hand.

"It's fine, Er," Jay said, trying to keep all three of his girls calm. "The graduation doesn't start for like two hours." Well, an hour and forty-five minutes. But who's counting.

"Yes, but the girls were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago!" She replied in a low whisper, trying to speak over the girls. She didn't want to stress them out.

But she was stressed because this was her first big school event, and she wanted everything to be perfect. The Corson's were coming _and_ Hank was coming, and that was a pretty big deal because they hadn't actually met.

"Babe, relax," Jay gave her a pleading smile, as they neared the door.

"Oh yes, because you know how being told to relax _always_ relaxes me," she smirked at him, and then sent him a wink to let him know she was just messing with him. "I'll take the girls back, you go save a bunch of seats?"

He nodded at her and then bent down so he was at the girl's level. They both looked so damn adorable in the outfits they had _finally_ chosen for the event. It was almost a pity their clothes would be covered by the white graduation gowns.

"Girls," he said, feeling surprisingly choked up all of a sudden. His girls were about to _graduate_ from preschool. They were growing up so fast, and they weren't going to be his babies much longer. "You know I love you both, right? More than anything in the entire world? And I'm so proud of both of you."

"We know," Maddie replied, all smiles today.

"We love you, too, Daddy." Grace added.

"Now that you're not _preschool_ girls anymore, are you too old to give your Daddy a hug?"

"No!" They both responded in unison, giggling together, before they fell into his arms.

After a moment, he released them, knowing they needed to get moving. "Okay," he said, "Go with your mommy, I'm going to find us seats. We'll see you when it's all done, okay? And then we're going to go out for lunch with Nana, Grandpa Danny, and Grandpa Hank."

"Okay, Daddy," Grace replied, slipping her hand into her sisters.

"I won't be long, babe," Erin said, her voice soft and full of love. Her heart was melting; Jay in daddy mode was her _favorite._

Then, she leaned over and kissed him gently, before walking towards the classrooms with the girls.

After watching his three favorite girls walk hand in hand down the hallway, Jay moved into the auditorium. Knowing they were running late, he was hoping to still be able to find a row of seats towards the front that was big enough to fit the five of them.

As he scanned the rows, he saw Amber Banks approaching him.

 _Ugh._ He _really_ didn't feel like dealing with Amber right now.

Her long, dirty blond hair, which was usually pulled back in a slick pony tail, was blown out in soft curls. Her fake-tanned skin was present in a stark contrast to her _skintight_ white dress. The dress had a V-neck line that was _way_ too low for a school function.

God, he _really_ didn't like this woman.

Whenever he ran into her at school pick-up, she always made him feel so uncomfortable. And it's not like he wasn't _used_ to getting hit on, but for some reason, he always found her _particularly_ irritating. It was probably because he _loved_ picking up the girls from school and he _hated_ when she ruined it for him.

"Jay Halstead," she said, as she finally approached him. "I was looking for you!" He was always shocked by the way she tried to make her voice sound sexy, but it ended up sounding like she was trying _way_ too hard.

Maybe he should tell her that.

He didn't of course. "Hey, Amber," he said, instead. He wasn't one to be rude. "How are you?"

"I'm great," Amber said, then she touched his arm as she said, "I was just thinking about you actually." He _hated_ the way she _always_ managed to touch him when she spoke to him. It always struck him as too intimate for the situation. "Do you _freelance?_ " She seemed to purr the last word.

 _Oh, Jesus._ "I'm sorry?" He said, trying to act as if he didn't know what she meant.

"Freelance, you know." She raised her eyebrows and then touched his arm again, this time in more a slapping, playful manner. He shifted slightly, trying to move his arm out of her reach as nonchalantly as possible. "Like private security."

 _Sometimes._ "I don't actually, I'm sorry." _Not for you._

"Oh." And then she pouted her lips in a way that probably would have been adorable if it was Maddie or Grace. But seeing as she wasn't four or five years old, it wasn't cute. At all. "That's too bad."

 _There she goes,_ he thought. _Touching me again._

It wasn't until that moment that Jay noticed Erin walking towards them. _Thank God,_ he thought, sending her his very best 'Please rescue me' stare. Erin, in a light blue dress and low tan heels, looked much more the effortlessly beautiful, elegant mother, and Jay couldn't help the pride that bubbled from him.

"Erin," Amber purred as she, too, noticed Erin's arrival. "Hi, it's so good to see you!" Jay noticed the way her voice switched from her low, I'm-trying-to-be-sexy voice to a high pitched, I'm-super-fake-and-pretending-we're-friends voice.

Erin, who was getting a little _too much_ enjoyment out of seeing Amber throw herself at Jay, just smiled back. "It's great to see you, too." She said, giving Amber her best smile. _You should really stick to yoga clothes,_ she thought, as she got a glimpse of Amber's _ample_ cleavage.

"And you remember Jay Halstead, right?" Amber said, placing her perfectly manicured hands on Jay's shoulder's once again.

Of course, Amber _knew_ she knew Jay. She had even commented on the fact that Jay picked up _her_ daughter from school. "I do," Erin replied, playing along and enjoying prolonging the moment. She knew she was being petty, but for some reason she just couldn't help it.

"Amber," Jay finally cut in. "I didn't realize you knew my fiance."

The shocked look on Amber's face - Erin wished she had a camera. "We met at school pickup," Erin explained, keeping her voice casual.

Amber's eyes widened and she shoved her arms down to the side. "Yes," she said, her voice stuttering and embarrassed. "Well, um..." She shifted awkwardly. "I should probably go back to my seat, but it was, um, great seeing you both." Then, she must have decided she needed a little something to save face, because she added, "Let me know if you change your mind, Jay."

 _He won't_ , Erin thought, without even knowing to what she was referring.

As they began to move towards their seats, Jay leaned over to Erin and whispered in her ear. He wanted to make sure she knew he did _not_ instigate any of the arm touching. "She wanted to know if I do private security," he began explaining. "I tried to move out of her way so she would stop touching me, I'm sorry about-"

"Jay," she said, cutting him off. "It's fine," she waved her hand dismissively.

Then when they took their seats, she leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Plus, I can't exactly blame her," she kept her voice low. "My man has _damn_ good arms."

xoxo

Hey guys :) So I have pretty much rounded out most of the story lines I had planned for these characters, and I was considering ending it soon. I really love love love this story and the characters, and I would be happy to brainstorm and come up with new story arcs if y'all are still interested. OR I could finish this one up in the next few chapters and start a new one. Please drop me a review to let me know your thoughts :) I'd really appreciate your feedback!

Also, who's excited for the Linstead drama tonight?!


	50. Chapter 50

Hi all! Thank you SO MUCH for your feedback about the past chapter and the story in general! I think I finally decided that I am going to do a few more chapters in this story, and then either do a multi-part epilogue or a sequel. The following chapter stops off a little suddenly just because the chapter was too long and I had to split it up into two, but I'll have the second part posted soon.

Also, CAN I PLEASE JUST RANT FOR TWO MINUTES ABOUT THE LAST EPISODE!?

I HATE when writers do things that are SO SO SO out of character just for the purposes of drama. I thought that back with the whole Hank being Erin's dad thing (because honestly, if Hank ever thought he could have been Erin's dad, he would have done something about it) but even more so now. Jay would NEVER just leave.

And even more than that, it didn't even flow in the actual episode. He was joking around with Abby, telling her it was actually good to see her, bla bla bla, and then all of a sudden he comes home and tells Erin he needs to go sort his stuff out!? And also - it doesn't make sense that Abby would even bring this on. Like Mouse leaving to go back - THAT'S when this story line would have make a little more sense. And even so, he wouldn't have left.

Ugh whatever, they just better not drop this story like they did the Hank/Erin/Bunny storyline. And Linstead BETTER be endgame.

Okay, sorry, end of rant! I hope you enjoy this chapter, but remember it's really just a 'Part 1'. :)

 **Chapter 50,**

"Baby, stop fidgeting," Jay rested his hand on Erin's bouncing knee as they sat waiting in the auditorium. "Everything is going to be fine." They had been saving the seats for about an hour, and the rest of the graduation guests were beginning to fill the auditorium.

"I can't help it," she replied, trying to allow the warmth of his hand on her bare skin relax her. "I just want everything to go well."

"Everything _is_ going to go well," he answered right away, his voice more sure than he was _actually_ feeling.

Maddie and Grace had insisted that _both_ sets of their grandparents _had_ to come to their preschool graduation. They had even come to the district to personally hand Voight an invitation. And sure, it had been almost 9 months since he had begun dating Erin, and he was certainly getting more comfortable with Voight outside of work, but it still felt a little strange sometimes. Especially considering thirty minutes before he accepted the preschool invitation from Maddie and Grace, he had slapped an offender so hard his eyes rolled back into his head.

So, yeah, sometimes it was a little hard to reconcile both sides of Hank Voight.

But he knew that Voight had a soft spot for his girls, and he knew the Corson's were good people. They would say hello, sit through the graduation calmly and quietly, lunch would be quick, and then the afternoon would be over.

"Okay," Erin sighed, and turned to hold Jay's gaze. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Hey," he said, his voice soft. "Don't apologize. I love that you care so much."

She gave him a soft smile, and then rested her hand on top of his. "Of course I do." But then, a new thought popped into her head.

"Wait," she said, sitting up straight all of a sudden, the motion causing Jay's hand to fall from her knee. "You don't think the Corson's are going to be mad at me for us not taking the house, do you?"

Jay and Erin had discussed it, and they decided it would be best to thank the Corson's for their unbelievable generosity, but decline the offer with a vague explanation.

Jay didn't want them to think that he couldn't handle living with reminders of Allie around, especially when Jay and Maddie were the only real link the Corson's still had to their daughter. Erin completely understood that. But it also just occurred to her that they may assume _Erin_ didn't want to live there.

"No, of course not," Jay said, quick to comfort her. _I don't think._

But she read right through his words, knowing him better than she'd ever known any one. She had spent months learning his facial expressions. She knew he didn't necessarily believe what he was saying, just like she _also_ knew that he was nervous for Voight and the Corson's to meet. She had chosen to let the other one go, but this one he was about to get called out for. "Okay, but they might be, right?"

He shifted under her piercing gaze, reveling in the fact that she could always, always read his mind. "Well, we could tell them the truth about why I don't want to live there, and then they definitely won't be mad at you," he offered, his head tilting to the side.

She shook her head, "No, we're not going to do that." She loved him for offering, he had offered before, but she wasn't going to make him do that.

She would rather the Corson's be mad at her than upset with Jay. They had lost their children, and Jay had essentially lost _both_ of his parents the day his mother passed away, and she never wanted to create a rift between them.

"It's fine," she said, straightening her dress, trying to convince herself her words were true. "Everything is going to be fine."

000000000

The Corson's got there first.

"Gail, Danny," Jay said, standing up immediately when he saw them at the end of the aisle of seats. "Thank you so much for coming." He moved towards them, reaching his hand out to shake Danny's and then wrapping Gail into a warm hug.

"Are you kidding?" Danny replied, "Our granddaughters are graduating from preschool today! There is nowhere we could rather be."

Jay allowed a grateful smile to fall on his lips. _Granddaughters_ , they had said. As in, pleural.

No, they wouldn't be upset about the house. Because they were truly two of the best people he knew.

"Erin," Gail said, moving past Jay and moving towards his fiance. "Get over here and let me get a look at that gorgeous ring!"

Erin blushed as she moved towards Gail, but she lifted her hand so the beautiful diamond was in plain sight.

"Jay," Gail said, her voice full of genuine joy as she held Erin's hand in her own. "You did a beautiful job, you picked a stunning ring." Then she lifted her gaze from the ring to Erin. "Not to mention the great job you did picking the girl to put it on."

Erin smiled at Gail's words, and she could feel her eyes glisten with unshed tears. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice full of emotion.

God, the Corson's were so wonderful. She hoped they weren't about to break their hearts.

Before they had a chance to mention anything about the house, though, Erin noticed Hank standing at the end of the aisle. "Hank," she smiled. He was wearing a button down shirt _with_ a tie. She hadn't seem him wear a tie since _her_ graduation from graduate school.

"Hey, kid," he smiled at her, then turned to Jay. "Halstead."

Jay turned away from his conversation with Danny, noticing his boss for the first time. "Sir," he greeted him, then turned towards Gail and Danny. "Gail, Danny, this is Sergeant Hank Voight." He wasn't _exactly_ sure how to introduce him. But this felt safe.

Jay was shocked when Gail moved towards him and enveloped him in a hug. He shouldn't have been, of course, because Gail _always_ enveloped people in hugs, but he was even more surprised when Voight hugged her back, with a smile, _a SMILE_ , on his face. "It's so nice to _finally_ meet Erin's dad," Gail said.

Danny moved forward, reaching out his hand to shake Voight's. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sergeant Voight."

"Oh, call me Hank," he said, shaking Danny's hand back. "And the pleasure is really all mine. Maddie and Grace never shut up about the two of you, I had been excited to meet you myself." He gave them another smile, as the three of them moved towards the three empty seats.

Erin raised an eyebrow at Jay, who raised both of his eyebrows in response. Not only was that was more words that he had ever heard come out of his boss's mouth in a row, but he had seemed so genuine _._ And nice _._ And _normal._

Sure enough, when Jay finally made his way to his seat, he heard Gail laughing at something Voight had just said. She turned to him, a huge smile on her face. "Jay Halstead," Gail admonished him, "I can't believe you waited this long to introduce us your boss! He's so lovely."

 _Lovely?_ Were they talking about the same boss?

Erin cut in before he had a chance to respond. Which was good, because he suddenly found himself without words.

"Oh Gail, don't feel bad," she said, smiling wide. She could tell Jay was completely taken aback by Hank's demeanor, but she wasn't. She knew her father could turn on the charm. "Jay worked for Hank for _two years_ , and he never thought to introduce us. We only met when he called me for help on Grace's case."

She had only been kidding, of course.

She would have never expected Hank to introduce her to one of his detectives, and he hadn't even really wanted them to date in the first place. He wasn't a fan of having his personal business mixed up in his work.

So she expected Hank to give a quippy answer, or just ignore the comment altogether. But he didn't.

"I knew if Jay and Erin ever met, that would be it for them," he said, his eyes on Gail and Danny, but knowing Erin and Jay must be staring at him, too.

"I knew the first time I really saw Jay handle himself in a tough case, and then again when I saw him with Maddie." He continued, knowing he had never told this to either of them. "But the thing is... my wife did a lot of waiting around for me," He paused for a moment as he thought of his late wife, and then added, "And she ate a lot of dinners alone." He shook his head sadly before continuing.

"And I know that every morning when I kissed her goodbye, she worried I may not make it home." He shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head slightly. "I just didn't want that for my little girl."

Jay was completely speechless, and when Erin's hand reached for his own and squeezed it in a gesture of comfort, his heart shattered into a million pieces.

Because he didn't want that for her, either.

0000000000000

The graduation was, of course, adorable. The class sang two adorable songs, and then they each got to walk across the stage.

Since Maddie and Grace didn't _currently_ have the same last name, they walked with several people in between them, but when Grace walked across the stage, Maddie stood from her chair and cheered so loud from her seat that everyone laughed.

It had been a great graduation.

And for the most part, Jay had been able to push Voight's comment from his head.

 _For the most part._

But now that the graduation was over, and they were in the car driving to the restaurant, the thoughts returned full force.

Maddie and Grace were chattering excitedly in the back seat, both still in the cap and gowns they refused to take off, even though it had made it a struggle to get in their car seats.

He tried to focus on them, to ignore the words that were on repeat in his head.

 _I just didn't want that for my little girl._

 _I just didn't want that for my little girl._

"Jay," he heard Erin whisper his name beside him.

"Yeah," he whispered back, unsure of why they were whispering. He turned on his turn signal and shifted lanes, noticing that they were nearing their exit.

"About what Hank said," Erin had noticed the way Jay's body had stiffened at Hank's admission. She noticed that he seemed to relax slightly during the ceremony, especially as he watched his daughters walk across the stage to receive their 'diplomas', but then she noticed the way he seemed to tense again when they walked to the car.

He had even avoided her gaze as they strapped the girls into their carseat, side by side.

"The day you got shot," she began, hating that she could hear the emotion in her voice, knowing _that_ wasn't going to help Jay calm down about this. "It was the worst day of my life." She hated thinking about that day, she had tried to push it from her mind the minute it was over.

Even with all the hell Erin had been through in her life, that day topped them all. "If you had died on that table," she croaked out, her voice still full of emotion. "I would have wanted to lay down and die right there next you."

She looked at him over the car, watched as he sucked in his breath at her words. "Er," he said, reaching over for her hand. "I'm so-"

"Don't apologize to me, Jay," she said, glad some strength had returned to her voice. "Before I met you, I never had anything in my life that I felt that way about," she said wistfully.

Her voice was soft when she continued, "And if you had died right there on that table," a tear streamed down her face when she said those words, because she had never let herself fully think about that outcome. "I would have thanked God for every minute I got to spend with you, because they've been the best of my life."

She paused, hoping this wasn't too morbid of a topic, but still feeling the need to get the rest of it out. "And then instead of dying right their next to you, I would've gone home to our girls." She turned to face him again, willing him to stop at the stop sign and look at her.

"You've given me everything," she continued. "And yeah, I worry about you every minute of every day." She reached over to touch his face, to _will_ him to believe her words. "But I wouldn't trade it. You are the love of my life, and every minute of every day that I get to spend with you makes it all worth it."

He pulled the car over so he could kiss her. This beautiful, amazing woman that had given _him_ everything.

He was stunned speechless by her words, by her heart. "I love you," he whispered.

"I know," she said, a soft smile finding her lips.

He used the pad of his thumbs to wipe away her tears, and then he bent to kiss her again. "I'm going to do my best to come home to you every night."

"I know that too," she smiled, a fresh wave of tears flowing from her eyes.

They held each other's gaze for a moment longer before Grace yelled from the backseat. "Daddy!" She said, turning her head to look out of the window. "This isn't the restaurant!"

He sighed, shifting back into reality. "You're right, bug." He said, pulling back onto the main road. "We'll be there soon."

00000000000

"You okay?" Erin checked in again, as they walked into the restaurant with their two little graduates. Jay had seemed to relax during the rest of the drive, but she just wanted to double check.

"Yeah," he said, shifting his gaze down to his daughters and then back up to his fiance's face. "I am," he said again, meaning it. "Thank you."

She just nodded in lieu of a response as they moved towards the door.

00000000000

When Hank got called into a case halfway through the meal, Grace and Maddie pleaded with him to stay.

"I'm sorry girls," he said sadly, as he stood from his seat and slid his jacket on. "But if you're daddy is here with you, who's going to catch all the bad guys?"

Both girls seemed to consider this. "Okay, Grandpa Hank," Maddie finally conceded. "But you're going to miss dessert."

"I know, I'm sorry," he said again, moving towards their side of the table so he could kiss them goodbye. "Maybe I can come over this week and we can have dessert together, what do you say?"

Grace smiled wide, and answered for the both of them. "Okay!" She _loved_ when Grandpa Hank came over. He _always_ let them have as much ice cream as they wanted, and he let them stay up extra late when mommy and daddy weren't there.

Hank leaned over and kissed the foreheads of both of the graduates, before turning to the Corson's. "It was a pleasure meeting you both, I'm sorry I have to run out."

Danny waved his hand dismissively, letting him know they completely understood. "Hopefully we'll see you again before we fly out?"

Hank nodded in agreement. "Absolutely."

Then Hank turned to Erin. "Kid," he said, "Walk me out."

It wasn't a question so much a statement, so Erin followed him out the door.

"What's up, Hank?" She said, the minute the heavy restaurant door closed with a thud behind them.

"I'm sorry if my comment crossed the line." He hadn't planned on saying it, it had just come out.

He didn't particularly regret it, knowing that it was a conversation Jay and Erin should have before their wedding day, but he definitely regretted his poor timing.

"It's fine, Hank," she said, meaning it. She was glad she and Jay had the conversation in the car, and she knew Jay was, too. "Really. Go ahead," she motioned to his car, "I know you have to get to work."

He leaned down and kissed her against her forehead, mimicking the action he had just done twice in the restaurant. "You know I love you, kid."

"Yes, I know," she said, rolling her eyes at him, and shoving him towards the car.

But then she thought about his words, about how every time Camille saw him, she thought it might be the last time, and so she added, "I love you, too."

000000000000

While Erin was outside with Voight, Jay took the opportunity to bring up the house situation to the Corson's. "Gail, Danny, I can't begin to thank you enough for the offer to give me and Erin your house," he began.

"But you don't want to take it," Danny cut him off before he could continue with his planned speech.

Jay looked down at his empty plate, wishing he had something on it to push around with his fork and avoid their gaze. "No, we don't," he whispered, feeling awful.

"Jay," Gail said, trying to get Jay to look at her. "We're not upset."

That got his attention. "You're not?"

"No," she said, emphasizing the words. "Of course not." She shook her head, "We just wanted to offer it you _in case_ you wanted it."

"I, uh-" He couldn't find words all of a sudden, shocked and relieved at the same time. He had been _dreading_ this conversation, and once again, Gail and Danny proved to be the best people he knew. "I don't even know what to say."

Danny waved his hand dismissively, "Nothing to say, Jay. We'll just put the house on the market as soon as possible, and then you'll use the money from the sale to buy something new."

Wait. _What?_

"What?" He said, not able to hide his confusion.

Gail and Danny both looked at him confused, which did _nothing_ to ease his own confusion.

"You're giving me the money from the house?" He clarified when they didn't answer his original question.

"Of course," Gail said, raising her eyebrow in surprise. "We already have a house, and we don't need the money."

"But-"

"Jay," Gail interrupted. "You walked away from your parents money when you chose to do something _important_ with your life. And well, we just started to think of you as our own." She paused, "And well, we don't..." but then she shook her head, not able to finish the thought.

"Thank you," he said, accepting the offer quickly, so that she didn't have to continue.

She didn't need to, anyway. Jay knew what she was going to say. They had two children that they had planned to leave their money to, that they saved and worried over, and both children were long gone.

Jay, Erin, Maddie, Grace - they were who the Corson's had left.

"Really," he repeated, "Thank you."

But then, suddenly he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, "I um-" he looked down at the number on his screen. "I have to take this."

"Go ahead," Danny said, "We want to give our granddaughter's their graduation gifts anyway," he said, smiling at Maddie and Grace as Jay walked away.

"Hey, Rachel," he said, as he pressed the phone against his ear. He moved towards a quiet corner of the restaurant so that he would be able to hear her clearly.

"Hi, Jay," he noticed that her voice was cheerful, and he took that as a good sign.

"Tell me you completed your last home visit and we can adopt Grace for real?" It had been over 8 months since the official process has started and he was _dying_ for it to finally come to an end.

"I completed my last home visit and you can adopt Grace for real." She said, repeating his words back to him.

"Really?" His voice cracked with emotion, and he must have sounded like a teenager. But he didn't even care. "Really?" He repeated again, because it just seemed to good to be true.

"Really." She said, smiling into the phone. "You can come in on Monday and fill out the paperwork, for you and Erin both. You're not married yet, so the paperwork will be a little different than the usual paperwork and she needs to come too, but it's still a go."

"Monday," he repeated, not even responding to the rest of her statement.

 _Monday._

That was only 5 days away.

Grace was going to be his in _5_ days.

His and Erin's and Maddie's.

She was going to be a Halstead. _For real._

He couldn't believe it.

He couldn't wait to tell her.

He couldn't wait to tell Erin.

 **xoxo**

 **To be continued...**

 **Please Review : )**


	51. Chapter 51

Hi all :) Thank you so much for the reviews! This chapter is a little shorter that my usual chapters because it's the resolution of the previous chapter! But I hope you still enjoy it and write a review! I really appreciate all the reviews you guys have been writing, they really make my day :)

Happy reading :)

 **Chapter 51,**

By the time Jay hung up with Rachel and moved back towards the table, Erin was already seated.

He found himself almost unable to move as he stared at her, watching her eyes light up at something Grace has just said.

When he was a teenager, he remembered sitting at the kitchen table in the Corson's house feeling so unbelievably jealous of the family they had. He loved his mother, of course, and he felt close with both of siblings, so it wasn't that either.

It was Gail and Danny.

When you were in their presence, you could _feel_ how much they loved each other. The love they shared - the tenderness - it was palpable.

He knew it was part of the reason he had held onto Allie for so long. He was so in love with the _idea_ of her as his lifelong partner, because he had always thought if they tried hard enough they could be the next Gail and Danny.

The next generation's perfect couple.

He had been wrong, of course. He had never had that with Allie. And actually, he was pretty sure that's why they shifted so seamlessly into friendship. Because once they got over the heartbreak that the idea of each other was just that - an idea - they were able to really appreciate their relationship for what it was. A truly wonderful, lifelong _friendship_.

But with Erin...

Well, that love. It's what he'd been waiting for all his life. And it was even better than he could have ever imagine.

"Daddy!" Maddie finally noticed him standing in the center of the restaurant, and her excited voice interrupted his thoughts. "Look what Nana and Grandpa gave us!"

He moved closer until he saw the matching necklaces that now graced both of his daughters necks.

"Wow," he said, peering at the beautiful gift. The gold chains that hung around their necks had two tiny, dainty stones strewn together at the bottom. He knew the blue sapphire was Maddie's birthstone, and while he couldn't recall the birthstone that belonged to the month of April, he was pretty sure that's what the other stone must have been. "That's a really beautiful necklace, baby," he said to her, a smile on his lips. "Did you two say thank you to Nana and Grandpa."

Grace nodded, giggling, and gently holding onto the necklace like it was the most precious thing she had ever touched.

"Thank you," he said to Gail and Danny, hoping they understood he wasn't just thanking them for the necklaces.

"Of course," Gail gave him a knowing smile, and nodded gently.

"We should get going," Danny said, as he began to stand from his chair. "We'll see you girls this weekend, right?" He asked, as he pushed his chair back under the table.

"Yes!" Grace replied, moving out of her chair to hug her grandparents.

Maddie followed suit, and soon the Corson's had bid their goodbyes to the entire little family.

"Should we get going, too?" Erin asked, as she sat back down in her chair. She had finished her plate of food _and_ dessert, but she could definitely go for another cup of coffee if Jay wasn't in a rush to get anywhere.

She had taken a full day off of work for the graduation, and Rachel was covering the one pressing case she had ongoing, but she knew Jay may feel pressured to go into the district. She was almost surprised when he hadn't joined Hank when he left for the station. Erin could've handled the girls.

"Actually," Jay said, clearing his throat. He motioned for Grace and Maddie to sit back in their chairs, too. "I have some news."

Erin raised an eyebrow, unsure if this was news for the girls that she already knew about, or if this was _new_ news. Either way, the famous Halstead grin was slowing appearing on her fiance's face, and she knew it must be good news.

"I just got off the phone with Ms. Rachel," he said, looking over at Grace.

Erin's heart skipped a beat, knowing that could only mean one thing.

"You did?" Grace said quietly, hopefully. She knew that her mommy and daddy had _assured_ her that she was going to be with them forever, but she also knew that her last name still wasn't Halstead. She had even had to sit separately from her sister at graduation, because they had to be alphabetical.

Before Jay had a chance to answer, Grace whispered another question.

"Am I going to get to stay with you?" She _really_ hoped she could stay. She loved having so many family members. Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Not to mention a sister who was also her best friend.

Erin watched Jay with baited breath, wanting to hear the answer as badly as Grace. The social worker in her was thrilled that Grace had asked the question _that_ way, not fearing that she would be taken away, but instead, hopeful that she would be able to stay.

The mother in her just wanted Jay to hurry up and answer the question.

"Yes!" Jay replied, his already huge smile somehow doubling in size. "Ms. Rachel said that me and your mommy can come in and sign the papers on Monday, and then you will be all ours."

Maddie jumped out of her chair, never one to be able to contain her excitement. "YAY!" She shouted, almost tripping as she shoved the chairs away so she could reach her sister. "You're going to be all ours!" She repeated her daddy's words, thrilled that this was _finally_ going to be official.

Grace hugged her back, tears falling from her eyes. She couldn't ever remember being this happy.

"I love you, Gracie," Maddie whispered.

"I love you too, Maddie," Grace whispered back.

Erin reached over and covered Jay's hand with her own as she watched the two young girls hug in the middle of the restaurant.

Then she shifted her eyes away from the girls, and found Jay's. He was staring at her, unshed tears in his eyes. "I love you," he mouthed.

She squeezed his hand, and mouthed back the same words.

Then she stood from her chair across the table, and moved towards her family, ready to wrap them all three in her arms and never let them go.

00000000000

"The girls are finally asleep," Jay whispered loudly as he moved towards the living room. Grace and Maddie had been on cloud nine all day, and after dinner they had become a little _over-tired,_ and they hadn't wanted to go to sleep. It hadn't been pleasant trying to get them to finally settle down.

"Hold on," Erin said into the phone, and then she turned to where Jay was standing at the entrance to the living room. "What did you say, babe?"

"Oh, I didn't realize you were still on the phone," he whispered, waving his hand dismissively, letting her know he hadn't said anything important. She had been helping him get the girls down, but then had ducked out when she had received a call from Rachel Stone.

He moved to the kitchen to get them both a couple of beers, letting her finish her phone call in peace.

"Sorry about that," Erin said to Rachel.

"Not a problem," Rachel replied right away. "But as I was saying, the paperwork is a little more complicated for you and Jay." Erin had orchestrated several adoptions in the past two years at her job, but she had never been a part of an adoption with two non-married adults. So, she listened carefully to Rachel's explanation and instructions. "Before you sign her paperwork, you'll need to sign a custody agreement."

"A custody agreement?" Erin repeated her words but formed them into a question. She couldn't help the confusion that was clearly leaking into her voice. They hadn't needed to do that when they signed the paperwork for the foster placement. But then again, Erin had signed it almost a month after Jay.

"Yes," Rachel answered. "It will just outline that you currently live in the same residence, but should that change, you have a plan moving forward." Rachel continued, but Erin was barely listening. "And then you'll need to outline that plan for the record."

 _Should that change._

"It's not going to change," Erin replied, more forcefully than she meant to. "Sorry," she apologized to her friend, embarrassed by her tone. "I just mean, we're getting married."

Of course, Rachel knew this information already. But Rachel knew that as Erin's friend, and this conversation was coming from Rachel Stone, Grace's caseworker.

"I know," Rachel said, trying to keep her voice understanding. "And _when_ you two get married, this paperwork can be voided."

"Okay," Erin said thoughtfully into the phone.

It was then that she noticed Jay walking towards her, holding out a beer for her to take in one hand, his own beer already pressed against his lips. "Thanks, Rachel," she said, "We'll see you Monday." Then, she took the beer from Jay and hung up the phone.

"What'd she say?" Jay asked, his voice still as excited as a kid in a candy store. He had been on cloud nine all day today, too, and he was thrilled Rachel had called again, presumably with more details about the adoption.

His mood seemed to drop a little when he saw Erin's face, when he watched her struggle with how to respond. "Babe?" He asked, tentatively. _What did Rachel say to her?_ "Tell me something."

"Remember in the kitchen," Erin took a sip of her beer, as Jay settled onto the couch next to her, "When you proposed?"

 _Where is this coming from?_ "I don't think I'll ever forget that," he answered honestly, but then he tilted his head, letting her know he had _no idea_ where she was going with this. He watched her snuggled onto the couch in her favorite flannel shirt and black leggings, and waited for her to continue.

"I told Grace that we get married, and I become Erin Halstead, that _she_ should become Grace Halstead." She was playing with the paper on the beer as she spoke, tearing the edges slightly until they frayed away from the cold bottle.

"Yeah?" He replied, reaching for her hand to stop her fidgeting. "She _is_ becoming Grace Halstead," he said slowly, still confused.

"I know," Erin lifted her gaze from the beer and looked at Jay. "And I want to become Erin Halstead," she said, her voice soft.

 _But?_ He raised his eyebrow, and then gestured at the diamond ring that still adorned her left hand. _That's still the plan, right?_ He thought. He was almost afraid to say the word aloud, but he forced himself to. "But?"

"But nothing," she answered, immediately. "I want to become Erin Halstead _now._ " She gave him a moment, allowing the words to sink before he continued. "I want to be your wife, before we adopt our daughter."

 _Thank. God._

He allowed himself a huge sigh of relief before he moved towards Erin, pressing his lips firmly against hers. "I love you," was the only thing he could manage to say in response, as he snuck his hands beneath her flannel shirt and touched her warm skin. _You scared the shit out of me._ "I love you so much," he repeated.

"I love you, too," she whispered against his lips. She poured all the emotions of the day into the kiss, but after several moments she pulled away completely breathless. "Jay," she panted. "Let's go... to the..."

He stopped her words with another scorching kiss, and he lifted her in his arms, moving her towards the bedroom at her request.

She giggled in his arms as she wrapped her legs around him. "Courthouse." She said, finally finishing her thought against his lips.

He pulled his face away from hers and stopped abruptly in the hallway, his arms still enveloping her in his own. "You want to go to the courthouse?" He shook his head, "What happened to a big wedding?"

"I just want to be your wife," Erin repeated, leaning in to kiss him again.

Only a moment ago he had been completely breathless from lust, ready to tear the flannel button down away from Erin's body and throw it on the floor.

And, now he was breathless from love.

God, his girl was amazing.

"Okay," he replied, a huge grin falling onto his face. "Then the courthouse it is," he agreed, before moving into their bedroom and gently laying his bride to be onto their bed.

Then, he kissed her mercilessly, slowly unbuttoning her shirt and falling into her arms. Then, he allowed himself to bask in the feeling of making love to her - to his fiance - for one of the last times before she became his wife.

XOXO

 **Please Review :)**


	52. Chapter 52

Hi all :) Thanks for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Also, please see the message at the bottom when you're done ;)

Happy reading, xo

 **Chapter 52,**

"Babe," Erin lifted her head away from where it had been lying on Jay's chest and she moved until she was looking into his eyes. They were closed lightly, and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she began to examine his face. His features were always so soft and calm when he was sleeping, and a small smile played on his lips.

"Babe," she repeated again, this time reaching her hand to touch his stubbly cheek. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, and neither of them had gotten dressed.

She shifted out of the large, comfortable bed that they shared together and found Jay's discarded t-shirt lying next to her flannel button down. It was too hot to sleep in her flannel button down tonight, so she slid his t-shirt over her naked body. Next, she went in search for two pairs of clean underwear.

They hadn't had their two little morning visitors in a while, now that Grace and Maddie had begun playing with each other in their room if they ever woke up early, but Erin liked to be safe.

When she slid back under the warm sheets she was half dressed and holding Jay's dark grey boxer briefs in her hand. "Jay," she whispered, hoping the sound of his name might stir him.

That seemed to do the trick because his eyelashes fluttered open. "Hi," he croaked, his voice full of sleep. As it should be, at 4 in the morning.

She held the pair of boxers out to him, "Don't be mad" she smiled, then she tossed them to him, "But, you know, just in case."

He smiled at her thoughtfulness, at her motherly instincts, even at 4 in the morning. "Well, since you asked nicely," he said, taking the underwear from her with a smirk. But then instead of sliding them over his naked body, he placed them on top of the covers. "How about you make it up to me?"

He turned his body and when his bare skin pressed against her, he found that she was now partially clothed. He shoved her shirt away at the top and found her skin with his lips, placing slow open-mouth kisses along her collar bone.

"Jay," she giggled against him, "I was thinking-"

He just laughed, and it came out still deep and throaty, thick of sleep. "Can you think _after?_ " He asked, as his fingers slowly moved under the clean lace panties she had just put on.

She smiled, knowing she wouldn't be able to resist him. Especially with the warmth of his breath against her skin as he laughed against her.

She was about to answer when he slid his finger into her, and then he began using the other finger to massage her outside.

And at that point, a breathy, "Okay," was all she could manage, as she shoved her head back against the pillow and let him do with her as he wished.

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"Jesus," she panted, some 30 minutes later, the t-shirt and underwear she had newly put on now discarded somewhere on the wooden floor. "That... was..."

"Amazing," he finished for her, breathing heavily beside her.

He reached his arm over to roll her on top of him, until her body was nestled against his. She swung her bare let over him until her warm thigh covered his center. "God, I can't wait to marry you," he said, after several moments of snuggled silence.

"Actually," Erin said, lifting her head to look at him.

He looked at her, at her messy hair that only moments ago he was raking his fingers through, at her reddened lips that only moments ago he was biting down on... hard, and he just couldn't believe he'd gotten this lucky. "You haven't changed your mind have you?" He asked in jest, knowing there was _no way_ she had changed her mind after _that._ Only moments ago, she had been calling out his name on repeat like she never wanted to stop.

"No," she said, smirking at him. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Damn," he said, shaking his head in mock upset.

"Shut up," she said, shoving him playfully. Then she shifted so she was up on her elbows, "Okay, but really, can we be serious for a second?"

He furrowed his eyebrows in response, "Of course," and then he stared at her questioningly.

"I know we said we're getting married at the courthouse, and-"

"Er," Jay cut her off, and touched his palm against her cheek. "We don't have to. We can still adopt Grace together and then plan the wedding of your dreams."

"Jay," she replied softly, "Any wedding where I get to marry you is the wedding of my dreams." Wow, she couldn't believe how corny that was. But it was also true, and so she continued. "I just want Hank to be there, that's all."

He let himself relax when she responded. "Hey," he began, "There's no rule that says we can't bring people to the courthouse with us. Right?"

"Okay, well, good," she sighed, "Because I really want our families there. Besides," she said, a smirk playing on her lips. "Eloise would _kill_ me if I didn't invite her."

He laughed at her statement, knowing truer words had never been spoken. "Okay, then it's settled. This weekend, at the courthouse, and we'll bring our families."

"It's settled," she said, smiling at him and then placing her head back against his bare chest.

"Babe," he whispered after a long silence.

"Yeah," she asked, flickering her eyelids open and lifting her head once again.

"We should probably put some clothes on," he smirked at her, as he lightly tapped her bare thigh. "For real this time."

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Erin walked into District 21 on her lunch break the following day. "Hi, Sergeant Platt," she said as she moved towards the familiar front desk. Platt seemed distracted by something at her desk, but she looked up and smiled at the sound of Erin's voice.

"You know you can call me Trudy," Platt said, for maybe the hundredth time since Erin had met her. She'd known Platt since she was a teenager, before she had even moved in with the Voight's. Platt had even been there the second time Voight had locked her up, for what, Erin could barely even remember.

And even when she had become part of Voight's family and had seen Platt at various barbecues, she still had never liked the idea of calling her Trudy.

It was a sign of respect in her mind. Platt respected Erin enough not to hold her early days against her, and Erin respected Platt enough to call her by her formal title.

So just like she had done hundreds of times before, she sent her a soft smile and shook her head, in a gesture that signaled 'thank you, but no thank you.'

"Are you looking for Halstead or Voight?" Platt finally asked, knowing she wasn't going to change Erin's mind today.

"Both, really," she replied. "Are they upstairs?"

"Yep," Platt replied, nodding her head towards the stairs. "Head on up."

Erin walked into the bullpen a few moments later and noticed that everyone was staring at the white board. They seemed to be involved in an important case, and Voight was briefing the team, pointing angrily at two pictures that were taped to the board.

They were so busy listening and firing questions at Hank that no one noticed her quiet arrival. She watched as Jay sat on the edge of his desk, facing the board, shaking his head angrily and commenting on something Hank had just said.

 _Damn,_ her man looked _good_ at work.

God, she _loved_ coming here. Of course, she saw him in his long sleeve henley and dark jeans with his badge and gun holstered on his hip every morning when he left for work, but there was something about seeing him in action that made her want to jump him.

If they were alone in the bullpen, she probably would have. She would have torn off his clothes and taken him right there on his desk.

 _Jesus. Christ._ She was _insatiable._

"Hey," she said quietly, as she moved towards the aforementioned desk. The one she _wasn't_ about to throw Jay down on and ravish him. "I didn't mean to interrupt," she whispered.

Last she heard, they hadn't caught a case and Erin was supposed to come by on her lunch break. She and Jay were going to tell Hank that they were planning to get married on Saturday, in _two_ days, and that they really wanted him to be there.

He looked up at her, noticing her for the first time, and his frown lit up into a slow grin. "Hey, yourself," he said back.

Before she could tell Jay she could just leave and come back later, she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"Erin," Hank barked at her, bringing her and the entire room to attention. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" Concerned seeped into his voice at the end, because he hadn't been expecting her. And she didn't usually come in in the middle of the day.

"Everything's fine, Hank," she said, moving towards him and trying to keep her tone light. "Just came by to say a quick hello."

She could tell he saw right through _that_ comment.

He ignored it for the moment, and looked at the rest of his team. "Burgess, Olinsky, go pick him up. I want to start interrogating him as soon as possible." He shifted his gaze to the other side of the room to give out his next set of instructions. "Ruzek, Atwater, see if you can get the surveillance footage from the strip club."

As, he barked out the orders, Erin couldn't help but smile. She also loved watching her father in his element, it made her so damn proud. Camille would've been proud, too.

But then she froze as he barked out his last order, "Halstead. My office."

 _Shit._ Erin hadn't meant to get him in trouble.

She immediately shifted her eyes to Jay, giving him an apologetic stare. He just shook his head, letting her know not to worry about it.

He began to move past her towards his boss's office when Voight added, "Erin. You too."

 _Okaayyy,_ she thought. He didn't usually use his Sergeant tone with her, and she wasn't sure what to make of it. She tried to calm her speeding heart as she followed her two favorite men and closed the wooden, office door.

"What's up, Sarge." Jay said, before Erin could even get a word out.

Erin could tell Jay was slightly anxious, but he also seemed eager to get back to the case. No surprised there, her man was dedicated to his job. She loved that about him.

And _Jesus_ , was it sexy.

 _Stop,_ she reminded herself. She could not be entertaining thoughts like that _in here._

She forced herself to move her eyes away from her fiance, and towards Hank. Hank Voight her fiance's boss, she reminded herself.

Voight just sat in his desk and raised an eyebrow back at Jay. "Nothing's up with me," he said, shifting his gaze to Erin. "What's up with _you two_?" His voice was laced with irritation.

Erin knew Hank didn't like mixing personal business with work. She had really thought it was a slow day, that's all. "Nothing," Erin said quickly, wanting Hank and Jay to go back to work. This clearly wasn't the time to share _good_ news.

"I'm not blind," Hank said, his voice still gruff and seemingly exasperated. "Halstead's been on the phone all morning, and now you're here?"

Now Erin allowed herself to look towards Jay, and when she found his bright blue eyes she raised an eyebrow at them.

Why had he been on the phone all morning?

"Erin and I just found out that we can adopt Grace officially on Monday," Jay said quickly, hoping to diffuse some of his boss's aggravation. He knew the case was definitely getting to him, it was getting to _both_ of them, and that's where some of this irritation was coming from. But he also knew Voight wasn't going to drop this, and it was easier to just tell him. "And we were going to get married Saturday at the courthouse before we sign the adoption paperwork."

Hank was about to open his mouth to congratulate them when Erin spoke.

"Going to?" Erin asked, her voice suddenly coming out softer and more desperate than she had meant it to.

At that moment, Hank seemed to catch that this was probably _not_ a conversation he should be a part of and he stood from his desk, ready to leave the two of them alone.

He would, of course, kick Halstead's ass later if he was about to break his little girl's heart. But he didn't need to _actually_ witness it.

But before he made it past his desk, Jay continued.

"Yeah," he replied, turning to Erin. "That's why I've been on the phone all morning. I was trying to make an appointment, but the only appointments they have are tomorrow morning or Tuesday afternoon." He moved towards her, almost forgetting his boss was in the room. "And Illinois has some _nonsense_ law that we have to apply for a marriage license and then wait some 24 hours before we can get married. So since we aren't doing that until this afternoon, tomorrow morning is a no go." He had wanted to tell her this privately _before_ they walked into Voight's office, and his heart broke when he saw her face fall.

Tuesday afternoon.

Okay. That wasn't that _so_ bad. Right?

Ugh. Who was she kidding? She was devastated.

"Okay," she finally said out loud, after several moments of strained silence. "We should still adopt Grace on Monday though," she continued, but now she was looking down at the ground. "We already told her Monday, and I don't want to disappoint her and Maddie."

"I know," Jay said, moving towards her. "I was thinking the same thing." That's what made this worse.

"Okay," Voight interrupted, now _very_ sure this wasn't a conversation he should be a part of. "Get out of my office."

Erin shifted her gaze up to Hank, and he saw the tears there. The one's that she was trying and failing to roll back. He had been expecting them, had even heard them in her voice, but seeing them made it hurt much worse.

"You'll be there, right?" She croaked out, in a stuttered whisper.

"Are you kidding?" He said, trying to keep his as voice enthusiastic as his low voice would allow. "Kid, I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world."

She smiled a sad smile, and then moved towards the door. "Thanks, Hank," she said, before she closed it lightly behind her.

When Jay and Erin made it back to his desk, the bullpen was empty, but instead of throwing him down on the desk like she had daydreamed only moments before, she fell into his desk chair and finally let one tear fall.

"Baby," Jay whispered. "I love you." He couldn't think of anything better to say. He had been arguing with the courthouse all morning, and he was just as inconsolable as his fiance. He _really_ wanted this for Erin. For Grace.

For all of them.

"I love you, too." She whispered back. Then she stood abruptly, and before any other tears could fall from her eyes she said, "You need to get back to work. I'll see you at home, okay?"

"Okay," he said as he pressed his lips against her forehead and breathed in her familiar scent. "I'll see you at home."

He watched her go, heartbroken at the sight of her slumped shoulders, her sad, slow walk, but the minute she was out of his sight he picked up the phone.

He had one final phone call to make.

After it rang several times, the familiar male voice greeted him. Ignoring any preamble, he got straight to the point. "Hey, I need your help."

Little did Jay know, Hank Voight was in his office, having the very same conversation. Except on the other end of his phone call was a woman's voice. "Hey," he said, his voice deep as he spoke hurriedly into the receiver. "I need your help."

 **XOXO**

 **Please Review :)**

Now that I wrapping up this story, I have been brainstorming new ideas for my next one. I have an idea that I'm actually pretty excited about it - but I wanted to make it a Brooke Davis/Jay Halstead story. You wouldn't have to have seen OTH to get it, I'd make sure to give explanations and backgrounds when necessary. I COULD try to switch the back story and make it Erin Lindsay instead, but it would be another AU, and I don't want to follow up this AU with another one and have it been too similar. Of course, it will be a completely different storyline either way, but it would be Erin and Jay not knowing each other, and Erin having some sort of different job again. So if you are all okay with the BDavis character, I'd love to write it that way :) Just let me know in either a PM or a review! Thanks guys :)


	53. Chapter 53

Hi everyone :) Thank you so much for the feedback regarding my next story! I am really excited to get started on it. After this chapter, I think there will only be one more chapter before the Epilogue! It's finally starting to wrap up, and I am really happy with how it turned out :) I hope you all liked it too! Thanks for being such loyal readers, y'all are the best!

Happy Wednesday :)

 **Chapter 53,**

"Hey," Erin was sitting on the couch in the living room, drinking a glass of red wine and catching up on some TV when Jay walked into the room. "Your home." It was more a statement then a question, but she still looked up at him questioningly. She hadn't been expecting him this early tonight, especially after what she had witnessed at the district earlier that day. They definitely looked knee deep in a bad one.

Jay just let out a deep sigh and made his way to the couch, dropping down next to her. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips before throwing his head back against the pillows and closing his eyes. "I am _exhausted,_ " he said in response.

It was a little after 11 pm, and Jay had been on his feet _all_ day. And even though they had wrapped up the case an hour ago, he still had _a lot_ of paperwork to do the following day because he had discharged his weapon. Several times.

Erin stood from her spot on the couch and moved to stand behind it. "Tough case?" She asked, as she reached for his shoulders and began to massage and knead his sore muscles. She already knew the answer, having sensed it when she had been in the district today and even more after studying the look on his face now, but she wanted to let him know she was there if he needed to talk.

"Mhmmm," was all he managed in response, as he pushed his head forward to give her better access to his neck.

She continued to knead her fingers into his back, trailing her fingers up and down his neck and letting him know that if he didn't want to talk about it, that was fine, too.

They continued like that for several minutes before he opened his eyes, and they settled on the manilla folder that was open at the center of the wooden coffee table. "Hey," he said, turning his neck and finding Erin's hands to place in his own. "I'm sorry I couldn't come with you today."

She shook her head, making sure he knew she wasn't bothered at all. "Babe, my office is right across the street from the Courthouse," she said. One of the perks of working at DCFS was her easy access to all the municipal buildings. "And surprisingly, both parties don't actually have to be present to get the marriage license."

They had to wait over 24 hours to get married after getting the marriage license, but both of them didn't have to actually be present. Because _that_ made sense.

"I know," he tugged her hands so that she had to move closer to him, and then he pulled her body over the back of the couch until she landed in his arms. "I still would have liked to be there though," he whispered as he pulled her in for a kiss. "And I'm really sorry we won't be able to get married before the adoption." He hadn't meant to spring that information on her in Voight's office, and he hadn't had a chance to _really_ talk to her about it since then.

She didn't answer him, instead she deepened their kiss, kissing him fiercely and trying to push away the disappointment she had been feeling all day.

She needed to focus on the _good._

The fact that she was adopting Grace.

The fact that she was marrying the love of her life.

Who said it had to be in any specific order?

Jay pulled his face away from hers, seemingly studying her face. She tried to give him a real smile, knowing he could always see right through her.

"But I was able to do one productive thing today," he said, holding her gaze and allowing a soft smile to grace his lips. "I called my lawyer." He had called the lawyer the moment Erin had left the bullpen, needing _one_ thing to go right for them.

"You did?" She said, her facial expression shifting into one of confusion. "About what?" Then she paused for a moment and added, "You have a lawyer?"

He couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of him at her line of questions, at the way she crinkled her nose with confusion and shifted her legs under her body like she was really getting serious.

"Er, of course I have a lawyer." He shook his head, "I was a single dad for four years before you came along, and I worked as a detective. I've had a will that outlines a plan for Maddie in case something ever happens to me since the day she was born."

"Oh," she said. "Did you call to change your will?" She almost whispered the question, nervous to hear the answer.

After everything that had happened at the hospital with DCFS and Maddie, she and Jay had had many discussions about Maddie's care. He had changed all of the forms for school, and had even gone through the process of making Erin another legal guardian for Maddie. But she had no idea that he had a will, and she certainly had no idea what it said.

"No, I didn't." Jay shook his head, but then at the sight of Erin's face falling, he quickly added, "Not today, anyway. I changed my will the day after I woke up in the hospital." He left Maddie and all of his material possessions to Erin, but that had been months ago.

"Oh," she said again, now even more confused. "Okay?"

"I called him today to get him to draw up the papers for you to adopt Maddie." He gave her his famous Halstead grin before continuing. "I want you to legally adopt Maddie on Monday, when we adopt Grace." He reached out and touched her cheek. "That is, if that's okay with you?"

She was so floored by his question she almost forgot to respond, and when she did, her words were so quiet and full of emotion he barely heard her. "Thank you," she whispered.

He just shook his head, as if to say _he_ should the one thanking her. And then he bent down and captured her lips in a slow kiss.

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"Mommy, can I have another?"

It was Saturday morning, the day they were _supposed_ to get married, and they were sitting around the kitchen table eating chocolate chip pancakes as a family. Eloise had gone to Will's for the weekend, to _'give their family some space',_ although, Erin suspected she was just getting tired of her very over-protective brother's constant questions.

"Sure, Mads," she replied to Maddie, as she stood and grabbed Maddie's plate. Wedding or no wedding, she was pretty much on cloud 9 since her conversation with Jay on Thursday night.

Adopting Grace meant _everything_ to her. It meant taking what happened to her - her awful history, the way she had literally clawed her way out of it, the hard work she had put into becoming a social worker - and making something so beautiful out of it. Even more beautiful than she could ever imagine.

The relationship she had with Grace, the way her and Jay decided to take her in and raise her together, it was _everything._

But for some reason, Jay allowing her to adopt Maddie was different. Grace had come into her life the same day she had come into Jay's. They had fallen in love with her at the very same time. But with Maddie...

Well, Maddie was Jay's whole world. And that was true _long_ before she had come into the picture.

The fact that he was sharing Maddie with her... well, that went beyond even a wedding. _That_ was true partnership. Real love.

"Here you go, sweetie," she said, as she slid the plate back in front of Maddie with two fresh pancakes on it.

"So," Jay put down his cup of coffee and looked across the table at his three favorite girls. "What should we do today?" The case had been closed, he had gone in the day before to fill out all of the paperwork, and Voight had officially given him off until _after_ his wedding on Tuesday afternoon.

"The zoo!" Grace exclaimed, her mouth still full of chocolate chip pancakes. A crumb fell from her mouth, and she happily placed it right back in her mouth.

Jay looked at Erin, and she nodded at him. "I think that is an excellent idea, bug."

Grace just smiled as she finished chewing, and Erin was about to say something when there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Maddie said, flinging herself out of her chair and down the hallway.

Two minutes later, she returned with a casually dressed Kim Burgess in tow.

"Hey, Burgess," Jay said, standing from the table, wondering if he was getting called into work. Although, this would be a really weird way to called into work, he thought. "What's up?"

"Please, Halstead," she shook her head at him dismissively, "I'm not here to see _you_."

He just chuckled lightly, and went to grab a chair for her to join them at the table.

"Are you here to see ME?!" Grace asked. Now that she was more comfortable in the Halstead home, she had become _quite_ the chatty one.

"Always," Kim responded, ruffling her hair. "Thanks," she said to Jay, as he slid in the extra chair for her and motioned for her to sit down.

"Do you want some pancakes?" Grace asked. "Daddy made them!"

"Hey," Erin said, knowing Grace thought _that_ was a selling point. "My pancakes are _not_ that bad." She feigned upset and pouted at her daughter.

Grace just scrunched her nose and smiled teasingly, but Maddie decided to actually answer. "They're not good, though, Mommy," she said honestly.

That caused Jay to laugh, and give his baby girl a high five.

Erin just rolled her eyes at all of them, and turned to Kim. She and Kim had gotten a lot closer in the past few months, Kim fast becoming one of her best friends. But this was the first time she had ever just popped up unannounced at their apartment.

"What's up?" Erin finally asked, concern clear in her voice.

"I am here to take you wedding dress shopping," Kim replied with a smile.

"WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING!?" Maddie shouted, jumping up to stand on her chair.

"Baby, sit down nicely," Jay said, never missing a beat.

"Wedding dress shopping?" Erin repeated, more confusion than excitement in her tone.

"Yes, wedding dress shopping." Kim repeated, "Just because you're getting married at city hall doesn't mean you aren't going to wear a wedding dress." She looked at Grace and Maddie, glad they were both clearly getting into the idea.

"I don't know," Erin said, shifting sheepishly in her chair. "You don't think that's weird?" She couldn't imagine walking into the courthouse in a wedding dress. She hoped she didn't see anyone she knew from work. It would be too weird.

"No, I don't," Kim answered, and then because she could already tell what Erin was thinking, she added, "But it doesn't have to be a huge gown. It can be something simple."

"Yeah, Mommy, you _have_ to wear a wedding dress." Maddie said, from her now _seated_ position in her chair.

"Yeah, Mommy, please?" Grace added, fluttering her eyelashes and flashing a grin in that way she could have only learned from Maddie. She was fast becoming a Halstead girl in her own right.

Kim raised an eyebrow at Erin and gave her a smile, knowing she had already won this conversation. Erin would never refuse her girls anything.

"But weren't we supposed to go to the zoo today?" Erin tried one more time, hoping that the reminder of Grace's favorite place on earth would get her out of this.

"Oh no, you don't." It was Jay's turn to cut in, warming up to the idea. If Erin couldn't have her big wedding, she could _certainly_ have her big dress. He couldn't wait to see her in it. "Go with Kim, I'll take the girls to the zoo."

"WHAT?" Maddie cried, "We don't get to go, too?"

Erin shook her head exasperated. "Of course you get to come, silly girl," she said, finally giving in.

If she was going to do this, might as well do it right.

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"Wow," Kim was standing behind Erin, a glass of champagne in her hand, staring at the most gorgeous dress she had ever seen. "Erin, you look stunning."

Erin looked at herself in the mirror, and was completely surprised by how much she actually _agreed_ with Kim.

This may have started because she had been pushed into it, but as she looked at herself glowing in the mirror, she couldn't imagine marrying Jay in anything _but_ this dress.

The fully lace ivory dress had a sweetheart neckline that highlighted her cleavage in a subtle, tasteful way, while also broadcasting her toned shoulders and arms. It was form fitting all the way down her body, before flaring out slightly at the bottom. The slim fit highlighted her figure, and at the same time, managed to be elegant and _not_ over the top.

Exactly what she had been going for.

"Mommy," Grace whispered behind her. "You look like a princess."

Erin smiled, _feeling_ like a princess, and then she turned to Maddie. "What you do you think, Mads?" She really wanted the approval of _both_ of her girls.

Maddie, for the first time in her life, was speechless. She just slipped her hand into Erin's and smiled.

"This is it," she whispered, now holding both of her daughters hands in her own. "This is the dress I'm going to marry your daddy in."

She let a tear fall, as she stared at herself standing in her dream dress, with her two beautiful girls standing on either side of her.

"Okay, Kim," she said, when she found her voice again. "You win. This _was_ a good idea."

But when she turned back to find her, Kim wasn't there anymore.

She had slipped away for just a moment, to make a call. "Hey," she whispered into the phone, when the female voice picked up at the other end.

"We're good to go."

 **xoxo**

 **Please Review :)**


	54. Chapter 54

Hi all :) I know I always say this, but seriously, thank you so much for the reviews! I love reading every single one, and they always make my day brighter!

And now for my CPD rant (don't read this if you haven't watched!):

Overall, I thought the episode was fine. BUT that being said, I was really irritated by the lack of focus on Jay's past. I liked that they were awkward enough around each other for Voight to notice (I LOVE VOIGHT) and they didn't just go back to normal or ignore it altogether, but I really thought the scene in the break room would amount to more than that. If the whole point of this "break" was to explore Jay's past, then why aren't we doing that!? I saw that Sophia Bush tweeted that there was a whole second part of that scene that DID delve into that, but of course, we are never going to see that! And I think, in truth, they probably just did this to stir drama, and we won't get much on Jay's past. The writers just think it's "boring" if a couple is good for too long. But the thing is - they barely gave us any scenes when they were good and happy, so it hadn't gotten to the point/would never get to the point where it would be boring for us!

I did appreciate the fact that Erin brought up not knowing who her father is and how Bunny is the WORST, and I hope we can continue with that lost storyline. Because Hank Voight is literally my favorite and I would also like to get him and Erin back on track. I've really missed their relationship. this season

LAST THING, I feel like next weeks episode looks really good, but it definitely looks like it will be seriously lacking in Linstead Drama since Kim and her sister will be the focus. Okay, sorry for my rant, I literally just watched the episode and just needed to pour all of these thoughts out :)

Happy reading!

 **Chapter 54,**

"Did you have fun shopping with the girls?" Jay asked as he slid out of bed.

Everything had been so hectic lately, it seemed like the only time he really got a chance to talk to Erin was when the girls were tucked into bed and they were finally alone. And with the girls extending their bed times later and later with the excitement of the coming week, he and Erin ended up having to talk late into the night if they ever wanted to have a conversation.

"Surprisingly, yeah," Erin said, smiling at him as he threw her his t-shirt. "I really did." She thought of the beautiful lace gown she had picked out as she tugged the shirt over her previously naked body, and then she shimmied into her lace panties. "I'm glad Kim made me go."

Jay slid a pair of boxers up to his waist before moving back towards the bed. "That's great," he said. "I guess I'll have to step up my suit game for this, then?"

She leaned in and gave him a slow kiss, and then she smirked at him as she pulled away. "Oh, definitely."

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"Morning, beautiful," she heard the sound of Jay's voice as she slowly drifted into consciousness, but she noticed that it wasn't coming from next to her in bed.

When her eyelids fluttered open, she saw him standing in the doorway. _Damn_ her man looked good shirtless. His grey sweatpants hung low on his hips as he leaned against the door.

"Good morning," her voice was full of sleep, but had also suddenly taken on a hint of lust too, so it came out low and sultry.

Jay just smirked at her, finally moving closer into the room. "Coffee?" He asked, and it was only then that she noticed he was holding two steaming mugs.

She just nodded and accepted the white mug from his hand, but when she inhaled the scent of the rich coffee, she couldn't help but smile in his direction. They had stayed up too late last night, and this was _exactly_ what she needed to start her day.

He knew her so well. God, she didn't deserve him.

"Thank you," she said, as she took a tentative sip. Deeming the temperature a little too hot, she placed the coffee on her night table and leaned her body forward to the edge of the bed, beckoning Jay to move toward her.

Sensing Erin wanted _a little_ more than coffee to start her day, Jay also placed his cup on the nightstand. But before he was able to join his girl in bed, he moved towards the door and listened carefully. He heard the distant voices coming from down the hallway, and he knew the girls were still playing quietly in their room, just as they had been two minutes ago when he had checked on them.

He closed the door and turned the lock, before finally moving back towards Erin.

Then, he leaned over her, pressing his lips against hers, and slid over her until he had her pinned between him and the bed.

Damn it, this _was_ going to be a good morning.

000000000000

Two hours later, Erin was busy building train tracks in the girl's room when Jay walked in. He pressed the red end button on his cell phone before slipping it into his pocket and moving further into the room.

"So change of plans, apparently," he said, as he sat on the floor next to Grace and began assembling the bridge. It was his favorite part of the train tracks, and they always left it for him.

"What?" Grace said, looking away from the pieces she was connecting and up at Jay. "We're not seeing Grandpa Hank?"

"No, we are." They had originally planned to go to Hank's for a BBQ this afternoon. The weather was finally getting warm, and he had invited them earlier in the week. "But we're moving the barbecue to Nana and Grandpa Danny's."

That caused Erin to look up from the tracks she was helping Maddie put together, "Hank is going to the Corson's? Did he call you?" She was surprised, although it stemmed more from Hank calling Jay than the change of location. She would have expected Hank to call her with this information.

He shook his head, "Gail." He stopped assembling the bridge when he continued, revealing the same look of confusion she was feeling. "Apparently, she called him first to invite him."

"Oh," Erin replied, even though that did nothing to quell her confusion.

"Does that mean we are going to see Nana AND Grandpa Danny AND Grandpa Hank?" Maddie said, bouncing on her knees with excitement. That had only ever happened at the graduation lunch, and Grandpa Hank had to leave early! She was _so_ excited!

"Yeah, baby." Jay replied, poking his belly playfully. "That's what it means."

Erin couldn't help but smile when she heard the giggle that bubbled out of Maddie. "Well," she said, looking at her watch, "I think that two people in this room need to get in the bath then," she looked over at Jay.

"You and Daddy?" Maddie replied.

 _I wish,_ Jay thought.

Erin just winked at him, reading his mind completely. _I do, too_ , she seemed to be saying.

"I don't think so," she said instead. She kept her voice teasing, and she leaned over and tickled Maddie ."Two _other_ people."

Grace jumped up, not one to miss out on being tickled. Jay saw her out the corner of his eye and grabbed her in his arms, tickling her mercilessly in his lap. "What about this one, Mommy?" He said carrying her over towards Erin, "Does this little monkey need a bath?"

The girls were giggling so loudly, Jay didn't hear Erin's response. But he followed her movements, and the two of them carried both girls into the bathroom for their baths.

By the time the girls got out of the bath and were toweling off, Erin and Jay were _soaked._ The two _very_ over-excited girls had splashed the entire time.

As Erin combed out Grace's hair, Jay leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Since you nixed the bath," he kissed her slowly on the neck, glad Grace was facing the other direction and Maddie had already moved to her room. "Maybe I could interest you in a shower?"

Shivers ran down the edge of her spine as she felt his breath against her, but she just shook her head and sent him an amused smirk. "You're insatiable," she said. Even though she could already feel her body getting hot, and she knew that in fact, _she_ was the one who was insatiable.

"Damn straight," he whispered back, then he kissed her neck once more and slowly walked out the door.

0000000000000

"Is that Will's car?" Erin asked, as the family of four pulled into the Corson's driveway. She was driving, of course, and Maddie and Grace were happily distracted in the backseat.

"Um..." Jay said, focusing his gaze on the license plate. "Yeah, that is."

Erin shifted the gear into park and turned off the ignition before turning to stare at her fiance. "That was nice of the Corson's to invite him too?" She tilted her sideway slightly as she spoke and framed her statement in the form of a question.

"Yeah," Jay replied, equally as confused. "It was." He opened the car door, and slid out of the seat, moving towards the back door to help Grace from her carseat. "I wonder if El is here, too." He said, looking across the back row of seats to Erin, who was helping unbuckle Maddie from her carseat.

They only had to wonder for another moment, because as they closed the car door, Eloise began running towards them. "You're here!" She said, completely breathlessly.

"We are," Jay answered. This was shaping up to be a weird day. First, the Corson's called Hank to invite him to a BBQ, and now El was there, too? "El, what' going on?"

She just ignore her brother, and grabbed Erin's hand. "Finally!" Eloise said, "Come on."

Erin followed her, with both girls trailing closely behind. When she walked into the Corson's house, she saw that Hank was also already there. Not only was he there, though, but he was there in a _very_ fancy suit.

"Hank?" Erin said, her voice coming out lower than she intended. "What's going on?"

The smile that spread across Eloise's face reminded her so much of Jay and Maddie that she couldn't help smiling back. Even thought she _still_ had no idea what was going on.

"It's your wedding day," Eloise answered, finally.

It was at that exact moment that Kim walked into the house, several garment bags in her hands. "I'm here, I'm here." She said to no one in particular. "I'm sorry I'm late." Then she turned to Eloise, "I have the dresses!"

Erin was completely speechless, though tears were quickly filling her eyes. Jay moved towards her, and she could tell he was just as surprised as she was.

Jay was the first to find his words. "El?" He said, "You did all of this?" He was shaking his head in disbelief.

"Hank called me, actually," she said, not wanting to take all the credit. Hank had called her on Thursday, and set everything in motion.

They had originally planned to do it at Hank's house, until the tent came in the this morning and it was too big for his backyard. It had been Eloise's idea to move it the Corson's, but it had been Hank's idea from the start.

Before Eloise could continue, Erin motioned for Hank to join them. "You did this?"

Hank slung his arm around her and she leaned into him, even though her one hand was still tightly in Jay's.

"Did you think I was going to let my little girl get married at city hall?" He shook his head, as if to say that was the most _absurd_ idea he had ever heard.

"Thank you, Sarge." Jay, who was now standing a little too close to Hank for comfort, if he was being honest, said earnestly.

"Halstead," Hank said, rolling his eyes. "You're marrying my daughter." The way he said it made it sound like a warning, but thankfully he followed it up with, "I think it's about time you start calling me Hank."

"Thank you, Hank," he said, finally. It was then that he let go of Erin's hand and turned around. "Where are Maddie and Grace?" He had been surprised they were so quiet through this entire discovery, and now he knew why.

Eloise just smiled, "You can't get married without flower girls!" She had gone and picked out two _perfect_ flower girl dresses at the store, and Kim had picked them up when she picked up Erin's wedding dress. "They're with Kim," she explained further.

Then Eloise turned to Erin, now finally ready to break up the tender moment between father and daughter. There would be plenty of time for that later. "Let's go! The wedding starts in an hour, and we need to get you dressed!"

Erin followed her future sister-in-law down the hallway to get dressed, and the group of girls spent the next hour crying and laughing, sipping champagne, and getting Erin ready to marry the man of her dreams.

0000000000

"Ready, kid?" Hank knocked on the slightly closed door, and when it fell open his daughter came into view.

"I'm ready," she said. Her hair was swept in a low bun, and her makeup was subtle, as if just to highlight her natural features.

"Wow," he said. "Erin, you look beautiful."

He pushed away the stubborn tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. He had spent the entire day wishing Camille was there, and now staring at his daughter in her wedding dress, the emotions seemed to clog his throat.

"Thanks, dad," she said.

That did it. That's when the first tear fell.

 _Oh Hank,_ she thought, as she moved towards him and put his arms in his. _You're such a softie._

"Let's do this," she said, more excited and ready than she had ever been.

She was about to walk down the aisle, with her father on her arm, and marry the love of her life.

000000000000

Jay stood in the big white tent, in the candlelight, and waited for his bride. There were white lights strewn across the ceiling and there were flowers _everywhere._ Eloise and Hank had really created a winter wonderland right here in the middle of Spring.

And everyone was present. The entire unit, their families, Rachel and Olivia, the Corson's. Everyone they cared about was standing right here, in this tent.

How could they have ever considered doing it any other way?

When the ceremony finally started, Jay couldn't help the smile that grew on his lips when he watched his two daughters trail flower petals down the aisle and walk towards him. And then he couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of him when Maddie ran out of flowers and grabbed Grace's hand to _run_ the rest of the way down the aisle.

The entire crowd laughed when they jumped into his arms, and again when Kim came forward to bring them back to her seat.

He had been so distracted by his daughters that he almost didn't notice the music change.

But then a hush fell over the crowd, and when he looked up and saw Erin standing at the top of the aisle, he lost his breath.

There were no words in his vocabulary to describe how happy he felt in that moment. He was sure he had never been this in love.

"Hi," he whispered to her when she finally reached him at the end of the aisle.

"Hi," she whispered back.

"I love you," he added, because he just _needed_ to tell her that one more time. "You look beautiful." Beautiful didn't even begin to describe how amazing she looked, he knew. But he had to say _something._

She just smiled at him, that smile that took his breath away. "I love you, too."

He leaned into kiss her then, as if he was completely unaware of everyone else around him, as if he had completely forgotten that that _wasn't_ the order you did things at a wedding ceremony.

Maybe he was unaware. Maybe he had forgotten.

Or maybe, he simply didn't care.

Thankfully, Eloise was there to officiate the ceremony and bring them back on track, and by the time Erin and Jay had finished exchanging their vows, there wasn't a dry eye in the tent. Witnessing the union of these two people, _this_ family, it was nothing short of magical.

And when Jay finally kissed her again, he let himself melt into it, into their first kiss as husband and wife.

But after a moment, he got a _little_ carried away. So much so that when Erin finally leaned back, she let out a small laugh.

But instead of being embarrassed, Jay just closed his eyes, capturing and memorizing the sound.

His favorite sound in the world.

The one he had fallen in love with the first time he heard it.

And then, because he couldn't stop himself, he leaned in and kissed her again.

xoxo

 **THE END!**

I can't even begin to thank you all for staying with me and reading this whole story. And also thank you for always reading my notes even when they're longer than they should be, like today :)


	55. Chapter 55

Hi everyone :) This is the FINAL INSTALLMENT of Bless the Broken Road. Thank you SO MUCH to all the people that fell in love with this stories and these characters as much as I did. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you reading my story week after week! I hope I did the characters justice in this Epilogue :)

And at the bottom of this page, I have also posted the first chapter of my next story, Nothing to Fear. The first and second chapter of that story are posted in it's own page :) I hope you enjoy that one, too!

Oh and also, LOVED the deleted scene from this past week. They DEFINITELY should have kept that scene in, it would have made all the difference for us Linstead shippers!

 **Epilogue**

"We're home!"

Jay stood in the large, bright kitchen pulling ingredients from the refrigerator, but at the sound of his wife's voice, he turned towards the door, suddenly nervous. Erin and Grace had left before 7:00 this morning to stand in line, and it was already almost noon.

"How did it go?" He asked, his voice cautious but trying to sound upbeat.

But his face fell at the sight of his daughter walking into the kitchen, a sad frown clear on her face. He moved towards her, ready to comfort her, but all of a sudden her face broke into a smile.

"Gotcha!" Grace said, smiling broadly and displaying the perfectly straight teeth that were a result of three _long_ years of braces. "You are looking at Illinois' newest licensed driver!" She pulled the small rectangle out of her pocket and displayed it proudly.

Erin appeared in the doorway, fresh faced and smiling, with dimples present deep in her cheeks. "First try," she said, her voice full of pride. "She did great."

A wave of relief passed over Jay as he moved towards his daughter. He pulled her into a hug, "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart."

Before he even had a chance to pull away, Maddie was racing into the kitchen to join them. "Did you pass? Did you pass?" She asked eagerly.

"Sure did," Grace sent her sister a smirk.

The two girls jumped up and down excitedly, while their parents just stood and watched.

"Let's go get ice cream," Maddie said, after the litany of shrieks and screams had died down. "Want to, Gracie?"

Grace turned to her, and sent her another smirk, something she had _definitely_ picked up from her parents. "Only if you promise not to call me Gracie when Ben comes over for the barbecue."

"Ben's coming?" Jay interrupted. "Since when?"

"Since I asked mom, and she said yes," Grace replied casually.

He turned to his wife and scowled. Ben was Grace's awkward best friend turned basketball player boyfriend. He was 17 and nearly as tall as Jay. Originally, Jay had deemed him completely harmless, but lately he had... well, grown up.

"You approved of this?" He whispered, glad Grace and Maddie had gone back to talking, both oohing and ahhing at the picture displayed on the freshly minted Illinois drivers license.

"I figured it was fine," Erin whispered back. "Besides, Hank will be here, and he'll _surely_ scare the crap out of him."

"Hey," Jay said, not sure if he should be offended by her comment. "I'm scary," he said, almost pouting.

"Of course you are, baby," she said, her statement not nearly as placating as the soft kiss she placed on his lips right after.

When she pulled her lips away, she noticed her two daughters were staring at her. "Can we go, mom?"

"Um..." She checked her watch. They still had a few hours before people were going to start showing up. "Sure. But _be careful,_ " She instructed, narrowing her eyes to make sure Grace _knew_ she was serious. "No texting and driving, no talking on the phone and driving, no blasting the radio and driving, no-"

"I know, mom," Grace sighed, heavily. She had heard this speech a hundred times. "I promise I'll be careful."

"Can I come, too, Gracie?"

They all turned to see six year old Henry William Halstead standing in the doorway. He was rubbing his tired eyes, and Erin realized his nap must have been interrupted by all the commotion in the kitchen. They should have tried to keep it down.

"Of course you can, Hen," Grace replied, moving towards him. "You can even have a double scoop."

"Hey," Maddie said, mock irritation in her voice. "How come Hen gets to call you Gracie?"

"Because _he_ is my favorite little man in the world," she said, reaching out and placing his hand neatly into hers. "Isn't that right, little man?"

"That's right," he said, smiling widely and seemingly no longer tired. His bright blue eyes shined as he moved to follow Grace and Maddie out the door.

He was in awe of his two older sisters, and thankfully, the feeling was completely mutual.

The three of them left in a hurry, and then Erin and Jay stood in the kitchen, now completely alone.

Never one to miss an opportunity, Jay pulled his wife close and wrapped his arms around her. "I missed you this morning," he said, before crashing his lips against hers.

Her back rested against the cool granite countertop, as she melted into her husband's embrace.

The kitchen in the new house was about three times the size of the kitchen in their apartment, and even though it hadn't been the kitchen to house their engagement, it had definitely seen it's share of moments.

 _Flashback:_

 _"Girls, dinner," Erin called out, as she began to set the table. Jay was finishing up with the chicken stir-fry over the stove and needed about three more minutes. But knowing the girls, that meant they would show up right on time._

 _The new house had an eat-in kitchen, and the large round table was set in the alcove near a large bay window. The leaves were changing colors, and at 6 pm, the sun was still shining, casting rays of natural light into the kitchen._

 _"Girls," she called again. "Dinner is ready, come on!" She placed the last cup on the table, and began filling the glasses with iced water._

 _The girls knew she didn't like having to call them more than twice, and so they filed in only a moment later._

 _Jay moved towards them and greeted them both with a kiss on the forehead as they sat down. His girls might be growing up, but they still had time for daddy's kisses._

 _When they were all seated at the table, and had taken a few bites of the food, Jay started in on their nightly ritual._

 _"Maddie, do you want to go first?" He asked, knowing Grace had gone first the night before._

 _"Yes!" She said, nodding excitedly. She may be 9 years old, but she hadn't lost her bounce, and it was something Jay loved so much about her._

 _"Okay," Erin said, smiling. "Tell us something."_

 _She twisted her pasta as she considered her answer, but then she placed her fork down and smiled widely. "I got all but one question right on my Math test!" She said, excitedly._

 _"That's wonderful, Mads!" Jay replied, a huge smile on his face. Maddie had been struggling in math in the first few weeks of school, and Erin and Jay had opted to get her a tutor. It seemed that the issue was just inattention, and the tutor had been convinced that he wasn't actually doing anything. He had even said he felt guilty taking their money. However, Jay and Erin felt the tutor was helping her refocus, and he was definitely worth every penny. "I'm so proud of you," he said, still beaming._

 _She just smiled, full of pride, and then picked up her fork to resume her meal._

 _"Okay, Grace," Erin said, shifting her attention to their eldest daughter. "Your turn. Tell us something."_

 _Grace, who had come into the kitchen smiling, was now looking down at her plate and pushing the vegetables in the stir fry around with her fork. When she looked up, her face fell. "I miss Maddie being in my class," she admitted, quietly. "I want to go back to 4th grade."_

 _"Grace," Jay said softly, but before he could continue, Maddie jumped out of her chair and moved towards her sister._

 _"Gracie," she said, reaching out for her sister's hand. "I miss you, too." She gave her sister a reassuring smile, "But 5th graders get their own lockers in the hallway, and that's so much cooler than 4th grade."_

 _Erin couldn't help the tears that came to her eyes unbidden in that moment as she watched Maddie comfort Grace._

 _At the end of the last school year, the teacher had called Jay and Erin and requested they come in for a parent-teacher conference regarding Grace. The teacher felt that Grace, who had been placed in Maddie's class in pre-school because of their relationship with Annie and their initial thought that it would only be temporary, should really skip a year and be placed in 5th grade in the fall._

 _She had been excelling in her studies and was a little more mature than the other students. After talking it over with each other, and then with Grace and Maddie, they had decided to move her up._

 _"Bug," Jay said, deciding to speak for both him and Erin, since he noticed Erin was trying to hide the tears slowly building up. "Your mom and Maddie and me are so proud of you," he said, trying to keep his voice encouraging. "And it's going to get easier, I promise."_

 _Maddie was still beside Grace, holding tightly onto her hand, and she nodded in agreement. "You just need to make a friend," Maddie said, knowing that was really the problem. "Then you'll have someone to sit with at lunch."_

 _"Actually," Grace said, finally finding a slight smile. "I did make a friend this week. His name is Ben and he's really nice. He wears glasses and he likes to read the same books I do."_

 _"That's wonderful," Erin said, knowing a good friend could make all the difference._

 _Maddie and Grace talked about Ben for a few more minutes before Maddie returned to her seat._

 _"Mommy," Grace said, her mouth full of chicken, and her voice significantly more calm, "It's your turn to tell us something."_

 _Erin looked over at Jay and raised an eyebrow, giving him a questioning stare. Maybe now wasn't the right time?_

 _But he just nodded, encouraging her to go forth with their plan._

 _"Well," she said, turning to face both of her daughters. "Mommy's pregnant!"_

 _"WHAT?!" Maddie yelped, and was out of her chair once again. She moved towards her mother and jumped into her lap. "You are?!"_

 _"I am!" She responded, kissing Maddie lightly on the forehead and then scrunching her nose with excitement. "Mommy and Daddy are going to have a baby!"_

 _Erin turned to Grace, nervous to gauge her reaction. Erin and Jay had been worried that the news may be difficult for her, and they were both ready to reassure her that there was room in their hearts for all three of their babies._

 _They needn't have been worried._

 _Grace moved out of her chair and with Erin's lap occupied, she moved towards Jay. "Do you think it's going to be a boy?" Was the first thing she asked as she crawled into his lap. "Maddie and I_ really _want a little brother."_

The kitchen had been the center of the household, the walls held the sounds and stories of their entire world.

Erin was just glad the walls couldn't talk.

"That was _amazing,_ " Erin panted against her husband, her bare butt warm against the cold granite of the counter.

"I know," Jay sighed heavily, dropping his head against her shoulder and kissing her neck slowly. "We should have let Grace get her license _weeks_ ago."

Erin just laughed. "Speaking of," she said, and then she wriggled off the counter. "We should probably get dressed. The kids will be back any second." She _loved_ sneaking around, but she wasn't a teenager anymore, and she _definitely_ didn't want to get caught.

They quickly dressed, and Erin went to clean off the counter so Jay could return to cooking. "Are you making the sauce?" She asked.

"Of course," he replied, as he pulled out the last few ingredients from the cupboard.

At the first barbecue Erin and Jay had hosted at their new house, Hank had given Jay his special barbecue sauce recipe as a housewarming gift. He hadn't realized how special the offer was until Erin had told him later that night, but since then, he had made it during every barbecue they had. And with Hank coming tonight, he wanted to make sure it was perfect.

"I'll be right back," Jay said, kissing his wife, and going to grab the recipe. He didn't keep it in the kitchen, always nervous it would get ruined. He could, of course, make copies of the recipe. But he liked using the original. He liked knowing that the loopy script belonged to Camille Halstead, a woman he had never met, yet had impacted his life so significantly.

As he ascended the stairs, he heard the front door open. Then, Grace called out from the foyer, "We're home!"

By the time he found his way back to the kitchen, he overheard another voice in the kitchen.

"So, Blake was asking about you today," Ben was saying, his voice smooth and deep.

"He was?" Maddie asked, seemingly excited.

 _Who the hell was Blake?_ Jay immediately wanted to know.

He _hated_ the name Blake. Blake was a tool. Blake was _always_ a tool. And _no way_ was a kid named _Blake_ good enough for his baby.

"Who's Blake," he asked, not even trying to keep his voice nonchalant as he moved into the kitchen.

Ben seemed to straighten at the sound of his voice. "Sergeant Halstead, sir. Hi, um, thank you so much for having me."

 _See, I am, too, scary_ , Jay thought, moving towards them and feeling a little more fond of Ben in that moment.

But, just a little. "Who's Blake?" He repeated the question as he watched the teenager squirm.

"Blake is Ben's best friend, dad." Grace answered for him. "He wants to ask Maddie out."

"Wait," Erin asked, as she found her way into the kitchen, too. "What happened to Drew?"

Grace, Ben, and Maddie all shared a look. "Nothing," Maddie replied, her voice suddenly nervous.

Alarm bells went off in Jay's head. "Tell us," he said, reminding his daughter that this family did _not_ have secrets.

"It's nothing, really," Maddie replied again, this time looking first at Grace and then down at her hands.

Jay noticed the way that Ben placed a comforting, or maybe possessive hand on Grace's knee. "It's okay, baby," he whispered, low enough that he _thought_ Jay wouldn't be able to hear.

 _Baby._ Was this kid serious?

"Grace?" Erin kept her voice soft.

"Drew made fun of me for being adopted," she said, shyly.

"So I told him he was a dick, and that I was adopted, too." Maddie said, smiling at her mother. "And then I dumped him."

Jay refrained from what would have been his normal response, which was 'Madeline Rose, watch your language', and instead he joined the three teenagers at the table. He reached out and covered Grace's hand in his own, and then turned to Maddie. "That's my girl."

Grace may have slipped seamlessly into the older sister role when she moved up in grades, but Maddie _always_ had her back.

The comment caused Grace to smile, too, and so Jay decided it was probably best to change the subject. "So Blake," he said, turning until he was eye to eye with Ben. He saw the fear in them, and he couldn't help but smile. "He's a good guy?" He asked.

Ben just nodded, too nervous to speak.

"Good."

0000000000

A few hours later, when the sauce was simmering on low, Jay left the kitchen and moved towards his room to get changed.

"Jay," Erin called out when he walked into the door, "Is that you?" Her voice was coming from their ensuite bathroom.

"Yeah," he replied, walking across the large master bedroom to the bathroom.

"Can you zip me up?" She asked, not even turning around. She was leaning over the vanity set, applying mascara, and she smiled at him through the mirror.

The green dress she had chosen combined with the subtle smokey shadow highlighted her beautiful hazel eyes.

"Yeah," he replied, moving towards her.

Her hair was swept over to the side, allowing him access to her back. He slowly zipped her dress, allowing his fingers to linger against her warm skin.

Then, he leaned down and kissed the back of her shoulder in a line until he reached her neck. She shivered beneath him, putting her mascara down and leaning into his embrace.

"You know, it's nice," she said, her voice low and raspy. "That after all these years, I still love you as much as I did the day I said I do." She turned around, and wrapped her bare arms around his neck. "Maybe even more."

He leaned in to kiss her, then pressed his forehead against hers. "It's more than nice," he whispered. "It's everything." Then he kissed her again, slowly this time, allowing his tongue to dance against hers even as their bodies melted into each other. "Happy anniversary, baby."

She smiled at him, his favorite smile in the world, and he decided he needed one more moment. He needed one more moment of peace with his wife before their friends and family joined them.

So he pulled out his phone, and turned the song on low.

"Dance with me," he whispered, kissing her once more before extending his hand out to her.

Tears welled in her eyes as she recognized the song, the one they had first danced to as husband and wife. "Always," she choked out in reply.

Then she closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against his broad chest, and let the words wash over her.

 _But now you're my whole life,_

 _Now you're my whole world._

 _I just can't believe, the way I feel about you girl._

 _Like a river meets the sea,_

 _Stronger than it's ever been._

 _We've come so far since that day,_

 _And I thought I loved you then._

Erin smiled once again, thinking how amazing it was that they had picked a song that still rung so true, even to this day.

Even 10 years after their wedding.

10 extraordinary years.

 _And I thought I loved you then._

xoxo

THE END :)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING !

And now ... Chapter 1 of Nothing to Fear!

 **Chapter 1,**

 _Breathe. Just breathe._

Brooke Davis could feel the walls closing in on her.

When she closed her eyes, it was like she could feel his fingers. The way they had been clammy and cold against her neck, the way they just wouldn't let up. The way they squeezed her even as she struggled against him.

Even as she gasped, trying to fill her lungs, only to result in ragged, strained breaths.

Every time she closed her eyes, she remembered the feeling of the wind being knocked out of her, the sharpness of the kick of his steel boot into her abdomen.

Every time she closed her eyes, she could _see_ the bruises that marked her skin. The dark lines that traced where his fingers had squeezed her neck, her arms. The evidence of his punches that settled deep in her eyes.

 _Breath._

That's why she kept her eyes open.

 _Boom, boom, boom._

Because there was more; there were the injuries that stayed long after the physical evidence was gone.

Those were the ones that kept her up at night.

 _Boom, boom._

So her eyes were open. Open and trained on the paper outline of the man at the end of the aisle.

 _Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom._

Five holes in his head.

Five holes in his heart.

Yes, her eyes were open now.

She sucked in a deep breath of air, removing her finger from where where it was positioned at the trigger.

She knew she needed to stop.

The attack had been two years ago.

She was _fine._ Everything was _fine._

The bruises had faded, as had the sleepless nights. Long ago. She had clawed and fought her way through until it had become just a faint memory.

 _You're fine,_ she thought, continuing her inner monologue and trying to convince herself that there was truth to it.

She was just feeling unsettled from her move.

She had left everything that was comfortable behind, and she was essentially starting over in a new city. She was just letting the feelings of uncertainty blur until they reappeared as feelings of fear.

But she had _nothing_ to fear.

But then, she remembered the note. The small white piece of paper, no bigger than the side of an index card, that laid tucked in it's torn envelope at the bottom of her Clothes over Bros purse.

The note with four words written haphazardly across the lines, strewn and sloppy like the author had written them quickly. Erratically.

 _Fuck it_ , she thought, placing her fingers squarely back on the trigger. She let the feel of the cold metal and the weight of it against her hands relax her, before she pulled against in again.

 _Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom._

She hit the target in the center of the chest.

Because even if she didn't have anything to fear...

It was better to be safe than sorry.

00000000000

 _Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom._

Jay Halstead removed his goggles before pressing the button that moved the paper offender into to view.

He smiled when he saw that he hadn't missed his mark. All five bullets that he had discharged had fallen into a straight line, straight down the center of the body.

For recertification, it was a requirement that all bullets to fall into the center. But today, he was just shooting to blow off some steam, and he preferred to hit each black line until it tore apart, creating a tear in the smooth ink, breaking the smooth, round circle.

"Rough day?" He heard Antonio Dawson's voice as he removed the ear protecting head phones that had been covering his ears.

He put the safety on the gun and placed it down on the counter before turning to face his former partner. "You could say that," was all he said, because he honestly didn't feel like getting into it.

He had woken up two hours earlier this morning, trying to release some of the tension before another long day at work. But it wasn't exactly working like he had hoped it would.

Maybe tomorrow he would go to the boxing gym. Maybe sparring against someone would lift his mood, or at least get out of some of his aggression and irritation.

"Want to talk to about it?" Antonio asked, holstering his weapon against his pants. Jay hadn't expected to run into anyone this early in the morning at the gun range, but knowing Antonio, he probably _had_ come for recertification.

He never needed to let off steam like this.

What did it say about Jay that the time he had spent the gun range wasn't enough? That he needed to visit Dawson's boxing gym because right now he just felt like punching something?

Nothing good. Of that, he was sure. "Not really," he answered, as he pressed the button once again to slide the paper target back into place.

But, Antonio was one of his best friends, and he wasn't about to let up that easily. "You'll find the right fit."

 _Easy for you to say,_ Jay thought, as he placed the goggles back over his face. But he refrained from saying it out loud, knowing it wasn't exactly fair. Antonio had been called up to work at the district's attorney's office. He had worked hard, and _really_ deserved it.

And it wasn't Antonio's fault that Hank Voight had assigned him awful partner after awful partner.

So instead, he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I hope so," before recovering his ears.

Jay's last partner, in a long string of new partners, had put in his notice to switch units yesterday afternoon.

It hadn't been Jay's fault. The young officer hadn't really understood the way the Intelligence unit was run, and it just hadn't been the right fit.

So Jay may have _encouraged_ him to switch units.

Okay, _pushed._ Jay had pushed him.

But, so what?

He was just looking out for the young male officer. This guy was so _positive_ and happy. He was a newlywed, he had a baby on the way.

He just didn't _belong._

He had been doing him a favor.

But of course, Hank Voight hadn't seen it that way. He thought Jay was just cycling through another partner, waiting and hoping for Antonio to return.

And that wasn't it. Well, not exactly.

It was just...

Jay knew this unit would ruin him.

 _Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom._

Of course, this unit fit Jay like a glove.

He had known that since his very first case. He remembered the brutal double murder, the way the second body had been beaten and battered until it was barely recognizable.

He had known since he first watched Hank Voight throw a suspect into the cage, pinning him against the metal chained wall. He had known this was the unit for him, that he would thrive there.

 _Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom._

Because you see, Jay had already been ruined.

xo

Let me know what you think ;) Thanks for reading!


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